Before I Die

by Nikki Ash

  “Ethan!” Logan barks, losing the little bit of resolve he was hanging on to. “You don’t understand! Felix doesn’t fuck around, and Nevaeh’s been promised to him, and he won’t stop until he has her. He’s going to kill me!” He tries to shove past me, but I push him, and he stumbles backward a couple feet before he lands on his ass.

  “If you step foot on this property again, my men have been ordered to shoot you without question.”

  “What the fuck?” Logan cries. “You’re willing to risk all of our lives for some virgin piece of pussy?”

  His words set me off, and before I can stop myself, I’m grabbing him by his collar and picking him up off the ground. “Don’t you ever speak about her like that,” I bark. “Ever!” Holding him by his shirt with one hand, I punch him with the other. His face swings to the side and blood gushes from his mouth.

  “Ethan,” a voice says, stopping me from taking another hit.

  My dad.

  “He’s not worth it,” he says. Then to Logan he adds, “Leave now, or I will kill you.”

  I let go of Logan’s shirt and he scrambles down the driveway back to his car. The guy shouldn’t be driving in his state, but there’s no way I’m going to stop him. So instead I text Rosco to follow him to make sure he doesn’t kill anyone on his way to wherever he’s going. I also want to know if he goes straight to that guy Felix.

  Once Logan’s gone, my dad speaks. “I heard everything.”

  I turn to face him. “I’m going to have to kill him.”

  My dad releases a harsh breath, but doesn’t say anything.

  “I can’t take the chance,” I add, remembering the last time I made a grave error in judgement. “Not again.”

  Twelve Years Ago

  “I feel like a hippo,” Kelsi whines, rubbing her protruding belly as we walk out of Dad’s casino so we can head home. Well, home, as in my dad’s place. We’ve started looking at places of our own, but Mom said Kelsi will need help and asked us to stay for at least a few months, saying she can be there to help. Kelsi, who has never had a real family of her own, agreed.

  “Well, if it’s any consolation, you look beautiful.” She’s eight months pregnant and complains every day about how big and uncomfortable she is.

  She, of course, scoffs. “I don’t feel like it.”

  “Only a few more weeks and our little princess will be here.”

  “I can’t wait.”

  We step outside and the lights hit Kelsi’s face, showing her beaming smile. Taking her hand in mine, I lead us around the side, toward my car. It’s late and quiet outside, but in the distance you can hear the noise coming from the boardwalk.

  “Want to take a walk?” I ask her, nodding toward the pier.

  “Nah.” She shakes her head. “I’m really tired.”

  “Okay.” I bend slightly and kiss her forehead. “How about when we get home I’ll run you a bath and massage your feet?”

  “Now, that I can get onboard with,” Kelsi says, reaching on her tiptoes to kiss me. “I love you.”

  I hit the key fob on my door, and it beeps.

  As I’m reaching for the door, a man calls out my name.

  When he steps closer, I notice he’s dressed in an expensive suit, but it’s rumpled like he’s been wearing it for days instead of hours.

  “I was looking for your father, but you will do,” he slurs, putting me on high alert.

  I move slightly to my left to stand in front of Kelsi. I would tell her to get in the car, but I don’t want to draw more attention to her than necessary.

  The man stumbles forward and Kelsi pushes herself into my back. She’s scared.

  “I lost my job,” the guy says. “My wife left me… I need something, anything. Just enough to hold me over.” He steps closer. His hands are shaking. He’s coming down. He must be someone my dad sells to, and based off what he’s just said, he must owe my dad enough that he cut him off.

  “Please, man,” he begs. “I have nowhere else to go. No dealer will sell to me.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say, trying to hurry along this conversation. “I can tell him you came by looking for him…”

  “Frank,” the man says. “My name is Frank. I’m sure you have something on you, right? Just something to tide me over until your father and I can talk? I have a job interview tomorrow, and I think it’ll go good. Then I’ll be able to pay him what I owe him.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything on me. I can relay a message to him…”

  “How about you relay this?”

  I see Frank reach behind him and, knowing where he’s going with this, I reach for my gun quicker. Before he can even point, I shoot, and he drops to the ground.

  “Oh my God!” Kelsi shrieks.

  “Let’s go.” I swing the door open and rush her into the car—my only goal to get her to safety.

  On the way home, I call my dad and tell him what’s happened, and he says he’ll send someone to clean up the mess. Only when his guy gets there, Frank is no longer there.

  “I knew this shit would happen!” my mom yells. “You’re in over your head, and Ethan is expecting a baby. This isn’t how it was supposed to be.”

  “I’m handling it,” Dad says calmly.

  “How?” Mom shrieks. “He’s going to end up in jail! His daughter will be fatherless!” Mom paces across the room, while Kelsi stays glued to my side. She’s shaking, probably in shock from watching me shoot the guy.

  “I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen,” Dad says, stepping toward her.

  Mom takes a step back and Dad flinches.

  “I can’t do this anymore,” she says, her voice cracking. “Something has to give. This isn’t the life I want for us, for our son and his future wife, and especially not for our grandchild.”

  A harsh, humorless laugh leaves Dad. “You wanted this life when I bought you this house.” His arms spread open. “When you bought those shoes, those clothes.” He points to Mom. “When you’re getting your hair done every other damn week.”

  “I don’t want it at the expense of our family,” she argues.

  “You knew what you were getting when you spread your legs for me,” Dad says. “When you begged me to knock you up so we could start a family. When you picked out your fucking wedding ring.”

  “I was young!” Mom cries, tears flying down her cheeks. “Please, Drew. Your son and his fiancée were almost killed tonight. If he didn’t shoot the guy first, they would be dead.”

  “You’re just on edge,” Dad says. “Let’s go to bed and talk about this in the morning.”

  I expect Mom to argue some more, but instead she simply nods and goes upstairs quietly.

  “Ethan,” Kelsi says once we’re alone. “Maybe your mom is right. You could quit working for your dad and get a normal job. And after the baby is born, I could get one too.”

  “This job pays more than anything you or I could find,” I tell her. “I’m an eighteen-year-old with no job experience, and you can’t get a job, Kels. You said you want to be home with our little girl.”

  “I’m scared,” she admits.

  “You have nothing to be scared of,” I tell her, pulling her into my side and kissing her temple. “I will always protect you and our baby.”

  “Ethan,” Dad says, bringing me back to the present. “We’ll figure this out.” He places a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Let me ask around and see what I can find out. For now, Nevaeh will stay here, and we’ll add some additional security. Your mom will be here with her as well, so when we’re at work she won’t be alone.”

  I’ve never known my dad to take the ‘safe’ route. If this had happened a couple months ago, he would’ve put the hit on Logan and Felix himself. We don’t take chances. Not since…

  Unsure what to make of this “new” man, I simply nod and walk past him toward the house. If he wants to play it safe because my mom is back, that’s on him, but I’m not taking a chance with Nevaeh. I’ll just have to handle it mys
elf.

  When I get upstairs, I find Nevaeh lying in her bed, cuddled up with her blankets. When she hears the door squeak open, she looks up, her eyes filled with fat tears.

  “My mom called and left a voicemail. Stephen’s apartment caught on fire. They’re saying he was in it and must’ve been sleeping. He died in the fire. She said the police called and notified her.”

  I nod once, waiting to see how she’s going to react. When she told me she and her parents would need closure, my initial thought was that’s not my fucking problem. But then I looked into her sad eyes and it was as if a switch in me clicked on. I couldn’t stand the thought of being the reason she’s sad. It might not have been me who pulled the trigger, but Logan worked for me, and somewhere along the way I lost control of him. I stopped paying attention, got too comfortable. So, her brother getting that far in over his head, the situation escalating the way it did, Logan doing shady shit behind my back, is all on me. And because of that, I made a call, and it was handled.

  “My heart hurts all over again,” Nevaeh says, clutching her hand to her chest. “I already knew he was dead, but it still hurts like the wound is fresh.”

  When she rubs her chest with her palm, I cut across the room and get into her bed with her. She scoots several inches forward to give me room, and I slip in behind her, kicking my loafers off and onto the floor. One arm snakes around her waist and the other slides under her head. As her head lifts slightly to lie on my arm and she leans back into my chest, I ignore the foreign feeling panging in my chest. It’s been years since I’ve allowed myself to feel anything, and I refuse to acknowledge what’s happening between Nevaeh and me.

  “I have to call her back,” Nevaeh adds softly. “She’s going to plan the funeral, and I’ll have to be there.”

  “And you will be there.”

  She stiffens momentarily before she squirms a little to get comfortable. Her ass is backed up to my front, and it takes everything in me to ignore the way it rubs against my dick. The way her entire body fits perfectly against mine. I close my eyes, trying like hell to push away the crazy thoughts going through my head, but then a drop of liquid hits my arm, and I find myself holding her that much tighter. Her body sinks into mine, and she sighs in contentment.

  As we lie here together, in comfortable silence, I think about everything that’s happened over the last week. Fuck, it feels like it’s been a damn year.

  Another drop of liquid hits my arm, and I burrow my face into Nevaeh’s neck. “Shh, Angel. I know right now it hurts, but it’ll get easier. I promise.”

  “How am I going to go to his funeral?” she asks after a minute. “I can’t bring this to my parents’ front door. If I show up for the funeral, Logan is going to follow. When is this going to end? Will I ever be able to leave?”

  She’s right. He will. I saw the desperation in his eyes. He’s going to be waiting for the perfect opportunity to take her. I don’t think her parents or her friend are at risk. That guy Felix wants Nevaeh because she’s a virgin, and while he could find another one, he wants what was promised to him. In our world, if you let someone get away with fucking you over, you lose all the respect you’ve earned. The people who fear you will question whether they should be afraid. Guys trying to come up will use the situation to rise, while pushing you down.

  At this point, Felix wanting her is about him proving he can have her, and that means he’ll stop at nothing to make sure he gets her. And since he’s using Logan to do his dirty work, he’ll be putting pressure on him to get the job done, and that makes Logan that much more dangerous and unpredictable.

  I could go to the funeral with her, put a couple guards on her, but Logan isn’t going to go away. I only have one option.

  “I’m going to have to kill him,” I murmur. “Both of them.” Even if I take Logan out of the equation, Felix isn’t going to stop until he has her, and I can’t risk that.

  Nevaeh flips over to face me, her brows furrowed and her brown eyes wide. “What do you mean ‘both of them’?”

  “Logan is hell-bent on getting you because he promised you to a man named Felix. He runs a sex trafficking ring. The only way to stop them from coming for you is to kill them both.”

  “No.” She shakes her head. “I can’t be responsible for someone else’s death, let alone two.”

  Jesus fuck, this woman. She has men coming after her, trying to kidnap and sell her, and she’s worried about them.

  “I can’t risk it,” I tell her. “And in case you forgot, Logan killed your brother, which I just found out tonight was because your brother knew about the sex trafficking and was threatening to take them down. These guys are selling women. If your brother were alive, he would still be working to bring them down. Nobody is going to miss them. Trust me.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” she says, sniffling. “My brother is gone, and it’s not your right to take their lives. When the time comes, they’ll be judged by God.”

  Is she fucking serious?

  “Fuck that! They’re going to be judged by me.” I move into a sitting position and pull Nevaeh up with me, not wanting to lose our contact. “I can’t sit around and wait for them to take you.” I frame her face with my hands, so she’s forced to look at me.

  “Then go to the police,” she pleads.

  “Like you did?”

  “You have them in your pocket,” she points out. “You can make them listen to you.” She wraps her arms around me and her delicate fingers thread through the back of my hair. “Please, Ethan.”

  “I can’t risk it,” I tell her again. “Guys like Logan and Felix aren’t men you underestimate. The last time I did—” I clamp my mouth shut, realizing what I was about to say.

  “The last time you did, what?” Nevaeh scoots closer to me, if that’s even possible. “Talk to me, please. What happened?”

  I look into her innocent eyes and take a deep breath. Maybe if she knows about my past, she’ll understand why my only option is to kill Logan and Felix.

  “I was engaged once,” I begin slowly. “Her name was Kelsi and she was pregnant with my daughter.”

  Nevaeh jerks back, but I ignore her reaction, focusing on the words I need to speak.

  Nevaeh

  “I was engaged once. Her name was Kelsi and she was pregnant with my daughter.”

  The words swirl around in my brain as I try to make sense of them. Ethan obviously isn’t engaged anymore, and he hasn’t mentioned having a daughter. But then again, what do I really know about him? He’s spent half the time since I met him avoiding me, and the other half getting to know my body.

  “You have a daughter?” I blurt out.

  “Yes, but…” He clears his throat and grabs ahold of my hips.

  Worried he’ll try to push me away, I cover his hands with mine and meet his eyes, trying to convey silently I’m not going anywhere.

  He gives me a slight nod then starts talking. “When I was fourteen I fell in love with my best friend. Kelsi Sternum.”

  I listen as Ethan tells me a beautiful yet heartbreaking love story about him and Kelsi. They met when they were little and she came from a horrible family. His took her in and loved her like their own.

  When he gets to the part about her falling pregnant, his eyes glisten at the memory. He describes how beautiful she was carrying his baby, how she would complain all the time, but he knew she really loved being pregnant. They set up the nursery, and even though they were scared, they were also excited.

  When he gets to the part where he shot a man who was coming off drugs, the tears that were trapped fall. “Dad didn’t have valet parking,” Ethan explains. “And security cameras weren’t up yet. Dad and his men searched for days for the guy. He couldn’t have possibly vanished off the face of the earth. They searched the hospitals, asked the cops. Nobody had seen him.”

  He goes quiet and swallows thickly, and a shiver runs up my spine, realizing this story isn’t going to end well.

  “Kelsi was due in a coupl
e weeks and decided to surprise me at work for lunch. She said once the baby came, quiet lunches would cease to exist.” Ethan takes a deep breath, and I remain quiet, allowing him to tell his story at his own pace.

  “I walked her out to her car and kissed her goodbye. I even watched her drive away.” He scrubs his hands over his face. “I was at my desk running some numbers about an hour later when I got a call from the hospital. Kelsi was found on the side of the road in bad shape. According to the guy who called nine-one-one, she was already in that condition when he found her.”

  Ethan closes his eyes and a single tear snakes its way down his cheek. Using my thumb, I swipe it up, which has him reopening his eyes and meeting mine. “It was Frank,” he says. “Later, we found him and tortured him until he admitted to it. He ran out in front of her car, and when she slammed on her brakes, he yanked her out of it and beat her then left her there.”

  I swallow down my gasp, but my hands go to Ethan’s cheeks, needing to touch him in some way to comfort him. The story isn’t over. If she and the baby survived, he wouldn’t be looking at me like he is right now.

  “When I got to the hospital, she wouldn’t see me. The nurse took pity on me and told me she lost the baby… our daughter. Her placenta tore from the beating and she didn’t get to the hospital in time.”

  “Oh, Ethan.” I try to keep my own tears at bay, but my heart aches for him and everything he’s lost.

  “My mom left my dad that night. Said she couldn’t do it anymore. And then Kelsi left me.” Ethan shifts slightly and lifts his shirt to expose his tattoo. “Never forget. It’s to remind me what I lost because of the decisions I made.”

  He drops his shirt and pulls me back into his arms.