The Lost Love: A Single Dad & Virgin Nanny Romance (The Hudson Brothers Series - Book 1)

by Emma Vikes

  Irritated, I threw the pen I was holding across the room and buried my head in my hands. The guilt weighed on my shoulders heavier than always. There was a part of me that wanted Chicago to be a fresh start for Violet and me, yet here I was, loading myself with even more work than using the opportunity to spend more time with her.

  Megan was right. I was crap at being Violet’s father.

  My phone rang and I swiped to answer the FaceTime call coming from Leo. My brother’s face popped up. Well, half of his face. All I could see was his mop of hair and nostrils. “Hey Miles!”

  Leo’s cheerful voice annoyed me even more. “What do you want?”

  He peered around the screen and made a face. “It’s lunch time in Chicago but you’re stuck in your office and seemingly moping around. What? You never got to score again with your hot nanny?”

  I groaned in exasperation. It was a mistake to even tell Leo about kissing Megan that night at the hotel. But I couldn’t get the kiss out of my mind and when Leo called Friday night, I ended up telling him everything. In true Leo fashion, he suggested that maybe I should dig deeper into the possibility that something could happen between me and the ‘hot nanny’.

  “Oh c’mon, Miles, did something happen? You look the same as you did when you first found out that you weren’t Rebecca’s first.”

  I narrowed my eyes at him. “If you called to irritate me, Leo, I’m hanging up.”

  “I just wanted to check in on you and my only niece!”

  Sighing, I dropped the hand that was meant to end the call. I looked back at my brother’s grey eyes. “I think I’m at the losing end of winning father of the year.”

  “Well, you didn’t win it last year so at least you know what defeat feels like.”

  Scoffing, I glared at Leo. “She has a practice game at 4 PM and Megan told me to come and we ended up arguing about it because I have...”

  “Work that needs to be done and probably a meeting that’s too important to cancel,” Leo finished for me. Technically I didn’t have a meeting but my brother knew that I would use that excuse even if I didn’t have one. “It’s Violet’s first game in Chicago. Do you really want to miss out on everything in your life Milo? Why is it so hard for you to just be the father that you were before Rebecca died?”

  It was physically impossible for me to be that person again because Rebecca was the only who could bring out that part of me. When she got pregnant, I had suffered an anxiety attack at one point during her pregnancy because I was scared that I would never be a good father. Rebecca told me that I could do it and from then on, always made sure that I was aware that she believed in me. I always looked at her when I was doing something with Violet to get the affirmation I needed.

  And now, no matter how much pain her betrayal filled me, I still needed to see her smile at me and flash a thumbs up. It was a petty excuse but I just didn’t know how to be a good father to Violet anymore. “Because I forgot how to, Leo.”

  Even I could hear the crumble in my own voice and my answer silenced my talkative brother. It took him a moment before he could find the right words to respond back. “Then pick yourself back up, Miles, and then go and support Violet. One small step at a time and then who knows, maybe you’ll get your footing back again.”

  I looked up and met my brother’s soft gaze. We were young when our Dad died and we lost him when both Leo and I were on the brink of teen rebellion. But how could’ve we rebelled when we saw how hard Mom was trying for us? I never had a father figure since and when I became one, I simply didn’t know what to do and I had no one to ask. Rebecca and I walked the road of parenthood clueless and hand in hand.

  And now it was just me.

  “You say it as if it’s so easy?”

  Leo chuckled and shrugged. “I’m not a father, at least not yet. But how hard can it be when it’s a small and girl version of yourself?”

  He and I talked a little bit more. He was in Africa, doing a wildlife photography shot for National Geographic. Leo was insanely good as a photographer and most of his shots were remarkable. After Dad died, he just fell in a rabbit hole for photography and hadn’t gone out of it since then. “So let’s go back to talking about your hot nanny. You sure you don’t want to tap it? Because I’ve talked to Ev and even our nerdy brother claims she’s A+ in the Leo and Julian scoreboard.”

  Among the four of us, Leo and Julian were the ladies’ men. Before I dated Rebecca in high school, Leo and I used to be each other’s wingman until I fell in love. But Leo never fell for anyone. It was as if the only thing that he was in love with was photography and even he always claimed that. But he sure did date a lot of women.

  “I’m not going to because she’s my daughter’s nanny, Leo. And haven’t we discussed this already?”

  Leo was aware of what Rebecca had done. All my brothers knew about the affair and they knew how painful it was for me. Leo sighed and then looked at me. “I know it hurt, Milo, but not everyone’s the same. Maybe if you gave it a chance.”

  I shook my head. “You say it so easily because you’ve never had your heartbroken, Leo. Look, it was nice talking to you but I have to go. Call when you’re available next time. I’ll try to get Violet on the phone with you.”

  When I ended the call with Leo, my phone buzzed. It was a text from Megan.

  We’re technically not on speaking terms but this is another appeal for you to come and see Vi’s game. Coach really wants parents around before it starts. She’s bummed that I’m not suitable for the meeting. Please, Milo. Just once.

  Just because you can’t be a husband anymore doesn’t mean that you get to stop being a father too. It doesn’t work that way.

  As much as I didn’t want to admit it, Megan was right. What she said only echoed what my brothers kept telling me. And as much as Violet reminded me of Rebecca and ultimately reminded me of what her mother had done, that didn’t mean that I had the right to turn my back on her. I wasn’t sure what it was with Megan but I found myself buzzing Verna, my new secretary, in. “Yes, sir?”

  “Cancel any meetings I have for the day and if anyone looks for me, tell them I left early. You can go home early too, Verna.”

  Standing up and sliding my suit jacket on, I passed by a surprised Verna and proceeded to exit the building. It was still early so I thought of passing by the flower shop to get Violet flowers. I used to do this for her whenever I got Rebecca flowers. She loved lilies and I stared at the bouquet in hand, hoping that this could be one small step to make amends with Violet.

  I wasn’t sure where the address of the field was but it was a good thing that I had a tracker set on Megan’s phone so in case of any emergency, I would know where they were. When I got to the location, I immediately saw the bright red truck that Megan was using to get around the city. There were so many parents and kids running around and I could barely spot Violet and Megan.

  And then there they were.

  Violet looked like she was about to cry and Megan was kneeling in front of her, and I made my way towards them. Megan was the first one to see me and her eyes widened, she stood up slowly and looked at me dumbfounded. When I was in front of her, our gaze met and something flashed in her green eyes that I couldn’t decipher. I waited for Megan to say something but she just stood there, dumbstruck and staring at me and then at the flowers.

  “Dad?”

  Instantly, my attention zeroed in on Violet. I smiled at her and awkwardly handed her the flowers, kneeling in front of her. “Hey, sweetheart.”

  “I thought you were busy.”

  I glanced at Megan who seemed to suddenly snap back into reality. “Well, someone told me this was important and that the coach needed to speak to me?”

  Slowly, Violet nodded her head. “He wouldn’t allow me to play until he talked to a parent. He refused to talk with Megan.”

  Nodding my head, I asked her where the coach was and she pointed at the bleachers where there was a short man, talking to a small group of parents. I made
my way over to them. “Hey, I’m Milo Hudson, Violet’s dad.”

  There was a collective sigh and I didn’t have to look to know it came from the mothers. The coach nodded and then pointed at an empty spot. He discussed everything that he planned for the summer soccer program and it included competing against other teams in other cities and towns for a Summer Soccer Cup. He wanted to make sure that parents were on board for this idea and that they would allow their kids to travel to the cities and towns and that they were, of course, supposed to accompany their kids.

  Right after we signed waivers, the game started and Megan and I sat beside each other. “You actually came.”

  I glanced at her and shrugged. “You made a very persistent argument.”

  As the game started, it was as if I was brought back to the time before Rebecca died and we watched Violet’s games. Whenever they had a time-out, she would rush to where we sat and I would automatically hand her a water bottle and then pat a dry towel all over her face. “Sweet, turn around, I’m going to place a towel on your back.”

  Violet stared at me for a moment, the hesitation clear in her eyes. She glanced at Megan and in my peripheral view, I saw Megan nod. Violet turned around and I gently placed the towel on her back and then took her hand, giving it a small kiss. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say so instead, I just smiled at her and let her go back to her team.

  When I turned to look at Megan, she was already staring at me. “What?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing.”

  We continued to watch the game and at some point, one player pushed Violet and she stumbled on the ground, lying flat on her stomach. My eyes widened and I shot up, my heart pounding with familiar worry. I wanted to run across the field to check on her when I felt a hand on mine. “Sit down, Milo.”

  “But what if she’s hurt?”

  Megan tugged at my hand just as Violet stood up. “She’s a strong girl. She’ll be fine. Don’t worry.”

  For the rest of the game, the two of us cheered on Violet and from time to time, I shot out of my seat with worry everytime I thought Violet got hurt. The game ended with the opposing team winning but Violet was declared MVP on her team. She rushed to us and I was caught by surprise when she threw her hands on me.

  It had been a while since I got to hug my daughter.

  “I didn’t think I could play if you didn’t come.”

  I rubbed her back and then kissed the side of her head. “I would never let that happen, sweetheart. Not in a million years.”

  When I looked up at Megan, she was looking back at us with a big smile on her face and I knew that I wouldn’t get a hug from my daughter if she hadn’t argued with me that I should come. And I didn’t regret coming one bit. When Violet pulled away, she grabbed the lilies from Megan and the three of us made our way to the truck. On our way, a parent told us that everyone was heading to Chick-a-Fila for dinner and Violet wanted to join them.

  And then she begged Megan and I if she could ride with Samantha, her new friend. “Ask your Dad.”

  Violet looked at me, her blue eyes so similar to her mother’s, and she looked at me with big, hopeful eyes. “Alright. But behave, okay?”

  When she left, it was only Megan and I at the truck and I felt her nudge me with her foot. “I didn’t know that you had it in you to be a father.”

  I shrugged. “To be honest, I didn’t either. But I guess some things just come back naturally.”

  For a moment, there was silence between the two of us and then Megan said, “Are you gonna be doing this for real now or is it just because I begged you?”

  My gaze stayed on the car that I knew Violet was in and I remembered the warmth of her hug. “I’m not really sure if I’m suited to do this whole parent thing without Rebecca.”

  I felt a hand gently tap my shoulder and I turned to look at Megan again. The sun was beginning to set and the golden glow illuminated her platinum blonde hair, turning it liquid gold for a moment and her green eyes glinted like emeralds and all I could think was how attractive she looked in that moment, and immediately scolded myself for even veering in that direction.

  That kiss seriously messed me up.

  “I can help you.”

  The four words brought me back to what we were talking about earlier and I let her words sink in. I turned my attention again to the car that Violet was in, watching as it disappeared in the distance. Rebecca was the one by my side for the first six years of Violet’s life. She was the one who helped me maneuver the whole parenting act.

  Megan was Violet’s nanny. She wasn’t a parent.

  Slowly, I shook my head but flashed her what I hoped was a grateful smile. “That’s okay, Megan. I’ve been her father for the last six years. I think I got myself handled.”

  Yea, I think I got it handled.

  Chapter 7

  Megan

  When Milo said that he had things handled with his relationship with Violet, I trusted him on that regard a 100% because he was Violet’s father, of course, he knew how to mend the broken relationship he had with his daughter. But it seemed as if after the game, the days that rolled by, Milo simply just ate breakfast with Violet, had dinner with us and then locked himself in his study claiming he had some work to finish. It went on like that for a week and whatever hope that he left Violet with on Friday night gradually diminished as the days rolled by.

  “Can I get a puppy?”

  It was Friday morning and Violet didn’t have soccer practice on Friday and for the rest of the weekend. Sometimes we went out to the park so she could play in the playground with the friends she made in soccer. She didn’t like going to malls though, told me it was boring to be there. But then there were days that neither of us knew what to do and no matter how much I tried to think of a game to play with Violet, but she wasn’t in the mood and I didn’t want to force her.

  I looked at Violet. We were in the backyard and she was drawing on a couple of paper with her crayons and pencil. I was reading a book and I was nearly at the best part of it when she spoke. “A puppy?”

  She nodded her head excitedly. “Sami has one. Her uncle’s golden retriever bore five puppies two months ago and they gave her one.”

  Setting the book aside, I focused my attention on her. “But Vi, a puppy’s a big responsibility, you know? You have to clean him and then clean wherever he pees or poops and then you have to feed him. You sure you want that?”

  Violet was thoughtful for a second. This was what I loved about this kid. She really put a lot of thinking on most things before she came to a conclusion. If I had met Rebecca, I would surely commend her on how well she had raised her daughter. “Yes, I’m sure, Megan. I would take really good care of the puppy and I know it will help me become even more responsible.”

  Sometimes, I wondered if Violet was really just seven years old.

  “Well, you know I’m on board with anything you want as long as it’s not dangerous. But we have to ask your Dad first.” With that, Violet instantly frowned and she sighed and then focused her attention to drawing and coloring again. I placed a hand underneath her chin and lifted her head up to meet my gaze. “Vi, what’s wrong?”

  I didn’t want to specify my question because I didn’t want her to shut me off. Violet’s hand paused and for a split second, her grip was too hard on her crayon and she was close to breaking it. But she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, opened them again and looked at me with a calm expression. “I just thought that maybe something would be normal again. But I guess normal can be new too.”

  My heart went out for her and I scooted closer and wrapped my arm around her. She was too young to be in such pain. We stayed in that position for a while and I kissed the top of her head. “Sometimes things work differently but that never means they’ll never work out at all.”

  I wasn’t sure if she’ll be able to understand that but she just hugged me tighter. Suddenly, we both heard Milo’s voice inside the house, looking for the both of us. I glanced at my
watch. It was only 3 PM and Milo now came home at around 6. This was early, even for him.

  “Oh so you two are here,” Milo said, smiling brightly at the two of us. He clapped his hands and I could see the excitement dancing in his eyes. “The chairman invited us to have dinner with them tonight, so sweetheart, I want you to get ready and knock ‘em dead!”

  He was right in front of Violet and Milo’s excitement was so palpable but it wasn’t palpable enough to be contagious. “What about Megan?”

  Milo glanced at me, and then his upper teeth sank on his lower lip.

  His upper teeth sank on his lower lip as he stared at me up and down, blue eyes assessing every inch of skin exposed to him. The corners of his lips twitched into a sardonic smile and I shivered at the sight. The devil was seductive in his own right, sexy as hell and when he walked closer to me and tore what remains of my clothes I had with his bare hands, he didn’t hesitate to kiss the newly exposed skin, biting and nibbling on them to leave his mark...

  Shit. Did I just have to read that part before Violet started talking to me and did Milo just have to remind me of it?

  “It’s a family dinner,” Milo said calmly, looking back at Violet and I could feel the first arrow piercing my heart with his words. “Megan can stay here and have a night off with...” His gray eyes trailed at the book on the table and he read the word “...The Devil Lover. I don’t think that’s an appropriate book to read in front of my daughter.”

  I hastily grabbed the pocket book I bought from the thrift bookstore I found across the soccer field Violet practiced at. Violet was pouting, her arms crossed in front of her chest. “I don’t want to have dinner with people I don’t know, Dad! It’ll be boring!”

  Milo pursed his lips, the excitement that he showed earlier slowly dissipating as he realized that his child wasn’t going to make this easy for him. “You’re going to spend the night with me. You used to want to come to the dinners I attend to with your Mom. Think of it that way, Vi. You’re my date.”