Shadows Wait

by Denise A. Agnew

  In one corner, near a stack of unlabeled boxes, lay a patch of freshly turned earth. Lilly’s stomach roiled, her eyes watering at the implication. Oh, she’d known what those people did tonight, but she didn’t want to know. She didn’t want to hear it or see it or experience it again. Yet here it was, like a disease that returned relentlessly, eating a patient alive until they succumbed.

  “Who was it?” She asked, pointing at the five foot long rectangle cut into the dark floor.

  “Don’t know. We’ll have to ask them if they appear.”

  Lilly shuddered as a sharp chill ran up and down her spine. She waited for some time, but the new resident of the basement under the fresh patch of earth didn’t appear. “Perhaps she’s at peace.”

  “How do you know it’s a she?”

  “It always is.” Angry tears filled Lilly’s eyes.

  She glanced around the large expanse. For as far as the eye could see, the floor was pockmarked with the evidence of Tranquil View Asylum’s miserable last ten years. There were twelve strange spaces where the concrete had been filled in. This new space would soon be filled with concrete and there would be thirteen graves.

  That’s when Lilly knew she had to do something. She had to stop hiding and accomplish what she should have long ago. The guilt was eating a new hole inside her.

  “Why won’t you tell me who is to blame for these deaths?” Lilly asked the ghost.

  “I don’t know which Healy did it. I only know one of them did.”

  Frustration scalded Lilly. “You know so many things about me and what I’m thinking and doing, but you don’t know who killed these people? How is that so?”

  “Because I am a ghost, not God. I cannot see all. Only some things, and for what reason I don’t know. But I won’t rest until you discover who killed us.”

  Lilly licked her lips. “You don’t know even who killed you?”

  The ghost shook her head. “Don’t remember. That’s why it has to be you to find out. You’re the only one who can see us and help us, Lilly. The only one.”

  Lilly shivered and rubbed her arms. “It is cold as death in here.”

  “That’s all that’s left in here, girl. Death and lies. You find the answers and free us all. Free us.”

  Lilly didn’t want this burden. But if she didn’t take it on, who would? She would have to find the answers. For all the deaths hidden here, for all those that would come if someone didn’t take action.

  She had to take revenge.

  Chapter 2

  “A ball? Here?” Anna Sutcliffe said as Lilly walked into the female main wardroom on the first floor near the central rotunda.

  The entire room went quiet, as it always did when someone they considered somewhat sane entered. Here the least batty often gathered on a daily basis in their plain clothes and , in their almost normal expressions. What was normal, honestly? She didn’t think she knew. After living here twenty years, Lilly thought the lines blurred. Madness rose from floor to floor, until the most violent and desperate were contained on the third floor. It amazed Lilly, in part, that her room was on the third floor—m. Most of the staff knew she wasn’t a dangerous lunatic, though she worked hard to maintain the illusion that she wasn’t quite all ‘there.’ Mrs. Angel told everyone she teetered on the edge. After all, a person couldn’t grow up here and be all right, could they?

  At seventeen she’d fought to leave this place, just to know what sanity must taste and feel like. Life among regular society had to be sweet and honest and a relief. When she’d left the asylum every day to attend her job at the apothecary in Simple, she’d learned far more than she could hope to discover in this place of death and darkness. For three years she’d worked at Arbig’s Apothecary.

  She’d constructed a long friendship with the apothecary’s son Harry. Warm feelings had passed over her every time she saw the tall, handsome boy only a year younger than she. They’d laughed, talked, and enjoyed each other’s company until that fateful day a month ago when she’d turned twenty and he’d given her a heart necklace, and their tentative kiss turned into something tense with sensation, with delightful physical feelings that had driven them both to an edge.

  Her face burned as she remembered the humiliation and embarrassment when the apothecary discovered his son in the stock room with Lilly. Mr. Bennington Arbig’s sputtering, rage-filled tirade had shown her the world outside the asylum could hide an ugly underbelly as hateful as anything she’d known inside Tranquil View Asylum. Now she didn’t know if she could handle being outside these walls. Could everyone be so right about her? Was she weak-willed? Sinful? Stupid?

  A laugh broke Lilly out of her thoughts. The room tittered with laughter, with smiles, and with an equal amount of frowns and tears. Ten large square tables scattered around the room housed at least four women apiece except for the one where Mrs. Anna Sutcliffe and Mrs. Wilma Hancock sat.

  Anna Sutcliffe had been dumped here by her husband; he’d tried to get her with child for four years and when that had failed, he’d committed her to Tranquil View. Lilly only knew this because she’d overheard two nurses talking. Oddly enough, Anna hadn’t fought the commitment. She said she deserved to be here, that she was defective. Not that it would have done her any good to fight it. She had no other family to defend her. Lilly had tried to be a true friend to the woman more than once, but Anna considered herself above Lilly. Wilma, had also been committed to the asylum by her husband. And while Lilly didn’t truly like her, she didn’t think she qualified as insane either.

  Wilma gestured to Lilly. “Over here girl. You need to hear this.”

  Lilly wandered to the table and sat down.

  Wilma, a tall, dark-haired woman of at least fifty, gestured at petite, blonde Anna. “Of course. They claim the ball is for a charity in town, but you know they want an excuse for drinking excess and sin.”

  “Certainly it’s for sin,” Anna said. “Dancing and fornicating. Surely there will be fornication.”

  Lilly had heard about fornication. Delving into the library here at the asylum she’d read a scandalous book called the Kama Sutra. She’d been certain no one knew the book was there. She’d taken it to her room and pored over it, appalled, fascinated, and amazed. She’d read it from cover to cover and hurried to put it back in the library, sure someone would see she’d taken it. After her encounter with Harry and the forbidden and wonderful sensations she’d discovered ... well, she knew there was something sinful in a man’s touch. Things that felt good, according to so many, must be wrong.

  “There is a shocking amount of fornication happening in society these days,” Anna said as she dabbed her nose with a white hanky.

  “If fornication is such an awful thing, then why do you talk about it so much?” Lilly asked.

  Anna sniffed and sent a glare in Lilly’s direction. “You are innocent in the ways of the world.”

  “Naïve for certain.” Wilma nodded to add emphasis. She leaned forward and lowered her voice to a whisper “For example, have you heard about doctors using machines on women to make sure their sinful desires are taken care of? The machines release ... tension.”

  Lilly wrinkled up her nose. “No, I haven’t. Machines?”

  Anna laughed, her pretty face carved with a superior expression. “One time I thought I might actually want relations with my husband.” She lowered her voice. “A horrible thing, I’ll admit. After all, it is up to him to require husbandly rights. My husband said I should have my hysterics taken care of and took me to the doctor.”

  Lilly frowned. “Were you hysterical?”

  Anna shrugged. “I didn’t think so. In any case, the doctor used this machine on me. I was scared to death.”

  “Did it eliminate your problem?” Lilly asked, dumbfounded.

  Anna smiled at Wilma. “Yes. I went back several times just to make sure I was thoroughly cured of my wantonness.”

  Curiosity ate at Lilly. “What was this machine like? What did it do?”

 
; Wilma cleared her throat. “That is not for you to know.”

  Frustration made Lilly raise her voice. “How perfectly ridiculous. You say I’m naïve, but then you don’t explain.”

  Wilma grunted and turned her gaze away. Anna continued to smile, happy for her secret.

  “Perhaps you would know, Lilly, because you’ve been outside the asylum lately.” Wilma patted her hair. She wore a shocking amount of rouge on her wrinkled face, enough to make her look like a clown’s cousin. “Is Anna right?”

  “About what?” Lilly asked.

  “All the ...” Wilma waved one hand and made a sound of disgust. “... animal mating. Does that still go on out there in the real world. You were there not long ago.”

  “You’ve been out in the real world. Why are you asking me?” Lilly asked.

  “It’s been a few years, my dear.” Wilma snorted a laugh. “Ten to be exact. You were doing it with the apothecary’s son.”

  Lilly’s gut burned with indignation and embarrassment. She sucked in a deep breath. “I was not. I have not.”

  “Why did you leave your employment and come back here?” Anna shoved a lock of her blond hair off her face. She never put up the curly mass and rarely combed it. “Most of us would give our right arm to leave this place.”

  Lilly’s stomach churned with anxiety and anger.

  Wilma locked her hand around Lilly’s wrist. “You know you are wrong Lilly. You are always wrong. You wouldn’t still be in here if you weren’t.”

  Lilly gave the women a brittle smile. On some days her mouth felt like it might crack from throwing fake smiles at all those who wanted them. She didn’t know how to stop smiling, even when she didn’t mean it. Lying kept her safe. She could make up idiotic stories if required, and she would if it meant surviving one more minute—one more second—of this place.

  “Because it wasn’t safe out there. Too much fornicating. We are better off in here,” she said. “There is a maddening amount of disgusting behavior in Simple.”

  “It was your fault, you know, that Mr. Arbig let you go from the position,” Anna said, her small nose in the air. The woman’s green eyes held wildness that made Lilly uncomfortable down to the bone.

  “I should tell you what the Bible says about that.” Wilma puffed out her already considerably large chest.

  “Wilma, I told you not to quote the Bible to me every day please.” Lilly crossed her arms.

  Wilma’s husband seemed to have had a good reason for dropping the woman off here at the asylum. She claimed it was because he was a mean old coot, while the husband claimed she drank too much, cursed, and didn’t read the Bible often enough. While she’d been here, she hadn’t cursed and she quoted the Bible all the time.

  “Once a day is not enough?” Wilma asked. “I can quote to you twice a day, if you prefer.”

  Lilly shrugged. “Then I would surely be committed. I’ve read the Bible, but only once. That was enough for me.”

  Wilma scoffed. “Shocking, my dear. You will go to hell for that.”

  Lilly’s eyes burned with sudden tears that made her angry. Sometimes I think I already am.

  Wilma shoved her chair back, head held high in holier-than-thou glory. Her skirt showed her ankles, and Lilly almost told the woman that was scandal enough for the devil to come and take her away. “Heathen girl. I never want to speak to you again.”

  The woman stood up and stomped away.

  Anna sighed and sat back in her chair. “She’ll be back.” Indeed Wilma always forgave Lilly for being a heathen, even if it took a whole day for her to do it. “I hear Dr. Healy’s son Morgan will attend the ball,” Anna said suddenly. “But nothing good will come of a party here.”

  Lilly eyed Anna. “A ball sounds elegant and dignified. I think I’ll enjoy watching it.”

  Anna made a noise that sounded like disagreement. “Mrs. Angel will not let you within a dozen feet of the ball.” Anna stared at Lilly as if she had indeed left her mind somewhere. “Watching it? How ridiculous.”

  “Is that what you honestly believe, Anna?” Lilly asked. “Is it forbidden and sinful to watch a ball, much less participate?”

  Anna’s gaze darted around to other women, as if seeking confirmation or perhaps approval. They were engaged in their own conversations and didn’t pay attention. “It’s not prudent. I mean, putting the people in town so close to the insane is foolhardy.”

  Such piousness and sanctimonious attitude amused Lilly. After all, these women had been thrown into this place because of their inability to conform. Part of Lilly despised their two-faced attitudes as much as she did her own. “They have a ball every year. Why comment on it or be concerned? The staff knows what they are doing.”

  “The staff has been corrupted by Satan.”

  Lilly couldn’t argue. She truly believed many of the staff to have evil in them, whether created by the devil or not.

  “Are you planning to sneak into the ball?” Anna asked.

  Lilly perked up. “I hadn’t thought of it, but now that you mention it—”

  “Do not mention it.” Anna made a slashing motion with her hand. “The Bible says such frippery is insupportable. Dancing and cavorting. Hmph.”

  “Specifically?” Lilly couldn’t keep sarcasm out of her voice. “Does the Good Book mention balls at Tranquil View Asylum?”

  “Now, now,” Nurse Oleta Franklin said as she stepped into the room. “What are you young ladies talking about? It sounds like an argument to me.”

  Lilly and Anna turned to the wide doorway. Other ladies in the room did the same. Lilly smiled, happiness glowing inside her at the sight of Oleta. The woman’s coffee-colored skin and dark brown eyes hinted at an ethnicity many on the staff didn’t like. Her family came from a well-to-do area of Denver, and a generous endowment to Tranquil View meant Dr. Healy accepted her. Oleta’s accent said she came from the south. Tall and thin, she wore the standard uniform, her black, smooth hair piled on her head under a small white hat.

  Oleta stood near their table and smoothed her hands down her skirts. “Are you ladies creating havoc in my ward?”

  Lilly rose to her feet. “I was, Nurse Franklin. We were talking about the upcoming ball, and Anna thinks it’s a horrible idea. I disagree.”

  Oleta’s mouth twitched. “For your own good, I would not speculate. No matter how objectionable the ball may be to our religious sensibilities, Dr. Healy wants the ball to be here, and so he has every year. We cannot change that. Lilly, may I speak to you a moment?”

  As always, Oleta’s soft voice soothed the most irritated. Perhaps that’s why patients seemed to respect the woman more than any other nurse. Lilly didn’t mind escaping the room, and hurried away with the nurse. Oleta took her halfway down the hall to an unoccupied room. They stepped inside but left the door open.

  Oleta’s kind eyes sharpened as she kept her voice low. “Take care, Lilly. You know Anna has the ear of Mrs. Angel.”

  As she often did, Lilly allowed her playful side to emerge. “Just as I have your ear.”

  Oleta returned Lilly’s smile. “Yes, but Anna and Mrs. Angel may try to make life difficult for you. You should take care.” Before Lilly could retort, Oleta continued. “There are things happening here you do not understand.”

  Lilly sighed, uncertain how much to say. “Do you understand them?”

  Oleta’s gaze snapped to the doorway. She checked in the hallway, obviously looking to see if anyone could hear her. “My mother was like those women in there.”

  Lilly froze to the spot. “Committed for insanity?”

  “For having me ....” She drifted off, then closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, sadness filled her dark gaze. “I think you could use some fresh air. You have been inside this stuffy old place too long.”

  “I did my usual walk yesterday.”

  “You can visit your mother, if you like.”

  A sharp pang made Lilly wince. “Yes. And I’ll visit Becca as well.”

 
Oleta shook her head. “Why Becca?”

  “I have to, you know that.”

  “You do not have to. You choose to. You torture yourself with it rain or shine.”

  Oleta’s admonition stung. “Let us go outside. I’m eager to hear what you want to say,” Lilly said.

  They headed down the hall, passing other staff eying them with varying degrees of suspicion.

  “What is it like, Oleta?”

  “What?”

  “For people to stare at you like they do. As if you were an aberration.”

  Oleta’s laugh was brittle. “I don’t understand why you ask questions when you already know the answer. They whisper about you, too.”

  “I know. But I like to pretend they don’t. And I thought if you said it, perhaps I wouldn’t feel alone when people do the same to me.”

  “Are they also poking you about the apothecary and what happened there?”

  A slow embarrassment came over her once more. “Yes.”

  “You aren’t to blame for that girl.”

  “Of course I am. Mr. Arbig said—”

  “The man is an idiot. Yes, you and that boy were ... you shouldn’t have been getting up to what you were doing. But it was natural. Not a sin. To blame it all on you ....” Oleta trailed off. “Preposterous.”

  Part of Lilly warmed to the nurse’s support, while the other part of her couldn’t believe it. Lilly knew she’d done wrong.

  “Very well,” Oleta said. “People staring and pointing and throwing insults my way used to make me terribly conscious of myself. Of my weaknesses and failings.”

  “You have weaknesses?”

  “Yes. And I have perceived weaknesses ... I have darker skin than most. It makes me feel shunned. At least it did.”

  “You must teach me how not to care what people say or think of me.”

  Oleta paused. “I thought perhaps you’d already mastered that.”

  “I’ve only mastered appearances. People’s words and ugly stares still hurt.”

  “Ah-ha.” Oleta smiled broadly. “You’ve won half the battle if they don’t know it hurts. You had me mostly fooled. Mostly.”