Rex turned his attention back to the field. The opposing team got another touchdown. It was nearing the fourth quarter and we were down twenty-one points. It would take a miracle to win this game.
“Why didn’t Lila come tonight?” Kate asked, breaking his thoughts. “Is she still not feeling well?”
He cleared his throat. He had already been asked the same question tonight from Hannah and Olivia, whom she hadn’t spoken to all week. Her friends had expressed their concern when he’d told them she’d been sick.
“Yeah, still not good.”
“Poor thing,” Kate murmured. “Does she have much of an appetite? Maybe I can make her some chicken noodle soup.”
He smiled softly at her. She was a good woman, and he felt lucky to have her. Though at times he knew he had keep her at arm’s length, at least until Caleb was off to college. He had this feeling he couldn’t shake about not wanting to merge Lila’s life with Caleb’s. Maybe once Caleb was gone, he would feel free to pursue Kate more.
“Thank you,” he said.
Looking up at the clock, he felt an urgency to get back to Lila, whom he’d left lying in her bed, her headphones stuck to her ears. She may not have talked to him, but he needed her to know he was there. Her silence screamed at him. He only wished he knew what she was trying to say.
He said his goodbye to Kate and climbed the stadium steps down and out to his patrol car. He drove home, later learning he’d missed the moment Caleb lashed out on the field, tackling an opposing player and ripping his helmet from his head. From there, it would take a team of people to pull him off as he savagely punched the player over and over again, leaving his face bloody on the turf. Rex would also miss how Ethan would then toss his helmet on the ground, walking out of the stadium and away from his team. And how J.R., stoned and confused, would break down on the field crying, not knowing this was his very last football game.
Fifteen days gone
The stands in the high school gym were packed with mourners. Everyone in town came to pay their respects to the three young men who had taken their lives. Everyone but Lila Tourney.
Reserved seating was placed on the basketball court for family members of the deceased. The mayor and his family sat center of the makeshift stage with the Youngs to his left and Kate and Dave Weston to his right. There would be individual funerals following, however, they all agreed a joint memorial would be what their sons would want.
On stage, Principal Harris spoke into the microphone about meeting the boys the first day of freshman year. “You could tell they were something special, and that was before I’d seen them on the football field.” He smiled sadly at the memory. “They had a unique friendship about them,” he continued. “I’d never met three young men with a stronger bond. They had each other’s backs, lifting the other when one was down. I can remember the day I walked into the library during lunch, must have been their sophomore year. They were huddled around the table, much as you’d see them huddled around the field going over a play. But when I got closer, I saw that it wasn’t field plays they were discussing, but geometry.” He stifled a laugh that others echoed through the room. “When I asked them what they were doing, J.R. looked up all matter-of-fact and said they were studying. He told me that Caleb needed extra help on that week’s test. If he failed then Coach said he couldn’t play in Friday night’s game, and Ethan and J.R. were going to make sure that didn’t happen. Well, Caleb went on to pass that test, and many others, due to his and J.R. and Ethan’s diligence.” He paused a moment, letting the story sink in. “They had a respect for each other that couldn’t be broken. They respected their school, their teammates, family, and community. They were leaders who set the standard high for others to follow.”
He wiped at a tear in the corner of his eye. “They had their demons, as we all know. Demons that they kept among themselves. If we could learn anything from this devastation, it is to help one another. Lean on each other. If there is something you are suffering from, something you are afraid to talk about, please know that our doors are always open. We will welcome you without judgement, without criticism. I wish so much that J.R., Caleb, and Ethan had come to any of us and we could have shown them the optimism they needed. That whatever they were going through did not have to end in tragedy.
I, along with Mayor Hudson, are starting the J.R. Hudson Foundation to reach kids dealing with suicidal thoughts and tendencies. Together we will honor our boys and spread hope to those who need it most.”
Nick sat stiffly, gripping his wife’s hand. This was the first he had heard of the foundation in only J.R.’s name. It was a stab at his family and the Westons to not include their boys’ names as well. Just another way that Jameson had to make it all about him. Even in death, J.R. was the star.
“And lastly,” Principal Harris concluded, looking at the families. “Please let me extend my deepest remorse in the loss of your sons. Know that while their lives were short, they were exceptional. And they will be greatly missed.”
Sobs echoed throughout the gym as students and faculty mourned with family and townsfolk who still couldn’t believe what had happened. Even Sheriff Gibson came to pay his respects, even though he had never met the boys.
He found himself getting choked up at Principal Harris’ words, wishing he had had the opportunity to get to know them in a different circumstance. This will be a case that will forever haunt him. He believed the cause of death was confirmed, that these boys willingly jumped off a cliff, meaning to end their lives. It’s the why that kept him up at night.
Principal Harris stepped down from the stage, extending a hug to each family member. Rex watched from the stands as he went down the line, speaking quietly to each parent before moving on to the next, finishing with Dave Weston. Rex took a good, hard look at the man who greatly resembled Caleb. He thought of all of the times when he had let Kate down, and let his son down. Rex couldn’t help but wonder if Caleb had been the way that he was because of a man like Dave.
Principal Harris took a seat behind the families, resting his arm on the back of Grace’s chair. Coach Mitchell took the stage to share his favorite memories from the past four years and to speak of their commitment to the team both on the field and off. And then it was Grace’s turn to take the mic and share her unwavering love and devotion to the boy she called her soul mate. She spoke of shared dreams and aspirations, of a future wedding and children that would never be. Principal Harris had to help her down from the stage, her tears making it hard to see.
As the mic was passed from person to person, it appeared that these boys had been more godlike than human. Death has a way of immortalizing a person’s perfections to hide the ugly secret that they were actually flawed.
When the memorial was over, people lingered, embracing one another, not wanting to let go. Rex made his way down the steps, hoping to sneak out of the gym unnoticed. He was harder to pick out without his police uniform on, but that didn’t stop Kate from finding him. She grabbed hold of him and held on tight. He saw the way Dave eyed him as his ex-wife leaned on him for support. Rex hugged her back, feeling how fragile she had become in the days since Caleb had gone.
“Are you coming to the funeral?” she asked when she pulled back.
Once they left this room, so did their bond. Each boy would be celebrated in their own way, with their own families. Even the Youngs and the Hudsons felt their ties begin to loosen.
“No,” Rex said apologetically. “I need to get home to Lila.”
Kate nodded in understanding. “I’m sorry she couldn’t make it today.”
“So is she,” he added. He leaned down and kissed her lightly on the cheek.
She closed her eyes and then opened them to watch him walk away from her and out the metal doors.
She thanked Principal Harris and hugged Anna and Nora goodbye. As she walked out of the gym and into her car, she had a sickening feeling she couldn’t quite place. And then it dawned on her. Unlike The Hudsons and Youngs, this
would be her last time at Timber Falls High. She had no other children to watch grow older, enter high school, play football, and graduate with aspirations of their future ahead. Unlike Anna and Nora, Kate was no longer a mother.
“You okay?” Dave asked, stumped by her sobbing in the passenger seat. He pulled the car into drive and headed to the burial site.
Kate shook her head. He would never understand her grief. Dave hadn’t been a father in years. To him, this may have come as a relief. She would no longer aim her disappointment at him.
She felt a hand on her shoulder from the back seat and felt comfort from Avery’s touch. There in this young girl would be Kate’s future. In her belly lay a piece of her son. She had the chance to do it all again. And this time, do it right. There was the selfish side of her that hoped that Avery would pass over her rights to her. That Kate would be able to raise this child as her own. But even if Avery decided to keep the baby, Kate knew she would be there every step of the way. Avery needed her, the baby needed her, and Caleb needed her. She would love this child like her own, like she loved Caleb. She would be at every birthday party, every milestone, no matter how small. She would be there when they learned to crawl, walk, speak. She wouldn’t miss one recital, game, or graduation. Through this child, she could live again, and find a purpose.
Kate muffled a sigh. “Yes, Dave,” she said with a shaky voice. “I’ll be fine.”
And she would be. But Dave would never know. She made Avery promise not to tell him about the baby. Dave didn’t deserve the right to this precious life. He would not be responsible for damaging its soul the way that he had hurt their son. She would not allow it. So she would go to Caleb’s funeral, united with the man who caused more damage than not in hers and her son’s life, and then she would walk away from him. The only relief she felt was that she would never have to see her ex-husband again.
The day before
J.R.’s father was waiting for him when he finally descended the stairs Saturday afternoon.
His head pounded with each step down. He didn’t want to think about last night’s game, or Grace’s interrogation beforehand. All he could focus on were the words Ethan said about the chief finding his jacket. He was screwed. He knew they would be found out and it was the only way he could convince Ethan to meet with him and Caleb later that evening to discuss a plan.
“Look who decided to grace us with his presence today. The good ol’ quarterback.” Jameson scoffed as he eyed his son.
J.R. turned to see his father glaring at him from the parlor, and he rubbed at his head. He didn’t need this shit today. Not from his dad, not from anyone. He didn’t need to be reminded of his failures the night before. His dad had already laid into him once after the game.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” J.R. muttered as he passed the room and headed toward the kitchen.
“Oh, you’re going to talk about it whether you want to or not,” Jameson said, catching up to his son who was sitting on a stool at the island.
“Jameson, please.” Anna sighed as she set a bowl of cereal in front of J.R. “Give him a break.”
Jameson turned his wrath on his wife. “Give him a break? Do you realize the humiliation I endured last night? Do either of you realize the strings I had to pull to get the University of Washington’s coach here to our little Timber Falls?”
“Yes.” J.R. stirred the cereal around in his bowl, watching the drowning flakes. “And I already told you I was sorry.”
“Sorry doesn’t fix the damage you caused last night, J.R.!” Jameson yelled, slamming his fist onto the counter. “Sorry doesn’t get you on the Huskies football team!”
Anna looked wide-eyed at her husband. “Maybe we should talk about this later, after you’ve calmed down.”
“We will talk about this now!” Jameson bellowed. He knocked aside J.R.’s cereal bowl, causing it to crash and splatter on the ground.
“What the hell, Dad?”
Jameson was flabbergasted. “It’s like it doesn’t even bother you! You threw away your football career and you don’t even care! I don’t know who you are anymore, J.R. What the hell happened out there last night?”
“It was one game, Dad.” J.R. knew he’d screwed up last night, but it couldn’t be the end all. His dad had the connections. Surely he could pull some strings and make it happen. “Can’t we just show him the other videos?”
“No, J.R. It was the game. It was your one shot. He’s not going to waste his time with a kid who can’t deliver. I would have killed to have the opportunity to play for a big college team. And you had it right in your hands. And you blew it away, for what?”
J.R. looked away, not wanting to meet his father’s glare. It infuriated Jameson even more. He grabbed his son by the shirt and jerked him to his feet. “Look at me when I’m speaking to you.”
Jameson ignored the sound of Anna’s gasp behind him.
“Let go of me,” J.R. sputtered.
Jameson tightened his hold, wrapping J.R.’s shirt around his fist, bringing him so close, J.R. could feel the heat of his breath.
“Not until you tell me what the hell is going on with you,” Jameson said through clenched teeth. “What happened on that field last night?”
“Not everything is about football,” J.R. spat.
“Football is everything, J.R. If you don’t have football, you don’t have anything. It’s who you are.”
“It’s who you are, Dad,” J.R. snapped. “Get your own life and stop trying to live through me.”
Jameson moved so fast neither J.R. nor Anna had seen it coming. He shoved his son to the ground, J.R. slamming his back onto the cold tile floor. He could hear his mother scream through the ringing in his ear. When he looked up, his father was on top of him with a look of pure hatred.
“Don’t you ever speak to me like that.” He would not be disrespected, not by his son, and not in his own home. “I don’t want you in this house if you can’t be the man I raised you to be.”
J.R. looked up at his father, truth spilling from his mouth as he replied, “Maybe I don’t want to be in this house anymore.”
“Go to hell, J.R.”
“Jameson!” Anna cried out as he stormed from the room.
The sound of the front door slamming made J.R. flinch. He picked himself off the ground as his mother rushed to his side. He brushed her off, not wanting her pity. “I’m fine,” he snapped.
He shuffled back upstairs, where he stayed locked in his room the rest of the afternoon. When it was time to pick up Ethan, he managed to make it out of the house without a glance toward his father.
Nick Young answered the door, not surprised to see J.R. on the other side of it. But what he didn’t expect was his hostile tone and cold stare. It was the same way his son responded to him. Nick stepped aside, feeling a wave of sickness roll over him as he realized Ethan must have told J.R. about him and Anna.
When they returned down the steps moments later, Nick was still there. He wanted to divert any word that could cause Nora suspicion. He tried to play light and easy, hoping the boys would play along.
“Where you guys off to tonight?”
Ethan grabbed a coat from the hall closet and his Falcons baseball cap. But it was J.R. who answered. “Heading to grab Caleb.”
Nick crossed his arms and rocked back on his feet. He smiled. “Is there a party tonight?” Nick knew better than to mention last night’s game. But he remembered from experience that nothing fixed a hard loss like blowing off some steam.
“Yeah, I think so,” J.R. answered. He followed Ethan out to the car who left the house without a word to his dad.
“That was cold,” J.R. said as he started the car. “What’s your deal with your dad?” Nick was not like Jameson. J.R. thought Ethan had it easy compared to him. Nick would never shove Ethan to the ground.
“Shut up,” he answered. “You know the only reason I’m here is to save our asses.”
J.R. sighed and put the car into reverse. T
he drive was silent to Caleb’s house. J.R. wished he could tell his friend about the fight he’d had with his dad earlier, or how Grace had basically dumped him for acting weird. But Ethan made it clear that they were no longer friends.
J.R. pulled the car into the drive of the Weston’s modest ranch-style house. He honked the horn as he always did and waited for Caleb to pop his head out.
“What the hell,” Ethan muttered when Caleb appeared, a case of beer under his arm. “It’s not a party,” he said as Caleb crawled into the back seat.
J.R. was grateful for the booze. He wasn’t sure how he would get through this night without it. He backed the car up and drove toward school.
“Do you have a plan?” Ethan asked.
“No,” J.R. answered. He just knew he had to find a place where they could be alone to talk, and Ethan refused to step foot in Caleb’s house. He drove the familiar road, letting his intuition take over. He parked the car in the back lot of the school that led to the football stadium.
He could still hear the boos of the crowd from the night before. And smell the scent of blood on Caleb’s fist. But what stood out the most was the steely gaze the chief kept on him. He could feel the daggers through his pads. It messed with his head. He couldn’t concentrate on the game.
“Come on,” Caleb said, getting out of the car.
There was a chill in the November air. Frost covered the metal gate they passed through to climb to the top of the stadium seats. J.R. couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in the stands rather than on the field.
He accepted a beer from Caleb and cracked it open. It was cold in his hands and even colder going down his throat, but he knew before long it would warm his blood.
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