laura: Anyone can run and relay gossip.
isaac: She was a hero!
laura: Much rather my namesake be a real hero, like Joan of Arc.
isaac: Without Laura Secord we wouldn’t be here.
laura: (to rosa) Plug your ears if you don’t want to die of boredom.
isaac: The history of this region is as relevant to him as it is to us.
(to rosa) Did you know the Underground Railroad ran / right through here?
laura: Did you know your people were forced into slavery and brought here / against their will?
isaac: Did you know coloured soldiers fought right alongside the british / in the American Revolution, in the War of 1812 —
laura: Did you know your people were fed false promises and offered stolen land just so we could —
isaac stops the truck.
isaac: out!
laura: You’re not a real soldier, you know.
isaac: Maybe not, but I am your brother and I say you can walk the rest of the way.
laura: Yes, sir! Bye, Edmund, I’ll see you in the vines tomorrow.
isaac: Since when?
laura: Joan worked on her farm. If I’m going to play her I’d better get out there —
isaac: Wait, what —
laura: It’s only an audition, but if I do well I’ll be on stages across the country in no time.
isaac: Who said you could audition to play —
laura: (to rosa) Till then.
laura gets out.
isaac: Laura! laura!
laura leaves.
Scene 2
Sunday evening.
In the dilapidated vines.
A cannon blast followed by sounds of dying and then death.
richard, a soldier in uniform, is revealed lying motionless on the ground.
The starlings chirp.
Scene 3
Monday morning.
Just outside the dilapidated vines.
isaac has a big stick in one hand and a pie plate / pot lid / foil hat and cape in the other. rosa tries to be a convincing edmund.
isaac: You know what a hawk is?
rosa: Yes.
isaac: Good. ’Cause you’re gonna be one. Put this on.
rosa: I t’ought I goin’ to be pickin’ grapes.
isaac: It seems I got myself more than enough pickers now. What I need is someone on the front lines scaring the starlings.
rosa struggles to put the hat and cape on.
You might want to change out of the suit.
rosa: I like to be professional.
isaac: As long as you can move. Starlings are scared to death of hawks, but they’re smart and adaptable, so if you get into a pattern they’ll know they’ve got nothing to fear. That’s why the cannons stopped working.
rosa: Cannons?
isaac: They’re proving useless on their own. But with you out there —
rosa: Wha’ happen if I get hit?
isaac: (continuing) Also, keep blinking. Starlings’ll peck your eyes out if you keep ’em open long enough. They might not seem like much one on one, but you get a group of ’em together and they’re not just a menace, they’re murderers. In 1960 a flock of thousands flew into the engine of an airliner. It was taking off when the starlings got in there and plunged that plane into the water. Killed sixty-something people. Apparently all the caskets had to be closed on account of the starlings pecking their eyes out.
rosa: Oh Lawrd.
isaac: hey, don’t you get defeated. We can do this!
rosa: Yes, sir.
isaac: You know the Battle of Fort George?
rosa: No, sir.
isaac: It’s one of the greats. Americans had us on the defensive and we had to retreat; we had to leave Fort George. Now we could have given up, abandoned it for good. But we didn’t. Instead we regrouped, we reorganized, and we took fort george back!
rosa: Okay.
isaac: now, let’s see your hawk.
rosa: aaarrrrraaak!
isaac: No no no. You gotta get your arms into it.
isaac gets his arms into it.
aaarrrrraakkkk! aaarrrrraakkkk! aaarrrrraakkkk! Use that stick. Bang those pans. They’re not just there for show.
rosa: Yes, sir.
rosa starts off.
isaac: Oh, I almost forgot.
rosa stops.
Stay away from my sister or I’ll send you back. Got it?
rosa: Yes, sir.
isaac: Good, now get out there. It’s gonna take you some time to cover ten acres.
rosa heads off.
Scene 4
Monday afternoon.
In the dilapidated vines.
A cannon blast followed by sounds of dying and then death.
richard lies motionless on the ground.
Beat.
richard: Damn it!
richard gets up and waits for another cannon blast. Nothing. Just when he thinks it’s not gonna go it does. richard “dies” again.
Beat.
Damn it!
rosa comes running through the vines.
rosa: aaarrrrraaak! aaarrrrraa —
richard:
rosa: Oh. Good afternoon, I’m R —
(deep voice, wide stance, bad posture) Edmund.
richard:
rosa: Yuh is one a de pickers?
richard:
rosa: I t’ought I gine be a picker too, but de boss man say I’s to scare de starlin’s. It muh first day — I just come from Barbados and —
The cannon fires. rosa ducks. richard “dies” again.
Oh Lawrd!
(calling out) help help, somebody help!
rosa goes for help.
Scene 5
Monday afternoon.
In the dilapidated vines.
laura and rosa search.
rosa: Come, come. Dis way. Right here. He was right here.
laura looks around.
laura: Are you sure?
rosa: Yes.
laura: He can’t have been hurt too bad if he up and left.
rosa: I see de cannon hit de man.
laura: You know they’re sound cannons, right?
rosa: De man cry out and fall to de ground! We should get Isaac.
laura: My brother is out “interpreting.” Besides, we can deal with this.
rosa: we can’t do anyt’ing.
laura: relax.
rosa: I t’ink de man dead!
laura: Where’s the blood?
rosa:
laura: My guess is some of the pickers were playing a trick on you. Same thing happened to Raymond his first year —
rosa: I ain’t t’ink he playin’ —
The cannon goes off. rosa takes cover. laura doesn’t flinch. richard dies somewhere off stage.
You hear dat?
laura: I told you, the cannons aren’t —
rosa: No, de —
richard emerges out of the vines. laura does not see him.
laura: What?
richard: Hello.
rosa looks from richard to laura and back.
rosa: (to laura) You know, I t’ink you right. One of de pickers probably just playin’ a trick on me.
richard: This is no trick.
laura: This is just like when Bluebeard and the Dauphin tried to trick Joan.
richard: You can see me.
laura: Difference is she saw right through it.
richard: Do not be afraid.
laura: (as Joan) Thou canst not fool me. Where be Dauphin?
richard: I am not going to hurt you.
laura: We should read that scene.
richard: I just want to —
richard moves toward rosa.
rosa: No no.
The cannon goes off. richard “dies.” rosa grabs on to laura.
laura: Oh my.
rosa: Sorry.
rosa lets go of laura.
laura gasps.
laura: Was this your plan all along? To bring me out here and have your way with me?!
rosa: No, Laura, I —
laura busts a gut laughing. richard stirs.
laura: I’m a better actress than I thought. Tell me, what sold it? The trembling lip — oh I know, was it the almost tears?
rosa: I have to go back to work.
rosa leaves.
Scene 6
Tuesday, early morning.
In front of rosa’s rickety old trailer.
richard waits. rosa comes out of the trailer in her starling-scaring gear. She sees richard and jumps.
rosa: Ahh! / Get de hell away from me.
richard: Sorry, I do not mean to . . . I have no idea how to —
rosa: stand where yuh is!
richard: I am not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to you —
rosa: My mummy send yuh?
richard: Pardon me?
rosa: She vex ’cause I bury she in de blue dress?
richard: I do not know what you are —
rosa: Tell she I sorry, but de striped dress too small in de backside and I ain’t have time tuh alter it.
(to her mother) Yuh hear me, Mummy. It too late! Dem put yuh in de ground every since, so dere ain’t nuh point in sendin’ duppy tuh scare de shite outta me!
richard: Nobody has sent me. / I am here because —
rosa closes her eyes and prays.
rosa: De Lawrd is my shepherd; I shall not want. He —
richard: Please hear me out.
rosa: (to herself) Lawrd, why didn’t I just stick my bible — Dis ain’t nuh time fuh me tuh guh mad —
richard: I assure you, you are not mad.
rosa: Our Fadder which art in heaven, Hallowed be dy name. / Dy kingdom come, dy will be done in eart’, as it is in heaven. Give us dis day our daily bread. And forgive us our —
richard: Listen to me. You are far from mad. I think I know why you can see me and why the other young woman could not —
the suit. the suit. it is the suit.
rosa:
richard: I do not know what exactly, but there is something about that suit that allows you to see me.
rosa: Oh no.
richard: I am right, am I not?
rosa: Oh Lawrd, I should have listen tuh Edmund — We dead daddy suit gine kill me but I ain’t ready tuh dead yet —
The cannons fire. rosa jumps and richard “dies” again.
richard: Damn it!
rosa: Why yuh do dat?
richard: I am trying to die.
rosa: T’ought yuh was a duppy.
richard: Pardon?
rosa: A spirit, a . . .
richard: A ghost. I have been dead for over a hundred years, but I cannot seem to die. And I have tried everything. Jumping into the lake, the river. I have even jumped over the falls, but I just cannot seem to kill myself.
rosa: Wow.
richard: I assume what I need is someone to kill me. I have not tried that. But I have not had anyone to ask . . . until now that is.
rosa:
richard: So, would you?
rosa: What?
richard: Consider it?
rosa: How yuh mean?
richard: I know we are newly acquainted, but I would be forever grateful if you would — if you could kill me.
rosa: Wha’ de blast kinda shite yuh —
richard: Please.
rosa: I look like a obeah woman tuh you?
richard: I do not understand.
rosa: All you need to understand is dat I ain’t know how tuh help nuh duppy tuh dead!
richard: I have a clear plan of action.
rosa: Dat what you come here fuh?
richard: It is quite simple. I believe we can use the cannons to —
rosa: I sorry for yuh, but I ain’t have time fuh dis.
richard: It will take very little of your time.
rosa: I have tuh get tuh work.
rosa starts off.
richard: If you leave I will haunt you! Every single day. I-I-I will . . . make your life a living hell!
rosa: Not if I tek off de suit.
richard: Do what you please. I will still see you, because I will still be here, only you will not know where.
rosa: Oh, I gine know!
richard: Oh really?
rosa: Yes.
richard: You did not know last night.
rosa stops.
How do you think I concluded it was the suit?
rosa: You watch me?
richard: I investigated the situation. And let me just say, I was more than surprised with what I found. You are not who you seem to be, are you?
rosa: You best watch what come out yuh mout’.
richard: I can shout at the top of my lungs and no one will hear . . . unless they are a woman wearing a dead man’s suit —
rosa: Yuh lucky yuh dead, ’cause if yuh was alive, I would give yuh a cuff suh hard dat —
The cannons fire and richard “dies” again.
May Gawd grant you anot’er hundred-and-fifty! I hope yuh never die yuh rass’ole —
rosa gets a familiar cramp in her belly.
Oh no.
rosa sucks her teeth and heads back into her trailer. richard gets up.
richard: Damn it.
Scene 7
Tuesday morning.
In the dilapidated vines.
isaac practises interpreting while dismantling one of the cannons with a handful of tools.
isaac: (practising) Welcome to Fort George. My name is Isaac (“comedic” pause) — no, not Brock. Course you can call me Major General if you want but it’s not necessary. I’ll be your interpreter for this fort of Tour George — Shit!
rosa races in but pulls up short when she sees isaac practising.
Tour of Fort George, the battle of the site — Shit!
He stops dismantling and focuses on his speech.
The site of the Battle of Fort George. Tour of Fort George, the battle of the site —
isaac spots rosa.
What are you just standing there for?
rosa: Sorry, I ain’t want to —
isaac: You’re late.
rosa: Yes, sir.
isaac: Lucky for you we’re changing our strategy. The cannons mixed with your call . . . it just sounds like you’re getting killed over and over. So of course, the starlings celebrate your death by eating more of my grapes. I wanna go with just you versus them, one on one. You ready for that?
rosa: Yes — (rosa gets hit with a cramp.) sir.
isaac: What’s wrong?
rosa: I’m fine.
isaac: You better be, ’cause my family has been farming in this region since the American Revolution. You know how long that is?
rosa: No, sir.
isaac: That’s more than a hundred years before the starlings. And I’ll be damned if I’m gonna let those lice-ridden rodents destroy the land that my great-great-grandfather grew wheat and barley on, because you’re feeling under the weather.
rosa: I all right, sir.
isaac: Good, ’cause once the cannons are gone you’re gonna have to do a lot more running.
isaac finishes dismantling the cannon and hands the tools to rosa.
Here, you take out the rest. I gotta get t
o the fort.
rosa: Sir.
isaac: What?
rosa: You t’ink you could drop me in town on you way?
isaac: Now?
rosa: I just need to pick up . . . somet’ing.
isaac: Have I not fully expressed the gravity of our starling situation?
rosa: Yes, sir, but —
isaac: If you need something, you can get Laura’s old bicycle out of the shed and take it into town on the day off. But right now I need you to get those starlings before they rape and pillage every last grape we got!
rosa: Yes, sir.
isaac: Now, let us fight like our Loyalist forefathers who bravely came together to defend this land. Fourty-ninth Regiment and the Coloured Corps together again! What do you say?
rosa: Okay.
isaac leaves, rosa gets hit with another cramp and richard emerges from the vines. rosa jumps and the tools go flying.
Ahhh!
richard: I beg you, please do not take them all out.
rosa: Stay away from me.
richard: If you even leave just one cannon, I will be forever grateful.
rosa: How dare yuh come askin’ me fuh anyt’ing after what you do?
richard: I have not spoken to anyone in over one hundred years. The rules of engagement escape me. All I know is that I need your help. And if you help me, I in return will help you.
rosa: Can yuh drive me to town and back?
richard: No.
rosa: Den yuh no help to me.
rosa starts work on dismantling the cannons.
richard: I can haunt. Now, I cannot make people see me, like you see me, but I can make them feel me and, when necessary, move small objects and — Of course, when I haunt there is a small cost, but I am willing to pay it if you keep a cannon in and help me to die.
rosa: I ain’t need yuh to haunt anyone fuh me.
richard: How about your cantankerous superior? Or that tiresome young woman. I could haunt them. Wait until they are sleeping and then slam the doors, rattle their beds — I spent a number of years haunting a lieutenant governor. And by the time I was done with that despicable man, he was cowering in the corners and running from shadows. I assure you, they would wake up in a cold sweat and I would be there but they would not know where.
Pause.
rosa: Yuh say dat before.
richard: What?
rosa: Dat if I tek off de suit you’d be there but I would not know where.
Up the Garden Path & The Adventures of the Black Girl in Her Search for God Page 4