Shadow in the Desert (Shadow SEALs)

by Becca Jameson

  She took several deep breaths and continued. “I ran home and told my mother. My father was at the church at the time. She listened to me and then told me some men were idiots. She didn’t want to file a complaint because she said it wouldn’t do any good and it would just draw more attention to me. She was probably right.”

  “Unfortunately, she probably was right. Though I hate saying that. Especially that many years ago. Even today, it’s still a problem.”

  “So, she imposed more restrictions on my already stifling life.” Serena tipped her head back and smiled. “Now we get to the good part.”

  Ajax grinned in confusion. There was a good part?

  “There was a woman in my village. Her name was Jasmine. Well, that wasn’t her real name, but she adopted it because Aladdin was the only movie she’d ever seen and she liked it.”

  He smiled. It was obvious this Jasmine woman had been a positive influence on Serena’s life.

  “She was married and had a little boy. Her husband was progressive and indulged her to a certain extent. Most importantly, he let her teach other women in the village self-defense. She did so in secret. Monday and Thursday mornings when most men were at work. They thought their wives went to Jasmine’s house for bible study. What really happened was she empowered women to defend themselves. Many of them eventually needed the training against their own husbands, unfortunately. But some were like me and just wanted to feel safer walking down the street. They wanted their daughters to feel safe too.”

  “So your mom let you join her class?”

  Serena shook her head. “Goodness, no. She didn’t believe in violence of any kind. She thought we should use our words to get out of any situation.”

  Ajax cringed. Holy shit.

  “I told my mother I wanted to join Jasmine’s bible study. It was tricky convincing her not to attend with me. That was the sticky part. But I told her I was growing up and I needed to belong to things that were just for me, not with my mommy. She bought that story because she liked Jasmine and trusted her.”

  Ajax stroked Serena’s arm as he listened to this more heartwarming story.

  “That was when my life began to change. I learned everything from Jasmine, including how to use an array of weapons. She believed that if we ever had the opportunity to take someone down and wrestle their gun out of their hands, we should know how to use it, and she insisted that when it came down to him or me, to always choose me.”

  “Good for her.”

  “Now, I’m not going to sugarcoat this. I’ve never shot a weapon. But I know how to load one, hold it, and aim. I’m comfortable and safe with them.”

  “Good. She did you a great service.”

  “I liked to think so. On the other hand, I never had to use any of my skills, and I wasn’t at the church the day my father was abducted from his office. The next day, my family was picked up by the SEALs and taken to the base. We refused to leave Djibouti until it was confirmed that my father had been killed.”

  Ajax set his forehead against her and closed his eyes. There were no words again, but this time, he whispered, “I’m sorry, baby.” The moment that last word slipped from his mouth, he knew he’d crossed a line with her. He knew it was a very bad idea, but he couldn’t stop himself.

  He slid his hand to her cheek as he opened his eyes. Their lips were an inch apart, and they were both breathing heavily. He held her gaze long enough to make sure she wanted his lips on hers as much as he did.

  When she licked those full lips, he closed the distance and kissed her, crushing his mouth to hers a moment later as a moan escaped her lips. His heart was racing as she grabbed his biceps and gripped him tightly. He angled his head to one side and deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue along the seam of her mouth until she parted for him.

  Damn, she was so precious and sweet. So soft in all the right ways. Far too good for someone like him. He broke the kiss reluctantly when both of them needed oxygen, but he didn’t pull back. He tipped his forehead to hers again, holding her gaze as they panted.

  She was the first to look away, glancing down as her flushed cheeks turned a darker shade of red. “That was probably not in our best interest,” she said all businesslike.

  He fought the urge to chuckle. She hadn’t meant it to be funny, but her choice of words was kind of comical. “Probably not,” he agreed, mostly because she was right. And then, because he couldn’t stop himself, “But I’m not sorry, and I’ll be looking forward to doing it again.”

  She pursed her lips and then chewed on the lower one, keeping her head bowed. Her hand still gripped his biceps though, and she wasn’t backing off. She was trembling.

  He suddenly wondered how much experience she’d had with men. She was twenty-eight years old for heaven’s sake. Surely…

  Now wasn’t the time to ask or pressure her.

  “I’m so glad you had Jasmine.” His voice sounded rough with lust, but he needed to dispel the awkwardness. “It sounds like she was one of the most important influences in your life. Have you had any contact with her since you left the country?”

  She shook her head. “No. I’ve thought about her many times. I’ve often wondered if she’s still in the village, or even still alive. Many people have been driven from their homes, forced to flee to Sudan, refugees from their own home country.”

  Ajax stroked her cheek with his thumb. “It’s a very sad situation here.”

  “Yes.” She sighed.

  “Maybe we’ll have a chance to find her.”

  Serena bit her bottom lip. “We will. If she’s still there. We’ll be going through that village on our route.”

  Ajax smiled. “Good.” He tipped his head back, realizing the sky had darkened a bit at some point. A few raindrops hit his face.

  Serena twisted around to grab the other end of the tarp and pulled it over them, creating a sort of tent. “We should take off our shoes and socks and put them in the bag so they stay dry just in case this is a deluge.”

  “You’re right.” He grinned at her. “You sure you weren’t a girl scout?”

  “Ha. They didn’t have that sort of thing in Ethiopia when I was growing up. I’d never even heard of the organization.”

  He held the tarp over them as she removed her shoes and socks and then she did the same for him. He stashed them in the weapons bag and pulled out a protein bar and a bottle of water for each of them.

  It was slightly awkward, but they managed to open everything, and then each used one hand to hold the tarp out to their sides while balancing the water bottles between their knees and eating the bars.

  “These are good,” she pointed out.

  “Military rations,” he informed her. “It’s been a few months since I’ve eaten these, but I’m beyond familiar with them.”

  “How many do we have?”

  “A dozen I think.”

  “Can we live off them in a pinch?”

  “Absolutely.”

  She relaxed, seemingly pleased with that knowledge. “Hopefully we won’t have to, but just in case.” As the rain came down harder, she snuggled closer to his side.

  Luckily, the tarp did an amazing job of keeping them dry, and Ajax was not sorry to have Serena in his arms. He was, however, concerned. Falling for her was a horrible idea. The worst. He’d known that since the day he’d met her. It was dangerous because he would constantly be worried about her, which could put them both in danger.

  It was also too late to go back. It had been too late to go back from the moment he’d met her.

  Chapter 9

  Serena closed her eyes and listened to the rain. She shivered a bit, not from cold but from nerves. She shouldn’t have kissed him. What a horrible idea. He’d been so kind and so close and so caring. She’d lost all common sense for several minutes.

  Her defenses had been down, and she’d been raw from telling her story. It had made her vulnerable and open. It had happened so naturally too, which also unnerved her. She’d never felt that kind o
f connection with a man before. Not even James.

  She pursed her lips as she thought of James. The contrast between Ajax and James was wider than the Grand Canyon. They couldn’t be more different if they tried.

  She’d broken up with James over a year ago, but her mother still asked her about him to this day, sighing in disappointment. It happened often enough that Serena had to hold her tongue many times, coming close to telling her mother if she liked James so much, she should marry him.

  At twenty-eight and the oldest of five, it was practically blasphemous that Serena wasn’t married—at least as far as her mom was concerned. Serena had no desire to tie herself down to a man and a household and live in the patriarchal society her mother lived in.

  It didn’t matter that Serena was born and raised in the evangelical church that indoctrinated her for her entire life. She’d been shaped by a different set of circumstances from her brothers and sisters. Not just because of the incident with the uniforms. It was more than that.

  She’d been eighteen when her father was murdered. She’d known and understood more about what was happening and why. Her brother had been sixteen and withdrawn. The next two siblings were sisters. Fourteen and twelve. The youngest was another brother. Ten.

  Serena had gone back to the States with her mother and siblings. They’d returned to the town they’d lived in before leaving for Ethiopia and rejoined the church her father had served in fourteen years prior.

  The community rallied around them and helped them get settled. That included her mother’s sister and her husband—Serena’s aunt and uncle. They’d taken the six of them in and helped them get back on their feet.

  Serena had become a parent overnight. Not that her mother was absent. She did her best to swallow the tremendous loss and shoulder the burden, but she hadn’t been able to do it alone. More and more responsibility had fallen on Serena’s shoulders.

  And that had become her new life. Her own goals went on the back burner. She didn’t have friends because she had nothing in common with anyone in her town. She’d been homeschooled in a third-world country for heaven’s sake.

  A year later, Serena finally got to do something important to her. Attend college.

  Her mother had thought it was a frivolous idea and not useful, but she’d permitted Serena to attend the local junior college. Serena had worked hard to get a scholarship. If she hadn’t managed to get the funds, there was no way she could have gone.

  But she had, and she’d gotten all honors, and she’d been accepted to a state school an hour away after she received her associate’s degree. That had been liberating. For the first time in her life, she had something that was hers. Something that would better her life. She’d earned this second scholarship on merit and been awarded grants for the difference.

  She took classes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, and helped her mother around the house the rest of the week. She studied late at night and on weekends, not wanting to fall behind. She was proud of her accomplishments and graduated with honors.

  Her mother hadn’t said much about her oldest daughter’s achievements because she’d never thought any of that was necessary. She’d wanted Serena to marry someone in the church and become a dutiful housewife.

  That might have been fine for Serena’s younger siblings, but Serena had no interest. Her youngest and final sibling had gotten married a few months ago.

  Serena knew she was a bit of an embarrassment to her mother, and she might have even caved and fallen into the trap a time or two over the years if it hadn’t been for Serena’s Aunt Ruth.

  On the outside, Ruth appeared no different from her sister. She’d married a man from the church young like Mary and had become a housewife. The difference was that Ruth had never had children. Apparently, God hadn’t seen fit to grace her with little ones, and that was her lot in life, Serena’s mother had said.

  Ruth had never seemed to mind. She wasn’t bitter or angry or any of the things Mary murmured behind her sister’s back.

  One day soon after returning to the States, when all of them were staying with her aunt and uncle, Serena had been up in the middle of the night sipping herbal tea on the back porch when Aunt Ruth had joined her.

  In hindsight, Serena considered the next hour to be a turning point in her life. A night that shaped her, similar to the night she’d run to Jasmine’s house and learned about the secret “bible study” that empowered women.

  It turned out Aunt Ruth didn’t have any kids because she hadn’t wanted them. As far as Serena knew, to this day, besides Ruth’s husband, Serena was the only person Ruth had ever confided in. Aunt Ruth had seen a spark in Serena and encouraged her to be whatever she wanted. Not to let society or the church or her own mother dictate her future.

  That second empowering, defining moment in Serena’s life set the groundwork for what would become her future.

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Ajax whispered. His arm was still wrapped around her, his fingers stroking her shoulder.

  “Just thinking.”

  “About that kiss?” He squeezed her arm.

  She shook her head. “Okay, maybe a little.”

  He chuckled. “It was a nice kiss.”

  She flushed, glad he couldn’t see her face because she was staring at her lap. But she couldn’t keep from smiling. He was right. It had been nice. It had been more than just nice. It had awakened something in her she’d never felt before. One silly kiss.

  “I know you grew up in a very conservative home with overprotective parents, but you’re twenty-eight. Please tell me you’ve been kissed.”

  “Of course, I have.” Just not like that.

  He blew out a relieved breath. “Good. I’d hate to find out I’d stolen something from you while sitting under a tarp in the rain waiting for a helicopter in a third-world country.”

  She giggled. How did he manage to lighten the tension so easily? It wasn’t so much what he’d said. It was his tone. Goofy. Jovial.

  “Stolen something from me?” she teased.

  “Yeah. You know. Like your innocence or some shit,” he joked.

  “I’m not that innocent, Ajax.”

  Did he stiffen next to her?

  Her heart beat rapidly and she squeezed her knees together. He awakened something in her she’d never felt before. It scared her and intrigued her at the same time.

  If they weren’t trapped under this tarp trying to keep dry, she would do her best to get away from him so she could clear her head. But that wasn’t an option. She was stuck in his space, practically in his lap for the foreseeable future. It would be at least another hour or two before the helicopter arrived, and then what? It was unlikely that she’d be separating from Ajax.

  “Are you sure? You seem kind of embarrassed and…” he tipped her head back with a finger under her chin, “yeah, that’s what I thought. Flushed.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I flush easily.” That was true, but it was because she embarrassed easily too. “Can we change the subject?”

  He chuckled. “Okay. Have you been in a helicopter before?”

  “No. Have you?” She winced. “Duh.” Of course, he has.

  He chuckled again. “I can fly one actually. That’s why my teammates call me Birdman.”

  She jerked her head up again. “That’s kind of rare, isn’t it? A SEAL who is also an aviator?”

  “Yeah, it’s beyond rare. I’m not an aviator officer or anything. I just had a curiosity and learned to fly on my downtime several years ago. The guys liked to tease me that at least if we ever got in a bind and lost our pilots, I could get us out of a sticky situation. Not sure they were right, but I suppose I had more training than anyone else, so perhaps.”

  “That’s kind of cool. Have you considered flying as a profession, now that you’re out of the Navy?”

  He shrugged, his gaze straight ahead, seeing nothing. “I haven’t considered anything. I spent the last three months feeling sorry for myself and moping.”

 
“Understandable.” She couldn’t resist wrapping her arm around him and pressing her body against his side. What was it about this man?

  She’d spent the last sixteen years cringing every time she saw a man in uniform. To her, they were a sign of danger. She would never trust a man in the military again in her life.

  But Ajax was different. Perhaps because she hadn’t seen him in uniform and never would. He was out. No matter what happened this week, he would still be a civilian. Discharged against his will.

  He stroked her hair again. “Are you nervous about this helicopter then?”

  She shrugged against him. “Trying not to think about it.”

  Ajax pulled her tight. He did that a lot. He kissed the top of her head again too, which sent chills down her body. She found she liked it, and she was certain she shouldn’t. What the heck was going on between them?

  “Please tell me you don’t get motion sickness or something.”

  She chuckled. “No. I’ll be fine.”

  His hand still in her hair, he stroked the locks that had escaped her twisted braid. “Tell me about this hair. You said it’s not a religious thing. I’m curious why you keep it so long.”

  She shrugged. “I mean, it’s not a rule in the church or anything specific. Not everyone in my church has long hair, but a lot of the women do. It’s just that my mother has never cut hers and neither have my sisters. I’ve thought about it sometimes. Being a rebel. Chopping it all off and getting a nice stylish bob or something.”

  Ajax shuddered against her. “Don’t do it.”

  She tipped her head back and narrowed her gaze. “What does it matter to you?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. Just can’t picture it. It’s…you.”

  “You’ve only seen it down once, in the dark. How is it me?”

  “It made an impression, I guess. Like a missing piece to a puzzle that made me know you better.”

  “And what do you know about me that has anything to do with not cutting my hair?” She narrowed her gaze. On the one hand, it was kind of cute that he had such a strong opinion and liked her hair. On the other hand, it was so like a man to stick his nose into a woman’s business and try to control even her hairstyle.