NERDS: National Espionage, Rescue, and Defense Society

by Michael Buckley

  “Try to relax,” Ruby said to him. “No sudden movements. These are local tribal fighters and we’ve stumbled onto their land.”

  “How do you know that?” Jackson said as he craned his neck to see her. She was standing behind him. A group of men had their swords aimed at her heart.

  “Call it a hunch,” Ruby said.

  “Where are the others?” Jackson asked.

  “I sent them ahead to scout the highway into Cairo. They won’t be back for an hour,” the girl replied.

  “So we’re here alone?” Jackson cried. The man holding the sword shouted at him angrily and pressed his blade closer to his Adam’s apple.

  “You remember me telling you to relax, right?” Ruby said.

  “So what are we going to do?” Jackson said more quietly.

  “Well, we have two choices. We can die, which is what these guys want us to do, or we can fight back and die a little later. You choose.”

  “Don’t you have some spy gadget or gizmo?” Jackson asked. “What about your upgrades?”

  “Mine are inside my body, doofus. My allergies make me highly sensitive to danger—almost bordering on psychic. For instance, my tongue is swollen because I’m allergic to angry threats. My eyes are itchy because I’m allergic to large groups of people with swords. My ears feel clogged because I’m allergic to answering dumb questions. My ability is not going to help us much here. Why don’t you use your upgrades?”

  “I don’t know how to use them yet,” Jackson said. “All I know is that I can use my braces to catch a flying car and force-feed a dog. I haven’t had a single lesson on what they can do.”

  “I told Brand you weren’t ready,” Ruby said. “I wish Gluestick was here. He’s a technology guy, but I’ll do my best to explain. Your braces are made from millions of tiny robots called nanobytes. They are linked to your brain so you have control over them. If you want them to react, all you have to do is to think it.”

  Jackson concentrated and he could feel the wires swirling around in his mouth, and in a flash a crudely shaped fist rocketed out of his mouth and caught the warrior leader under the chin. He dropped his saber and fell backward into the sand.

  The other warriors raised their swords in the air and screamed in fury. Six strands shot out of Jackson’s mouth, all with swords at the ends. The fighters slashed with their weapons, but Jackson’s braces blocked each attack. Jackson felt like he had six musketeers in his mouth. Metal crashed into metal and sparks flew everywhere. Finally, Jackson managed to disarm the entire gang, and they ran off in fear.

  “Did you see that?” Jackson cried as his braces retracted into his mouth. “I rule!”

  “That was hardly worth the self-congratulations,” Ruby said.

  “What? Was I the only one standing here? Those guys were going to kill us. You’re lucky I was here to save your itchy behind.”

  “Let’s just get something straight!” Ruby shouted. “We don’t need your help in any way, shape, or form. Each one of us is an expertly trained fighting machine. We all know how to paralyze a man with just a pinch. You’re on this team despite the fact that all of us voted against you. Our votes used to mean something … anyway, just because we’re stuck with you doesn’t mean we’re ever going to be buddies or grateful to you for anything. You’re a bully—”

  “What?” Jackson cried.

  “A bully!” Ruby shouted even louder. “So you fought off a few bad guys. If you think I would do the same for you, then you’re dumber than you look. You’re on your own, and if you think you can intimidate us with a wedgie or a headlock, you’ve got another think coming.”

  “So I guess you’re not going to thank me?” Jackson said.

  An hour later, Matilda floated to the ground with Duncan in her arms. In the distance they spotted a streak of dust heading in their direction. When it stopped just six inches away, Jackson realized it was Flinch with Heathcliff on his back.

  “Oh, I always miss the fun,” Matilda complained when she saw the piles of weapons.

  “Some fighters decided to mess with Jackson Jones!” Jackson crowed. “They learned the hard way how tough I am.”

  Ruby turned away. “Let’s get going. We’ve got several more miles before we get to the lab, and who knows how many more of these fighters are lurking about.”

  The others were soon climbing aboard their camels.

  Jackson was annoyed. “What? No pat on the back? No good job, Jackson? Where’s the gratitude?”

  The others ignored him and trotted off.

  Cairo was a fascinating place. Skyscrapers rose high into the air next to ancient stone buildings. Taxis and sports cars shared the roads with camels and donkeys. Men in suits rushed off to work while farmers pushed carts of exotic fruits and vegetables to market.

  A policeman yelled at the NERDS team. “He wants us off the main road,” Heathcliff told the others after searching through an Arabic-to-English dictionary. “He called us filthy gypsies.”

  “He’s not very nice,” Duncan said.

  Ruby steered her camel down a side street, and the team followed. She led them down several crowded alleyways. Children played while tourists gawked at the buildings and snapped endless photographs. Women carried baskets of laundry on their heads as tiny European cars struggled to get past.

  “Badawi’s lab is around this corner,” Ruby said as she hopped off her camel. The others followed her lead. “Intelligence says she has several armed guards, and it would be best if we can avoid them. Wheezer, you and I will need to get changed. Flinch, Gluestick, and Choppers, circle the building and try to find where those guards are positioned.”

  The three boys ran off.

  “What about me?” Jackson said.

  “You can turn around,” Matilda said. After several moments the girls tapped Jackson on the shoulder. He spun around and found them wearing Girl Scout uniforms.

  “Again, I missed the briefing,” Jackson said. “What is going on?”

  Before they could explain, the boys returned. “There’s two guards on a fire escape on the west side of the building,” Heathcliff said.

  “There’s two at the front door,” Duncan added.

  “Nothing on the roof,” Flinch said as he opened three juice boxes and sipped them all at the same time. It wasn’t long before he was shaking and giggling from the sugar.

  “OK, we’re going to distract as many guards as possible,” Matilda said.

  “How do you plan on doing that?” Jackson asked.

  Matilda dug into her pack and pulled out several boxes of cookies. “With these.”

  “No one can resist Girl Scout cookies,” Ruby said. “As for the rest of you, it looks like the roof is the safest way inside.”

  “What about me?” Jackson asked.

  “You’ve got the most important job ever.”

  Jackson’s eyes popped open. “Really? What?”

  “You get to guard the camels.”

  Jackson scowled. “I’m not used to sitting on the bench.” Ruby pointed an angry finger at him. “Then you better get used to it. You’re here to observe.”

  “Forget it!” Jackson snapped.

  “Listen, he can go with us,” Duncan said.

  “With us?” Flinch and Heathcliff cried.

  “I’ll take responsibility for him,” Duncan insisted.

  “If he screws up, it’s on you, Gluestick,” Ruby said.

  “No worries,” Duncan said. Heathcliff shot him a murderous look, but he kept his mouth closed.

  “All right, let’s go kidnap us a scientist,” Flinch said as he clapped his hands.

  The girls headed for the front door, while the boys circled around the back of the building.

  “So, how do we get up to the roof?” Jackson asked, eyeing the building. It was easily ten feet tall. “There’s no rope in my pack.”

  “Like this,” Flinch said as he grabbed Heathcliff and tossed him high into the air. Jackson watched as the bucktoothed spy landed nimbly on th
e roof of the building.

  “No way you are doing that to me!” Jackson said. It looked more terrifying than the rocket.

  “It’s really safe,” Duncan said, just before he was tossed as well.

  “He’s right,” Flinch said. “I’ve only crippled three people. That’s a very good percentage.”

  “Now, let’s talk about this,” Jackson said, but a moment later the boy’s hands hefted him off the ground and flung him high into the sky. Flinch’s toss was perfect and Jackson came down on the roof like a feather. A barfing, crying feather—but a feather nonetheless.

  Flinch landed beside him, grinning from ear to ear. “Fun, huh?”

  The other boys pulled off their desert clothes, revealing black bodysuits covered in zippered pockets. Duncan took out a pair of goggles, slipped them over his eyes, and looked down at the roof.

  “The girls are having some luck. The guards are gone from the fire escape. I’m detecting two people in a lab on the eighth floor. Braceface, want to take a look?” He handed the goggles to Jackson.

  “Stop calling me Braceface,” Jackson said as he slipped them on and looked down. He could see red silhouettes shaped like people rushing about inside the building. The X-ray sensor goggles were amazing. “So, how do we get inside?”

  Heathcliff gestured to a fire escape door on the roof. “Duh!”

  Jackson also pointed to the huge lock on the door. “Double duh!”

  “I’ll take care of that,” Flinch said, turning the dial on his harness. He ripped the door off its hinges and tossed it aside like a scrap of paper. “Ta-da!”

  The four boys hurried though the door and down the stairs.

  “She’s two floors down,” Duncan said.

  “Pufferfish, how’s the cookie sale going?” Heathcliff said.

  “Very well,” a voice echoed inside Jackson’s head. He recognized it as Ruby’s.

  “I heard her in my head,” Jackson cried.

  “Communications are linked through the chip inside your nose,” Duncan explained. “If you need to talk to one of us, just focus on our faces in your mind. The chip does the rest.”

  The boys continued down to the eighth floor of the building and slipped into the hallway. Before they had a chance to regroup, a guard appeared. Luckily, the team leaped into an empty room before he spotted them.

  “Flinch, you and Gluestick go after Dr. Badawi,” said Heathcliff. “I’ll stay here and babysit the dead weight.”

  The two boys raced into the hallway and vanished, leaving Jackson and Heathcliff alone. They sat in silence for a long time until Jackson’s curiosity got the best of him.

  “Why do you hate me so much?”

  “As if you have to ask,” Heathcliff said.

  “Actually, I do have to ask. That’s why I’m asking.”

  Heathcliff let out an impatient sigh. “NERDS is an organization like no other, because its members are chosen for their skills and abilities.”

  “And you don’t think I have skills and abilities,” Jackson said. “I’m a star athlete.”

  “So what? Who cares if you can throw a football? The world is not saved by touchdowns—it’s saved by ideas. This organization has always had an elite membership. Our members go on to be diplomats, scientists, and inventors—very few of them spend as much time on their hair as you do. Your very existence here is a slap in the face to every person who has ever risked his or her life as a member of this team.”

  Jackson felt his face flush. “Brand seems to think I have potential.”

  “Agent Brand sees himself in you,” Heathcliff replied. “But like you, he could never have been one of us. We’re the guys they call when people like Brand can’t get the job done.”

  Jackson looked away. He didn’t want Heathcliff to see that his words had hurt him.

  “It’s all clear,” Flinch said in Jackson’s head. “I’ve got the guard under control and Gluestick is on his way to pick up the package.”

  “Good,” Heathcliff said.

  “Sit tight and we’ll be back to get you,” Flinch replied.

  “Choppers to the School Bus,” Heathcliff said out loud. A moment later, Jackson heard the lunch lady’s gravelly voice.

  “School Bus is here.”

  “Gluestick is retrieving the package. Request extraction,” Heathcliff said.

  “On our way, kid,” the pilot replied.

  While this conversation was taking place, Jackson heard something in the distance. It sounded like a heavy machine coming in their direction, loud and fast. He stood up and went to the window. As he peeked outside, a helicopter flew directly over the building.

  “Uh, any idea who that is?” Jackson said. He studied the helicopter. It didn’t have any markings on it at all.

  Heathcliff rushed to the window and craned his neck to see the new arrival. “I don’t have a clue. Team, we have an unidentified helicopter in the area. Gluestick, do you have the doctor?”

  There was a brief pause and then Duncan’s voice could be heard. “Not yet. Whoever it is, I recommend you engage. It will give us more time to acquire the target.”

  “Negative,” Ruby said. “Work faster.”

  Jackson watched the helicopter land on the roof of the lab. A moment later, he heard heavy feet rushing down the stairs the boys had just taken. Jackson and Heathcliff raced over to the doorway and peered out into the hall. A dozen heavily armed men were running down the stairs from the roof. Among them was a young girl, no older than Jackson, with platinum blonde hair. She said something to the men and they raced down the hallway past the boys’ hiding spot.

  “They’re in the building,” Jackson said. “You’ve got to warn the others.”

  “I can see that!” Heathcliff snapped. “Gluestick, can you hear me? Wheezer? Choppers? Flinch? Can anyone hear me? Abort the mission!”

  “It’s too late,” Flinch said. He sounded nervous in Jackson’s head. “They’re storming into the doctor’s lab now. Gluestick is in there. Where did these guys come from?”

  Heathcliff frowned.

  “We have to save them,” Jackson said.

  “Absolutely not. You’re here to observe and we are outmatched.”

  But Jackson was already running down the hallway after the armed men. Heathcliff may not have had any faith in him, but he’d show that jerk. He was Jackson Jones, and Jackson Jones did not sit on the bench.

  Dr. Jigsaw said it would be simple. All the Hyena had to do was to storm the lab, kidnap the scientist, and go, but did it turn out like that? No! Nothing was ever simple when you worked for a crazy person.

  It was, of course, her own fault, because she should have known better. She should have quit the moment she saw Dr. Lunich die in a fiery inferno. She should have quit when she saw what Jigsaw’s continent-moving machine could do. She should have quit when she discovered Jigsaw had been in a mental hospital for a nervous breakdown, but she realized that if she quit every job because the boss was a lunatic, she would never work again. But now he had gone too far. He had saddled her with a team of morons who were heavy on weaponry and short on attention span.

  As goons went, they were really quite useless. If she hadn’t reminded them to show up at the airport at a certain time, they would never have gotten on the plane. If she hadn’t personally made wake-up calls to get them out of bed on time, they would have slept through the mission. And meals—oh, the meals on the mission were the worst. Picking a restaurant to eat in took hours and usually ended in an angry squabble. One wanted fried chicken; another had to have chili. One was on a special no-carb diet. The other was allergic to wheat and eggs. There was no making them happy.

  But the morning of the actual kidnapping, the Hyena thought she had whipped them all into shape. Everyone was showered, dressed, and ready when the helicopter landed. Everyone had had breakfast. No one had to go to the bathroom at the last minute, and best of all, they had remembered to bring their weapons with them.

  When they landed on the roof of th
e doctor’s building, she led the goons down to the lab, where they found a locked door. There are many ways through a locked door. One can pick the lock. One can slide a credit card along the crack where the door and the frame meet. One can use a crowbar and pry a door open. One can even knock. But the goons had another method—kicking a door off its hinges. They dashed in, fully prepared to snatch a screaming scientist, when the Hyena saw something she didn’t expect. Standing with mouth agape was a chubby African American boy dressed in a black jumpsuit. He was clutching Dr. Badawi’s arm as if he were preparing to drag her away.

  “Who are you?” the Hyena demanded.

  The chubby boy thrust out his hands and a thick, yellow substance squirted out of the tips of his fingers. It landed all over her boots and the floor.

  “Hey! Watch the boots. They’re new!” she cried, but the boy was already on the move. He hoisted the tiny scientist onto his shoulder like a sack of apples and then did something the Hyena would not have thought possible if she hadn’t seen it herself. He ran up the side of the room and onto the ceiling like a human fly. Each step left more of the gooey yellow glop behind. Soon he and the scientist were racing across the ceiling and out of the lab.

  Once the Hyena came to her senses, she attempted to chase after them, but her feet held fast to the floor. In fact, she couldn’t move a pinky toe in any direction. The stuff the fat kid had squirted on her was some kind of super-powerful glue.

  “What should we do?” one of the goons asked.

  “Um, you could go after them,” the Hyena suggested sarcastically.

  A moment later the goons were piling out through the lab door and she was struggling with her boots.

  “Not again!” the Hyena muttered as she reached down to unzip them. She slid her feet out and gave her boots a strong tug. It did no good. The weird kid’s glue was like concrete. Another six hundred dollars down the drain!

  Furious, she turned and raced barefoot into the hallway. The kid and the scientist were nowhere in sight, but another boy had appeared in front of her. This one, unlike the sticky weirdo, was cute, though he had a set of braces that appeared to be made from battleship scraps.