“I know.” Lea didn’t know what else she could say. She hated it, too, and it hurt her deeply that Finn was so distraught over this whole thing. “Is there anything I can do?”
“No.” Finn shook his head and smiled at her, squeezing her hand slightly. “Just you being here is already making me feel better. I got kicked out of Lorelei’s room because I was being too crazy. You’re already calming me down.”
“I’ll always be here for you,” Lea told him.
When the words left her mouth, she instantly regretted it. They hadn’t talked like that . . . ever. Not once. And here she was, throwing out ideas of her always being around him. Always being in love with him. So far, in their relationship, the only thing that they had talked about was sex. How could she spill like that?
Lea looked into Finn’s blue eyes and instantly felt better. He smiled at her, squeezed her hand even harder, and had the strangest look on his face. Lea felt the constant butterflies that were always in her stomach when she was around him grow and beat even faster. She didn’t know what to do other than stare at Finn with a smile on her face.
“Good,” was all Finn said, though his fingers were now interlaced with hers, and he had a smile that she hadn’t seen before.
Lea left Finn’s house a few hours later, after running to the café to get a huge order of food for all of the people still in his house. She had to get home and sleep, as she’d been up working for so long, and she knew that there was nothing else for her to do. She hated to leave Finn, though. Every time she left him, it was like she was tearing her heart apart, only to sew it back together when she saw him again–and then repeat the whole process when she left him again.
Instead of going home and crashing from exhaustion, Lea found herself driving to her best friend Hazel’s house. She hadn’t seen her best friend in what seemed like forever, and she desperately wanted to talk to her. Hazel knew nothing about her and Finn, and it was killing Lea inside to not have told her.
Lea walked through Hazel’s front door after hearing her friend yell to come in when she knocked. Lea instantly felt like Hazel should be a bit more watchful in some way, especially because of all of the things that were going on. Anybody could walk in her unlocked door and potentially harm her.
Lea got the chills just thinking about it.
“Hey, girly,” Hazel said with a smile when she saw her best friend walk through the door.
Hazel was wearing workout clothes and making dinner, which smelled delicious. Lea saw grilled chicken on a platter in the corner of the kitchen counter, as well as vegetables seasoned in a skillet that Hazel was currently mixing. It all smelled like heaven, and when Hazel handed Lea a plate of food, Lea hungrily dug in.
“I have so much to tell you,” Lea told her friend in between bites before jumping into the story of how she and Finn were now together. Well, together in some way. She still didn’t know where they stood, so she tried not to say that they were a couple or anything.
But that didn’t stop Hazel from questioning and asking that exact thing.
“So, are you guys like a couple now?” Hazel asked her after she had freaked out slightly that the two had gotten together. Her enthusiasm was infectious, and Lea found herself giggling like a little schoolgirl alongside her friend as she told her all her dirty stories.
“I don’t know,” Lea replied after pausing for a second. She played with the food on her plate, knowing that her friend was going to see right through her and know exactly what she was thinking.
“You want to be, though, don’t you?” Of course, Hazel knew what she wanted. She was her best friend for a reason. But that didn’t mean that Lea really liked hearing that statement out loud.
She didn’t know why. She just didn’t want to accept the idea that she truly liked Finn. Maybe even loved him–though she would never admit that little fact. It was much too early, and she didn’t necessarily know him enough to declare that she was in love with the man.
“I don’t know,” Lea sighed, playing with her food some more. “I like him. And he’s made me feel . . . well, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I can’t help it. But a relationship? He’s not really one for a relationship with a girl like me, is he?”
“Oh, because he has that bad-boy vibe?” Lea nodded, and Hazel continued. “So what? If he likes you, and if he’s not playing you, then it doesn’t matter what vibe he has. If you guys like each other, ignore everyone else.”
“He’s not my type, though,” Lea sighed. “And what if he is just using me? For sex? For anything?”
“Do you think he is?”
Lea paused as she thought about the time she and Finn had spent together. She knew that he was a bad boy. She knew that he wasn’t the most reliable person. But in this new world they found themselves in, where they had to watch their back at every turn for fear of rogues coming and attacking them, Finn had seemed to change. He wanted to protect people, and Lea could see that.
But was he using her? Did he like her? More than as just a sexual partner, that is? Lea remembered the moment that they seemed to have at his house earlier today, where she was comforting him after everything that happened with Lorelei. That wasn’t something that sex buddies would do . . . would they?
Lea couldn’t imagine Finn using her. She just couldn’t, even though her brain was yelling at her for being so naïve. She couldn’t help the way her heart, her whole body other than her brain, felt. She couldn’t help but feel that maybe the thing between her and Finn was . . . well, real. She didn’t know if she felt comfortable enough to admit it, though.
“I don’t think he’s using me,” Lea finally said. “I hope he’s not. And maybe I do really like him–as in really like him. I could never tell him. Because then I might ruin what we have, and I love what we have right now. I guess I just don’t know what to do.”
“Maybe you should just talk to him,” Hazel offered, giving her a sympathetic smile.
Lea smiled back at her best friend, thankful that she had her to talk to. If she couldn’t express her feelings to anyone, she felt like she was going to explode. At least she had Hazel. And maybe Hazel was right–maybe she should just talk to Finn and lay all of her feelings and emotions out on the table.
Lea sighed. She knew she would never do that. She didn’t have the courage to. Because that might mean that Finn would get cold feet and leave her. She would never get to touch his body again, and he would never touch hers again.
And she wasn’t ready to live in a world where he wasn’t touching her.
Chapter 14
“We’re going to start training more than we ever have before,” Finn announced the day after Lorelei’s attack.
Lorelei snapped her head up, her spoonful of cereal halfway to her mouth. Tatiana sipped on her coffee, a worried look on her face as she stared at Finn. Desmond was the only one who didn’t look at him in a weird way, as he was too busy reading the newspaper. Finn couldn’t see his face at all. All he saw was the front page of the local newspaper glaring at him.
“We already practice and train a lot as it is, Finn,” Tatiana said, after exchanging a look with Lorelei.
“Well, we need to ramp it up,” Finn responded, pacing in front of the kitchen table, his fingers interlaced with each other as he thought. “I want us to be the best there is. I want us to be so strong and able that we don’t have to worry about rogues or anything. We need to be prepared, guys. We need to be.”
“Finn,” Lorelei said gently, causing him to stop pacing and look at his friend. Finn sighed when he saw her concerned eyes. His chest ached for the little sister that had gotten hurt yesterday, even though she looked fine and better than ever this morning. He still had that image of her, in her wolf form, blood flowing from her shoulder in the woods. He was one of the shifters that had run to help, and when he recognized Lore’s howl, he was one of the first shifters there to help.
With the rogue incident with Lea not that long ago, Finn felt like he was e
xperiencing déjà vu. And he hated that it was two women that he loved more than anything. One, his lover. The other, his little sister.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” he asked Lorelei, sounding a bit crazy even to his own ears.
“I think you’re freaking out a bit,” she told him. “And it’s okay. We’ve all been through a lot. And you tend to take these things to heart a bit more than the rest of us. Don’t deny it. And don’t worry, it’s not going to ruin your street cred or anything. We love you. But . . . just don’t freak out on us, okay? I’m fine, everyone’s fine, and everything will be okay.”
“You see, that’s where you’re wrong,” Finn responded, finally taking a seat at the table.
“Oh, here we go,” Tatiana sighed, taking another sip of her instant coffee.
“Told you guys he was going to have a freak out this morning,” Desmond said from behind his paper, turning the page but still not making his face visible.
“Hann talked to me about the issues that we’re all facing in the shifter community,” Finn began, but Tatiana cut him off.
“We know, Finn,” she said, sighing. “Hann told all of us. But you know what he also said? That we shouldn’t freak out. Going crazy isn’t going to stop the rogues from attacking us, is it?”
“No,” Finn admitted, sighing and knowing that his friends were right. They knew him better than anyone. They knew that he freaked out over things like this, but he couldn’t help it. He stressed easily, and when one of his friends or loved ones were in the line of danger, he felt the need to act. He had to act in any way that he could. “But we can at least train more. Please.”
“If it makes you feel better, then we’ll all start training more,” Lorelei responded, giving Tatiana an evil eye and hushing Desmond when he moaned in agony behind the newspaper.
“Thank you,” Finn breathed, feeling a little better. He smiled at Lorelei, knowing that she was trying to make him feel better. Which was crazy, and Finn immediately felt bad. Lorelei was the one who was attacked by a rogue–not Finn. Finn should be the one that was making her feel better, not the other way around.
The group found themselves at the gym later in the day, to Finn’s relief and constant pressuring. Britta didn’t have a class this morning, so they all decided to just work together and train in varied areas. Finn was hitting the punching bag with Desmond when Grant walked over to join them, much to Finn’s surprise. While they were friends now, they both still found themselves on shaky ground sometimes. The unease between the two came from their first meeting, when Finn flirted with Britta, Grant’s girlfriend. At the time, they weren’t together, but if one asked anyone in the pack, they would say that they would be together soon. Finn didn’t know that and had to learn the hard way when Grant confronted him and made it known that they weren’t going to be friends.
Now, they were friends. Finn was still an outcast within the pack; that much he knew. But if he could be friends with the guy that he hated his first day in Maine, then maybe he would win the rest of the pack over eventually.
Finn also realized that the Moonlight Pack had been much nicer than usual since Lorelei’s attack. Maybe they felt bad. Maybe they all realized that one attack on a shifter is an attack on every shifter. Finn didn’t know what they were thinking, but he was happy that they were all being extra nice and caring to Lorelei. She deserved it, after everything she had been through.
Suddenly, Finn felt as if a tingling sensation was running through his veins, leaving him antsy and wondering where the sudden sensation was coming from. One look in the direction where he was feeling this strange emotion from, and he realized just who had walked in.
Lea.
And she was looking as gorgeous as ever. Her long blonde hair was down, and she was in her workout gear that showed off her athletic, lithe shape. Finn stopped hitting the punching bag for a moment, pausing and catching the bag before it swung to hit him. He knew he probably looked like he had googly eyes, but he didn’t care.
He was crazy about her. He felt like he didn’t know anything else but that.
His mood instantly changed when he saw Tatiana and Lorelei walk up to Lea and link their arms through hers on either side of her. Finn didn’t know how he felt about this.
“Hey, guys,” Finn said, smiling at them as they walked over. Finn looked questioningly at Lea, and she looked just as confused as him.
“Finn,” Tatiana drawled, an evil smile on her face. “We were just going to hang out with Lea on our little break. Learn about her. Tell her some things.”
Finn rolled his eyes as Lorelei and Tatiana laughed together. Desmond walked by with his shirt off–which was no surprise there.
“Hello, my lovely,” Desmond greeted Lea with a smile on his face and the hint of flirtation. Finn didn’t like where this was leading. “What’s your name?”
“Lea,” she replied politely but not at all flirtatious.
Desmond immediately backed off when he realized just who he was trying to flirt with. Swiveling to see Finn, who had his arms crossed over his chest and was staring at his friend with a hint of menace, Desmond immediately patted his friend on the back before leaving the little group without another word said. Tatiana, Lea, and Lorelei all giggled together.
Finn didn’t know if he liked them all hanging out together.
“I don’t know if I like this,” he stated, speaking his thoughts out loud.
“Oh, chill out, Finn,” Lorelei said as they began to walk away from him. “Lea was just so nice to me yesterday that I wanted to thank her. And tell her all your dirty little secrets in the process.”
The girls were gone before he could say anything else, and he couldn’t help the jealousy that he had. He wanted to be with Lea right at that moment, but she was, instead, with his friends who would definitely tarnish his image.
He’d be lucky if she still liked him after whatever it was they were up to.
Finn’s mind was racing all day with emotions and words that he wanted to say to Lea. He felt that he needed to come clean. He needed to tell her that she was all he thought about–and not just in a sexual way.
In a way that he never had before. In a way that scared the hell out of him.
He didn’t know how to go about this. He had never felt like this before, and he was a bit ashamed to say that he had never truly been in love with a woman before. Had he had relationships, sometimes even year-long ones? Yes. But this . . . this was different. Even he could recognize that.
He had never had that talk or that confession about feelings with someone before. Normally, the girl he was dating would be the first to madly declare love–and then Finn would just go along with it until the relationship fell apart. Now, though . . . . Now he wanted to be the one that confessed their love. He wanted to say that he would only love Lea, and Lea alone, for as long as he lived.
It was a weird feeling, but he finally accepted it. He finally decided that he wasn’t going to be that stereotypical ‘bad boy’ that everyone set him out to be. He was going to show Lea that he was the best damn partner that she could ever wish for. And he was finally going to tell her that he was in love with her.
Because he finally realized what he was feeling. It was love. Unconditional love.
And he was going to change their relationship forever.
However, to do that, he needed some courage. And what better way to find courage than with some alcohol at the pack bar? Strolling in the bar, Finn noticed that the only people there were Moonlight Maine Pack members. As he walked through the front entrance area, he swore they all looked to see who walked in, saw that it was Finn–someone who wasn’t a pack member–or not their pack member–and then swiveled back around in their seats to go back to their conversation.
Finn had never felt like more of an outcast than in that moment.
He didn’t know what to say or do other than walk over to the bar, sit down, and order a beer. Empty seats surrounded him. At least the bartender, who Finn di
dn’t know, managed to give him a hint of a smile. Though that smile could be just because Finn was such an outcast and he thought what his pack was doing was funny. Finn couldn’t tell.
“Tough crowd, huh?” Finn looked behind him to see Ethan there, smiling with a beer in hand. He hadn’t seen him when he walked in, otherwise he would have definitely joined him wherever he was.
“They as friendly to you, too?” Finn asked him, laughing as he took a swig of his beer.
“A little bit friendlier, but that’s just because I call myself an alpha,” Ethan replied, taking the seat next to Finn at the bar. Ethan nodded at the bartender as well, who gave him a friendly nod back.
“You can’t blame them, though, can you?” Finn asked his friend. “After everything they’ve all been through . . . . Hell, my pack back home is as standoffish as they come, and they’ve never been attacked or had anything like this happen to them. I just wish I could let them all know that we’re on the same side in this mess.”
“I’m sure they’ll all come around eventually. This is a lot better than when we all first came here. It just takes a while to get rid of all of that ice. But we all will get rid of it. One day.”
“Where’d you come from? I didn’t see you when I first walked in.” Finn took another drink of his beer, remembering why he came and hoping that the alcohol would help him gain some much-needed courage.
“I was in the back with Hann, Kato, and everyone,” Ethan responded. “Just going over the latest horrible news and everything. What are you doing here?”
“Just needed a drink.” Finn didn’t really want to tell Ethan about how he was trying to gain the courage to tell Lea how he really felt. He just knew that Ethan would laugh and say that he was right all along with his whole “one true love” theory–and Finn was a bit scared to even think of that.
Finn (Moonlight Wolves Book 4) Page 9