by Emma Vikes
I wanted to know if Everett was entirely right with his comments about me and his brother this morning. Specifically, I wanted to know if the feelings I felt were mutual and if it was...
What were we gonna do?
Milo was still in his study when I came back with the groceries I needed for the dinner. I was just making tacos. Milo once told me during a hazy dawn morning that his favorite food of all time was tacos and that the reason why he didn’t get them all the time was that he didn’t want to ruin it. He claimed that eating your favorite food every time would make you like them less. He had a point but I jokingly told him that we should stop having sex each time we had the chance because it would make him want me less. He answered me by fucking my pussy with his tongue.
“Did you just make tacos for dinner?” I heard Milo say and I could hear his footsteps descending down the stairs. I looked at him when he entered the kitchen and I chuckled, shaking my head at how ridiculous he looked. He was in his boxers but had a dress shirt and loose tie on. “Did you just finish a conference call?”
Milo looked down on himself and smiled at me sheepishly as I filled two glasses with red wine. He eyed the glasses and chuckled. “Classy. And I think my outfit fits whatever theme you have here.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle and sit across from him. Milo told me about the conference call and all the emails he had to answer. He was beginning to develop a habit of telling me what was going on with him and then asking what went on with me and listened, even if what I shared was nothing of any substance. Then whatever pointless thing I would say would turn into an entirely different conversation.
“God, this is amazing,” Milo said, stuffing his mouth with the tacos and then looking at me, grinning despite all the food that he had in his mouth. “Rebecca wasn’t the biggest fan of tacos and never really made them for dinner since they weren’t healthy.”
“I thought you said that it was best to have your favorite food once in a while.”
He nodded while he licked his fingers. “That is true but it’s just that when Rebecca was alive, I could only have tacos at work, if I went to have lunch with Everett, or if Julian made me some when he came home.”
“I just made it as a thank you for you bringing me along.”
Milo rolled his eyes, smiling at me. “I’ve told you about a hundred times, Megan, it’s not a big deal.”
There was a silence that followed his statement because I was trying to search for the courage I needed to respond. I took a deep breath and looked at Milo. He was drinking his wine and downed half of the glass and was about to pour himself to fill it up again. “It’s a big deal for me.”
His hand paused in the air and he gently lowered the bottle, sensing the sudden change in my tone and in the atmosphere. “What do you mean?”
It was now or never, Megan. “Why’d you bring me along, Milo?”
He looked confused, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked at me with confused gray eyes. “Because I knew that you would have fun and Violet would love having you around and my brothers wouldn’t mind.”
I wished he said something else. I wished he would pause, be quiet for a minute and then tell me that it was because he wanted me to be there and not because it was okay for me to be there. “I thought you wanted me to be there.”
Milo looked even more confused than he was a second ago. “I don’t get where you’re going with this, Megan.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled loudly, knowing that this would probably be the only chance I’ll get to ask this question. “Milo, what are we?”
He stared at me and the conflict was clear in his gray eyes. The seconds stretched into minutes and we were just sitting there in the dining table, staring at each other’s eyes until Milo looked down on his nearly empty plate, opening his mouth and closing them again and sighing loudly. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to ask, Megan.”
He knew what I meant, I could see it in his eyes but he didn’t want to give me an answer. He was trying to walk on eggshells. “You know what I mean, Milo.”
Milo looked away again and I watched as his tongue slowly licked his bottom lip and with closed eyes, he said, “I don’t know.”
I never thought that a heart could break because of words but mine did and slowly, I stood up, wanting to run away from the kitchen and cry my heart out in my room. But just as I was about to leave the room and pass by Milo, I felt his hand on my wrist, stopping me. He turned to look at me and there it was again, the intense gray eyes that made my heart skip a beat.
“I don’t know what we are, Megan,” he said slowly, each word punching me in the gut, “but this I know and I’m certain of, I want you. All of you. Please let that be enough.”
I should’ve pulled my hand away roughly from his grip and ran to my room, locking it and making sure that Milo couldn’t come inside but I stayed rooted where I stood and Milo stood and his lips crashed against mine and my legs turned into jelly. He hoisted me up and wrapped my legs around his waist, pushing me against the wall and moving his mouth from my lips to my neck and to my collar bone. I moaned when I felt his cool hands creep under my shirt and from the kitchen, Milo dragged me to the couch, falling on top of me as he slowly removed my shirt and my hands deftly found the buttons of his.
It was already something that we’re both familiar with, the sensation of our skin against each other, touches that sent shivers down our spine, wet kisses on our skin and the whispered longing and desire filling the room, followed by our rapid breathing, moans, and groans and it didn’t take long enough until his balls slapping against my ass filled the room and my quiet screams followed.
When Milo said that he didn’t know what we were, my heart broke and I had every intention of crying myself to sleep because of the pain that suddenly filled me whole, overwhelmed me and broke me apart bit by bit. I didn’t even know the extent of what I would feel if Milo said no when I was planning to ask him because I didn’t know the extent of what I felt for him.
Only now did it become clear.
When people love, you make stupid decisions, I never really understood what they met. But now I did, in this moment I did. I could’ve let Milo kissed me when grabbed my wrist when he told me that he wanted me. Because want was a broad word and it made my question still left unanswered and it still left me confused.
Milo pushed himself inside of me and I gripped onto him tightly, my eyes shut close when he slowly moved on top of me, my legs spread wide so he could push his entire length into me in slow and sensual strokes and I came for a second time, my scream muffled by his lips.
I wanted an answer and I didn’t get one and I could’ve stopped this because it would only confuse me even more but here I was, letting it happen because just like Milo, I wanted this too.
But I also wanted it to be more.
Chapter 16
Milo
Something drastically changed between Megan and I after coming back from that camping trip. She started to become quieter, as if something dulled her sunshine. I knew that something was me. I was the storm clouds that didn’t allow her to shine anymore because I didn’t know how I was meant to answer the question she asked me.
I did want Megan but not in the way she wanted me to.
“I really don’t think I should be here,” Megan said, her hands on her lap as she looked out the window and at Violet’s school. Violet’s popped in between Megan and I.
“Please, Megan! Dad’s mostly going to be at work when I’m at school and you’re going to be the one who’ll pick me up. It makes no sense that he’s the one they want to come for the PTA meeting when he doesn’t even know how to bake.”
I really didn’t see the point of the last statement but I ignored it. “C’mon, Megan. Violet has a point. You’re going to be the one who drives her to and from school and you’re going to be the one attending most of this when I’m really unavailable to do so. Best to make sure that everyone there knows who you are.”
The last words should’ve been different because Megan scowled and got out of the car, Violet running after her. My daughter was unaware of the silent war brewing between Megan and I because Megan made sure that we talked to each other the same way we always did before that night so Violet wouldn’t notice anything different.
Violet was with her friends by the time I got inside the school and Megan was waiting for me at the side. She nodded at one classroom. “Apparently, the meeting’s over there.”
There were a bunch of food at the back of the room and the parents were all sitting on armchairs and the meeting was just about to start. The one in the middle, probably the principal, wore a matching patterned skirt and blouse and her white hair was styled in a quiff. She had small spectacles hanging on her neck and she smiled at us warmly, reminding me of my grandmother. “You must be Mr. Hudson.”
I nodded my head and took a seat, Megan sitting beside me. Upfront, I saw Coach Austin and he gave us a little wave. He mentioned before that he would be the gym teacher in this school. The older lady cleared her throat and walked around. She introduced herself that she was the school principal and that those around us were the teachers for our second graders.
While Principal Marshall was explaining, I overheard one mother talk to Megan. “Hi. You must be Mrs. Hudson. I’m Tasha, Loki’s mom. He attended the beginning of the summer soccer program but we had to pull him out because of his asthma. He was thrilled when he found out Violet was going to school here.”
I pursed my lips. There was a reason why Principal Marshall only acknowledged me as the parent. Well, it could be she didn’t see Megan coming in with me but I think it was because I was the only parent listed in Violet’s form and that Rebecca was deceased. I wanted to turn and reply to the lady but Megan was the one being questioned and I kind of wanted to hear her reply.
“Hi, Tasha. Yes, I’ve met Loki the first day of the soccer program and he was with his uncle?”
“Oh yes, my brother James took him. My husband and I were out of town. He’s always so busy. You’re daughter’s lucky that she has both her parents here for the meeting.”
It was as if I could feel Megan’s eyes burning on my side. I could no longer fight the urge to turn to her but she had already turned her head back to Tasha. “Actually, Tasha, I’m not Violet’s mom.”
Tasha looked taken aback by this. “Oh? I’m sorry. Are you her step-mother, then?”
Megan had a strained smile on her face and shook her head again. “I’m her nanny and Mr. Hudson is my boss.”
Just as Megan said that, Principal Marshall ended the meeting and Megan abruptly stood up, excusing herself for the restroom and I wanted to stop her. It was clear that the conversation she just had with Tasha made her uncomfortable and it tugged at my heart knowing that it did. Maybe Megan was right. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought her along in the meeting.
I poured myself a cup of coffee when I heard a group of mothers whispering at the side, Tasha being one of them. “I wonder what his wife might feel knowing that he brought the nanny to the meeting with him. If my husband did that, I would skin him alive. It would be like he’s cheating on me!”
“You think that there might be something going on with them? I see them during soccer games and they’re always so intimately close with each other.”
“Oh please. I hope she doesn’t think that he would leave his wife for her. The girl’s attractive but I can bet that his wife would be a thousand times more. Men always fall for skanks.”
I wanted to defend Megan but I saw her right behind them, her eyes shining with unshed tears and she slipped out of the room. My heart sank and I hurried to follow her out when one of the parents blocked my way, introduced himself to me and started small talk. I didn’t want to be rude. I didn’t want these parents to think that Violet had a rude dad.
It took me a while but I finally managed to get out of the room. I spotted Violet running around the inside playground the school had and Megan was by the edge of it, waiting for her. I jogged to where she was but Coach Austin suddenly sat beside her, handing her a cup of what seemed to be a steaming beverage.
“Daddy!” Violet squealed, running to me. Megan briefly glanced at me before refocusing her attention on Austin. “Daddy, can I go over at Sami’s?”
“What? Did Sami’s mom allow you to come?”
“It’s okay, Milo.” Someone said from behind me and I shook hands with Carlo, Sami’s dad. “What time do you want me to bring her back?”
“Four would be good.” And it would give me some time to talk with Megan. There was no way I was heading to work after hearing what the other mothers were saying about her. Seeing that she had overheard them, she would be hurt by their judgment and although I was aware of how positive Megan could be, that didn’t mean that she couldn’t be hurt by what she had heard.
Violet rushed to where Megan was, clinging to her side and Megan knelt in front of her, wrapping her arms around her in a motherly way. The sight melted my heart. It was amazing to see how motherly Megan always acted towards Violet and I couldn’t really blame Violet when she almost slipped and called Megan mom because that’s how Megan always acted towards her.
“Did your Dad say yes already?” I heard Megan ask as I neared the two of them. Carlo was behind me, ready to take Violet in our hands.
“I did. Carlo will be bringing her home at four,” I said behind her and she briefly glanced at me. Our eyes met for a fleeting moment and Megan turned away, breaking eye contact and nodding at Violet, kissing her forehead. “We’ll see you at home by four, Vi.”
Violet grinned and then dashed off to where Sami was to tell her the good news. Beside Megan, Austin cleared his throat. “So Megan, you haven’t answered my question.”
Carlo was trying to have a conversation with me but I wasn’t entirely listening. We were a few feet behind Megan and Austin and within hearing distance of their own conversation. The moment that Austin said Megan hadn’t answered his question, it was as if all my senses were attuned to their conversation and not the one I was having with Carlo. My entire body was tensed, waiting for Megan to respond to him.
“What was the question again?” It took her a while to finally get those words out and I subtly glanced at Austin. He didn’t look fazed. He had a confident smile on his face. I wasn’t stupid to see him always trying to flirt with Megan during practices and out of town games. Just like how women are aware of girls trying to sink their claws on men, we had the same senses.
“Will you go out on a date with me? It can depend on your schedule. Dinner maybe? And we can watch a movie after...”
I wasn’t entirely what came over me but I excused myself from Carlo and then positioned myself between Austin and Megan. There were red flags going on in my head, an alarm trying to tell me that I was crossing a line that I shouldn’t be. But Austin was looking at me, eyebrows furrowed and the confidence clear in his dark eyes.
“Megan’s not available.”
He blinked. Once. Twice. Then I watched as he cocked his head to the side, comprehension dawning in his eyes. He straightened himself and then looked at me with domineering eyes. “Why not?”
His voice held taunting. I pursed my lips and looked at him, quirking my lips into a cold smile. “Because I’m her boss, Coach. And when I say that she’s not available, she’s not.”
I grabbed Megan’s hand and practically dragged her outside, ignoring the looks other parents were giving us and ignoring the fact that Megan was trying to remove her hand for my grip. I opened her side of the truck door and she got in, fuming. I got in my seat and backed out of the parking space. “What the hell was that, Milo?”
My grip on the steering wheel was tight and I glared at the road ahead of us. “I know how guys like Austin are. He just wants to get you in bed. He’s been eyeing you since the beginning.”
There was a silence that followed my statement and it was then that my words sank in. The silence continued until we reached the house and I pa
rked the car in the garage, knowing that I couldn’t go back to work without justifying my words but the moment I stopped the engine, Megan spoke, “What do you think he’ll do after? Hurt me?”
I bit my lip, placing my hands back on the steering wheel as I glared at the dashboard. “He just wants sex, Megan.”
“What makes him different from you?” She whispered, getting out of the truck and slamming the door, heading inside the house. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the steering wheel, careful not to press the horn.
Megan wasn’t wrong with the message that she was trying to put across. I wasn’t much different from Austin. In fact, I was exactly the guy that I was describing. I wanted her in bed and I was selfish. I didn’t want to share her. I didn’t want to lose her. But I didn’t want to experience the pain that heartbreak can cause once again. They say that it was best to put out the fire before it ignited into something bigger and I guess after Megan had asked me that question that time during dinner, it was the last time that we would ever cross that line again, not unless I did something about it.
When I got inside the house, Megan was busying herself with cleaning. She was purposely ignoring me. I could escape the cold treatment by going back to work but that was useless too. It was after lunch and I’d finished most of the work that needed to be tended to this morning so I decided to retreat back in my room, trying my best to think of a way to finally address the tension that was going on between Megan and I.
I wasn’t sure how I was meant to tell her why I didn’t want to be with her the way that she wanted me to be because I...I wasn’t ready and after Rebecca, I wasn’t sure if I ever will be ever again. But at the same time, I didn’t want to lose Megan to someone else either, someone who had the potential to give her what she wanted. And I couldn’t wrap my mind around that idea because I meant what I said when I said I wanted her.