Break my heart (Estate Series 1)

by Georgia Plumb

  Feeling my back pocket vibrate, I pull out my phone to see a message I didn’t think I’d get tonight.

  Hayley: Hey Becca, I know you haven’t been back in town long, but I miss you honey, I could really do with seeing you. He isn’t here tonight.

  Putting my phone back in my pocket I move over to Sherri and Gavin “Shez, I’ve got to go, I’ve got to check on someone” I tell her, “Is everything okay? Is it your mum?” she asks, Sherri knows my mum can be a pain, but she doesn’t know the extent of how bad it is. If she did, she would know I would not go to her if she texted. “Yeh, she’s stuck at a bar, so I’ve got to go get her” I lie “Are you ready to go?” I ask, planning to drop her home beforehand “I can take her back Becca, No worries” Gavin answers with a smile. That is not a good idea “Erm, I don’t think so buddy” Brady pipes up, coming to my side. I didn’t even realise he’d followed me, but I should have expected it with how he reacted to Gavin dancing with her. “I’ll be taking her home” Brady declares as he pulls Sherri into his side.

  Way too much testosterone in here.

  I had expected her to tear him a new one, but now I look closer at her, she’s started swaying, which means she’s carried on drinking and is well on the way to being wasted. “You got her?” I ask Brady, knowing he will look after her eases my leaving “I’ll get her home babe. You know I will” nodding, I start making my way out of the house. Reid’s chair is noticeably empty as I pass, I try to ignore it as I leave the party and make my way back to my car.

  Moments like this is when I’m glad I don’t really drink, only having that one rum and coke means thankfully I’m fine to drive. Starting my car, I turn on my Bluetooth and shuffle my playlist, I Prevails Breaking Down blares through my speakers as I make my way down to my end of the estate. I pass my house and park on the drive 3 doors down, looking up at a house I never thought I would end up at again. Locking the car, I walk up the path and use my key, letting myself in I notice how dark it is inside, something is up tonight.

  Making my way through the hall I notice a figure on the sofa in the front room “WHOS THAT!” it shouts, “It’s me! it’s Becca” I walk over to the lamp on the other side of the sofa, keeping my eyes on her the whole time “I’m going to turn on the light Hayley ok?” I need to give some warning so not to spook her, learnt my lesson from that years ago. Switching on the light I see her under a blanket on the sofa, a book in her hand like a weapon. She visibly relaxes when she sees its me “Sorry Hayley, I shouldn’t have used my key. I didn’t mean to scare you” I feel awful that I gave her such a fright. But she wouldn’t have opened the door if I knocked, but we won’t mention that “Its ok pet. I’m just a bit jumpy tonight…..thank you for coming over, I missed you while you were away. Calls and emails just aren’t the same thing y’know” she says as she puts the book down and gestures me over for a hug, “Reid isn’t here tonight, so I hoped you would come by and see me. To be honest, he’s not here much anymore ever. He still comes by and checks on me…. but he’s not my little boy anymore” she says sadly. If Reid knew I was here he would probably have a fit, but his mum is the mum I’ve always wanted. She’s always been warm and comforting when my mother wasn’t, she took care of me when I was hungry and lonely. I promised her I’ll always be there for her, even if her son tried to banish me from both their lives.

  “How are you doing Hayley? Bad day?” I ask, Hayley suffers with severe depression, some days are better than others, but getting that message from her makes me think she’s not coping today, “I won’t lie becks, the demons have been snapping at my heels today. Been exhausting keeping them at bay, but just having you closer to home is already making me feel better” she says with a sigh of relief. She’s such a strong lady, I’ve always looked up to her, she’s amazing. “I’ll put the kettle on” She’s going to want tea when we have our catch up, tea is life in this house.

  I make my way through to the kitchen to flick the kettle on and grab the mugs. Looking around everything has stayed the same since I was last in this kitchen. It was the highlight of my days coming here, getting away from it all at home, this place became an escape, and Reid was my saviour…. until he wasn’t.

  Stepping back into the front room with the mugs, we sit on the sofa and have a catch up. Hayley tells me she has a new councillor who is really helping her cope with her depression, her face lights up when she talks about him… something is going on there for sure. We talk for an hour until I tell her it’s time for me to get home, if I’m out much later mum will catch me. As I walk past the front window I notice car headlights, Ah shit, they’re mine. Walking out to try it, I turn the key and nothing happens, damn battery is dead. I try a couple more times pleading with it to start, but it just carries on making a clicking noise until it goes silent all together.

  Crap.

  Going back into the house I tell Hayley about my car “Well you can stay here dear, I can’t have you walking back in the dark” she protests, “Its fine, I’m only three doors down” mums going to kill me either way, by now she will be way past drunk “I will not have you walking back in the dark. I’ve got a bedroom free as Reid won’t be staying in it. It would be lovely to have some company too” she says with a shy smile. She’s pulling on my strings, knowing I hate being at home and that I can’t resist when she says she lonely, but to stay in Reid’s room? I mean when we were together, I stayed there almost every night, but that feels like a lifetime ago.

  I will admit, staying in his room where I feel safe again would be amazing, and I don’t fancy going home to my mum passed out on the sofa “Okay, but just tonight. I’ll make us some breakfast in the morning to say thank you” I say apprehensively, “That would be lovely honey. See you in the morning, you know where to find everything” she says as she walks up the stairs.

  Making my way to Reid’s bedroom I’m a little overcome with excitement of seeing it all again. Pushing open the door it’s like a blast from the past walking in here, everything is pretty much how I remember it, dark blue walls with his favourite band posters up, king size bed in the middle of the room with dark blue sheets, it makes me almost want to cry, but I bottle it up and walk over to the on suit. I get my teeth brushed, borrowing Reid’s toothbrush and wash off my makeup, trying to leave everything as I found it so hopefully he doesn’t know someone has been in here. I walk back into the bedroom and realise I have nothing to sleep in, going to the party in my little black wrap dress was a good idea up until now, and I refuse to sleep in a bra.

  Way too uncomfortable.

  Opening Reid’s t-shirt draw I pick up one of his black tee’s, it smells just like him, I can’t resist but to inhale it, that may make me a creeper, but this is the closest I’ve been to him in 2 years. Slipping off my dress and bra I make the decision to sleep in his t-shirt, he won’t notice one missing, I hope. Slipping it over my head I walk over to the bed and climb inside. It’s overwhelming my senses being here, everything smells like him, it’s all so familiar. Almost instantly I shut my eyes, feeling safer than I have in years.

  Chapter Two

  Hearing a scuffle, I open my eyes. For a moment I forget where I am until it dawns on me, Reid’s bedroom. Looking around the room I notice a dark figure standing at the foot of the bed, gasping I shuffle up to the headboard. Looking closer the moonlight through the window illuminates the side of the figures face, I realise its Reid.

  So much for him not being home tonight.

  Not knowing what to say I sit there silently, staring at him “Why are you here?” he says huskily, not moving from his spot,. Okay, dick mode it is. Lifting my hands from the duvet to rub the sleep from my eyes, I reach over and turn on the bedside lamp before answering. I hear him make a choking noise, that’s when I realise he can see I’m wearing his t-shirt, Ah crap.

  “Why are you here?” he asks again seeming agitated “Your mum wanted me to visit. I left my headlights on so my battery died, she didn’t want me walking home in the dark even though I insiste
d, so she offered your room…sorry if that’s not okay” I say quietly. He doesn’t respond, he only stands there stoic. “I’ll just get dressed and get out of your way” I say as I get out of bed, Reid makes a growling noise when he sees I’m just in his tee and my underwear, This is not how I saw my night going. Embarrassed I grab my dress and bra and go to move past him when his arm comes out to stop me “You don’t have to leave” he says, emotion clouding his words, “I’ll just sleep on the sofa or something” or leave I think…. “Stay” he says as he looks back at the bed. His hand runs down my arm leaving goosebumps, he grabs my clothes out of my shaky hands and throws them on the floor. Gently he takes my hand to lead me back to the bed, I knew I shouldn’t have stayed here. Feeling like I’ve been caught in a trance, I let him lead me. I haven’t seen him like this in so long, maybe it’s the alcohol he had tonight, but something inside me won’t push him away. We both get under the covers, laying on our sides facing each other. The silence should be strained, but its peaceful. Shutting my eyes, I sleep better than I have in two years.

  Daylight streams through the half open curtains of Reid’s room waking me up. Rolling over I watch him silently as he sleeps, knowing that when he wakes, he’s probably going to be a dick again. Hearing him groan I sit up and face forwards looking at the door, planning my escape if he tries to chip away parts of me again. I feel him move as he yawns, heat on the side of my face makes me think he’s looking at me “Morning” he says startling me, I didn’t expect that, I thought he would kick me out now he’s sober “Erm yeh…morning” I stutter “Do you want to use the shower first?” he asks in a polite tone. Why is he being polite? I’ve given up counting the ways this man confuses me “Err yeh sure, thanks” I say as I get up on wobbly legs. I manage to make my way to the bathroom and shut the door. Taking a deep breath, I choose not to overthink it, he’s probably just trying to be nice to get me out of his hair as quick as possible. Taking off his tee and my underwear I turn on the shower and wait for it to heat up. Stepping in I let the tension roll off my shoulders, washing myself in his shower gel is maddening. Knowing I’ll smell like him until I get home and shower again is doing funny things to my head.

  Stepping out of the shower and wrapping myself in a towel I dry my hair as best I can and use a comb I found to get out the knots, waist length hair is a pain. I look around and curse myself for not picking up my bra and dress. Not knowing what to do I press my ear against the door to the bedroom and listen for any movement, hopefully he’s gone to use the family bathroom.

  Pushing open the door I did not expect him to still be lounging against the headboard of the bed. He makes a choking sound when he sees me in just a towel holding his tee and my underwear, meanwhile I want to dig a hole and bury myself in it “Sorry! I thought you left and I didn’t take my dress to the bathroom with me” I say hurriedly. I dive for my clothes and high tail it back to the bathroom as fast as possible, putting my bra on I make the decision not to wear my underwear again, because…gross. I pull my dress over my head and try to get myself looking somewhat normal, I do hope he has left the bedroom as walking around commando is making my cheeks flush.

  Balling up my underwear and grabbing his t-shirt I take a breath and walk into the bedroom; Reid isn’t in here and I breathe a sigh of relief. Grabbing my phone, keys and purse off the bedside table I stuff my underwear in it and make my way downstairs. I find Hayley sitting at the kitchen table nursing a coffee when I walk in “Hello dear, sorry about Reid being home. I didn’t expect him to come by!” she says panic in her eyes “Erm no worries Hayley. I’ll get going though if that’s okay” I say, not wanting to stay any longer. Reid told me to stay away from him, his mom and this is his home, it’s not fair for me to stay “Oh no honey, we were going to have breakfast” she says sadly, hearing Reid walk down the stairs, I’m now more than ready to leave, but something in me decide to see how he reacts.

  “Morning mum. What’s for breakfast” he says sauntering into the room and grabbing himself a cup of coffee from the urn “Morning sweetie, Becca offered to make breakfast but she’s got to leave unfortunately” she says looking over at me “Yeh I’m sorry to intrude and thank you for letting me stay” I say as I turn for the door “You don’t have to go becks. Stay for breakfast at least” Reid says shocking the hell out of me “Erm, are you sure? I can make you guys some and then leave if you like?” I say not knowing why he’s being nice “What are you a maid? Come sit down and I’ll make breakfast. Mum you want more coffee?” he says nonchalantly. He moves over to the fridge and starts grabbing out things for a fry up while I stand in the doorway pondering that I may have woken up in an alternate universe “Come sit Becca” Hayley says patting a stool, I make my way over not taking my eyes of Reid’s back, expecting him to start laughing and being a dick again.

  I sit on the stool and watch Reid work in the kitchen all the while wondering what’s gotten into him, why the sudden change. Two years ago, he threw us away, since then we’ve had no contact. I deleted his number a year after I moved, I tried so many times before that, but I wasn’t ready to let go, him never contacting me helped me make that decision. I stalked his socials sometimes though. I saw how happy he was without me, partying with our friends, pictures of him draped in women (mostly Tiff) and constantly watching his youtube videos of him playing his guitar. Watching him now and knowing all we have lost makes my eyes water, I try to hold it back but they are threatening to spill there and then in the kitchen. Excusing myself, I dash off to the bathroom to get control of my emotions. Once I’ve washed my face twice and taken a deep breath, I venture back out to the kitchen where Reid and his mum are sitting down eating their breakfast, a plate full of food is sitting next to Reid. I hesitantly make my way over and sit down, keeping my eyes downcast.

  Breakfast tastes delicious, not realising how hungry I was I eat most of it. Getting up to take my plate to the sink, I start washing up, wordlessly Reid comes over and starts drying and putting away. We work silently and once it’s all done I look round and realise Hayley must have gone to the front room. Not wanting to be alone with him again, I grab my stuff and walk out to her “Hayley I’ve got to go now, but thank you for letting me stay and can you thank Reid for breakfast please” not wanting to speak to him myself right now, I don’t know if and when the tears will come back “Oh ok sweetie, thank you again for coming over last night. Don’t be a stranger, you are always welcome here” she says meaningfully, does she know more about what happened than I think? Giving her a small wave and another thank you, I walk out the front door and can’t get in my car fast enough. Feeling like I want to scream, I remember the battery was dead and breathe out a noise of frustration, that’s when I notice the bonnet is unlatched. Opening it up I see someone put it on charge last night, I look up at the house again to see Reid looking out at me from the front room window, why is he being so nice. Trying to say thank you with my eyes, I get in the car, putting it in gear I push my foot to the floor.

  The sooner I’m back to reality the better.

  Pulling up in my driveway I see mum’s car and contemplate driving far away and never return. Knowing I’ll have to go in as I still have no underwear on and I’m in yesterday’s dress I get out my keys and let myself in. As soon as I set foot inside the yelling starts “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!” my mum screams from the kitchen. I blanch as I realise she still drunk, I know what’s coming. “I stayed at Sherri’s last night. My phone died and I didn’t have a charger” I say trying to placate her, it’s never worked in the past but who knows, maybe today is the day “LIER! You’ve been out sleeping around haven’t you? You’re such a slut. I should have aborted you when I had the chance” she spits, these words have been spoken to me so many times, but they still cut deep.

  Annabelle Rice used to be beautiful. Back in secondary school she was the captain of the dance troop, everyone loved her. Her and my dad had dated all through secondary school, in year 10 she ended up pregnant with me, that’s where the t
rouble started. Her own mother kicked her out for her mistake and Annabelle had to drop out of school to care for me, that’s when she started drinking, Dad had always sent her money to help raise me, but she couldn’t cope as a single mother. David Hughes was the nerdy boy in school, always got straight A’s, no one could understand how they came to be together, I couldn’t either, but it was recipe for disaster apparently.

  “Mum I swear, it was just me and Sherri. We watched movies, nothing else” I plead, it never works though, she grabs my hair and throws me on the ground “Stop lying to me you filthy whore! You’ve been at a boy’s house, I can smell his aftershave on you!” she shouts. Curse me for using Reid’s shower gel, I should have known she would react like this, “Mum please! I promise I didn’t”

  SLAP

  My cheek stings as I cradle my hand against it, She’s hit me before, but you never get used to it. The good thing about her being drunk is she gives up quicker. She goes back to the kitchen, no doubt to look for more booze and leaves me laying on the front room floor. I pull myself up and slowly make my way to my bedroom locking the door behind me. Why is my life like this. When it used to happen before I moved, I could go to Reid’s and escape my reality but now I’m on my own. I can’t stay at Sherri’s as much anymore, she’s getting too suspicious about everything and I don’t want to get my mum in trouble. Looking at myself in the mirror I can see that this one is going to be a black eye. Luckily I’m skilled at makeup, being slapped around frequently means you learn pretty quick how to cover it up. Too exhausted to do anything about it now I move over to my bed, getting under the covers I let the tears fall. I cry for my life, I cry for my mum’s addiction and most of all, I cry for losing my salvation through it all, Reid.