Love's Wariness

by Flynn Eire

  I wasn’t sure I had it in me to listen, though.

  I wasn’t sure I had it in me not to listen and get the answers I needed… Maybe to survive.

  “It’s like a car accident I can’t not watch,” Ellison said from next to me, and I bobbed my head, totally agreeing.

  Gaius sat with the two of us at the table nearest where Alastair put the ringleader. As soon as the guy bitched this couldn’t happen, Ellison flinched, and rage filled his eyes. I had a guess at what that meant, but I was a bit distracted with my own shocky situation.

  An overloaded tray was set in front of me, and I realized it was more than Gaius worried about us as a few other trays followed and a group joined us. Mostly those mated or dating those involved. Not Rune. He hadn’t changed in being oblivious to any of this kind of stuff besides his tech arena. Sometimes I wished I had that kind of tunnel vision to block out too much else.

  Then again, that could be dangerous too.

  I ate everything anyone set in front of me, hungry, wanting to replenish my body after months of abuse, and nervous eating all in one, it seemed. I thought it was completely understandable given the guy in shackles being taped by a camera someone brought in, Rune coming in to make sure it was recording on the laptop nearby. Helios was using his gift on the guy so he was slurring a bit, zoned out as he answered the absolute truth.

  And the truth was horrible. We sat there and listened to hours of it, and part of me wished I could go back to ignorance. The truth was so much worse than I could have guessed.

  The Eastern Canada council members hated the US councils and their bluster, but more than that, loathed the Queer Camp that kept churning out more and more fags that were ruining our society, accepting what was so wrong. I mean, they put us on the level of zakasacs . The whole thing was insane . They didn’t give a shit about Quebec or the people killed, the people they should have protected.

  Instead, the whole thing had been a trap to ruin our camp, which was also one of the strongest. And I saw from the way the guy talked about one of the councilmen, our side was pretty sure he was working with zakasacs . He simply was using the other members’ hate of gays.

  Un-fucking-real.

  “Un-fucking-believable,” Ellison whispered in horror as we listened to more and more. Again, I bobbed my head, not sure there was much else to say.

  They’d knowingly sent warriors to their deaths to try and take out a camp that accepted gays, didn’t punish them. I didn’t even think those warriors who had graduated right before us were even gay. I knew the vast majority of the Quebec coven wasn’t. How any of them could justify any of this was beyond me.

  When he got to us, knowing the idea was to get in with our council by taking out Alexander who had the support of the council and the reputation to handle any who came at him, I realized I was shaking. He talked about knowing we would die and so would all of Quebec like someone would mosquitos. It wasn’t Helios’s influence, though.

  “The one, Ellison, called us constantly, and it was seriously annoying,” he rambled. I grabbed for Ellison, keeping him in his seat when he moved. We needed to learn it all. “I told him we passed on the messages to our camp, but we didn’t. They knew what we were doing. We told him we contacted his old camp at his request but they didn’t want to speak with them since they transferred. But we never transferred them so they’d be lost in limbo.”

  The fucker seemed giddy that it had worked and we would have died from it. Then he frowned that we’d survived. That had been inconvenient for them.

  When he got to the end, Helios covering just about everything and making the guy answer any questions the higher up people at the camp or Wyrok asked him to, I watched in horror as Ellison went over to the guy. It was a while since I’d kept him seated, and honestly I forgot about him in my shock and despair at what I was hearing.

  “Well, he’s dead,” Proximo drawled, shaking his head. “What the fuck has happened to our people?”

  “El, don’t,” I tried to get out, realizing no one else saw him as others were talking and debating what the next move was.

  Instead, he moved his hand to the guy’s shoulder, smiling widely. “We were an inconvenience to survive? You’re one to be alive.”

  And then he used his gift, sucking the life out of the guy. But he didn’t consume him, like we did blood. No, it took energy to use his gift, more snuffing out the guy’s life, melting organs, than sucking it from him. Either way, the guy was very dead, and I’d seen it enough to know it wasn’t a pleasant experience for those who died. It looked incredibly painful.

  Not that I felt bad for the zakasacs Ellison used it on to save our asses.

  “Accidents happen with new gifts,” the ancient, Seneca, Gaius had called him, said quickly, pulling Ellison away from the dead council guard. “Such a shame, but he was dead anyway. I’ll work with this young warrior on his gift. If you’ll excuse us from the rest of questioning, we should go practice.”

  Ellison let himself be dragged away, shocked the guy interceded on his behalf. I shook my head. Someday his temper and too-quick-to-act nature would get him into trouble he couldn’t get out of. Then again, I thought it was a fucking miracle he’d restrained himself from taking out the nut job coven leader who had locked us all down that led to the deaths of too many.

  “Let’s take dinner to go,” Gaius suggested gently as I watched the body be taken away.

  I snorted. “If you think this bothers me, it doesn’t. I’m glad I’m not the one having to carry the body this time.” I made sure my voice carried as I said it, meeting his gaze. “How the fuck else do you think two post-trans with nowhere near enough training lasted almost a year and a half under those kinds of conditions? Ellison would go on a zakasacs killing spree. He played football at a human college he got scholarships for.

  “I’d let my best friend go out every attack to handle them alone after his gift appeared as I used mine to barricade in as many of the kids and like the ones pregnant or injured. Fuck, I caught a baby once during an attack as I held the door with my gift while he had to go out killing zakasacs and taking that—”

  “I know,” Gaius interrupted. Then he gestured to the other ancients. “We knew. Proximo could sense his fear at it, that people would find out what he could do. That he was a monster and unable to be saved. I was saying we should go because you don’t need to hear the rest of these interrogations and more eyes are coming for dinner.”

  I blinked around and realized there were more people. I hadn’t realized. “I’ve been eating all day.”

  “You were down on the tank,” he argued with a shrug. “They’re recording the interrogations, and you can look later. It’s too much for one brain, Falcon. Let’s take food to go.”

  “Thanks, but I think I’m going to just go…” I trailed off, having no idea what I should go do, but I was pretty sure I wanted to be alone.

  “I don’t think you should be alone even if you want to,” he murmured, studying me. “We can do whatever you want. Watch a movie, no pressure, okay? I might be a slut or whatever you called me, but I don’t take advantage of people.”

  After a moment of trying to let that sink in and everything else swirling around my head, I nodded. Yeah, being alone might be bad actually. My head was sort of a scary place at the moment, and I shouldn’t be alone in it.

  It was Wednesday, so it was actually one of my favorite meals the camp served… Lamb and chicken gyros. I loaded up three to go containers—one with desserts—and grabbed a bunch of Cokes after Gaius said he had booze to mix. He gave me a look like he had the thought he might have to watch my drinking. No, not even close. I hadn’t meant to drink so much the night before, unused to thinking of my tolerance or whatever.

  But if a drink at dinner or after helped me finally sleep, fuck it , I was having the damn drink. A bunch I would worry over, but one or two, shit, like my vampire liver couldn’t keep up? Whatever. I’d been through enough that it was excusable.

  We sw
ung by my room so I could pick up my Kindle, one of the only things I had in any decent shape because I took great pains to make it last. Ignoring a few scratches on the glass, it was fine. It didn’t have word processing the way a laptop would, but that was its only fault.

  “Are we reading together?” Gaius asked as he made a picnic on his bed. I wasn’t all about getting that comfortable, but there really wasn’t anywhere else. I did pull the desk chair over to the bed, though, for better balance if nothing else.

  “No, it’s connected to the Wi-Fi here. I’m looking up precast concrete on YouTube. I wanted to see if there was some good content on it.”

  “You’re into building? That’s Nero’s thing,” he muttered, not sounding happy.

  “I’m into learning,” I corrected. I didn’t meet his eyes, which I felt on me, but I also didn’t want this to be a thing when it didn’t need to be. “William was talking to me that I had a steady hand and he’d take me—”

  Gaius snorted. “I’m sure he would. Is that man going to keep getting in my way?”

  I let out a sigh and looked at him. “I don’t know what is going on here or what it’s even about, or who it’s in reference to, but it’s not me, so don’t put it on me, okay? We’re not a thing. You asked to have dinner to be nice and so I wasn’t alone. I accepted. That’s what friends do.”

  His eyes filled with something dangerous at my curtness, but he seemed to swallow it down, giving a slow nod. “Can I say one thing?”

  “Of course.”

  That seemed to relieve whatever tension I didn’t understand. “You were at the center of the storm, but it’s not only hit you, okay? I’m Wyrok. An ancient. It’s kind of our job to make sure shit like this doesn’t happen. While you were suffering as you were, I was checking out the East Coast camp for the past few months. I’m a bit raw too.”

  “Thanks for explaining. That puts some of this into context for me,” I accepted after a few moments. Made sense. “Alastair mentioned something about you getting the funds for the subdivision. What’s that all about?” I smiled, thinking of something else as I picked up my first gyro. “And what was the prize I got for shooting you?”

  He opened his mouth and then closed it, shaking his head. “I would have thought that was out of bounds, but honestly, it might have been the only way you got me.” He got off the bed and went over to his closet, grabbing three big bags of something from it before returning. “You get to pick one. I got three when I went on the supply run a few days ago since I’d never seen them before and I thought it would be funny to use for this.”

  I snatched up the massive bag of cherry cordial Hersey Kisses. “I didn’t know they made bags this big. Oh my god , these are my favorite. They only come out around the holidays and…” I bobbed my head. Right, they were just around the corner. I’d been in hell that long. “Thanks, this is awesome.” I glanced at the other two bags. “I’ve not had candy cane or mint truffle, either. Huh, interesting. You can never go wrong with mint and chocolate.”

  “Kinda what I was thinking,” he agreed, smiling that we had something in common.

  So was I, on the inside at least.

  We ate, and he told me about his taking out two cartel families, using his gift of projecting and influence to get it done. He basically made two warring families think the fight was already going on and kill each other so there was an explanation for the authorities. He and Morggyan had loaded up tons of cash, weapons, gold , and other goodies, though she’d stayed to get more and handle the proper disposal of so many drugs.

  “I’ve never had pot,” I admitted. “I was always so freaked out I’d get caught and end up in a human prison for the crazy sentences they give humans for something so stupid. My parents, though, shit, they were total potheads. Reformed hippie dippies and all of that. I bet a bite of pot brownie would do wonders for Ellison and I.”

  He snorted. “It did for Verge. The little shit stuffed the whole thing in his mouth when he got yelled at for snagging one.”

  “You sound like you miss him,” I said carefully, not liking it seemed a thing with him.

  He frowned, though, shaking his head. “No, it’s just the only story I have with pot brownies and you know him. It was stupid funny, though. I mean, everyone was dying. I would have told it if it had been any of the people you know, you know?”

  “Yeah.” I did, but still, it was weird he kept bringing up Verge. Or I was just sensitive to it, which was also stupid, as I didn’t know him or want to get involved.

  Or so I kept telling myself, but apparently I was going to also keep hanging out with him.

  I realized a flaw in my plan as we finished eating, deciding to leave dessert for later and slip some booze in our pops. Watching YouTube on a Kindle—even the bigger one—meant getting close. Incredibly close.

  “Stomachs?” he asked, nodding to the bed we’d just cleaned up. “If we lie on our backs, we’re holding it up so we can both see it.”

  “Yeah, that’s fine.” I cleared my throat nervously, but he was acting like it was no big deal, so I was probably just being silly.

  We laid down, and I loaded the video I’d found on the Science Channel’s YouTube channel for How It’s Made , always careful it wasn’t pirated content someone was stealing and getting paid by advertisers to get the views.

  “That’s so cool,” I whispered as it explained how exact and specific every part, slab, or wall were made.

  “Yeah, it is,” Gaius agreed as he took it from me so he could hold it… While moving his other arm over my back. It put us closer to watch, but it also had every inch of the right side of my body touching his.

  Something I really wasn’t able to ignore.

  When the three-minute segment was done, he actually typed in for a How It Works video about wind turbines. “Alastair owns a company that makes these using recycled steel from crushed cars, or like I know he got a whole cache of steel from old buildings and whatnot. It’s pretty cool from an engineering standpoint and doing better to leave less of a carbon footprint on the planet, which I’m a big fan of.”

  “Nice.” I gave him a genuine smile when he glanced to see if I was teasing him or not. I wasn’t. I thought it was really cool that an ancient vampire who was thousands of years old cared about such things.

  The video was really cool, and I honestly wanted to learn more about both. We reached at the same time to put in something, and I accidentally hit the back icon so YouTube closed. Unfortunately, Gaius didn’t get how a Kindle worked and that he had to go back into the app… Instead, he tapped on the Amazon browser that wasn’t like Google and loaded fresh each time.

  No, it loaded the last place I’d been on.

  Which had been porn, much to my embarrassment.

  And he didn’t immediately close it. Instead, the video I’d watched on PornHub loaded almost immediately with the super fast internet we had there, and it seemed I was unable to think of what to say.

  Gaius cleared his throat. “This is what you’re into?”

  I didn’t say anything. What was there to say about it? Deny it? Yeah, it was the last thing I was looking at. Tell him that yes, I liked watching videos of a guy being on his knees in front of another guy because it made me think of getting to do that one day? Sure, that was a great conversation starter.

  “It’s hot,” he tried again… As his hand moved from my lower back to my butt. “Really hot and a personal favorite, but I’m more into something else.” He turned it away to type in the search and then set it back in front of us.

  To show a guy riding his partner, giving one hell of a view as he cried out in pleasure at what he was doing. I was so into watching it, I almost forgot I wasn’t alone for a moment, but then lips kissed my shoulder, and I turned to say something.

  Anything because I should.

  Instead, he kissed me, and I forgot all about the Kindle or my embarrassment. Couldn’t forget the porn because he’d set it down, not turned it off so it was still going in the b
ackground.

  “Do I get kisses for giving you kisses?” he asked, tapping the bag on the floor so I could hear it. “I was really hoping you didn’t shoot me so I’d get some.”

  “You just want kisses? Not the videos?” I checked, my mouth finally working.

  “I don’t think any sane man would say he didn’t want those videos with you, but I promised we could go as slow as you needed and I wouldn’t push you. So yes, I’m quite happy with kisses.”

  “Okay,” I panted, moaning when he attacked my lips, turning me onto my back and moving over me. I threw my arms around his neck and fell into his trap, knowing a player like that would totally burn me in the end. We made out for a while, and I found myself wanting more.

  But he pulled away all of a sudden. “I should walk you to your room before I break my promise.”

  “Yeah, sure,” I agreed as I told my body to chill. He was doing what I wanted.

  Right?

  4 ~ Gaius

  The goodnight was awkward. There was tension in the air, and I knew I was screwing up, making him feel maybe he’d done something wrong or that I didn’t want more. Which was totally wrong, but I knew I wanted to keep my promise not to push him.

  And I was freaking the fuck out.

  I knocked on Nero’s door, hoping both of them were in there, but no one answered. I growled and banged on it. “I don’t care if you’re balls deep in him, I will tear this door off. I don’t know what’s happening.”

  The door yanked open, and Nero opened his mouth to chew me out, but I brushed past him and went inside, glad Falcon was on a different floor so he couldn’t hear any of this.

  “Hey, Gaius, um, we weren’t inviting you,” Verge drawled from the bed, hurrying to cover up.

  “Yeah, I know. I don’t—I’m not interested in that.”

  “Since when ?” Nero challenged, raising an eyebrow as he closed the door and leaned against it.

  Completely naked.

  “I will apologize for interrupting later, I will, but I’m freaking the fuck out,” I promised. “My fangs came out. We were kissing after we watched the porn on accident, and I heard the grunt part, which always means someone comes on someone’s face, and I thought about doing that to him, and I didn’t want to. Didn’t you say that meant something? You didn’t want to do that to Verge?” I turned and looked at Verge. “Why wasn’t that okay with you?” I glanced back at Nero. “Do your fangs come out with him? I’ve only had that with humans during sex to feed.”