Why Not Me?
Page 14
Anyway, just because this school has a lot of rich kids I don’t think their parents should be able to just scream at us. And if it makes you feel any better, at assembly just last week, I heard some junior girls saying that you were the best history teacher in the department. Wow, I guess I do eavesdrop a lot.
Mindy
P.S. Should you reconsider coming to my party, I think you’ll find it a really memorable evening. Plus I’m really worried no one’s going to come.
Mindy Kaling
Latin Teacher, High School
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
(212) 555-1445 (work)
(617) 453-8688 (cell)
Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com
AIM handle: LatinLover1979
—You can also catch me on Facebook—
“Ladies leave yo man at home, the club is full of ballas and they pockets full grown.” —Destiny’s Child
* * *
From: Sam Cook
To: Mindy Kaling
Subject: RE: Ugh
Date: Thurs, Sep 8, 2005
Mindy,
I’m sorry you heard that. In the middle of Carol Guilford’s screaming at me about my grading system, my mind began to wander. I took this teaching job all those years ago so I could spend the summers writing a novel, but I’ve written nothing, and yet I still have this job.
You wouldn’t want me at your party, I’m fifteen years older than virtually everyone else attending. I also could not begin to understand what the dress code “Upscale Autumn” means.
Thank you for your kind note.
Sam
Sam Cook
US History, High School
Chair, History Department
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
* * *
From: Mindy Kaling
To: Sam Cook
Subject: RE: RE: Ugh
Date: Thurs, Sep 8, 2005
You’re writing a novel? I’ve never even read a novel. I guess that’s not true, I’ve read Bridget Jones’s Diary and the sequel, but besides that, not much. I know, v. depressing. Don’t worry about the dress code, I only did that for Madame Burkholtz and the rest of the French Department. You would think people who specialize in Romance languages would dress better! I think you dress nicely, though I’ve never really thought about it. You look like a presidential candidate during the Depression.
I better go finish burning CDs for the party. See ya!
MK
FRIDAY
From: Mindy Kaling
To: Jim Dufault
Subject: Hello
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2005
Dear Big Jim,
First, a compliment. The hallways have been looking so clean this year and I see almost no gum jammed in the hinges of any lockers. The custodial staff has a very challenging job and I commend you. Second, a short funny story: I am so used to calling you “Big Jim” that I realized I didn’t actually know your last name. Then I found out it was Dufault, which is so beautiful. What is your ancestry?
I was also wondering if I could borrow a couple of the plastic garbage bins, if the janitorial department could spare them. I’d like to use them as drink coolers for a party I’m having this weekend, which you are of course invited to. And while I’m asking for things, maybe I could take a few rolls of paper towels. I think there are quite a few of them in the supply closet and I doubt that anyone would miss them here at school.
With utmost respect for what you do,
Mindy Kaling
Mindy Kaling
Latin Teacher, High School
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
(212) 555-1445 (work)
(617) 453-8688 (cell)
Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com
AIM handle: LatinLover1979
—You can also catch me on Facebook—
“Ladies leave yo man at home, the club is full of ballas and they pockets full grown.” —Destiny’s Child
* * *
From: Sam Cook
To: Susan Cook-Velazquez
Subject: babysitting?
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2005
Suze,
By any chance, are you free tomorrow night if I dropped Molly off? She has homework and she says that at ten she “really doesn’t need babysitting anymore.” I know it’s last minute, but a work thing came up.
Your loving brother,
Sam
Sam Cook
US History, High School
Chair, History Department
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
* * *
From: Mindy Kaling
To: Madeleine Resnick-Klein
Subject: Hello
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2005
Dear Madeleine,
I cannot begin to tell you how upset I am that I was twenty minutes late to our scheduled meeting this afternoon to discuss the National Latin Exam. A headmistress shouldn’t have to deal with extreme tardiness from teachers in addition to your other responsibilities.
I’ll be honest, a younger version of me would’ve lied and told you it was because I had subway trouble. But, if I’ve learned anything from my recent breakup, it’s that I only have room for truth in my life. And if I expect it from my lovers, I must be honest with people in my professional life like you. The truth is, I did not have subway trouble, I was at the European Wax Center on 63rd Street getting waxed for a party tomorrow night, and I passed out when they were waxing a sensitive area. When I came to, I realized I was late, raced over to our meeting, and thus we find ourselves in our present situation.
Actually, this is a good opportunity to encourage to you to attend my party. Please come!
Very sorry,
Mindy Kaling
Mindy Kaling
Latin Teacher, High School
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
(212) 555-1445 (work)
(617) 453-8688 (cell)
Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com
AIM handle: LatinLover1979
—You can also catch me on Facebook—
“Ladies leave yo man at home, the club is full of ballas and they pockets full grown.” —Destiny’s Child
* * *
From: Madeleine Resnick-Klein
To: Mindy Kaling
Subject: RE: Hello
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2005
Ms. Kaling,
Your excuse is inappropriate, your email is inappropriate, please never be late again, and change your email signature. I will not be attending your party.
Madeleine
Madeleine Resnick-Klein, PhD
Headmistress
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
* * *
From: Susan Cook-Velazquez
To: Sam Cook
Subject: RE: babysitting?
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2005
Sure I can take Molls. I’m intrigued about this “Saturday night work event.” I think that sounds like a really good thing for you, professionally. ;-)
Can I ask more about it?
xo
* * *
From: Lindsay Kellogg
To: Mindy Kaling
Subject: Yo
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2005
If I’m gonna bring Seth to the party, there better be some single guys there
And not any Teach For America bullshit
Someone legit cute
Dude I need to have sex
Lindsay Kellogg
Vice President, Private Wealth Advisor
Goldman, Sachs & Co.
200 West Street
New York, NY 10282
United States
(212) 902-1000
This message w/attachments (message) is intended solely for the use of the intended recipient(s) and may contain inf
ormation that is privileged, confidential or proprietary. If you are not an intended recipient, please notify the sender, and then please delete and destroy all copies and attachments, and be advised that any review or dissemination of, or the taking of any action in reliance on, the information contained in or attached to this message is prohibited.
* * *
From: Mindy Kaling
To: Sam Cook
Subject: cupid
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2005
Dear Sam,
I know you said you’re not coming to the party, buuuuuuuut:
My college friend Lindsay is coming and I promised her there would be single guys for her. She’s really cute, I swear, and not in that way where only girls think it, like that time last year when I insisted Frida Kahlo was hotter than Britney Spears.
Love,
Mindy
Mindy Kaling
Latin Teacher, High School
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
(212) 555-1445 (work)
(617) 453-8688 (cell)
Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com
AIM handle: LatinLover1979
—You can also catch me on Facebook—
“No more drama, no more drama.” —Mary J. Blige
* * *
From: Sam Cook
To: Susan Cook-Velazquez
Subject: RE: RE: babysitting?
Date: Fri, Sep 9, 2005
Actually, I think I’m not going to go, so I don’t need you to babysit. Thanks.
Sam Cook
US History, High School
Chair, History Department
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
SATURDAY
From: Mindy Kaling
To: Sam Cook
Subject: hi
Date: Sat, Sep 10, 2005 at 8:20 AM
Hi Sam,
I know you’re probably out enjoying your weekend with your daughter, but I hadn’t heard from you and I thought I would write anyway. You can ignore it if you want.
The truth is, I am having a pretty tough time right now. When Ethan broke up with me, I felt like I’d been pushed off a cliff. It sounds crazy, even to me, because now looking back at our relationship, I don’t understand what was so great about it. I guess I’m the kind of person who likes to be part of something so much that I won’t care if the something is bad. Then I went to Rome this summer by myself on the trip we planned together, thinking it would be like Under the Tuscan Sun, but it wasn’t. I ate dinner every night alone at a restaurant where the reservation was made for two. I felt guilty that I was there alone, I bought two entrees, and ended up spending an enormous amount of money on food. Also, I got mugged the second day, which is why I’m wearing the same sweater in almost every picture on aromeofonesown.tumblr.com.
Now, there’s a chance I might like a guy, I don’t know him, but if there is even a remote possibility he thinks I’m attractive, I feel like I need to take that chance. Unfortunately he’s coming with my friend Lindsay and the only way she’ll come is if there are cute single guys there. If you could stop by tonight, it would mean so much to me. I will do anything for you, even stop sending you long, personal emails from this account.
Love,
Mindy
Mindy Kaling
Latin Teacher, High School
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
(212) 555-1445 (work)
(617) 453-8688 (cell)
Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com
AIM handle: LatinLover1979
—You can also catch me on Facebook—
“No more drama, no more drama.” —Mary J. Blige
* * *
From: Sam Cook
To: Mindy Kaling
Subject: RE: hi
Date: Sat, Sep 10, 2005
I’ll see you tonight.
Sam Cook
US History, High School
Chair, History Department
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
* * *
From: Sam Cook
To: Susan Cook-Velazquez
Subject: RE: RE: RE: babysitting?
Date: Sat, Sep 10, 2005
Hey, remember how I said I wasn’t going to go to that work thing? I’m gonna go. I will drop Molls off at 8 if that’s okay. Will tell you about it later. xo
Sam Cook
US History, High School
Chair, History Department
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
* * *
From: Mindy Kaling
To: Sam Cook
Subject: RE: RE: hi
Date: Sat, Sep 10, 2005
OH MY GOD, THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU, YOU ARE SO GREAT!
I’ll never say US History is easy again just because it’s only like two centuries old, and I’ll never let anyone say anything mean about you EVER, like when people say you drink all the coffee but you never throw out the grounds!!
SAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mindy Kaling
Latin Teacher, High School
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
(212) 555-1445 (work)
(617) 453-8688 (cell)
Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com
AIM handle: LatinLover1979
—You can also catch me on Facebook—
“No more drama, no more drama.” —Mary J. Blige
* * *
From: Mindy Kaling
To: All Faculty
Subject: EVENT REMINDER “A Back to School Soiree Chez Mindy”
Date: Sat, Sep 10, 2005
Hello everyone!
Tonight’s the night! Just a friendly reminder, please allow 90–100 minutes to arrive from Manhattan if you are coming by subway. You can take the Q train until the last stop at Ditmars Blvd. Once you get out, you’re on my street! I am nineteen blocks west on the right side of the street. I am sorry to say that because I live on the sixth floor and because it is a walk-up, the party is not easily wheelchair accessible. I have written my landlord about this matter but unfortunately it won’t be resolved by tonight.
If you want to bring alcohol, that would be great!
Can’t wait to see you there!
Love, Mindy
IF YOU CANNOT ATTEND THE PARTY FOR ANY REASON—PLEASE LET ME KNOW VIA EMAIL OR PHONE SO WE CAN PLAN ACCORDINGLY AND WE ARE NOT WAITING FOR A PERSON WHO ISN’T GOING TO COME.
Mindy Kaling
Latin Teacher, High School
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
(212) 555-1445 (work)
(617) 453-8688 (cell)
Tumblr: aromeofonesown.tumblr.com
AIM handle: LatinLover1979
—You can also catch me on Facebook—
“Don’tcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” —Pussycat Dolls
* * *
10:23 PM
10:45 PM
11:12 PM
11:40 PM
11:45 PM
11:45 PM
11:45 PM
11:46 PM
11:47 PM
FOUR HOURS LATER
Mindy Kaling can’t believe someone would steal a piñata from a party, is this New York City or Newark seriously
2:15 AM
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Mindy Kaling had no idea that so many of her friends were from Newark. She apologizes, she is having a really bad night and like eleven drinks ok
2:18 AM
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Mindy Kaling isn’t sure why she bothers to throw a party anyway. Why even!? No one GIVES A DAMN ABOUT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2:20 AM
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Mindy Kaling is gonna start cleaning up this
party. WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL HERE GET YOUR COATS AND GO
2:21 AM
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Mindy Kaling SERIOUSLY WHO TOOK MY FUCKING PIÑATA??!?!?!???????
2:30 AM
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TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES LATER
From: Sam Cook
To: Mindy Kaling
Subject:
Date: Sun, Sep 11, 2005 at 2:55 AM
I’m sorry I just kissed you.
Sam Cook
US History, High School
Chair, History Department
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128
* * *
From: Sam Cook
To: Mindy Kaling
Subject:
Date: Sun, Sep 11, 2005 at 3:01 AM
It’s just that, when I saw how upset you were that your friend’s friend didn’t show up, and that you, a grown woman, had pinned all your hopes on a stranger, it struck me as so silly and stupid. I mean, silly and stupid of me for being so happy about it … and then I just felt like I needed to kiss you, so I did that, and then I left because you looked horrified.
I should also note, I was and continue to be extremely, extremely drunk.
Please write back.
Sam
Sam Cook
US History, High School
Chair, History Department
The Dalton School
108 E 89th St, New York, NY 10128