Someone Knows Something

by Christa Weisman

  She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes. She was perfectly fine with that consequence. She had no desire to leave her house ever again.

  Seven days gone

  Anna Hudson hated the smell of lilies.

  She was eight when she first learned about death. Her grandpa Dean, her mother’s father, had died suddenly of a heart attack, and Anna could still vividly remember sitting in the funeral home, the aroma strong of decay and Stargazer Lilies. They were the bitter fragrance of death, and now her home was filled with them. They came by the dozens. People sending their condolences from Timber Falls and from across the country. Family, friends, and business acquaintances. Everyone knew about the death of her son.

  She hadn’t left home in days. She didn’t want to step into the world where her son no longer belonged. Here, she kept him near, his belongings surrounding her as though he were only out at practice and would be home any moment for dinner. Beyond her front door there were mourners, people who wanted to offer their condolences. She didn’t want to see the look of pity in their eyes, or have to protect herself from an unwanted hug. She didn’t want to hear the gossip that she knew was spreading about how her son had taken his own life by jumping off of Oracle Point. She knew the questions that were being asked, because she was asking them herself.

  Why would he do such a thing?

  Why didn’t she see the signs?

  Where did she go wrong as a mother?

  How does she go on without him?

  She envied those with strong faith, who could lean on God to get them through to the next day. But she never did. She could never believe in a Being who allowed such evil and ugliness in the world. She would not accept comfort from a religion that would condemn her son to the eternity of Hell for taking his own life.

  She sat on the couch, her legs curled under her as her daughter lay sleeping in her lap. She brushed the hairs away from Emma’s face, seeing so much of her eldest son in her complexion. Another tear fell from her eye; it happened so often she no longer bothered to brush it away.

  “Mrs. Hudson?”

  Anna looked up to see a solemn Grace standing in the entry of her living room, a large bouquet of pale pink roses in a vase. Anna smiled gratefully at the girl. “Grace, honey,” she said. “Come in.”

  As Grace neared, Anna could see the anguish in her. Anna ached for the girl. She hadn’t taken much thought into the devastation of J.R.’s death on anyone but her and Jameson and their family, but looking at Grace now she realized how hard it must be to lose the boy you loved. She had always adored Grace and assumed that someday down the road she would become a part of the Hudson family. The realization that that would never be brought more tears to Anna’s eyes.

  Grace sat the flowers down at the table nearest to Anna. She wiped a damp tear from her cheek as she said, “I wasn’t sure if these were the right flowers to bring. My mom said that pink roses mean something like gratitude and appreciation, and she said I should stick to more of a classic white, but white just seemed so sad to me.” She choked back a sob. “Sorry if they’re the wrong color.”

  Anna reached out and grabbed ahold of her hand. “They are my favorite color.”

  Grace tried to smile. “Mine, too.” She stood there awkwardly, not knowing her place in the Hudson home. How quickly it no longer belonged to her when the one person who’d wanted her there was gone.

  Shouting came from behind Jameson’s office door, the one-sided conversation muffled in sparring shouts. Anna closed her eyes as a crash of glass breaking slammed against the wall. When she looked up she could see Grace trembling.

  “I’m sorry you have to hear that,” she said to the girl.

  Emma stirred in her sleep, a soft whimper escaping her lips. Anna hushed her gently, coaxing her back to her dreams. Sleep no longer came easily, but when it did, it was preferred to reality. As Anna moved her arm, a frame fell from the couch and onto the floor. Grace leaned down and picked it up, the image bringing her to her knees.

  She gasped, looking at the picture of her and J.R. only a couple of weeks ago on their way to the Homecoming dance. “I haven’t seen this.” Everyone had gathered at the Hudson home for group photos, and usually it was J.R. who moaned his way through it, but here, looking back at her, he was beaming. It caught her breath to see the happiness on his face as he held her close to him.

  “It was the last time I saw him smile,” Anna admitted through tears. “After that night, he was different. I didn’t know why and he never said.”

  Anna was right: everything changed after that night. Grace stared at the photo, wanting desperately to go back in time.

  “We got in a fight that night, and I left,” Grace told her.

  Anna leaned her head forward. “What about?”

  Grace shook her head, sniffling into her sweater sleeve. “It was stupid. Avery and Caleb got into a big fight and Avery wanted to leave so I took her home. But J.R. didn’t want me to go and…” She left out the part about J.R. expecting sex that night. “I thought that when I called him the next day we would work it out. But he wouldn’t even talk to me.”

  Anna ran the images in her mind of the day after Homecoming. J.R. had stayed in bed most of the morning and early afternoon. She remembered Grace calling. She recalled knocking on J.R.’s door to tell him Grace was on the phone and him muttering for her to leave him alone. Anna was embarrassed to admit she’d just assumed he was hungover at the time.

  “Did you end up speaking at all that day?”

  “No,” Grace said. “I tried again in the evening, but Mr. Hudson said he was out. And he never called me back.”

  Anna pressed her lips together, trying to bring the day back into view. Caleb had called also, and J.R. had refused to speak to him as well. And then, had Nick said something about J.R. stopping by that evening? She closed her eyes as though the darkness would bring the answers to light. Yes, Nick had told her the next morning when they were together that J.R. had come by the house, but that Ethan wasn’t feeling well and didn’t want visitors. J.R. hadn’t come down for dinner that evening either. Had she seen him the next morning before school? She couldn’t recall. Her mind had been occupied with thoughts of her tryst with Nick. She felt shame and foolishness now, thinking back on how her sordid affair had clouded her intuition on her son.

  “How was he on Monday?” Anna asked, absentmindedly running her fingers up and down Emma’s arm. She needed the pieces of the puzzle to fit. Somehow, her son had found himself in a hole he couldn’t get out of, and it had cost him his life. If he had just come to her, or to Jameson, they would have fixed it.

  “He was strange,” Grace started. “I tried to get his attention, but he seemed really distracted. He was asking if I’d seen Ethan and I hadn’t. I don’t even know if Ethan was at school that day. And when Caleb came up, J.R. got all panicky, like really weird. I’d never seen him like that before. I told him I wanted to talk about Saturday night and he just brushed it off like it was no big deal and that we were fine. I didn’t see him for the rest of the day or after practice. And he didn’t call me that night either.” She stared at him in the photo. “I know he said we were fine, but it didn’t feel like it, you know? But he also didn’t seem mad at me like when we’ve gotten in fights before, so I didn’t understand.”

  “Grace, why didn’t you say any of this before?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I was just so focused on our problems that I had forgotten how weird everything else was. I was scared. I thought I was losing him.” She choked out the last sentence.

  Anna handed Grace the box of tissue she had forgotten about. Her own tears fell at every blink. Grace thanked her, taking a soft tissue to dab her eyes.

  “So, J.R… He never said what was wrong?”

  “No, he barely talked to me all week.” Her voice cracked as she replayed their final days together. “No one was talking. Ethan was completely avoiding everyone when he actually did go to school, and Ca
leb was even more of a prick than usual. Avery and I had no idea what was going on. On Friday I was over it and found J.R. before the game. I told him I’d had enough and threatened to break up with him if he didn’t change.” Her glossy eyes widened. “I swear I wasn’t trying to screw things up for the game. I was just upset.”

  Anna swallowed hard and nodded. How had she missed all of this? How had she not noticed that he wasn’t speaking to Grace, and was avoiding his friends? She had chalked up his silence to nerves for the big football game. It had been all Jameson could talk about that week and Anna had warned him that he was putting too much pressure on J.R. He’d shrugged her off, and she’d turned away from him and given all of herself to Nick instead.

  “Of course, Grace.”

  “That’s the last time I talked to him,” Grace said solemnly. “I don’t know what happened on Saturday, or how they ended up on Oracle Point. I don’t know why he would…” She couldn’t bring herself to say the words. “I don’t understand.” She dropped her head into her hands as she sobbed.

  Anna wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out. Would she ever have the answers she needed to feel at rest? Could she ever move on and find closure when there were so many misplaced pieces she couldn’t grasp? Grace had been her missing link to moments she couldn’t fit together. But instead of giving her peace, it left her with even more questions.

  This couldn’t have been the end. Her son’s life would not finish on a cliffhanger. Somewhere, someone must have known something that would stop the incisive voices in her head. Otherwise, she worried she just might go mad.

  One week earlier

  Coming down from X had been brutal for J.R. His body had gone plummeting from the highest high to the lowest of lows. He couldn’t sleep, his mind kept trying to retrace the events on Saturday night, but he couldn’t quite bring it into focus. When he did get blurry images, it would send him into a tailspin of nausea and self-hatred.

  He couldn’t look his mother in the eye. What kind of man was he? To stand back and allow his friend to violate another human that way, and then… He couldn’t even fathom the words in his head. Every time he tried, a wave of emotion hit him stronger than anything he had ever felt in his whole life. It was as though he was being pulled underground, his body being sucked into the earth until was choking on dirt. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t concentrate, he was sweating even when his body wasn’t moving.

  He didn’t want to feel this way. He needed the high, to keep him above the ground, so he couldn’t feel the pain. He wanted nothing to do with Caleb, but Caleb was the only one he could score the drug from. And that was how he’d ended up on Caleb’s doorstep Sunday night.

  “Dude, you look like hell,” Caleb said when he answered the door. He was in sweats and a Falcons tee with a slice of pizza in one hand and grease on his chin. He looked as though he’d just returned from a football game, without a care in the world.

  J.R. pushed past him. “You should.”

  “What does that mean?” he huffed, shutting the door behind him.

  J.R. spun on him. “It means we fucked up last night, Caleb, and you look like you don’t give a shit.”

  Caleb took a bite of pizza before offering the box to J.R. who shoved it away. The sight of food still made him sick.

  “You need to chill out,” Caleb said. “Want a beer?”

  J.R. shook his head. He scratched at his arm, nervous and agitated. “No, I want more X.”

  Caleb’s head fell back as he laughed. “Of course you do, you little heathen. Greatest high in the world.”

  “Caleb, I’m not fucking around,” J.R. snapped. “I feel like shit. Everything’s just off. I don’t want to think about what we did, but these thoughts just keep coming to my head.” He tugged on his hair as though he could pull the images out of his brain.

  “Damn,” Caleb said, scrunching his face in disgust.

  “What’s wrong with me?”

  Caleb sighed. “It’s just the comedown. Usually, last a few hours or so, though I’ve seen it last up to a few days before.”

  “A few days? Caleb, I can’t go to school like this, I can’t play ball. I’m a fucking mess!” He leaned forward on the table between them. “Just get me some more, will you? I don’t want to feel this.”

  “I don’t have anymore.”

  J.R. swore under his breath. What was he going to do? He couldn’t function this way. Quickly, his demeanor turned to rage. “Why did you even give it to me? Nothing would have happened if we hadn’t taken it!”

  Caleb snorted a laugh. “Don’t blame me for something you did willingly.”

  J.R. didn’t know if he meant the drug or the girl. He couldn’t even say her name in his head. He rubbed his palm against his eye, trying to block out the picture of her crying beneath him. Her trembling lips, her sad eyes begging him to stop.

  “Look, you just need to sleep,” Caleb said. “I’ve got my hook-up in the morning and can get you stoned by first period. That will mellow you out.”

  J.R. thought about school. How could he ever face Grace after what he had done? How could he look her in the eye after that kind of betrayal? He had to get to Ethan before he said anything to her. The look of hatred in Ethan’s eyes still was the clearest image that he had from last night.

  “Ethan’s never going to forgive us.”

  Caleb crossed his arms over his chest like he was getting bored with this conversation. “Ethan will get over it. We didn’t bone his girl. He wasn’t even there.”

  J.R. looked up at Caleb like he was seeing him for the first time. “What the hell’s the matter with you?”

  Caleb straightened up, puffing out his chest. “Chill, man. Get some sleep and find me in the morning before first.”

  J.R. stormed out with a slam of the door. He peeled out of Caleb’s drive and headed toward Ethan’s. He needed to make things right between them. He needed to make sure Ethan would keep his mouth shut so Grace never found out. But he didn’t get the chance; he was turned away at the door. He swore under his breath and headed back home, where he was left with only his thoughts and his guilt.

  He found Caleb before the first bell rang Monday morning. Without a word, he snatched the joint from Caleb’s hands.

  “You’re welcome!” Caleb laughed as J.R. raced back to his car. He’d woken up that morning expecting to feel normal again, that this funk he was in would have just disappeared. But it hadn’t. He needed something to get him through the day. He snuck into the driver seat of his BMW and waited till all the students had emptied out of the parking lot before lighting his joint. He took hit after hit, waiting for the wave of calm to take over. He smashed the last half of the joint out and popped it into his glove box. Fumbling out of the car with a fog of smoke surrounding him, he stumbled his way to English, falling into his desk in the back row. Mrs. Keanly was already at the front talking and gave him a stern glance for being late. He closed his eyes, finally feeling the peace he’d been waiting for. It wasn’t X, but it was something. And at least for that moment, he didn’t have to wallow in the self-loathing.

  Mrs. Keanly instructed them to open their books and he slowly lifted his heavy lids. He reached down for his backpack at his feet when he caught sight of something in the corner of the room.

  It was her.

  He jerked back in his seat. What was she doing here? She wasn’t in this class. His breath became shallow as he began to pant. Oh, my god, was she following him?

  “You okay, J.R.?” a voice said behind him. He flinched from the sound, and when a hand landed on his shoulder, he shoved it away. He narrowed his eyes in her direction, but this time he couldn’t see her. Where had she gone? She had just been right there, he could have sworn it. He jumped up from his seat.

  “Mr. Hudson,” Mrs. Keanly said alarmingly.

  “I need...” He grabbed his backpack. “I gotta use the restroom.”

  A few girls giggled around him, and the sound made his head spin. Why were the
y laughing at him? Did they know what he’d done?

  He needed to get the hell out of there. He ran back to his car and slid into the driver’s seat. He needed to go home, to be away from her. Away from everyone who knew the horrible, awful thing he’d done. He put the key in the ignition and turned it on. And that’s when he saw him.

  Chief Tourney pulled his patrol car to a stop just in front of the office, only yards away from J.R. J.R. quickly turned his car off and scrunched down in the seat. He began to shake. The chief was here to arrest him. He knew it. She had told him what they’d done and he was here to get him. Oh, god, he thought as he slumped down in his seat, his eyes just barely over the steering wheel. Could he escape now? Where could he go where no one would ever find him? Should he warn Caleb? No. It was his fault they were in this mess. He thought maybe he could turn Caleb in, since what Caleb had done was worse than what he had done, and get a lesser sentence. They did that, right? He’d seen it on cop shows. He could be a snitch and get away with a slap on the wrist while Caleb got jail time. But then—then everyone would know what he’d done. He’d have to tell his mom, and dad, and Grace. And what about his football career? Could his dad buy him a place on the team?

  Chief Tourney exited the building. J.R. held his breath as he watched him get back in his car and drive away. When the chief was no longer in sight, he let out a long, ragged breath.

  He needed to get his shit together before something disastrous happened.

  Eight days gone

  When Anna opened the door of the mayor’s mansion, Nick let go of all of his willpower and pulled her to him for an embrace. He didn’t care if they would be seen, or if Jameson walked by at that moment and all of their secrets were revealed. He just knew that he was tired of being strong.

  She tensed when he grabbed ahold of her, her initial reaction to push him away. She didn’t want to be touched. She’d spent the last few days being pawed at by anyone who could get ahold of her. At least she could count on Jameson to leave her alone.