by Emma Vikes
But I couldn’t give it the way she wanted it to be.
I fished my pocket for my phone to check any emails and realized that it wasn’t there. It must’ve fallen in the truck. With a sigh, I got out of bed. Megan wasn’t cleaning downstairs anymore but when I opened the garage door, I spotted her by the boxes we hadn’t unpacked yet, a camera in her hand and she looked at me as if she was a deer caught in headlights.
“Milo...” She looked at me and then lowered her hands, the camera dangling in between them. “I thought you might’ve needed this or if it was Leo’s. I thought it was broken so I powered it on...I didn’t intend to....I...”
I realized what she was going on about when I took a step closer to her. I took the camera from her hand, the display showing a picture of Rebecca in the arms of someone else, of pictures she took before she was taken away from us, of proof of her affair. It was then that I realized that there was no point in ignoring it and masking it to be something else.
“Can we please talk?”
Deftly, Megan followed me into the house and we sat on the couch. I looked at the pictures on the camera and sighed, lowering it on the coffee table and turning to look at Megan. “You know why I never talk about Rebecca and why I only put a few pictures of her out?”
Megan was looked at me with pity clear in her green eyes. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, Milo.”
I took a deep breath and tried to smile, shaking my head. “Rebecca was my high school sweetheart. We were juniors in high school when we first got together and I straightened out because of her. A year before we graduated college, we got married. We were insanely in love with each other, Megan.”
I wasn’t sure if saying all that in detail was a good idea because I watched as Megan looked down, staring at her hands. But I pressed on. “I made sure that we lived a comfortable life and then we had Violet almost a year after we graduated and ever since, I devoted my life to my wife and daughter and made sure that Rebecca got everything she wanted.”
Megan glanced at the camera on the coffee table, as if reading my mind and I let out a small life. “It was newly released and it was pricey as hell. But Rebecca said she wanted to give photography a try. Said it would help her blog if she took the pictures herself so I got it for her as a present. She even enrolled in photography class after. I paid for that too.”
She inched herself closer to me as I drew in a deep breath. “Since she enrolled in that class, things got a bit weird for both of us. There were nights that she came home really late and I had to stay up waiting for her. On our date nights, it felt like she wasn’t there and was always on her phone.”
“Did you argue with her about it?”
I smiled sadly. “Rebecca and I never fought, Megan. I always tried my best to understand her and compromise because I never really wanted to lose her even if it meant winning an argument.”
Megan looked at me with sad eyes and I could see that my words may have hurt her in a way. “You really love her.”
“I was stupid. I didn’t see it coming. On that trip that Rebecca died in, she told me that she was going away with her friend, that she had been so busy that she wanted some time to relax with her best friend.” I looked down, remembering how we almost argued that time because I didn’t want her to go. “I was always so busy and rarely were weekends that I was home. I was upset that she was going away while I was home.”
“What happened?”
I ran a hand through my hair, closing my eyes and releasing a shaky breath. It was as if I opened a memory that I’d tucked way back in my brain. “It was so early in the morning. The sun wasn’t up and the phone rang. They called to tell me my wife got in an accident and she didn’t survive.”
“I’m sorry, Milo.”
The corner of my lips twitched. “I felt sorry for myself too because I lost the love of my life. And then my friend came in to check on me and Violet. He gave me the camera.”
“She was with him for almost six months and she was thinking of leaving me.” I could remember confronting Rebecca’s best friend about the affair when she came to offer her condolences. I wanted to scream at Carly when I realized she betrayed me too and supported her friend. Carly told me that Rebecca met the guy in the photography class I had enrolled her in. Rebecca had claimed that he was a breath of fresh air.
“Did she really...?”
The next part that I was going to tell Megan, I never really told anyone. I found out more about the affair through Carly but even she didn’t know that Rebecca wanted to leave me. But Rebecca always kept a journal locked in a place she thought I would never find out. It was a month after her death that I read about the affair through her own words. How they met, how they first screwed around, how they kept seeing each other behind my back...
...I love the family that I created with Milo. But Milo was the guy my seventeen-year-old self fell in love with. Somewhere in the midst of growing up and starting a family together and meeting Landon...it comes to a point when you realize that the one you’ve been with wasn’t the one you’re meant to be with. And I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep hurting Milo and I and Violet.
I had to let my husband go because he can’t be in a one-sided relationship...
My eyes shut close and I could feel my heart contracting with the memory. I felt a hand on my lap. “It’s okay, Milo. You don’t have to continue any more than you’ve told me. Rebecca cheated on you. She was with him when she died. That was all you had to say.”
There was a lump in my throat as Megan pulled me closer to her and wrapped her arms around me. I buried my face on her shoulders but the tears didn’t come. Instead, I exhaled a shaky breath and wrapped my arms around Megan too. I’d never really shared everything with anyone before but here I was, stripped my emotions bared naked about my ex-wife to her. We ended up lying on the couch and Megan fell asleep snuggled on top of me. My fingers gently caressed her back and Rebecca’s words in her journal flashed in my mind.
It comes to a point when you realize that the one you’ve been with wasn’t the one you’re meant to be with.
I looked down on Megan, her platinum hair splayed on my chest and my free hand traced the outline of her face...Maybe...And then my eyes fell on the camera that I placed on the table and a sigh escaped my lips. Maybe not.
Chapter 17
Megan
When Milo told me about the affair, it honestly wasn’t what I was expecting. When I saw pictures of Rebecca on that camera, cozying up to another guy that definitely wasn’t Milo, I didn’t really think ill of the pictures initially until I saw a picture of them kissing and how intimately Rebecca looked at the guy. I wasn’t meant to find that camera but after the argument with Milo, I needed to de-stress myself and I started cleaning around and for some reason, I thought it was the perfect time to unbox the remaining boxes we had in the garage and then I found the camera.
Milo didn’t have to tell me what happened between him and Rebecca, he didn’t owe me the explanation because I was still, simply, just the nanny of their daughter. But he decided to bare his heart to me and for some reason, a part of me knew that he did it because there was no other way he could explain to me why he didn’t seem to want us to be together in the sense that I want.
He was hurt and scared because of the affair.
But where did that leave me?
I shifted on the bed and turned to look at Milo. He was sleeping on his side, facing me. I traced his face gently with my index finger, from the arcs of his eyebrows to the length of his nose, tracing his lips that always seemed to be hungry for me, his tongue always licking every inch of my exposed skin, tasting me all over. He mumbled something in his sleep and shifted, lying on his back. Even with the blanket wrapped around his waist, his erection still poking against the blanket.
I let out a shaky breath. Despite all the raging questions in my mind about Milo and I, still, I couldn’t contain myself. I removed the blanket that was wrapped around his w
aist and my cold hand gripped his dick. Milo let out a groan as I began to pump him and by the time that he opened his eyes, my mouth was already ready to swallow his entire length.
“Megan,” Milo shakily whispered my name, his voice still filled with sleep but his eyes were bright with desire. I licked his length, the pre-cum shining on the tip.
And then my stomach churned.
My eyes widened.
Oh dear.
Abruptly, I stood up, pulling the blanket off the bed and wrapping it around myself, rushing to the bathroom located outside my room and vomiting. I didn’t even have anything in my stomach and I was practically vomiting nothing but I couldn’t really stop it. There was a knock on the bathroom door.
“Megan? Are you okay?”
I spat on the toiled and flushed it, standing up and washing my face with cold water, slapping my cheeks and then wrapping the blanket around my body again. I brushed my teeth quickly, desperate to rinse out the taste of vomit in my mouth. I opened the door and came face to face with Milo’s concerned face. “You okay?”
Nodding, we went back to my room and I put on my underwear and pajamas. “Yea. Maybe it’s just my stomach responding to something we ate last night.”
“Must be the sushi,” Milo muttered with a shrug, “because I honestly think it didn’t taste too good. I hope it’s the sushi. I don’t want Violet’s stomach to get upset too.”
“But Vi never ate the sushi,” I told him, looking for some mints in my room since there was still a bit of vomit aftertaste left in my mouth. Milo was in his boxers and plain tank top, his hair disheveled and long. I couldn’t help myself. I stood on my tiptoes and then ran a hand through them, “and you need a haircut.”
Milo wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer to him, a small smile playing on his lips. “I thought you like it when you run your hands into my hair.”
His voice was husky when he said that and my mind flashed back to all the nights that I would tug on his hair, begging him to slide his body on top of me, to stop fucking me with his mouth and for lips to crash against mine. In the quaint silence, his phone dinged a notification and Milo groaned. I couldn’t help but laugh, kissing him on the cheek and then proceeding to cook breakfast so he could eat before he had to go.
Milo was dressed by the time I finished breakfast and before he ate, he made himself a cup of coffee and the moment the scent of coffee hit my nose, I closed my eyes and discretely went back to the bathroom, vomiting for the second time. Damn. The stomach bug must be worse than I originally thought. “Hey, I gotta go.”
He was only waiting for me to get out of the bathroom to say goodbye. His eyes glinted with concern. “You sure you’re okay?”
I nodded my head and stayed where I was. Violet was going to be awake in no time and I didn’t want her to catch us in a compromising situation. “Yes. It’s just a stomach bug. If I could get herbal tea down my system, I’ll be fine.”
Milo hesitated for a moment but nodded his head. “If it gets worse, call me.”
I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to respond to his concern. To be honest, it sent a wave of warmth through me but at the same time, red flags raised, the underlying question of what I was to him remained. But Milo was waiting for me to say yes, so I nodded and then he left for work.
Sinking into the couch the moment the door shut close and I heard his car peel away from the driveway, I closed my eyes and let the peace and tranquility replenish me. In these moments of silence and peace, the idea of ending what I had with Milo became louder because I knew it was the right thing. I’d always prided myself with doing what I knew was right but this time around, a part of me didn’t know if I could.
When Violet woke up, that was when my day came in full swing. Vi’s summer soccer program had ended and she’s been spending her last days of summer being a couch potato. Today, her best friend Sami was coming over, along with Sami’s mom, Natasha. Violet helped me make lunch for the four of us and just as we finished, Natasha and Sami rang the doorbell.
“Megan, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor,” Natasha started. She was helping me wash the dishes while Sami and Violet were in Vi’s room, playing.
I dried my hands on the apron I was wearing. “What’s up?”
Natasha touched her hair. “Well, I know that you’ve previously worked as a hairdresser before you came here with Violet. I was wondering if it’s okay for you to cut my hair?”
My face broke out into a smile. It had been a while since I’d touched hair. With taking care of Violet, what went on with Milo and I, there hadn’t been a time that I could volunteer for the day at the salon I’ found. “Of course! I actually packed my scissors. We can do it in the backyard! Do you have any styles in mind?”
Natasha was looking at me, amused. I knew that she hadn’t seen me this animated about something before. We finished washing the dishes and told the girls that we were gonna be at the backyard. I set my supplies on the table outside, wetting Natasha’s hair with the spray I had. We’d agreed that the length would end at her collarbone and cut layered. She also wanted to add bangs to spice up her new hairstyle.
She was holding up a mirror, examining her face. “I haven’t really gotten the time to pamper myself. God, when you have two little kids running around the house, it can be stressful.”
Sami had a little brother who was only two years old and Natasha was usually left taking care of him while Carlo focused on Sami. “I take it that Colton is with Carlo?”
Nat nodded her head. “Yes. He’s bringing her to see his parents. It’s one of those days where we get to bond with the other kid. I’m usually the one with Colton and he’s usually the one with Sami. It’s nice that today, Sami and I have some time alone. Also, it’s nicer that she begged me I take her here.”
I laughed, knowing that she took advantage of her daughter’s request. We chatted about how she and Carlo met while she still examined her face on the mirror. “So do you have an idea why they refuse to thread your eyebrows when you have your period? Because I went the other week, sort of just squeezed it in when we were buying Sami’s school stuff but they wouldn’t let me because I was on my period.”
It was when Natasha said the word period that everything suddenly dawned on me. My hands froze on her hair and my mind instantly thought back to the last time I had my period. Natasha moved her head and she was looking up at me. “Megan? Did I say something wrong?”
I tried to plaster on a smile, making sure that I didn’t look as frantic as I suddenly felt as my mind thought back to this morning. Today wasn’t the first time that I vomited but I didn’t really give it much thought since I felt dizzy and nauseous and though that maybe the days were simply leading me to when I get my period.
“Oh no. I just, can you excuse me for a moment? I need to pee.” Natasha nodded and busied herself taking selfies of her new hair. I hadn’t gotten to the bangs yet but it was looking good. I bumped into Violet and Sami who were rushing to the backyard, a soccer ball in their hand. Finally, I reached my bathroom and then shakily opened behind the mirror, counting the tampons I had and trying to count in my head when was the last time I had my period.
I didn’t have it last month too.
Shit.
Oh no. Oh, no, no, no.
I stared at my reflection on the mirror, taking note of the panic in my green eyes and the stress that was clearly evident on my face. I closed my eyes for a moment and splashed cold water on my face, willing myself to calm down. It was just a thought that my brain was entertaining. There wasn’t concrete proof that I was actually...I couldn’t even say the word. Besides, my period late for almost two months wasn’t a big deal. It happened before. I didn’t get regular periods.
There was nothing to worry about. It wasn’t a big deal. I just need to pee on a test and it’ll show one line because there was nothing in my stomach.
I went back outside and finished cutting Natasha’s hair and giving her bangs. Sami also asked
for a haircut so I shortened her hair a little bit and Violet begged me to give her bangs too. It was almost five in the afternoon when Natasha and Sami left and around six, Milo arrived. I stood up the moment he did, my hands clammy and shaking.
“Milo!” I said, trying to control my voice. He looked at me, his eyebrows furrowed. “I need to run to the drugstore for some medicines.”
He caught me by my arm before I could step out the door. “Woah, can it wait until we have dinner?”
I ran a hand through my short ponytail. “It’s okay. I’m not too hungry. I might be out for a little while too.”
Milo’s eyes narrowed and I could read the suspicion in them. “You’re not...?”
I placed a hand on his cheek and shook my head, lying flat out in front of him. “I need to run to the store and get tampons, Milo.”
His face turned a slight shade of red and he nodded his head. “Don’t stay out too long.”
Despite the stress that I was in, I couldn’t help but chuckle. “Yes, Daddy.”
Milo’s eyes darkened and I laughed, rushing away from him so he couldn’t grab me. When I got to the truck, that was only then that my situation sank in and I gripped the steering wheel tightly, taking a deep breath before cranking the ignition on and peeling out of the driveway. I made sure that I drive to the farthest drugstore, not wanting to bump into someone in the neighborhood.
The pharmacy I found was small and almost worn-down. The pharmacist was a middle-aged lady and she smiled at me when I came in, bee-lining to the section where they sold the pregnancy tests. When I got to the lady, she glanced at the tests and bottled water and at me and I waited for the judgment to come but it never did. “Wanting to surprise your husband?”
If I told her I didn’t have one, there was a possibility that she would tell me off and I didn’t need to hear an earful at the moment so I nodded my head. “Yea, we’ve been trying for a while.”