Fallen Love (Sinful Truths Book 5)

by Ella Miles

  “Hi,” I return sweetly.

  It causes Siren to bite her lip. She chews on it like I make her nervous, in a flirtatious sort of way. Like we are two people going on our first date. I laugh at that thought because Siren and I have never even gone on a first date. Nothing about our relationship feels normal.

  This moment does.

  A hospital gown is the only thing hiding my secrets. Siren’s wearing makeup and jeans to cover hers. This moment should be awkward. It should feel wrong. But I feel all the flutters of being in love, and I remember the last thing I said to Siren before we were ripped apart—I asked her to marry me.

  I search her left hand for the ring but find it empty. My heart drops…

  Siren laughs, noticing my reaction.

  “What?” I ask, angry that the ring I got for her is gone.

  She holds up her right hand. “Looking for this?”

  “Come here,” I growl.

  She jumps onto the bed next to me happily like it’s our wedding night instead of the night I crush her dreams. She curls into the crook of my arm, and lays her head on my chest, becoming the missing piece of my body. She fills the void taken from me, but I’m not sure if what is left of me is enough for her.

  “Stop,” she says.

  “What?”

  “Just stop. Stop thinking. Just be with me. Hold me. Love me. I love you, Zeke. Nothing that happened to either of us changed that. Nothing ever could. I still want to be your wife. I want our forever—whatever that means. I want it. I’ll always love you.”

  I want our forever too. We never talked about what our forever means, though. Does it mean this? We will always be running? Always be fighting? Our lives in constant danger?

  Did we want to get out? Settle down in a house with kids?

  I realize now that neither of those forevers is going to work. Neither of them will allow me to love Siren the way she deserves to be loved.

  I don’t want a life of running and fighting, a life of danger.

  But I can’t offer her the kids and peaceful life she deserves either.

  Siren takes my hand instead of draping her body over mine, sensing she can’t be on me without hurting me, even though we haven’t discussed all my injuries yet. Or hers.

  She traces calming circles in my palm, and I let my thoughts go. I’m present with her. Her warmth is hugging me and reminding me what it means to be happy again.

  “What do we do now?” Siren asks after we are both calmer.

  I don’t know. This isn’t a battle against an obvious enemy. I can’t just pull out my gun and take down each enemy, one after the other. Our enemies already damaged us. We both have wounds—physical and emotional. We both have pain to share and lingering feelings of anguish, of fear, of loss.

  I want to draw a line and start over. Push all those feelings away and begin a new life today with Siren.

  I can’t, though.

  She can’t either.

  I take her hand in mine and kiss the back of her hand. “We love. We heal—together. We take this step by step, and we find a way to defeat our demons.”

  13

  Siren

  “Are you scared?” I ask.

  “No,” Zeke answers, but shudders.

  “I’m terrified,” I say.

  “Me too.” Zeke smiles tentatively. “But I don’t want to be. I don’t want to show you how afraid I am. This should be easy.”

  “No, it shouldn’t be easy. It should be hard. Most couple’s relationships don’t survive the traumatic. Ours has been tested to the limit.”

  “Where do we start?” he asks.

  This is too big. It’s too big to just start talking and lay everything out. Separately either would be too much, but together this becomes enormous. I feel the weight on both of us, weighing us down. We have to do this.

  I hear a soft rattling at the door.

  Zeke turns his head and then is reaching for a gun.

  It scares me that his first reaction is to reach for a gun, even though we’re on a heavily guarded ship with his best friends. This time we took no precautions. We are being protected by all of Enzo and Kai’s men. Over two dozen superyachts surround us with the highest level of technology. There is no safer place to be.

  “It’s just Kai. She said she’d leave us some food outside the door,” I say, getting up. I open the door and grab the tray of food and carry it back to the bed.

  “Grilled cheese,” Zeke says without looking at the plate.

  “Really? You think?”

  He nods with a smile. “It’s Kai’s favorite comfort food. And she’s not much of a chef. And she would have made this herself, not let the chef on board cook it.”

  I lift the lid, and there are two heart-shaped grilled cheeses underneath.

  We both grin. “She makes such a good mom,” I say.

  He grabs the sandwich and takes a bite, wincing.

  “Should you be eating that?” I ask.

  “Probably not, but it tastes good.”

  I take a bite, and I moan. “What kind of cheese did she put in this?”

  “I don’t know, but it’s delicious.”

  We both eat our sandwiches in quiet after that. I scarf mine down, not realizing how hungry I’ve been. I haven’t eaten a full meal since before Zeke and I were separated.

  Zeke barely nibbles on his, wincing every once in a while as the food goes down roughly in his throat. His stomach rumbles, causing him to shift on the bed. Each time he moves, I see the toll it takes on his body. I hear the cracks, the hisses, and the moans he tries to hide. I haven’t seen what’s underneath his hospital gown, but I know it isn’t good.

  “Truth or sin?” I ask, thinking maybe a simple question game will help us talk, or at least get us started.

  He nods but stiffens. He’s leaning against the headboard, picking at the last piece of the grilled cheese, not looking at me.

  This is going to be hard.

  “Truth,” he finally says, his dark eyes meeting mine, begging me not to hurt him. But everything I have to say will hurt him. I start with the easiest topic to tackle. The part that is painful, but in a way we can mourn and heal.

  “Lucy died.” I take a deep breath and blink back the tears. Maybe starting with her death wasn’t the best idea after all. My eyes find Zeke, and he doesn’t look shocked. He knew. He already knew.

  “Julian didn’t kill her. Nor did Bishop.”

  He exhales a harsh, thankful breath. He was worried her death was painful.

  “It was beautiful. One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced. She died in my arms, outside, looking up at the stars and the water. Lucy was ready to die; she was at peace.”

  The tears sting now, remembering that moment.

  Zeke pulls me to him, and we are both crying silently in each other’s arms. Crying, until we drift to sleep.

  The sun wakes us both up.

  “Your turn,” I start.

  “I can’t play. I can’t do this,” his throat clears.

  I touch his chin, needing him to look at me so I can understand what he’s saying. “You can’t play? You can’t be with me? What are you saying?”

  “I can’t play. I’m tired of playing games.”

  “You want me to tell you the truth? All of it?”

  He nods.

  “And then you’ll tell me yours?”

  His jaw clenches, and I know the answer is no. He wants my truth, but he doesn’t want to give up his.

  “No,” I say.

  He frowns and tries to turn away from me. I climb on his lap, and he moans loudly. I lift myself up to avoid touching him, but I’m straddling him, looking him face to face so I can get through to him.

  I place my hands carefully on his shoulders to hold myself up, studying his reaction. He only flinches, so this can’t be hurting him too badly.

  “Why don’t you want to tell me what happened to you? What are you afraid of?” I ask.

  His eyes fill with te
ars. His teeth grind together until I can hear the clattering sound. The vein in his neck bulges. It’s like he’s about to burst. If he starts, it will all come out in one explosion that will obliterate us both.

  “That you won’t want me,” he finally says.

  I take his face in mine. His glorious, beautiful face. The one with as many scars as mine. He has plenty of battle wounds on his face, but it doesn’t make him any less beautiful. It’s part of him, as much as his dark, intense eyes, his strong jaw, and long, beast-like hair.

  “I’ll always want you, no matter what happened to you. No matter what you did or didn’t do. It doesn’t matter to me, I love you. I’ll always want you.”

  He shakes his head like he doesn’t believe me. I grab his face again and press my lips to his through the tears. I suck all his pain away with my mouth and tongue. I’m careful not to push him too far.

  He can’t handle getting excited and fucking right now. He needs more time to heal, and as much as we both want sex, it won’t heal us right now. We need the truth, not sin.

  “I’m afraid my pain will be too much for you to bear,” I say, spilling my fears.

  “Never.” He kisses the tears on my cheeks, sucking them off the surface of my skin. “What happened to you will hurt, because once again I failed, not because I can’t stand to hear it. I can handle your pain.”

  I shudder over him, trying not to touch him when I’m desperate to. An idea forms in my head.

  “Can you get in the ocean? Will it hurt you?” I ask.

  He shakes his head. “My wounds are all stitched and covered. As long as you don’t expect me to swim, I should be okay.”

  “No swimming,” I smile. “Do you trust me?”

  “With my life.”

  “Good. What I’m asking you to do will require you to risk your life. Your heart. Your everything.” I wiggle my eyebrows, trying to lighten the mood as I jump off the bed.

  He chuckles at me. It’s deep, but not a belly laugh, which is probably a good thing considering whatever is underneath his nightgown is going to be lots of bruises and scars and agony.

  “Get ready to go for a swim.”

  “Siren,” Zeke says in a warning word, reminding me that he can’t.

  I head to the door. “Trust me.”

  Zeke does trust me. He loves me too. And he’s about to start his forever with me.

  14

  Zeke

  “This is crazy,” Enzo says as he hands me a pair of swim trunks and a T-shirt.

  I laugh. “This is the least crazy thing I’ve done in a long time.”

  “Why are you going for a swim when you should be in bed healing?” Enzo asks as he unties my nightgown.

  “Because Siren wants me to.”

  Enzo grumbles. “That sounds like a terrible reason.”

  The gown falls to the floor, and Enzo gasps. He’s speechless looking at me.

  “I’ve looked worse,” I remind him of the last time he came for me when I was tortured.

  Enzo shakes his head. “You’ve been through more than all of the rest of us combined.”

  “I know! Why is it that I’m always the one that gets tortured the worst?”

  “Because you are the biggest target.”

  I laugh. “And what is it about my balls? This is the second time I’ve been attacked there. I mean, really?”

  “They are just big and hairy like the rest of you. People think they are fighting a sasquatch instead of a human.”

  Enzo helps me step into the swim trunks, and then he slips the shirt on over my head, like one of his twin toddlers.

  “You don’t have to do this just because Siren wants you to. Does she know about…?”

  “No, that’s why I have to do this. We need to heal. Siren has a plan to do that. I can’t get the words out right now, and she can’t either. This is the only way to do this. The ocean has brought us together before. It’s where she found me—saved me. It won’t fail us.”

  “I get it. But if your balls get infected and fall off, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he taunts me.

  I nod, remembering the doctors talking about me in the hospital bed when they thought I was out of it—saying how damaged I was. There is nothing I could do to further damage my body. My scars will heal, but only the surface. Everything else will remain damaged, forever.

  Forever—a promise and a curse. That’s what I should have written on Siren’s ring.

  Enzo pats my shoulder. “You’ll get through this. There was a time I thought Kai and I wouldn’t survive, but we did. We figured out how to defeat our enemies and how to love each other. You will too.”

  “And then I brought new enemies to your doorstep.”

  “No, you didn’t. Julian Reed was always after us. He would have come after us in a different way if he didn’t find you. You actually stalled him. This is our fight, now. Not yours alone. We will destroy him like we’ve defeated all our enemies.”

  “Boys? You down there? The sun will set soon, and I’m not letting you get in the water if it’s not still daylight out,” Kai says from the top of the stairs and down the hallway.

  “We’re coming,” Enzo shouts back.

  Enzo helps me up the stairs, and then I see Siren preparing one of the dingy boats.

  “Really? We aren’t even getting in the water? Just going on a boat? I didn’t need to change if that was the case,” I say.

  “Oh, you needed to change. That hospital gown wasn’t a good look for you, big guy,” Kai says.

  I shoot her a dirty look.

  “Just get in the boat,” Siren says, happy to see me smiling and joking. She thinks it means she has a chance of healing us. The joking is just preventing me from thinking about our unsalvageable relationship. She won’t want me when she knows there is no future with me.

  Enzo helps me into the boat, and Siren climbs in after me. We are lowered into the water, just the two of us in the small boat.

  Siren drives us about a half-mile away from the main yacht. There are several other nearby yachts, all ours protecting us, so I know we are safe. The open water is as private as we can safely be.

  “You ready?” she asks.

  “Since you haven’t told me what we are doing, I guess I’m as ready as I can be. Although my doctors are going to lecture me about how stupid this was and how I’m risking my life.”

  “It will be worth it, I promise.”

  “I know.”

  She lifts her T-shirt off her head, and she’s in a white skimpy bikini. The kind that displays every curve, every bruise, every cut.

  “Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” I breathe out, but keep my hands to myself. I have too many feelings at the sight of her. I love staring at her body but hate the new unknown marks. I want her, am desperate for her. I feel the heat rise in my chest at the sight of her curves, the tightness of her stomach, her cleavage spilling out the top of her bikini. But I don’t feel my cock stir. I don’t get excited in my usual way.

  “Down boy,” Siren winks at me, thinking my problem right now is that I want to fuck her. I do. God, I want nothing more than to be able to fuck her like before. But I don’t even know if I can get hard. And from the bruises on her thighs and arms, I suspect what she went through is preventing her from a romp in the sack too.

  Suddenly, she’s diving into the water, her body arching like I imagine an Olympic diver would move. Her ass gives me one more tempting view before disappearing under the water.

  I stare down at my crotch, willing it to harden, to come to life in any way, but I feel nothing. It’s like I’m numb below my waist. I know the muscles and nerves still work in my legs. I can still move, but my cock might as well not exist.

  Siren’s head pops up. “You coming?”

  I nod and jump into the water feet first, nowhere near as gracefully as her dive into the water. This is a stupid idea; there is no way water could heal me.

  When my head goes under the cool water, everything changes. I feel alive again. I
feel light, like my injuries and pain no longer exist. I remember the last time we were both in the middle of the water like this. I had a bullet in my chest. I was bleeding out. I was going to die. And then…

  My head pops out of the water, looking at Siren again in a new light as we both tread water.

  Siren bites her lip, trying to keep her growing smile at bay as she looks at me, confident this was the right move.

  “You can hold onto the boat,” she says.

  “No, I don’t need to.” I don’t want to. I just want to feel the water and her.

  “You’re afraid. I’m afraid. But we are letting that fear go here and now.”

  I close my eyes, feeling the draining sun’s warmth on my face, the ocean water spraying my cheeks with salt, the waves rocking us gently away from the boat. I open my eyes again, renewed. I’ll never be able to thank her enough for realizing what we needed.

  We will still have a lot of healing left to do when we leave the ocean, but we will have taken the first step, and the first step is the hardest.

  So I open my mouth, “Siren, I—“

  “Nope, you don’t get to tell me anything about what happened to you yet. This is my plan.” She winks at me and then takes both of my hands, holding them between us, our kicking legs keeping us above the water.

  It’s exhausting, but the burn in my lungs and the ache of my legs feel good. It reminds me how much I’m willing to suffer for our relationship. I just don’t want Siren to suffer with me.

  “Why do you love me, Zeke?”

  I frown. “Are you questioning—“

  “No, I just want to hear why you love me.”

  “We would be out here all day if I listed every reason why I love you, Siren. Way past the length of time we are able to tread water without drowning. My love for you is vaster than this ocean.

  “I love you for saving me that night in the ocean; you could have easily let me drown. I know you made sacrifices that night that I still don’t understand, but you took one look at me and knew I was worth saving. That I was a good man.