A Wonder Springs Cozy Mystery Omnibus: Books 1, 2 & 3

by B. T. Alive

  “Oh my gosh!” Tina said. “Your cat!”

  “Careful,” I said. “He’s sketchy around…”

  But he was twining around Tina’s legs, purring like a motorcycle.

  “… strangers,” I said.

  “OH MY GOSH, he’s ADORABLE!!” she gushed. She scooped up Mr. Charm and nuzzled his neck. Huh. That cat had always resisted nuzzling… with me. Now, in Tina’s arms, if he tried to purr any louder, his ribs were going to crack.

  “Traitor,” I said. Then I caught myself and flashed Tina my best fake smile. “I’m totally joking.”

  “Oh no… you’re not,” she said, with infuriating compassion. She reached out to touch my arm, then awkwardly stopped herself and tried to fake like she’d meant to pet Charm. “Anyway, I love your cat, but we’d better hurry. Let’s get you both some food.”

  And she walked off, carrying my cat.

  I padded after her on the cool smooth floor, smoldering with pet envy and my growling empty stomach.

  But as she led me through a fantastic warren of old halls and stairs and nooks and corners, I pretty much forgot to be mad.

  Every room in the Inn was unique. I’d walk through a light-filled ballroom with a dome ceiling and a glittering bank of windows, then cut through a low cozy tavern room made entirely of brick: the walls, the floor, and even the ancient built-in hearth. The Inn seemed to have grown by fits and starts across time warps, like an English manor house. You could live here for decades, and never reach the end of its secrets.

  The place had a kind of beauty magic. I’d spent my short adult life thus far in bleak conference rooms and offices and gridlock, but here it was all hardwood and brick and windows you could actually open, to cool spring air and the scent of blossoms.

  And as we walked into a wide, tiled lobby, heading toward a hall with the oaken doors of the dining room, that scent was enriched with the luscious aromas of breakfast: the bite of bacon and the waft of fresh bread, the seductive promises of dark coffee and the forbidden delights of… pancakes.

  How long had it been since I’d allowed my low metabolism to indulge in such a perilous feast?

  “Wait here,” Tina said, slipping behind the front desk with Charm still in her arms. “I’ll be right back.” And she vanished through a door into a back office.

  The front desk here on the main floor was like a time travel machine to a classic movie. I half expected to see Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman trading sultry quips at the wooden counter, or a mysterious shady figure sneaking a note into one of the cubbies on the wall behind the desk.

  I wasn’t thrilled to be standing around basically barefoot in public, literally salivating outside the gates of breakfast paradise. But before I could get too frantic with hunger, Tina emerged. Instead of my cat, whom she had presumably deposited safely with some gourmet meal, she carried a pair of sneakers with roughly the appeal of bowling shoes.

  “Sorry,” she said. “It’s all we had in your size.”

  “It’s fine,” I said, resigned. It wasn’t like I was going to know anyone. And I slipped on the hideous sneakers and hustled after Tina into the airy, oak-paneled dining room.

  Where I promptly spotted Nyle Pritchett.

  Yes, that Nyle Pritchett. The bug-eyed tool with the styled beard who’d stolen my promotion.

  Right here in Wonder Springs.

  Chapter 6

  My mind reeled. This couldn’t be happening.

  What the heck was Nyle Pritchett doing HERE???

  The odds were… unfathomable. I stared, transfixed, fighting to persuade myself that it must be some other middle-aged white dude who thought he could still pull off thigh-high khaki shorts on the weekend.

  “WAITER?” Nyle bellowed, in his wheedling whine, trying to get the attention of a lone, gaunt waiter who was drooping over a nearby couple like a depressed vulture. “HELLO?” Nyle added, and he actually snapped.

  Okay, that was definitely Nyle. Crud.

  Ahead of me, Tina startled and turned back. “Summer? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

  What was wrong? What was I supposed to say to that?

  Oh, nothing, nothing at all… except the guy who just humiliated me and torpedoed my career just happens to be RANDOMLY HERE, of all possible places on Planet Earth! No biggie!

  Wait, wait… he was here… oh crud…

  If he saw me, he might freak out too. He might start talking.

  That would be bad.

  I’d avoided telling Grandma and Tina about my quitting for a reason. The situation had been… complex.

  If Nyle started braying all the gory details… yeah, no. Not going to happen. I could totally see Grandma revoking her “complimentary” breakfast and booting me right out on my broke backside. At a minimum.

  I had to avoid him seeing me. No matter what.

  Even as I thought that, Nyle twitched at his table across the room, and began to sweep a glance that was coming right for me.

  “What’s wrong? Nothing!” I chirped at Tina, with manic cheeriness, as I twisted my back to Nyle and tried to position Tina between us. “I love this room!” I gushed. “Look what you’ve done with this… corner!”

  I scurried toward the corner table that was farthest from Nyle. In a snug, paneled nook that was lit by an old sconce, a mousy blond woman sat alone, fiddling with a laptop.

  “The corner?” Tina said, confused.

  “Sure!” I said. “So few decorators understand the importance of—GYAH, you look just like him!”

  That last bit came out as a shriek, and the mousy blond jerked up and stared at me in shock.

  This only gave me a more thorough view of her face, which, as I had shrieked, looked just like Nyle. The bulging eyes… the thin, sallow cheeks… they could have been brother and sister.

  How was this possible? Was I losing my mind?

  “Who does she look like?” Tina asked me, at the same time giving the woman a reassuring nod, like, Hi, we’re normal! And it is totally okay that my friend here just walked up and yelled at you. “Someone you know?”

  “Yes. No! Just… that guy.” I jerked a nod back toward Nyle, who was now waving his arms at the waiter like a castaway at sea. “Sorry,” I added, with a contrite glance at the blond. “I just… happened to notice a resemblance. Startling.”

  “Oh, you mean Nyle?” Tina said. She giggled in a high, merry tinkle of glee. “Of course Kitty here looks like Nyle. So does half the room. It’s the Pritchett family reunion.”

  “What?” I gasped.

  My disbelief tilted into nightmare. It was true.

  There were more Nyles. Wherever I looked, Nyle, Nyle, Nyle…

  At the nearest table to Nyle sat an older, heavier Nyle clone, arguing with a woman who was either his wife or his irate boss. Probably both. At another table, a late middle-aged clone had attempted to hide the awful family resemblance with an extra twenty years and a bushy mustache, but to no avail. The Nyle stamp remained blinding. Finally, I spotted a young, horse-faced edition in a black turtleneck, who was hovering by the empty hostess stand and eyeing Tina as if he hoped she might come over. (Of course.)

  Maybe that old magician creep had actually killed me. I wasn’t sure what I believed about the afterlife, but if it was going to involve torture, this was looking excessively appropriate.

  “This is the first year we’ve had the Pritchetts,” Tina went on, chatting as if the three of us were old friends. “But I can totally see why Nyle caught your eye. Quite a looker.”

  I gaped. She was serious.

  The laptop woman—Kitty?—cringed a little, then gave me a smirk. “Please don’t let her near him,” she said. “His ego’s already the size of Texas.”

  “I know,” I said. “I mean, I’m sure. With that… beard, and all.”

  “You have no idea,” Kitty said. “I should know. I’m his cousin.”

  “I’m sorry,” I said.

  She shrugged. “Family’s family, right?”

  “Sure,
” I said.

  Great. Nyle also had a devoted extended family. Of course he did.

  Just then, the horse-faced Early Twenties Nyle clone strode up. He wore trendy glasses with those thick frames that are considerably cooler in moody stock photos than in real life, and his black turtleneck hinted that he either thought he was the next Steve Jobs or else he’d just never learned how to knot a tie.

  “Need some technical assistance?” he blared down at Kitty. “I’ve got data on my phone.”

  He pulled out a gargantuan phone—had that thing been in his pocket? He was going to need a hip replacement by the time he was thirty.

  “Thanks, I’ve got it,” Kitty said, in a strained voice. “The wifi here should be fine for a video call.” She gave Tina and me a tired smile. “Aunt Delilah couldn’t make it.”

  “Oh, that’s so sweet of you to call her!” Tina said.

  The tech guy made a show of “seeing” Tina, like he hadn’t happened to stand right next to her. “You again!” he brayed. “Are you following me around?”

  Tina giggled.

  What was wrong with this woman?

  The tech genius, grinning at his own prowess, turned back to Kitty and leaned toward the laptop. “Are you sure you’ve got that data? You need to click the little icon—”

  “Bryce!” barked a testy old woman’s voice from the screen. “Get back from the camera! Your nose hairs are the size of pipe cleaners!”

  He jolted back, flushing red to his tight black collar.

  Tina blushed too.

  The tech dude turned to me, unconsciously pulling at his nose. “So!” he said, with blustery fake confidence. “What do you do?”

  “Sales,” I said, without thinking.

  “Really,” he said, glancing at Tina as if this were one more magical connection they shared. “That’s so funny, my cousin Nyle is in sales. And he just got promoted.” He turned toward the center of the room and raised his arm. “Hey, Nyle—”

  “No, no!” I blurted, and I pressed his arm back down.

  To my surprise, even through the fabric of his long turtleneck sleeve, an odd energy prickled into my skin. It wasn’t as strong as the jolt I’d have gotten with skin contact, but it was more than I expected through a sleeve.

  That was weird.

  But this was no time to ruminate on the vagaries of the Touch. I started backing away, keeping my back toward the center and Nyle.

  “It’s been lovely meeting you both,” I said. “But Tina promised to feed me.”

  “Don’t worry, I will,” Tina said, with a longing look around me, presumably toward Nyle. “But we could just say hi—”

  “Tina!” I snapped, still backing away.

  Tina frowned.

  From the laptop, the voice of Aunt Delilah crackled, “Who are you all talking to?”

  “Sorry, Aunt Delilah!” Tina chirped, popping in front of the screen and waving. “Hi, I’m Tina!”

  “Well, hello there, darling,” Aunt Delilah said, warmly.

  Tina bid both Kitty and Bryce a cheerful goodbye, smothered one last giggle at Bryce, and then pranced over to me.

  “Thanks,” she said to me, as we walked across the room. “I needed that.”

  “What?” I said. “Look, I know we just met, but I have serious concerns about your taste in men.”

  “I know, right?” she said, and she walked a bit faster. “Don’t worry, I just need to get some distance. It’ll pass.”

  “Distance? What are you talking about?” I said.

  “Nothing. Sorry,” she said. “Did you know you’re walking backwards?”

  “Tina!” snapped Grandma Meredith, who somehow materialized right behind me. I jumped, and I nearly crashed into her, which would have been bad, because both her arms were loaded with plates full of food. “Hamish is floundering,” Grandma said. “I need you out there.”

  “Right,” Tina said, with a glance at the gaunt waiter, who was now drooping over the older gray Pritchett with the mustache. “But what about Summer?”

  “I’m fine!” I said. “I just want to hide in the bathroom. Go to the bathroom. Where’s your bathroom?”

  “The hall by the kitchen,” Grandma said, with a curt nod across the room.

  “Perfect! Thanks!” I said, and I backed away in the exact opposite direction, so I wouldn’t have to walk past Nyle.

  Both Tina and Grandma watched me go, nonplussed.

  I worked my ridiculous way around the wide, busy room, turning to walk forwards as soon as I could. I made it to an archway in the far wall, which opened into a dark hallway. The far end of the hallway led to the kitchen door; I could hear dishes clanking and some dude bellowing in what sounded like Russian. (Russian?) The near end offered a quaint door with “RESTROOM” painted with a flowery script and ivy. I dove in and locked the door.

  Safe.

  Maybe I could just stay here. Until Nyle left. And/or I died.

  “This doesn’t mean you win, dude,” I muttered. “Just because you got the promotion. And I quit. And now I’m hiding in a bathroom.”

  I sighed, avoiding my reflection in the little round mirror.

  It was the kind of moment where one reflects upon certain life choices.

  Also on creepy magicians breaking into your apartment, being immune to your Touch, and giving you accelerated skin cancer. And total strangers knocking you unconscious and healing you overnight.

  “Breathe, Summer,” I said. “You can do this. All that really matters is finding your family. You get those addresses out of Grandma, you win. You get home. All the rest of this weirdness can fade away.”

  Would this Grandma Meredith woman really refuse to tell me about my family if Nyle recognized me and started mouthing off? Maybe I was being paranoid, but after the last twenty-four hours, I was no longer placing bets on the universe acting sane. She’d called that wizard guy “eccentric”, but despite her polished exterior and aggressive Southern charm, I knew in my bones that Grandma Meredith herself was more “eccentric” than all the rest of her clan put together.

  She had her own strange reasons why she’d written me out of nowhere, and she was clearly bent on keeping them secret. The slightest glitch might reverse her decision.

  Hiding in the bathroom wasn’t such an awful plan.

  Thud. Thud. Thud.

  Three dread knocks exploded the silence.

  “You are kidding me,” I muttered. “Watch this be Nyle.”

  It was not. It was the Sheriff.

  Chapter 7

  And I do mean Sheriff, with a capital S, all decked out in the full Sheriff Regalia. His righteous gray mustache could probably halt a bank robbery all on its own. The man might even have been handsome once behind that stern glare, but age and beer were taking their toll.

  I might not have thought a tiny town like Wonder Springs would even need a sheriff. But he stood here now in the dark hallway with his arms crossed, glowering down over his massive chest. From his expression, you’d have thought he’d just caught me in there cooking meth.

  And yet… something about his face was strangely familiar. Which was disturbing.

  “Bathroom’s all yours,” I said.

  “Much obliged,” he said. “And you are?”

  “Um, Summer?” I said. And then, keeping up the pretense that this was an actual social introduction, I added, “Nice to meet you…” I checked his nameplate, and I caught my breath.

  His name was Jake.

  Like the bloodhound last night.

  With the weird, uncanny eyes. Eyes which, as I looked closer at this strange old man…

  He frowned. “Is there a problem?”

  “No! Sorry.” I really was losing my mind. Yesterday morning, the very idea of a…. of a what? shape-shifting man-dog?… wouldn’t even have occurred to me. I needed to eat something. And maybe sleep for a week.

  “Hmm,” the sheriff said.

  And then he sniffed. Like, way harder than ordinary people use their nose, however pro
minent.

  “Hey!” I snapped. “I didn’t have time to shower!”

  “Excuse me?” he said, confused.

  “Never mind,” I said. I strode away toward the archway, but as I stepped into the light of the dining room, I remembered about Nyle and ducked back into the shadows.

  Then I realized that the Sheriff had been watching me. He cocked a bushy eyebrow.

  “Hmmmm,” he said again, and he lumbered into the bathroom and closed the door.

  “Great,” I muttered. Oh well. How much harm could some random suspicious sheriff do to me? I’d be out of Wonder Springs by nightfall, as soon as Grandma Meredith told me what she knew.

  For now, I just needed to get out of this freaking dining room.

  But Nyle was all animated, waving his arms and arguing with the woman at his table. I hadn’t noticed her before; I couldn’t see her face, but her hairstyle seemed edgy for corporate Nyle—dark and long on top and pinned back, but with the sides shaved short and dyed… hot pink?

  Anyway, whatever he was arguing about, he was looking all over the place. If I tried to make a break for the entrance, odds were high he’d spot me.

  I was trapped.

  And any second, that stupid sheriff was going to lumber out from the john and… what, arrest me for loitering?

  Relax, Summer. Sometimes, even sheriffs just had to use the bathroom.

  Even snuffly, suspicious sheriffs who’d probably come out and insist on standing there, and asking me a bunch more questions, and attracting Nyle’s eye…

  This was truly getting ludicrous.

  But then, over a matter of seconds… almost every diner in the room turned toward the entrance.

  I did too, and I forgot about Nyle.

  The Matriarch had arrived.

  I had never stopped to wonder how Nyle’s face would look on a woman who’d had an extra fifty years or so to layer scowl wrinkles and overeat. Now I knew.

  She crossed the room slowly on thick legs, huffing like a dowager processing at a royal wedding. When she finally eased herself into a seat, there was a collective exhalation of relief.

  She swept the room with a gaze like that flaming eyeball tower in Lord of the Rings. When she spotted the gaunt Hamish, she skewered him with a glare, and she didn’t even have to call him, because he was already trotting over like a disgraced puppy.