NERDS: National Espionage, Rescue, and Defense Society

by Michael Buckley

  “You’re as crazy as Jigsaw,” Jackson said.

  “If that’s true, then it’s all because of you.” Heathcliff pointed an angry finger at Jackson. “You tortured me with your stupid pranks. You made me feel small and insignificant. My IQ is a billion times yours, yet you walked around like you owned our school.”

  “Heathcliff, I was a different person then,” Jackson said.

  “Maybe, but there’s more like you out there. There’s a million Jackson Joneses. Maybe billions, and the only way to stop them is to take their minds off picking on nerds and geeks. I’m going to give them something else to concentrate on—like the end of the world. Simon says turn on your machine, Dr. Jigsaw. Let’s keep washing our hands of this whole stinking planet. North America next, I think.”

  Dr. Jigsaw climbed a small flight of stairs to a platform beneath the satellite dish. “This will only take a minute, Simon.”

  Jigsaw pushed buttons, and the machine’s humming grew dramatically. There was a loud grinding sound, along with beeps and twitters. Then a green beam shot out of the top of the rod and zipped into the sky above. “It’s starting!” the weird scientist cried.

  “Stop this, Jigsaw,” Brand begged. “You’re killing yourself, too.” The secret agent hobbled forward to stop him, but Dumb Vinci knocked Brand to the ground.

  The tractor beam was at full power, and the room rocked back and forth as if it were on a stormy sea.

  A huge video monitor rose up out of the floor and flickered to life. It was set to a kids’ puppet show, but that was quickly interrupted by an urgent newscast. A startled reporter appeared on the screen.

  “We’re joining you now live from the CNN newsroom. Reports are coming in of earthquakes in California, North Carolina, Yucatán, and Newfoundland. Another report just in to the newsroom claims that a massive tidal wave slammed into the North Slope of Alaska. We’re going to check in with our meteorologist, Christopher Storm, to see if he can give us any insight on these incredible, almost simultaneous natural disasters.”

  The image changed to a nervous man looking over a computer readout. His face was pale and terrified. “Yes. First, I’m not really sure how to explain what is happening around the continent. These are phenomena like I’ve never seen, and I’m not sure there are words that would do them justice. What I can say is our satellites are telling us that North America seems to be moving. Again, North America seems to be moving. Now, there may have been some massive change in the tectonic plates, but I can’t imagine what could have triggered it. For now, the National Weather Service is declaring a state of emergency for the United States. Canada, Mexico, and other countries are doing the same. Viewers are encouraged to stay in their homes. If you’re on the street, there’s a very good chance that you could die, so please, just stay indoors. Wait, I have some satellite pictures. Can we show them?”

  Some images from space appeared on the screen. It was clear that they were tracking the movement of North America as it was drifting eastward toward Europe.

  “I can’t believe it,” the weatherman said. “I just can’t believe it!”

  “Look at the destruction you’re causing!” Duncan cried.

  “I’m doing this for us,” Heathcliff said as he turned his back on his former teammate.

  “Destroy the beam!” Ruby shouted, and the NERDS rushed into action. Matilda fired concussion blasts, and Flinch punched the satellite dish with superpowered fists. But before they could do any real damage, they heard Heathcliff’s voice once more.

  “Simon says stop it!” he shouted.

  And that’s when Jackson knew things had gone from bad to worse. He looked over at his teammates. Each of them was in a deep trance. Their eyes glazed over.

  “Kill Jackson Jones and the Hyena,” Heathcliff said.

  “Yes,” they said in unison.

  “Uh, if you can use those superbraces, now would be a good time,” the Hyena cried.

  The entire team attacked at once. Jackson tried to stop them. He turned his braces into a giant flyswatter and smacked Matilda out of the sky. Then the flyswatter morphed into a gigantic hand, scooped up some henchmen, and tossed them at Duncan and Ruby. Next the braces turned into a metal cage that clamped down over Flinch. Jackson was actually beating his own team of superspies, but the cage had been a terrible mistake. Flinch punched the bars, ripping a huge hole in them. The little nanobytes in Jackson’s mouth swirled in agitation and slinked back onto his teeth. As his teammates approached again, he tried to activate his braces once more, but they popped and smoked. Flinch had damaged them, and now they were useless.

  “I’m afraid we have a problem,” he said to the Hyena.

  “All right, I guess I have to do everything around here,” she said as she reached into her pocket and took out a pair of earplugs. “Put these in your ears.”

  “What are these for?”

  The Hyena frowned. “I have an ability myself.”

  “Like my braces?”

  “Yes, and just as embarrassing. Put these in your ears and promise me you won’t take them out until I tell you.”

  “Fine,” Jackson said, though he was totally confused. He shoved the plugs into his ears and smiled at the pretty assassin. “Happy? Oh, that’s weird. I can barely hear myself.”

  Whatever the Hyena’s plan, Jackson was sure he and the assassin would be killed at any moment by his superpowered teammates. But suddenly they stopped. Bewildered, he watched as one after the other began to smirk, then shake, and though he couldn’t hear, it was clear they were breaking down into complete hysterical laughter. Jackson turned to his partner and saw that she was giggling herself … but not as uncontrollably as everyone else in the room. Jackson had to know what was going on so he took the earplugs out. What he heard was the most obnoxious, donkeylike, ridiculous laugh he had ever heard. It came out of the Hyena, and was so silly and stupid he couldn’t help but laugh at it too. Soon his chuckle grew into a guffaw and the guffaw into a chortle and the chortle into a gut-busting, pain-inducing laugh. He was about to fall over from the pain in his side when the Hyena snatched his earplugs out of his hand and shoved them back into his ears. Her laughter disappeared, as did his giggle fit. He now knew where his partner got her name.

  Finally, the Hyena removed the earplugs from his ears again. Jackson surveyed her attack. Everyone was on the floor holding their bellies—even Heathcliff and Dr. Jigsaw. Unfortunately, the green beam from the satellite dish was still blasting into space.

  “If we’re going to save the world, we’d better do it now,” the Hyena said.

  “But I don’t have my upgrades.” Jackson said. What could he do? He was just a kid with a broken pair of bionic braces. How did he get to such a point in his life? From star quarterback, to nerd with magnetized dental appliances, to secret agent in major trouble. And then it hit him.

  “Help me get Flinch to his feet,” he shouted as the two raced to the tiny boy’s side. They helped him up and shook him until he stopped laughing and could concentrate on what they were saying. “Flinch, have you got enough juice in your harness to toss something at that machine?”

  Flinch reached into his pocket and took out a box of chocolate-covered raisins. “I will! What do you have in mind?”

  “Me,” Jackson said.

  Agent Brand staggered to his feet, still giggling, and grabbed Jackson by the arm. “Absolutely not.”

  “When you asked me to join the team, you said I reminded you of yourself, right? What would you do to save the world?” Jackson said as he turned back to Flinch. “Have you ever tossed a football?”

  Flinch hoisted him off the ground with little effort. “Once. My older brother tried to show me.”

  “Imagine I’m a football,” Jackson said.

  “What are you doing?” Ruby cried.

  “Ms. Holiday said the tip of this tractor beam is actually a giant magnet,” Jackson explained. “I just happen to have a set of braces that are highly magnetized.”

 
; “You’re crazy,” Matilda said.

  “You taught me that a good secret agent can use anything as a weapon,” Jackson said. “On three, Flinch. Hut, hut, hike!”

  The boy tossed Jackson into the air. He soared high to the very center of the satellite dish, with a wide smile on his face. The magnet in the tip of the rod tugged at his braces. The tentacles swirled out, whipping around wildly. They smashed at the rod, and soon the machine began to show signs of failure. The green beam of energy began to sputter. Jackson’s obnoxious dental work was destroying Jigsaw’s doomsday device.

  “No!” Dr. Jigsaw cried.

  Jackson looked down and saw Flinch pushing at one of the girders that held the satellite dish in place. He gave it a good shove with his shoulder, and it started to tilt over.

  Now Jackson and the machine were falling, and there was nothing he could do to stop from crashing into the ground and probably dying on impact. Matilda flew to his side and tried to pull him off the dish, but she wasn’t strong enough to break the hold of the magnet. So she used one of her inhalers to hover and the other to burn the rod holding Jackson in half. The magnet that held him fast came away, and Matilda flew Jackson to safety just as Jigsaw’s doomsday device tumbled over. The mad scientist leaped out of the way, but his goon, Dumb Vinci, was not so lucky. His arm was caught beneath a jagged piece of the crumbling device, and he screamed in agony.

  Unfortunately, this was not an end to the problems at hand. The dish crashed through the lab’s ice floor and sank. The last ebb of the tractor beam hit the ocean floor deep beneath the fortress. As the beam exerted its pull, the icy ocean floor shot upward, forming an ice mountain that rose high into the air, taking Jigsaw’s fortress and its inhabitants with it. In the midst of the cataclysm, the Hyena slipped and tumbled over the side of a rapidly rising cliff. She held on with all her strength, but when Jackson rushed to her, she was already slipping. He reached out and snatched her by the arm.

  “Don’t let me go,” she said, looking down at the long drop below.

  “I’ve got you,” he promised.

  “You!” a voice roared behind them. “You did this!”

  Jackson turned his head just in time to see Heathcliff rush forward. “You, a complete moron, stopped my plan,” Heathcliff said. He stomped hard on Jackson’s leg, causing him to roll over the edge of the cliff. With his free hand Jackson snatched at the edge, holding on to the Hyena with his other hand. He felt like he was being ripped in two.

  Heathcliff stomped down on Jackson’s fingers, but Jackson refused to let go. Still, he knew one more stomp from Choppers’s boot would be the end of him and the Hyena.

  Then there was a blur of movement, and Jackson watched as Heathcliff came sailing over the edge of the cliff. He screamed all the way down until his cries could no longer be heard.

  Standing over Jackson was Ruby. She was scratching her scalp. “I’m allergic to betrayal.”

  Agent Brand and a team of scientists recovered the remains of Jigsaw’s satellite dish. With help from Dr. Badawi and the rest of the kidnapped scientists, they managed over the course of several weeks to move North America and Australia back where they belonged. Innocent people were killed in the chaos and the property damage was staggering, but all in all, things could have been worse for the world.

  Dr. Jigsaw’s broken body was found on an icy cliff of the new mountain at the North Pole. Dumb Vinci’s body was never recovered. Neither was Heathcliff’s, though they did find his black skull mask floating in the icy waters.

  “How will we explain it to his parents?” Jackson asked as the team assembled in the Playground.

  “It’s drastic, but the parents have been given a medication that will cause them to forget him,” Agent Brand said. “It works much like Heathcliff’s own ability.”

  Jackson was stunned. “So if I die on the job, my dad and brother will forget I was ever born?”

  Ms. Holiday sighed. “I wish there was another way, but they would ask too many questions.”

  Jackson hung his head. “This is my fault.”

  Duncan shook his head. “No, Jackson, Heathcliff knew the world would change for him. As a grown man he could put all his days as an awkward kid behind him. He just didn’t want to wait.”

  Agent Brand looked into the faces of his team. “You all did very well.”

  “Is that all?” Ms. Holiday prompted.

  “I’m very proud to be working with you.”

  Before Brand could walk away, Ruby cleared her throat. “I think I can speak for the team—” Brand stopped in his tracks. “And say we feel the same way about you.”

  Brand nodded then walked out of the Playground.

  “He’s quite the chatty one,” the Hyena said.

  “We’re working on him,” Ms. Holiday answered.

  Jackson turned to the Hyena. “So, did you talk to him like I told you? I think you’d be great on our team. I can’t imagine what kind of upgrade Benjamin could give you for your laugh, but I bet it would be awesome.”

  “I did talk to him,” she replied. “And he said no.”

  “I can’t believe it. They wouldn’t even have to train you,” Jackson said.

  “It’s fine, Jackson,” she assured him. “He offered me a job— doing something else.”

  “Really? What?”

  “Sorry, it’s classified, but—”

  “But what?”

  “But I’m not going to see you for a very long time,” she said. Jackson felt a crack in his heart.

  “Don’t be sad, Nerdboy,” she said, kissing him on the cheek. “I’ll be back someday. Maybe then you’ll have those horrible braces off your teeth.”

  She turned and walked away. Jackson watched her step through the secret locker exit and disappear.

  “Did she just kiss you?” Matilda asked.

  “Gross!” Flinch shouted, his mouth full of chocolate and coconut candy.

  “So, quarterback, how did it feel to save the world?” Ruby asked.

  “No big deal.” Jackson beamed. “I’m sure I’ll do it again by Friday.”

  “Don’t get a big head yet,” Matilda replied. “You’ve got a lot more training ahead of you. I’ve got some great ideas about how to beat you up with a watermelon.”

  “So you want me to stay on the team?” Jackson said to them.

  “Arghcheeww,” Flinch said, then turned the knob on his harness. “Ah, you’ve kind of grown on us.”

  “It doesn’t hurt that you saved our lives,” Duncan said. “So, if you’ll come back to the team, we’d be happy to have you, Jackson.”

  Jackson smiled and nodded.

  Just then, the group let out a wicked sneeze.

  “The signal,” Ruby cried.

  The lunch lady rushed into the room. “Agent Brand wants you out in the parking lot, pronto.”

  “The parking lot?” Duncan asked.

  “Just go, children,” Ms. Holiday ordered.

  In no time, the team was outside. Agent Brand was aboard a real school bus. The lunch lady crawled into the driver’s seat and beckoned the children aboard.

  “What’s happening?” Jackson asked as the team found their seats.

  “Welcome to the TB-48 Orbital Jet,” Agent Brand said. “Since we lost our rocket, Benjamin gave a real school bus an upgrade.”

  “Buckle up, kids.” The lunch lady slammed a blue button on the dash, and the sound of grinding metal and moving parts filled the air. Jackson felt rockets blasting beneath him and watched as a wing extended from the side of the vehicle. A moment later the bus and the NERDS were blasting into the stratosphere.

  Ruby looked over to Jackson. “Looks like you get to save the world again, Jones.”

  He smiled. “We’re in the field, Pufferfish. Call me Braceface.”

  THE FOLLOWING IS A

  RECORDED TRANSCRIPT OF A

  CALL INTERCEPTED BY NERDS

  SATELLITE SURVEILLANCE

  AND IDENTIFIED BY

  FIELD AGENT THE HY
ENA,

  A.K.A. MINDY BEAUCHAMP, AS

  BEING BETWEEN SIMON AND

  A GOON SHE REFERS TO AS

  DUMB VINCI.

  October 10, 09:15

  Dumb Vinci:

  Hello.

  Simon:

  It’s me. I see you survived the explosion.

  Dumb Vinci:

  Not quite. I lost a hand. I had a doctor clean it up. They put a hook on it.

  Simon:

  Cool.

  Dumb Vinci:

  It actually hurts a lot and I have to give up the piano.

  Simon:

  Oh. Your sacrifice is noted and appreciated.

  Dumb Vinci:

  I’m sorry about the plan, boss.

  Simon:

  (Laughing)

  Dumb Vinci:

  Boss? Are you OK? It sounds like you’re laughing.

  Simon:

  Your concern is amusing, my friend, but completely unnecessary. You see, Jigsaw and his little machine were just part of a much bigger plan, one that is going exactly the way I want. Take care of yourself. I’ll contact you when I need you again.

 

  Mr. Dehaven sat at his desk looking through the Nathan Hale yearbook. He was putting an X through Jackson’s face and smiling when there was a knock at the door. It opened, and Jackson’s father appeared.

  “Hello, Mr. Jones, it’s good to see you.”

  Jackson’s father sat down at the desk. “Mr. Dehaven, I’ve come to you in hopes that you’ll reconsider my boy’s failure.”

  Mr. Dehaven shook his head in disapproval. “Absolutely not. Your son will have to repeat the fifth grade. It’s for his own good.”

  “Mr. Dehaven, I was never a smart kid. When I was around Jackson’s age, I got it into my head that my only chance at success was sports. Truth is, if I had buckled down and cracked a book from time to time, I might have been ready when I hurt myself on the football field. Luckily, Jackson’s days as an athlete have come to an end early, so he has a real chance at taking a different direction before it’s too late. And I think with a second chance he’ll do it. Jackson is a hard-working kid. He’s smart and has a lot of potential, and he’s got his father’s can-do spirit in him. And, to be fair, he has more responsibilities than most kids—more than you can even imagine. It’s taken him a while to adjust but he’s back on track. I couldn’t be prouder of him, and I think that if you can let him move on, you won’t regret it. He’s a special kid. He’s going to change the world.”