Up the Garden Path & The Adventures of the Black Girl in Her Search for God

by Lisa Codrington

  alma: All right den, but if yuh gine all de way tuh England to meet up wit’ you man alton, in you pretty pretty dress for you big big big day, yuh might as well guh down tuh de palace and have some tea wit’ de queen too, / ’cause de two a we know dat ain’t never — ­

  amelia: I gine mek yuh see de queen right now, ’cause i gine give yuh some licks / dat gine lef’ yuh rass’ole — ­

  alma sings “God Save the Queen” until edmund cries out.

  alma: God save our gracious Queen!

  Long live our noble Queen! /

  God save de Queen!

  Send her victorious,

  Happy and glorious

  Long to reign over — ­

  amelia sings the Barbadian national anthem, “In Plenty and In Time of Need,” until edmund cries out.

  amelia: In plenty and in time of need

  When dis fair land was young

  Our brave forefadders sowed de seed

  From which our pride is — ­

  rosa juks edmund in the leg with a pin and he cries out, cutting off alma and amelia’s singing / fighting.

  edmund: aye!

  rosa: I tell yuh tuh stand still.

  edmund rubs his leg.

  alma: (gasps) Lawrd Gawd she draw blood!

  rosa: Sorry.

  alma: Come and sit, Edie. Before yuh fall down of bad feels.

  amelia: We ain’t got time fuh dis. Rosa need tuh finish — ­

  alma: (to rosa) Dis you plan? Bring alla you dirty pins up in here, play you mekin’ a suit, den juk alla we in de foot, t’row we bodies in de gully and lef’ we fuh dead?

  amelia: She barely juk he.

  alma: Auntie Bea barely get juk in she foot, but it pain she suh bad dat de doctor had tuh come and cut it off. But he cut off de wrong one, suh den he have tuh do de next one, so now bot’ a she foot cut off. Come, Edie. Let we get dat foot in some Epsom salts — ­

  edmund: I fine. Let we just finish suh I can tek dis damn t’ing off.

  alma:

  edmund goes back to reciting “I have some land in de back and I tend tuh it” and rosa goes back to trying not to juk he wit’ straight pins.

  Scene 3

  Friday morning.

  Out back behind alma’s broken-­down board house.

  De sky got maybe one hungry-­lookin’ cloud, but de sun still shinin’ bright.

  rosa waits for edmund to get into the suit.

  rosa: Yuh ready?

  edmund: (off stage) Not yet.

  rosa waits.

  rosa: Come, man, we ain’t got all day.

  edmund: (off stage) I comin’.

  rosa waits.

  rosa: Yuh need help?

  edmund: (off stage) No.

  rosa: How it feel?

  edmund: (off stage) Tight.

  rosa: Which place?

  edmund comes out of the house in the newly altered suit.

  edmund: Everyplace.

  rosa: It look all right tuh me.

  edmund: Well it ain’t feel all right.

  rosa: Yuh just got tuh get accustom tuh wearin’ a suit. Tek a walk around.

  edmund walks stiffly around.

  See.

  edmund: No, no, I-­I can’t.

  edmund rips the jacket off.

  rosa: Hey!

  edmund: I tell yuh it too tight!

  rosa: Yuh only got tuh wear it fuh a few hours.

  edmund: It too un-­com-­fort-­able.

  edmund starts to undress further.

  rosa: Yuh t’ink goin’ overseas gine be com-­fort-­able? It hard work.

  edmund: I know — ­

  rosa: De guys is say dat by de end of de day / yuh barely able tuh stand up.

  edmund: I know de work is be hard. But I ain’t able tuh wear dis tight tight t’ing!

  rosa: Wearin’ a suit is de easiest t’ing yuh got tuh do.

  edmund: (in confidence) Not when it soak up wit’ we dead daddy!

  rosa: How yuh mean?

  edmund: (in greater confidence) When we daddy die, dem put he in dis suit fuh de funeral.

  rosa: Yuh lie.

  edmund: I was small, but I remember. Dem tek it off before dey put he in tuh de ground. Mummy shoutin’ (imitating alma) “I want de man tuh look good, but I ain’t want he gine tuh heaven in somet’ing — ­”

  rosa: — ­my mudder mek.

  edmund: Suh yuh understand. i can’t wear dis. I is a young man, i ain’t ready tuh dead yet!

  rosa: It just a suit — ­

  rosa tries to get edmund back into the jacket but he resists.

  edmund: — ­dat want tuh pull muh in tuh de ground and squeeze de life outta muh — ­

  An argument between amelia and alma explodes out of the window.

  amelia: (off stage) I tell yuh he ain’t gotta plant; he just gotta pick — ­

  alma: (off stage) Yuh gotta plant tuh have somet’ing tuh pick.

  amelia: (off stage) It gine be done plant by de time he reach de place!

  alma sucks her teeth and the fight fades out.

  rosa: If anyt’ing gine squeeze de life outta you, it gine be dem two. Now come.

  rosa holds the jacket open and edmund slips in.

  Show me yuh hands.

  edmund holds out his hands. rosa feels them, then picks up some dirt and mashes it into edmund’s palms.

  Rub. Dem is too soft, and if yuh want tuh get dis job, yuh hands need tuh look like dem is know hard work.

  edmund rubs.

  edmund: I t’ought you say de suit is all I need tuh get dis job!

  rosa: (in confidence) Suit is what I need. dis is what you need.

  edmund: But — ­

  amelia and alma shout from the house.

  amelia: (off stage) Edmund! De bus comin’!

  alma: (off stage) Don’t forget you brolly!

  amelia: (off stage to alma) De sun shinin’!

  alma: (off stage to amelia) Rain ain’t de only t’ing dat fall out de sky.

  edmund:

  rosa: Keep rubbin’ and yuh be fine.

  edmund keeps rubbing and heads off.

  Scene 4

  Friday, late afternoon.

  Inside alma’s broken-­down board house.

  Two hungry clouds in de sky, but de sun still shinin’ bright.

  rosa sorts through pieces of fabric in her bag and alma paces.

  alma: What kinda interview tek suh long?

  rosa: It a good sign.

  alma: Good sign what! Dis is how dem is get yuh. Big talk ’bout jobs and t’ings, but den two two’s, yuh get hit up top de head, all yuh clothes strip off and not’ing tuh eat but cockroach and centipede.

  alma peeps out the window.

  Good t’ing Edie got he brolly. Look like de rain ready tuh come down. All we need is a little wind and dat soursop tree out dere droppin’ straight pun we head.

  alma turns her attention to rosa.

  Wha’ yuh doin’ fullin’ up de place wit’ alla you shite?

  rosa: I just gettin’ de t’ings ready fuh yuh sister England dress.

  alma sucks her teeth.

  I could mek one fuh you too if yuh like.

  alma: I ain’t need nuh damn dress. De way de world is . . . dis ain’t nuh time fuh no pretty pretty frock.

  rosa pulls a piece of fabric out of her bag and holds it out to alma.

  rosa: Yuh sure, ’cause dis colour here would look real nice on yuh.

  alma: What I want wit’ dat bright bright t’ing! Yuh tryin’ tuh blind muh?

  rosa: How ’bout dis?

  rosa displays another piece of fabric.

  alma: Dat look like it would mek my skin itch.

  rosa:
All right, how ’bout dis here.

  rosa displays yet another piece of fabric. alma takes a closer look.

  alma: It soft?

  rosa: Feel.

  alma feels the fabric.

  alma: How long it gine tek tuh finish?

  rosa: Yuh could wear it tuh church de Sunday after next.

  alma thinks.

  alma: All right den, guh ’long and mek de damn t’ing. But mek sure it a respectable dress. I ain’t able tuh have Gawd strike me down fuh walkin’ in tuh he house in a bundle a you mummy blasphemous foolishness!

  rosa: Let me get you measurements.

  rosa grabs a measuring tape and an old notebook.

  alma: (eyeing the notebook) Dat you mummy book?

  rosa nods.

  Dat where she is keep alla de measurements?

  rosa: Yes.

  alma: Who got de biggest guts? Jennifer or Ms. Clarke?

  rosa: Put up yuh hands please.

  alma holds up her arms and rosa measures.

  alma: Come, man, I know yuh is mek dresses fuh dem.

  rosa: Yuh want me tuh tell dem how big you guts is?

  alma: Tell what, I got good size. Not like you. It like yuh ain’t got nuh botsy at all. When yuh sit down in de chair yuh mussy just slide right out.

  rosa: Yuh can put yuh hands down now.

  rosa records alma’s measurements in the notebook.

  alma: How ’bout de men? Dem measurements fit in dat book too, or yuh got a separate one fuh aaaaaalla dem?

  rosa: It just de one book.

  rosa takes more measurements.

  alma: How far it guh back?

  Pause.

  rosa: From when she start.

  alma: How many suits she mek?

  rosa:

  alma: Too many tuh count?

  rosa: She been mekin’ suits fuh a long time.

  alma: How long?

  rosa records more measurements in the notebook.

  I’m surprised yuh mudder never have any more children but you. Wit’ all de suits she sew, yuh would t’ink . . . I mean I only have Edie ’cause I lost my Sticky but . . . I guess suit is not de only t’ing you mummy learn tuh cut and alter.

  rosa closes the notebook and holds it out to alma.

  rosa: Here. Tek it and look. It got everyt’ing yuh want tuh know. He measurements, what he get mek, de date — ­

  rosa flips to the front of the notebook and reads.

  See here, in 1955 he have a forty-­nine-­inch waist, in ’52 it was forty-­four, in ’48 he have — ­

  alma: How yuh mean ’48?

  alma grabs the book from rosa and reads. Beat. She slams the book shut and holds it back out to rosa.

  alma: Well come and finish nuh. I ain’t want you humbuggin’ me de whole damn day.

  rosa takes the book and alma holds out her arms. rosa puts the book down and takes more measurements. Beat.

  rosa: . . . Jennifer got a t’irty-­seven-­inch waist but she mek my mummy put it down as twenty-­seven.

  alma:

  rosa: . . . Ms. Clarke got one arm shorter dan de next; dat why she only wear armhole and always got one hand prop up on she waist.

  Pause.

  alma: Yuh lie!

  rosa: No. But yuh can’t tell a soul.

  alma: What I got tuh say tuh dem? Me an dem ain’t nuh friends.

  Pause.

  What else?

  rosa: Well — ­

  amelia shouts from outside the house.

  amelia: (off stage) alma, alma. We back.

  amelia burst into the house followed by edmund under his umbrella, eating turnover out of a bag.

  alma: T’ank de Lawrd!

  rosa: Wha’ happen?

  edmund continues to eat.

  amelia: He get de job!

  rosa: Congratulations, Edmund!

  alma & edmund:

  amelia: He leffin’ next monday!

  alma: oh lawrd, oh gawd!

  amelia: Wha’ happen tuh yuh?

  alma: What if I ain’t able tuh get he recognize when he come back?

  amelia: It only fuh a few months.

  alma: First muh husband and now muh son. oh lawrd oh gawd, I can’t tek nuh more loss!

  amelia: All right, look like de party done before it start; come, Edmund.

  alma: Where de hell yuh tekin’ he?

  amelia: I only got a few days tuh get dis boy ready fuh work.

  amelia strips edmund of his turnover and tosses his umbrella to the side.

  edmund: Auntie!

  amelia: (to rosa) Yuh know how tuh mek food?

  rosa: Yes.

  amelia: Good.

  amelia gives rosa the turnover as well as some money.

  Get rid of dis shite and den guh tuh de market and get pigeon peas, cornmeal, salt fish — Just mek some food fuh when we get back — ­

  alma: Since when you givin’ orders in my house!?

  amelia: Come, Edmund. We gine start wit’ climbin’ trees.

  alma: Oh no. Dat boy ain’t gine near nuh damn tree. / It too dangerous — ­

  amelia: Followed by bicycle ridin’, and if we got time, swimmin’.

  edmund: But none a we ain’t know how tuh swim — ­

  amelia: Well we gine learn now.

  edmund: You is de one who say de sea ain’t got nuh back door.

  amelia: come.

  amelia drags edmund out of the house.

  alma: ’Melia. ’Melia. Bring dat boy back in tuh dis blasted house. ’Melia!

  alma picks up edmund’s umbrella.

  Oh Lawrd he forget he brolly.

  alma goes to the door but can’t get any farther.

  (shouting out the door) Edie! Yuh forget you brolly. Edie!

  alma gives the umbrella to rosa.

  Go and give dis tuh Edie. And listen, don’t bring none of you mummy Jamaican ackee and saltfish shite in tuh dis house, yuh hear. I ain’t able tuh get poison.

  rosa leaves and alma stays.

  Scene 5

  Friday evening.

  Out back behind alma’s broken-­down board house.

  It getting late but it ain’t suh dark yet.

  edmund drags his umbrella toward the gully.

  rosa catches him.

  rosa: Wha’ yuh doin’?

  edmund: All dat cookin’ got de house too hot.

  rosa: Yuh need you brolly tuh cool off?

  edmund: Yuh know how my mummy is — ­she always frighten dat — ­

  rosa: Open it.

  edmund: I-­I can’t; I t’ink it mash up. / Don’t tell — ­

  rosa grabs the umbrella out of edmund’s hands.

  no!

  rosa opens the umbrella to find cou cou and flying fish stuffed inside.

  rosa: Wha’ yuh plannin’ tuh do wit’ alla dis?

  edmund: T’row it in de gully.

  rosa: How can yuh not like cou cou and flyin’ fish?

  edmund: I like t’ings dat is sweet. Puddin’, pone . . . conkies, sugar cakes, black cake, turnover — Oh man, yuh ever a turnover from Ms. Clarke shop as soon as it finish bake? Dere ain’t no food sweeter dan dat. Well, except fuh “Edie’s Special T’ing.”

  rosa: What’s dat?

  edmund: An idea I got fuh a new kinda turnover. Instead of sugar and coconut inside, it got a jam puff inside, and inside de jam puff it got a rock cake, and inside de rock cake a sugar cake, and inside de sugar cake a tam’rind ball, and inside de tam’rind ball . . . somet’ing else small.

  rosa: Sounds . . . sweet.

  edmund: I keep tellin’ Ms. Clarke she should mek somet’ing like dat, but yuh know how de old people is. Man, my mout’ runnin’ water just t’inking �
��bout it — Wha’ yuh do wit’ muh turnover? Yuh tr’ow it in de gully?

  rosa: Yuh know yuh ain’t gine have Ms. Clarke turnover in Canada.

  edmund: Auntie say de food dat dem white people is eat ain’t got nuh taste, suh tomorrow she want yuh tuh mek me plain rice, salt bread and bakes.

  rosa dies wit’ de laugh.

  I ain’t mekin’ sport. I gine get starve out in Canada.

  rosa: Yuh forget yuh gine tuh pick fruit?

  edmund: How I gine survive on fruit?

  rosa: If yuh can survive on turnover, yuh can survive on anyt’ing.

  edmund: Can’t wait till I get dis blasted pickin’ over and done wit’.

  rosa: Must be somet’ing you lookin’ forward tuh in Canada.

  edmund thinks.

  edmund: I ain’t gine have tuh carry dis stupid brolly every place I go.

  rosa: Yuh sure yuh ain’t gine miss people callin’ you “brolly boy”?

  edmund sucks his teeth.

  Yuh know dat is how I find out wha’ happen tuh we fadder. All de children circlin’ ’round you, t’rowing fruit and shoutin’.

  (chanting) “Brolly boy, brolly boy, frighten fuh de rain, ’cause dat’s how he daddy end up in pain. Hurr’cane Janet drop soursop pun he head, / and lef’ he up de cart road mash up and dead.”

  edmund: (joining in) “and lef’ he up de cart road mash up and dead.”

  rosa: My mudder barely talk ’bout he, never mind how he die.

  edmund: Yuh lucky. My mummy like tuh run she mout’ ’bout it every chance she get.

  (imitating alma) “Every man I ever love get hit up top he head and dead. Daddy a breadfruit, granddaddy a coconut . . .”

  rosa: At least yuh ain’t got de children singin’ “De seamstress dead, de seamstress dead, suh now everybody husband gine back tuh dem bed!”

  Pause.

  edmund: Sorry.

  rosa: Yuh lucky, Edmund. De work is be hard, but yuh gine get tuh see a new place.

  edmund:

  amelia and alma shout from inside the house.

  amelia: (off stage) Edmund! Come in and get some rest; yuh got a big day tomorrow. We gine pick some sea grapes and fat pork, den we gine move on tuh mammee apples and bananas, / den mangoes, pawpaw, plantain, hog plum — ­

  alma: (off stage) Lawrd Gawd yuh gine kill he before he lef’.

  amelia: (off stage) Kill what?! I buildin’ strengt’ in dat boy.

  alma: (off stage) Yuh gine end he up like he fadder!