The Floating Corpse

by James Walker

  The younger two were nodding like a feeding chicken, but the oldest took a deep breath and held up his hands where I could see them.

  “Look Mister, we don’t want any trouble. Now I know Marquis was way out of line and you don’t know how grateful I am that you didn’t plug him! He deserves a bigger whupping than you gave him, for sure, but please don’t hurt him. You see…well… the thing is- he’s our brother!”

  I didn’t see that coming! First, I thrashed one of them, and then I pulled a gun on the others! Catty -- or Uncle Will -- wasn’t going to appreciate this! Speechless, I quickly stuffed the .45 back into its holster and stepped away from Marquis.

  The man wasted no time in sending his siblings to collect their brother. “Put him on his boat and make sure he stays there!” He instructed. “Then go home. I’ll see you there-and don’t say a word to Ma or Da!” I was impressed how they obeyed him without question. They each took one of Marquis’ arms and pulled him to his feet while keeping a wary eye on me. One even mumbled, “Thanks, Mister”, as they half walked, half dragged him out to the door.

  The man watched until the door shut then he turned back to me, hands up by his chest. “Thank you again. Mind if I ask you a question?”

  I wasn’t sure where this was heading, but the barkeep was quietly cleaning up the mess Marquis made on the bar, so I figured I wasn’t getting tossed out right away.

  “Sure.”

  He lowered his hands, “You said this was the second time Marquis was at you. Where did you see him before?”

  “I was at Doc Blum’s office with my uncle and he came into the office to make a delivery. Your brother has a smart mouth.”

  He shook his head and grimaced. “Me and Da both have pummeled him for it, but he just can’t keep a civil tongue in his mouth.” Then he looked me square in the eye and said, “And, believe me, as soon as he sobers up, I’m going to slap him around for that remark he made about your father! I met your Dad…he was a good man.”

  He seemed to run out of steam a little. After a moment’s hesitation, he added, “I’m Tom, by the way. The other two with me were my other brothers, Luke and Cody.’”

  “Damn! How many are you?”

  He smiled a bit. “Just the four of us and our sister, but you know Catty.”

  I held up my hands in a ‘whoa’ manner. “Look, I just gave her a ride home because my uncle asked me to.”

  He laughed. “I didn’t mean it like that. In fact, I’m grateful you brought her home. I know now she was in good hands.”

  Now, I could have responded to that in a number of ways, but I really just wanted to get back to my gin at that point. “Join me for a drink? I think I still have some change on my tab.”

  He looked at me thoughtfully for a minute and nodded. “I’d be happy to.”

  I picked up my glass as he walked up. Pouring the rest down my throat, I signaled the Barkeep. He threw down his rag and gave me a steely look as he walked over.

  “Could I get a drink for me and Tom here?”

  He planted both hands on the bar and dead panned, “Are you planning on pulling that pistol again?”

  I made a show of looking around the empty bar and cracked, “There’s no one left to shoot!”

  I could see he was a breath away from tossing me out. “Absolutely not!” I assured him. “Tell you what… why don’t we call my first tab closed,” I fished another twenty- dollar piece out of my vest and tossed it in front of him. “And I’ll start another.”

  His eyes lit up and he agreed. Twenty dollars was probably more than he made in tips for the week with his usual crowd. He reached up and grabbed the bottle. When he was finished pouring for me, he looked to Tom. “The usual, Tom?”

  “Nah. I’ll have what he’s having.”

  And so, our night began. I figured he’d had a few beers before I came in, so I didn’t expect him to match me drink for drink-but he did. After an awkward start, our conversation came naturally. We had enough in common to get connected, but there were enough differences to keep it interesting.

  We told each other a bit about our families and our lives, and then the conversation drifted into my uncle and the castle. He had me laughing over the rumors when he first started saying that William was a warlock or a devil worshiper. Not only did I dispel those notions, I went on to tell him a great many of my uncle’s talents and abilities. I knew Uncle Will would hate me talking about him so, but I have always been proud to know him and wanted everyone to know how great a man he really was.

  By the time we hit the quarter mark on the bottle, the barkeep, Fast Eddie –that’s who Tom introduced him as -- had joined us. I wondered if he was charging me for his drinks, but I was mellow enough not to really care.

  I asked Tom about the two men who were with his brother.

  To grimaced. “Barge rats! Least that’s what most folk call them. Showed up about a month ago on that big work barge. I figured they were here to shore up the rock around the trestle, but they haven’t done much of anything-that I can see!

  Older one’s the boss…forget his name, the other was just one of the crew.” He snorted. “They sure scooted when you pulled your 45 on us!”

  The conversation quickly turned to the ‘River Monster’ saga, and they both had a lot of wild stories they had heard. We kicked a few theories back and forth but soon lost interest and went on to solve the rest of the world’s problems. We were a third of the way into the second bottle, when our talked turned to the baby we had found. Eddie had heard a little about it, but Tom was totally ignorant of the affair. I’m afraid I let my tongue run away – like I always did when I had an audience -- and I told them everything I knew about it. Neither one had anything coherent to add to the situation, so we toasted the child and left it at that.

  Last I remember the conversation turned to Catty. Fast Eddie mentioned her, and I just had to pipe up.

  “Catty is a fine woman,” I announced. Tom arched an eyebrow at me, so I quickly amended that, “she’s a great person.”

  Tom chuckled and replied, “I’m glad you think so. You seem like the decent sort, Collin, and Catty is a grown woman, but she’s been through a lot this year.”

  Eddie pointed an unsteady finger at me and said loudly, “So keep your hands in your pockets when you’re around her!”

  “What?” I replied, indignant.

  “Well, you wouldn’t be the first rich man to have the maid turn down the bed --while you were in it!”

  Both Tom and I gave him a hard look. Eddie threw up his hands in surrender. Tom turned back to me and, in a drunken, dramatic manner said, “All I wanted to say was, even though Catty acts all tough…she’s going to be a bit fragile for a while.” He turned back to his drink, embarrassed by what he said.

  I clapped him on the shoulder. “I know,” I assured him. “When a person’s fiancé turns out to be a thief and a murderer, that will leave a mark!”

  Tom was shocked. “You know about that! She told you?”

  Even in my drunken stupor, I realized that I had said too much. I flapped my arm like a wounded duck and slurred, “Nah! Just a lucky guess.”

  15

  One minute I was draining my glass and the next I heard a familiar voice say, “What a mess!”, and the next I was lying in bed, staring at Catty’s cleavage.

  She gave a short scream, and I leapt off the opposite side to stand there- not really knowing where I was for a moment. My sudden motion set off a chain reaction in my body. My head felt like it cracked open and my stomach wanted to turn itself inside out. I was chilled from head to toe. Yet, it wasn’t until Catty put a hand over her eyes and turned her back to me that I fully realized my situation.

  I was standing in my bedroom at Uncle Will’s. Naked as a jaybird! I hopped quickly back in bed and pulled the blankets up to my neck. My embarrassment gave heat to my words.

  “What are you doing? Are you in the habit of ambushing people in bed?”

  Her back stiffened and she started
to turn back towards me. She lowered her hand to peek and when she saw me covered, she spoke. “I should say not! I didn’t even know you were in here. I always make the beds this time of day. Most folk are up and dressed long before 11 o’clock! I saw a lump of bedding and I pulled it back to straighten it and there you were! Then you started jumping around like one of Mr. Gillette’s frogs!”

  Since the last thing I remembered, before I woke, was having a drink on the other side of the river, I reasoned that I couldn’t be mad she woke me, even if every sound she made was like a kick in the temple to me. I was as hung over as I have ever been, and I couldn’t piece together my night before after a certain point. The memories were like bubbles in a pool of water that were slowly rising but hadn’t burst on the surface yet. Eleven o’clock! Good thing I was on vacation.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry…and I’m sorry I… exposed myself. I was startled. I…I didn’t really know where I was at first.” The effort of talking made me groan.

  Catty stepped over to me with a look of concern on her face. She put a hand to my forehead gently and asked, “Are you sick, Collin? Is that why you’re still in bed?”

  I smiled weakly, “Oh, I’m sick all right, but I know what ails me. Last thing I remember was having a drink at the inn with…” I stopped short as that part of the evening snapped into clarity.

  “With who?” Catty asked.

  I looked up and squinted when the sunlight pierced my eyeballs. “Shut those curtains and I’ll tell you a sad story. Maybe you’d better sit down.”

  I thought she would pull over a chair, but she just waved me over to the other side of the bed and sat down next to me. I was a little uncomfortable, but the door was wide open and what I had to tell her seemed to overshadow any decorum.

  I started slowly but gathered steam and I told her everything that occurred after the time I dropped her off until when she woke me up. Of course, I tried to show my actions in a better light, but I didn’t have to exaggerate Marquis’ meanness. Her eyes crossed when I told her what he said about my father. Of course, I left out any discussions about her, but I was honest about the rest. She seemed to take it mostly in stride, so I finished up with, “I’m truly sorry if this causes you any grief. If I knew they were all your brothers, I would have just walked away when Marquis started on me. I have a sister too.”

  She hadn’t said anything up to that point and I was worried about what was going to come out of her mouth. She took a deep breath and said, “So let me get this straight --you beat up one of my brothers, pull a gun on the others, and then end up drinking yourself into oblivion with the oldest.”

  “More or less,” I replied sheepishly.

  She started laughing. “Well, you know just how to get along with my family!” That wasn’t the reaction I thought I’d get, but I loved her for it.

  She patted me on the leg. “You don’t need to apologize, Collin. I know what my brothers are like. “As for Marquis, he’s one to talk! He’s either dallied with or tried to seduce every girl in the county! He doesn’t care about my virtue; he just likes to make trouble. And I’m sorry for what he said about your dad. That smart mouth of his is going to get him an early grave.” She shook her head angrily, “When I see him next...I’ll give him a piece of my mind he’ll never forget!”

  We were quiet momentarily, and then something came to me. “Well, maybe you shouldn’t be too hard on him. It’s that Matt that I’ll have words with if he crosses my path again!”

  “Matt Rainer? What’s he got to do with it?”

  I sat up straighter in bed. “You remember how he was hawking us on the ferry? Well, when I walked into the bar, he was sitting with Marquis and his friends and his jaw was flapping hard! I’ll bet he was filling your brother’s head with all kinds of garbage about us! He’s the one who got him riled up, I know it! And those two barge rats didn’t help either, I’ll wager.”

  “That trash!” She sneered. “Marquis told me once that they were going to be his ticket to the big time. I don’t see how, as they never seem to do a lick of work. Ever since he chummed up with those men, he’s been even more arrogant than ever! As for that Matt, I’ll slap his face when I see him next!”

  We were quiet again for a moment, until I said, “I hope my Uncle won’t be upset with me. I think I may have embarrassed him.”

  “You needn’t worry about that, Collin.” His voice came from just outside my door. Then, he stepped in with a grin across his face. Boy, he liked to make an entrance.

  “If Catherine is satisfied with your actions, who am I to take offence?”

  Both Catty and I froze at his appearance. “I pulled the blanket up to my neck and stammered, “Uncle Will! How long have you been standing out there?”

  He smirked. “Shortly after Catherine arrived. In fact, I was trying to head her off, as she didn’t know about your late, very adventurous night!”

  Before I could reply, Ozaki stormed in behind William. He stopped and planted his hands on his hips. “Catherine! Why are you in Master Corrin’s bed? Now is not the time for this! Get about your work!” Catty jumped up and glared back at the little man.

  “I was not IN his bed, I was ON it!”

  “What the difference?”

  She picked up the basket she brought in and stepped up to stare down at Ozaki.

  “The difference IS, if I was IN his bed, the door would have been locked!” With that, she stormed out of the room. The three of us looked at each other with stunned silence, and then we burst out laughing.

  William turned to Ozaki, “Remind me to remove the lock from that door.”

  “Aw, Geez Louise, Uncle Will,” I protested. “It isn’t like that. You heard what happened.”

  “More than I wished for, you scamp! Must you make a scene everywhere you go! I dare say I’ll be hearing from Rowan before long!”

  Now, I loved and respected the man, but I was not about to be lectured like a schoolboy. “Listen, I’m sorry it happened but none of it was my fault. I just wanted a little nightcap before I rode home. Besides, it all turned out OK. Marquis will live to mouth off to someone else and Tom and I became pretty good friends. All in all, things evened out for the better!”

  William grunted. “In so far as you remember! Tell me-do you have any recollections about your movements after you left the bar?”

  I tried to concentrate but with my pounding head I was drawing a blank.

  “Like I told Catty, one minute I was drinking with Tom and Fast Eddie, the next I was lying buck naked in this bed.”

  Ozaki and William looked at each other and laughed. William shook his head in mock despair. “Well, I am grateful that you weren’t hurt, and that you didn’t maim Marquis and you made a drinking buddy of Tom. Yet, your adventures weren’t over just yet.”

  I had a sinking feeling to add to my other miseries. “Oh, No,” I whimpered, “I didn’t do anything stupid, did I?”

  Ozaki and William looked at each other and grinned. “More foorish than stupid.” Ozaki judged.

  I could see that Uncle Will was trying to hold back a laugh while maintaining a stern face. “Apparently, our milkman found you, just before daybreak, out in front of the Inn. You were on your motorcycle, with the engine ignited, but the kickstand was still down.”

  It seemed incredible that I had no memory of it, but I asked, “So, I rode my bike back here?”

  This time, he couldn’t hold it back any longer and he barked a laugh. “Oh, No. The motor was running, but you were slumped over the handlebars, dead to the world. He tried to rouse you, but you didn’t stir, so he panicked and fetched the police officers on duty. They came and, after determining you weren’t dead. they loaded you into their car.”

  “So, they brought me home?”

  “Yes, it was very kind of them.” Then his face went serious. “Of course, that was AFTER they called the Chief Inspector and woke him from a sound sleep. Inspector Rowan directed the officers to bring you here rather than jail. Ozaki got
up and dragged you to your room.”

  I clutched my head to keep it from exploding with the next pulse beat. “I’m sorry, Uncle, Ozaki, for being such a pain. I must have drunk a lot more than I thought.”

  Thankfully, before I had to grovel anymore, Catty called up from the great room.

  “Mr. Gillette! Telephone! It’s Chief Inspector Rowan!”

  “William pulled out his watch and looked at it with a sigh and a smug look. It was before noon. He gave me a look and left to get the phone.

  Ozaki just stood there, grinning at me, like I was a vaudeville act.

  “Thank you for putting me to bed, Ozaki.” Then I cracked, “I don’t mind you undressing me-but do you think you could have put some pajamas on me?”

  The smile slid off his face. “What am I-your mother?”

  Before I could retort, William strode back into the room. “Get dressed, Collin. The Chief Inspector wants me to meet him at the Police dock as soon as possible.”

  Sounded interesting but I wasn’t sure I could make it to the toilet, much less back to town. “You go on, Uncle. I’ll catch up with you later when I’m alive again.”

  He shook his head. “Sorry, but he specifically directed me to bring you along!”

  Groaning, I swung my legs off the edge of the bed and waited a moment until the room stopped spinning. “Bet he said, ‘bring Watson with you!’” I growled.

  He chuckled. “Good guess! Now, hurry along. The Inspector has piqued my interest!” He bolted back out of the room. Ozaki shook his head and laughed, then followed him out.

  I guess my interest was roused also because my curiosity overcame my revulsion of moving as I completed my waking rituals and dressed quickly. I was down in the kitchen, where Uncle Will was already dressing for the road. He gestured to a plate on the counter that had a muffin on it and a bottle of Coca-Cola next to it.

  “Drink that down and eat the muffin if you think you can keep it down. I don’t want you throwing up on me or my motorcycle! Regardless whether you eat, drink the Coca-Cola.”