Only with You

by Lea Coll

  “Oh yeah. I forgot. He runs a charity too,” Avery said.

  “Let me know if he needs any help with his charity. I’m loving doing the groundwork for your nonprofit,” Dylan said.

  “I’m sure he’d love that. He pays for a lot of the supplies out of his own pocket. Maybe there’s an organization that could help fund the renovations?”

  She tapped her lips with her finger as if she was already formulating plans. “Let me go do some research.”

  “Dylan’s amazing,” I said to Avery.

  “She is. We’re lucky to have her here. She’s the heart around here.”

  She totally was. She brought in clients, she drummed up excitement, and everything she was doing for Kids Speak was great for the firm.

  At six p.m., my phone buzzed with an incoming text. I blew out a breath and kneaded my neck to work out the cramp from leaning over files all day. After drinking a sip of my now cold coffee, I swiped my screen.

  Cade: Can I see you tonight?

  Warmth filled my chest despite the cold coffee I’d just drank. I loved that he’d asked. That he made me feel special.

  Hadley: Sure.

  Cade: Are you still at work, or are you at home?

  I glanced at the clock. His class should be over by seven.

  Hadley: I’m at work.

  Cade: Can you wait for me?

  I wanted to see him.

  Hadley: I’ll wait.

  When his class was almost over, I put away the files and tidied my desk. I walked through the empty office, turning off lights as I went. When I opened the door, Cade stood there in his work-out pants and T-shirt smelling of soap like he’d just showered.

  My stomach flipped. He looked so handsome. Was it possible to set limits to our relationship when each time I saw him, he drew me in closer? Each time we talked, I fell deeper into him.

  “Hey, you could have waited inside.” His voice was gravelly, his eyes taking me in from head to toe.

  I turned to the door to lock up, loving that he couldn’t wait to see me again when we’d spent every evening together. “I was done anyway. I thought I’d come over while you cleaned up.”

  “I let class out a few minutes early, showered, and locked up.”

  We stood, facing each other. I wondered if he’d ended class early because he couldn’t wait to see me. Other than Colin, I’d never been the most important person in someone’s life.

  “Want to go for a walk?” He raised his brow.

  “Sure.” I placed my briefcase strap on my shoulder.

  “I’ve been thinking about us a lot. I said something last weekend and maybe I didn’t explain myself very well. I want you to know that what we have is different from what I had with Caroline. I don’t want you to think I spend time comparing you, but it is different in my mind. You’re different people. Our relationships are different. Not in a bad way. In the best way possible.”

  My cheeks flushed at the memory of what he’d shared and how we’d only grown closer this week. “You said you wanted to be my boyfriend. You didn’t do anything wrong. You were being honest.”

  I wanted to know the depth of his pain, but I couldn’t push—I wouldn’t. I barely took in the bars we passed, the laughter filtering through the closed doors, the couple who passed by, arm-in-arm with large smiles on their faces. They only had eyes for each other. Would I ever have that with Cade?

  He interlaced my fingers with his. “I’m only telling you this because I do see a future with you. I’m hoping you can be patient with me.”

  My eyes whipped to his. I almost expected him to say he’d never love anyone like he’d loved Caroline. My heart soared—was it possible he could love again? Or was that too much to hope for so soon?

  I should walk away when the pain would be minimal. But if I stayed, I knew without a doubt I’d fall hopelessly in love with him. He’d have all the power to walk away and leave me in pieces.

  If I continued this thing with him—would he take steps back when I got too close—when he felt too much, or would he relax and let us see where this could go? There was no way to know for sure. I’d have to give him a chance. “Okay.”

  He smiled softly. “Yeah?”

  I sighed. Maybe it was time to tell him I understood what he was going through. “I was twelve when my mom died, so I understand grief. I know it’s different when it’s a parent versus a spouse. My mother was my past, but your wife was your future. You mourned the loss of your future when I’d mourned my past. It’s similar, but not the same.”

  He was quiet as he processed my words. I could move on, but could he? Could he let someone into his life again? Not just temporarily but to fill all the crevices of his heart and his life?

  When I saw him standing outside my office door, my heart ached for him. I’d never be satisfied with scraps or pieces of him—not when I deserved all someone had to give. If at some point, it became too much, or he wasn’t willing to give more—I’d have to decide if it was enough.

  “I’m sorry about your mother. I suspected she wasn’t in the picture, but I didn’t want to bring up any painful memories.”

  “You didn’t. It was so long ago I barely remember what it was like to have her in my life.” In some ways, I’d blocked that time so it would be easier to move on but I suspected Cade didn’t have that same luxury.

  Cade

  I wanted to support her, help her, and love her the way she deserved, but I didn’t know if I was capable of being that man. My mind drifted to my conversation with Nolan—how I needed to talk to my parents and include Hadley. It was a way to show her I was serious about her.

  The light breeze tickled my scalp. We leisurely walked around the couples and families congregating by the water. Their laughter filtered out over the water.

  Hadley wrapped her arms around herself, shivering.

  “Here.” I pulled off my hoodie before handing it to her.

  “Thanks.” Pulling the large hoodie over her head, it dropped down to engulf her. I grabbed her hand—the coolness of her fingers couldn’t alleviate the warmth in my body at the thought she was mine. I didn’t want to screw this up. I didn’t want to push her away. I wanted to absorb her goodness—her warmth, her smell, and the love she freely offered me. I wanted to be the man who deserved her.

  I may not have talked to Caroline about moving forward, but I knew now she wouldn’t begrudge me happiness. I deserved to feel again—the breeze on my face, the warmth of her skin, and her soft hair. I stopped, still holding onto her hand as I brushed her hair behind her ear. She looked so small, almost vulnerable in my sweatshirt. My heart burst with emotion—with feelings I couldn’t name yet. But there was no need to rush. I could take my time. Get to know her and me again. I could reinvent myself.

  “What?” She licked her lips, drawing my eyes down.

  “I was just thinking about how beautiful you are.”

  Her lips curved up. “Thank you.”

  I dipped my head to her shoulder and drew her closer to my body. I barely registered the people who walked around us. It was only me and her standing in the moonlight. I closed my eyes. I never wanted this moment to end.

  This moment was perfect. It was worth holding onto. Hadley had slipped under my skin as if she’d been there forever. “Hadley,” I breathed before my lips touched hers in the barest—lightest of touches.

  “Cade.”

  I opened my eyes to look into hers—worry and concern warred in the depths of her blue eyes. I stroked her jaw. I’d protect her. I’d do everything in my power to be worthy of her. “My parents have a family dinner every Sunday night.”

  “Yeah?” She tilted her head slightly.

  “I’d like you to come.”

  She opened her mouth to answer, but I covered her parted lips with my thumb. “There’s more. I haven’t been as close to my parents since Caroline died. I have to apologize. To make things right. I should do it on my own, but I don’t want to. I want you with me.” For the first time
, I wondered if she’d say no. Would she be uncomfortable?

  “Of course, I’ll be there for you.” The worry cleared from her eyes until all that was left was yearning.

  “Thank you. Sometimes, I feel like I don’t deserve to love again.”

  “You deserve everything.” She didn’t hesitate. She said it with such certainty I wanted to believe her.

  Instead of arguing with her, I kissed her. I kissed her until her lips were swollen and I forgot everything but her.

  Chapter Twenty

  HADLEY

  The next morning I was still riding the high of our perfect evening walk as I sipped my coffee. What he’d said was everything I wanted to hear so I tried to ignore the small voice in my head that told me to be cautious, to hold myself back. When I looked into his eyes, surrounded in the warmth and scent of his sweatshirt, his hand cupping my cheek, his thumb on my lips—I wanted to lean into him and soak in his words. I wanted to believe I was enough to overcome everything—both of our pasts and our future.

  Cade walked into the kitchen, smelling of soap, his hair still wet from the shower. “You want to come with me this morning? Nolan and I are revealing one of the homes we renovated.”

  I turned to face him. “The family won’t mind if I’m there?”

  He placed both hands on the counter behind me and leaned in to nuzzle my neck before pulling back to answer, “No, I called yesterday and asked if it was okay. I said you were running your own nonprofit and hoped to gain some ideas.” Cade shrugged. “I know our nonprofits are different, but it might be beneficial to observe and I want you there. I want you to see what I do.”

  “I’d love to come.” I smiled up at him. I was giddy he’d asked me to go with him.

  He leaned down to kiss me before taking a few steps to pour his coffee. “I could get used to having you in my home every morning.”

  “Me too.” I didn’t want to get too comfortable, but it was nice waking up to him.

  “I’ll whip up some pancakes and then we can stop by your apartment for you to change.”

  “Sounds perfect.” I sat on the barstool so I could observe him cook.

  He grabbed pancake mix from the pantry, milk and eggs from the fridge and placed them on the counter between us. “It’s a mix from a box, but it will get the job done.”

  “When are you planning on renovating the kitchen?” I asked, looking around at the room. So far, it looked like he’d taken down the wall between the two rooms but hadn’t touched anything else.

  He poured the ingredients into a bowl. “So far, I’ve been in demo-mode in the rest of the house because I can’t seem to figure out what I want to do first or how it should look. I’m waiting to do the kitchen until I can come up with a plan. I have this mental block when it comes to my own home. Normally, I can see exactly how the space should look before I start.”

  “Wow. That’s incredible. I don’t have that same vision. I need to look at pictures for inspiration. Not that I’ve had a place to renovate before. I mean, for accents and decorations.”

  “I’ve done so many renos. I have an idea of what people want or don’t want, but no idea of what I want.” He turned on the stove and poured the mix into the pan.

  “Hmm.” I wasn’t sure what to tell him. “I guess it would make sense to finish the bathrooms first and do the kitchen last?”

  “Makes sense. If you’re around, I might cook more.” He winked before turning to the stove to check the pancakes.

  I considered the space and the view of the water from the kitchen since he’d knocked down the adjoining wall. “Maybe bright white cabinets. They’re clean and will open up the room even more.”

  Cade flipped the pancakes before turning to brace his hands on the island counter. “I like that.”

  I didn’t know if I’d overreached in suggesting it, but he hadn’t seemed to mind. I wouldn’t be surprised if he chose white.

  We ate quickly before stopping at my apartment so that I could change.

  When we were on our way to the family’s home, Cade told me about the family’s needs. “Their son was injured last year when a large branch fell on his head. He suffered brain damage and isn’t able to speak or walk.”

  “That’s heartbreaking. I can’t even imagine.” I mentally prepared myself, so I wouldn’t get upset when I met him.

  “He’s the cutest little kid with blue eyes and spiked blond hair. When they submitted their request, I didn’t even have to think twice about it. I wanted a home that would make it easier for the parents to maneuver his chair around. We widened doorways and lowered countertops. We also added an in-law suite because the grandparents are moving in to help with his care.”

  “I know I’ve said it before, but what you’re doing is amazing. Are you paying for all of the work or you set up to receive donations too?”

  “At first, I was paying for everything out of my pocket, but Nolan started a website where we could post the family’s stories with before and after pics. I always ask the family before I post any before and after pics. Some prefer privacy. The pictures helped spread the word.”

  “It’s a feel-good story that people can get behind.” Although, most of the people I’d grown up around would prefer to donate for the accolades and didn’t care to see the results of their donations.

  “Exactly. Sometimes people receive grants from other charities who raise money or even from the state and we use those funds in the renovation.”

  That was interesting. “Maybe you could partner with a charity that raises the money so that you can focus on renovations.”

  “I’ve thought about it. At first, I wasn’t sure if I would continue to do this, but I love it. Each time we meet with a family and come up with a plan, the family is so excited and happy to have someone doing something for them. Sometimes, they don’t even know what they want or need and we research it for them. We’ll talk to their therapists and doctors and develop a plan.”

  “I didn’t realize so much went into it.” He went above and beyond to ensure these families were set for years to come.

  “I try to anticipate what they’ll need, so they’re not frustrated with the space. I want it to work for them.”

  We pulled down a long driveaway to a rancher and parked behind a truck. There was a large black van parked to the left of the truck.

  “This house is all one floor which is perfect for this family. We added the in-law suite, but it’s separate from the house.” He pointed to the right of the home where there was a new addition, joined to the main house by a screened-in porch.

  “Is this the first time the family has seen the finishing touches?” I asked as Nolan got out of the truck in front of us and made his way to ours.

  “They haven’t been here since we visited the first time and went over their needs and wants.”

  Nolan leaned down to talk through Cade’s open window. “You ready for the big reveal?”

  “Yes, I’m so excited to see their reaction.” I hadn’t even seen the house or met the family, but I was confident they’d be ecstatic with their new home.

  Nolan stepped back and opened Cade’s door. “Let’s go, then.”

  “Do you help with the renovations too?” I asked Nolan as I rounded the hood to meet them.

  “I do when I have time between jobs. I’m hoping to go into business with this guy and I’ll have more time for these kinds of projects.”

  Before I could respond, Cade held his hand out to a blonde woman in her late thirties. “Thank you for meeting us this morning, Mrs. Wallen. This is my girlfriend, Hadley, and you met my brother, Nolan.”

  “Nice to meet you. We’re so excited to see what you’ve done.” A man with a receding hairline rounded the van and placed his arm around her. There was excitement in their eyes but sadness too.

  “This is my husband, Ned Wallen.”

  “Nice to meet you. I hope it’s okay that I’m here today too.”

  “Of course. I don’t mind. Let me get Kai o
ut of the van and we can go inside.”

  “Do you need any help?” Cade asked.

  Mr. Wallen opened the side door to lower the ramp for the wheelchair. “No. Thank you. We’ve got this.”

  “I’ll go unlock the front door.” Nolan walked on the sidewalk leading to the porch and front door. There were three rocking chairs and a swing on the front porch. All had comfortable pillows and there was a small table.

  I wondered if Cade had bought those items too. If so, he’d made an effort to make the home inviting as well as functional.

  I waited next to Cade while the Wallens rolled Kai’s wheelchair out of the van. Kai was just as Cade described, except his legs were in braces and his beautiful blue eyes were unfocused. His hands rested on top of each other limply. I took a deep breath to stop the tears. I was sure the Wallens had enough pity in the last year. This was supposed to be a happy moment for them.

  Cade crouched down in front of Kai and touched his hand. “Morning, Kai. Are you ready to see your new house? I brought my girlfriend, Hadley, to meet you.”

  Kai didn’t react at all, but it was sweet for Cade to treat him as if he could.

  I crouched down next to Kai and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Kai. I can’t wait to see your new house.”

  At the Wallens’ soft smiles, we stood and followed the Wallens to the porch to the double front doors.

  Nolan opened both doors so they could easily fit inside.

  As soon as Mrs. Wallen entered the home, her hands flew to her mouth. We stepped in behind her, waiting for her to move further inside the home. It was a large open space for the kitchen, living room, and dining room.

  “You said you were going to widen doorways, make the bathrooms handicapped accessible, and lower counters. You didn’t say you were going to tear down the walls.” Mrs. Wallen looked from Cade to Nolan.

  I couldn’t gauge if she was happy or upset.

  “We were going to widen the walls, but it made more sense to open everything up so you can see Kai wherever you are.”