by Valia Lind
I'm a little out of breath when I finish my speech, but I'm not sorry. Derek might not understand where I'm coming from, but at least he'll have the information in front of him.
"I don't want to see you hurt."
"It'll hap—“
"No, don't just except this as the outcome. Fight to not make that an option. I need you safe, Avery. I won't be able to live with myself if something happens to you."
His words stun me into silence, because it's the most amount of emotion I've ever seen in him. For a second, I have no idea what to do with that. Then, I'll slide my hand down his arm, taking his hand once again in mine and giving it a small squeeze.
"I know I've failed you," he continues, watching our hands entwined together on top of the covers. "I don't want to be like her, Avery, but sometimes I can't help it." I don't have to ask who he's talking about. I've met his mother. "Spending time in the human world has taught me to be more sympathetic, which is something I was never taught as a child. And if the time comes, I might not be able to turn that part of me off. But for you, I want to try."
This time when the tears pool in my eyes, I don't hide them from him. He's opening up to me in a way that I never imagined. So vulnerable and so human. For the first time, I actually know for a fact that there is no manipulation here. He's speaking from his heart, however far away it may be hidden.
Giving his hand another squeeze, I let the tear slip down my cheek, before I wisher "I forgive you."
It takes me a full three days of staying in bed before I can venture out. According to Hannah, I lost too much blood. Which on top of my already magic exhausted body means that it took me longer than it should've to recover. I also wasn't allowed to practice any of the said magic, but Hannah made sure to bring me plenty of books on Faery to keep me occupied.
The more I learn about this land, the more fascinated and sadder I get. It's beautiful, full of traditions and magical stories that I've never even heard of. But it's also full of cruelty and darkness and madness. And it breaks my heart knowing that Derek and Julian, and even Hannah, have had to live in this.
I think of my parents and how angry I've been at them for keeping this secret from me. But at the same time, I miss them so much it hurts. And after reading more about this place, I'm also thankful to them for not letting me grow up like that. They have always been there for me, they have played with me, and taught me rhymes and song. They made sure we had picnics in the park, and mushroom hunts in the forest. They were there and that presence and their love is what I remember most.
Fae don't exactly operate the same way. Many send their offspring off to be raised by servants or tutors, depending on their standing within the courts. Even when they're left at court, they're looked after by nannies. I can't help but think about Derek and what kind of an upbringing he had. He clearly doesn't have a good relationship with the queen and I'm not surprised. She seems like she'd be the worst at being a mother. I won't pry, no matter how much I want to. But one thing that I wish I did know is why she only has the one son. Or maybe I'm missing something.
"How are you today?" Hannah steps in the room, without knocking. I have moved back into my room. Still unsure why I ended up on Derek's originally.
"I've been moving around fine. I'm ready to do more."
Hannah studies me carefully, as if trying to find the validity in my words. Today, she's wearing a deep green gown, with a long cut all the way up her thigh. The spaghetti straps are barely visible as they hold the dress up. She looks effortlessly beautiful and it reminds me that I'm still in my leggings and t-shirt. I don't know why seeing her dressed up always makes me feel so self-conscious of myself, but it does. I really need to get over it.
"If you're sure," she says, her eyes still narrowed on me and I push my shoulders back to try to appear stronger. She doesn't miss the move. "What do you have in mind then?"
"I want to work on the pages."
She knows exactly what I'm talking about, of course. We've been putting off me reading anything from the Ancient's book until I was a bit more stable in my magic. But now it seems that time is running out and we have no choice but to try. We've been gone long enough that I'm getting nervous about Queen Svetlana showing up and dragging me back, kicking and screaming. After laying in bed for three days, I'm not wasting any more time.
"You seem very determined."
"I think it's time. This land needs me, Hannah. I'm not saying I'm going to save everyone. But I want to do my part. I have to."
She stares at me for another long moment, as if waiting for me to back down, but I won't. Whatever it does to me, I have to try.
"Okay," Hannah finally agrees, turning to head back out of the room. "Do we tell the boys?"
"No."
My quick answer makes her pause, turning to glance over her shoulder at me. I'm not backing down from that either. Derek is too protective right now, and Julian isn't far behind. I think Jerome would understand, but it's not like he needs to know. Hannah doesn't comment. Only leads me back to her rooms.
Once inside, she shuts the double doors, waving her hand over the edges. I'm not sure what kind of magic she possesses, she never displays it all, but she's a powerful fae. I'm not surprised she has a few tricks up her sleeve. Walking over to her nightstand, she opens the top drawer and pulls out the two pieces of paper.
Immediately, the magic inside of me wakes up, pulling me towards the bed where she leaves them lying. I walk over, glancing down the words without reading them. I haven't truly read the book since the day in the library when I found it.
"So I just read the spell?"
"It's not really that simple." Hannah walks over to the opposite side of the bed, before facing me. "Just like with any powerful magic, you must carry intention in every word. Since these words are transcribed by fae from thousands of years ago, they already carry with them intention. As you read the words, you must overpower the initial intention and make the words your own."
"Like taking ownership."
Hannah smiles, "Exactly like taking ownership."
I glance back down at the pages. From what I remember before I sent these to Hannah at Thunderbird Academy they contained at least two spells and some history. The book I found is written almost like a journal. Like someone was telling a story and then filled in the gaps with spells and diagrams and graphs.
"I'm not sure I can do that."
"You won't know until you try."
"That contradicts the whole part where you were telling me to be careful."
"I will give you guidance from both ends of the spectrum, Avery. You have to be the deciding factor. It's what will fuel your magic."
That makes sense, even though it seems impossible for me to thrust any kind of a will on an ancient artifact.
"Okay, I'm ready."
"When you read the words, read them in your mind. They do have to be spoken out loud, in the correct order, which isn't always what is written. Which is why you read it in your head first. But don't linger. If something doesn't make sense, keep going. Read the passages as a whole, never individually."
I do have a tendency to get stuck in a word or a sentence and try and figure it out before moving on. Apparently, it's a bad habit. I'll have to keep that in mind.
"Whenever you're ready, Avery."
"Queen Svetlana won't be able to track it?"
"Not here."
I'm going to have to ask more about that later. Right now, I turn to the pages and begin to read.
Chapter 13
I don't touch the pages at first. Even though I said I'm ready, the nervous feeling at the pit of my stomach intensifies the closer I get. There really isn't an easy way to do this. I have to stay focused and I have to dive right in.
Picking up the first page, I flip it over to go to the beginning. There's a drawing of a tree with no leaves on the left corner, and some branches at the chapter heading. The number five standing out on it's own at the top. Taking another deep, calming breat
h, I begin to read.
The words don't have to rearrange themselves, or jump out at me in any way. They look like any other book I've ever read. And I've read plenty. These pages are a continuation of something I read at Thunderbird Academy, the passage that started it all. Hannah watches silently, as I begin to read.
The true knight is not only a person, but an idea. There are those who believe the power comes from within and there are those who believe the power comes from the land itself. It never matters where it comes from, as long as the one who wields it, wields it with a pure heart.
The stories of brave young magicians have been passed down for generations. And yet, there are not to be found hitherto. Ballads and folktales have been created, yet none can truly sing of the grandeur of such a being.
In the time before time began, they used to say fae came from the heavens above. Angels sent to the land to nourish it and grow it. But the hearts are wicked above all else, and the beautiful creatures lost the sight of their mission and became greedy. They created boundaries and warred within themselves, searching for the rush of the ultimate power. They created creatures to serve them as they became their masters and the land did not grow, but withered. Until it could handle no more.
I glance up at Hannah then, as the page comes to another break. She's watching me carefully, waiting for me make my move. The same sadness I felt in the wasteland Faery has entered my heart once more. I didn't think that I'm still so connected to the land, but maybe that's part of my magic and it will never go away.
"I don't really understand the pages. Or this book."
"What do you mean?"
"It's written in small paragraphs, and it seems to jump from a journal entry, to a bedtime story, to actual historical information."
Hannah is silent for a moment, thinking over it.
"When you read it, do you sense the same type of an emotions from each passage?"
It's tempting to glance down and read over certain parts, but I restrain myself. Instead, I close my eyes, trying to process what I'm feeling without focusing on the words. It's difficult, since that's not how my mind processes information. But after a few moments, I shake my head.
"No, they don't seem the same. You're saying multiple authors wrote this?"
"It appears to be so. It's not unheard of. Maybe it was a specific family or a specific court that was entrusted with information."
"So it's not an Ancient who wrote it."
"I can't answer that, Avery," Hannah shrugs, flipping her long hair over her shoulder. "I don't have more knowledge about them than you do. They are a very taboo subject around these parts."
That part I already knew. Seeing no other choice, I take a second to settle my mind once more, before I glance down at the paper.
There were those who believed the land created the true knights to protect herself. Others thought they were angels sent to replace the ones who became the power hungry fae. Those with the belief of pure creation would fight to protect the land at any cost. It is why those creatures were the most rewarded. Marks were bestowed on the pure hearted, gifts from the land herself. Some hid such marks and some wore them proudly.
"Marks?" I mumble out loud, and the moment I do, my focus shifts.
"Avery!" Hannah's voice is raised in alarm, and I release my fingers to drop the page, but it's too late. The words pour out of me as I read them, the need so overpowering, I can't stop.
"The fae with the purest hearts, with the strongest minds, those with the right intentions. They meant to rule Faery, because Faery wanted to be ruled by them. But the greed was too strong and the fae were too weak to overcome the basis of what was asked of them. To let the land thrive and the pure of heart rule—“
Suddenly, the space around me is thrown into a wind storm. I hold onto the page, afraid it'll be ripped away from me, as I stand in the midst of a tunnel. Magic surges through me, rushing through even nerve ending on my body. I can feel it everywhere. I close my eyes, leaning into the rush, wanting more of it.
There's a loud banging somewhere close by and shouting, but I don't care. All I want to do is to stay in the cocoon of this wind and in the ecstasy of this power running through me. The high is almost too much, and not enough at the same time.
More shouting reaches me, and a huge explosion rocks the floor I stand on. But I don't lose focus of the want that fills me.
I want more.
I want more.
I want more.
The shouting comes again, this time closer and I hear my name called over and over.
I know that voice.
Opening my eyes, I turn to the left to find Derek just on the outside of the wind vortex, his face pale and frantic as he calls out to me. I want to tell him that there's nothing to fear. That this magic isn't bad. That I can control it. But then my eyes drop to his mouth and his lips form a word that breaks through the fog of power in my brain.
"Please."
Just as suddenly as it comes, the wind is gone and I fall forward, with Derek there to catch me. The electricity is still running over my skin and a part of my wants to get back into whatever it was. But it's Derek's touch that grounds me and I finally drop the paper back on the bed.
"What were you thinking?" Derek shouts about an hour later, as we're all gathered in the library. Hannah insisted on me eating and drinking after my ordeal, before she allowed Derek within shouting distance. I am thankful for small favors.
I'm still a bit disoriented and I have no idea what I did. I'm not even sure if it was my doing, or some Ancient curse put on the pages. Apparently, that can be a thing too. I'm learning so much these days.
If Derek didn't burst through that door, with whatever magical dynamite he has up his sleeve, I'm not sure what would've happened. Which is why I'm giving him a minute to get the frustration out. It's strange to see him this frazzled, but a part of me likes it. I should really keep that part to myself.
"Those pages are dangerous. What if that vortex killed you? Did you even think about that before you started to read some ancient text for your amusement? You don't think! You don't think what this will do to—if anything happens to you—“ he runs his hand through his hair, sending it dancing into disarray, and in this moment he looks so much like just a gorgeous guy I know and not a prince of the Spring Court, that a part of me wants to reach out and hold him.
I'm keeping that part buried as well.
"You can't keep taking risks like that, not with your life. It's stupid to—“
That does it. I glance up at him, where he's been standing behind a chair, gripping it tightly.
"Are you done?" I interrupt, shocking him into silence. It takes him less than a second to recover.
"No, I'm not done."
He walks around the chair, marching straight for me. The intensity in his eyes makes my head spin, as he stops three feet in front of me.
"You keep taking these risks and you think that you're just going to be fine. Because why? You're not invincible, so stop acting like you are!"
"You have no right to tell me who to be, Derek." I get right in his face, because I'm not intimidated and I need him to know that. "You want me to be strong? You want me to learn my magic and be able to protect myself? Then deal with the consequences of that. Because there is no growth without growing pains and I won't be talked to like a child because you don't like the outcome of something."
"I don't like seeing you hurt!" He screams the words and they shake the glass on the windows around us. I've forgotten that we're not alone. Hannah, Julian, and Jerome has been watching our spitting match in silence, and I can't even begin to read what's on their faces. Not that it matters, because all of my attention is on the fae in front of me.
"You can't protect me from everything," I whisper, matching his intensity, but with the opposite volume. His full attention is on me, so I know he's forgotten about our audience just like I have.
"What if I want to protect you?"
My heart clutches a
t the simple question, heavy and hurting as it fills with emotion. Maybe that's dramatic, but it feels like I'm full and that's a feeling I've never experienced before.
"You can't protect me from this," I reply honest, because we both know it's true. I'm on a path neither one of us understand and there's only one option for us: to move forward. "But you can help me."
He nods at that, his eyes still on mine and it really does feel like the whole world falls away. Everything between us is more intense, more emotional, and I have no idea when I decided to let him into my heart, but here we are.
"Not to interrupt this lovely moment," Hannah's voice penetrates our gaze and we jerk to attention, glancing at her. "But we have company."
She doesn't say anything else, standing and walking out of the library, with all of us on her heels. Instead of going outside, she heads for her room.
"Hannah?" Julian calls out, but she doesn't stop. We follow her in, as she stops in front of her large standing mirror, placing her palm against it. It ripples like water would, and then someone steps through it.
"Hello there!" Nora says, giving each of us a smile.
All I do is stare in return.
Chapter 14
"You have a portal in your room?" Julian asks, and I'm glad someone decided to because I'm a little confused too. We went through all of that forbidden forest drama for nothing?
"Only for very special occasions." Hannah replies, as she reaches over to give Nora a hug. I didn't even know the two knew each other. I really don't know anything about these fae.
"Not a happy occasion, I'm afraid. The queen has sent me to fetch you back. As far as she knows, you are still in the forest, looking for her illusive book. So she allowed me the use of portal magic to bring you back. She just didn't know where I was portaling in to." Nora shrugs, giving each of us a once over. "Oh hey, Jerome."