School started in late August, and she was almost relieved to have something to occupy her mind. She heard from Ben and even on a few rare occasions, had been able to be with him, but he’d been distracted and distant. She felt him pulling away. She wanted to hold on, to cling to him, but that wasn’t what their relationship was about.
She had no idea what he and his team were working on, only that it took up almost all their time. She’d spoken to a couple of team ladies and found that they’d been isolated from their guys, too. She watched the news looking for hot spots around the world, but oddly, the fighting between nations appeared to be on a break. She was in the dark, both on what he was working on and what would happen to them long term.
The weekend before the wedding, there was one last engagement party for Lawrence and Bethany. Hosted by a college buddy of her brother’s, it was a backyard, beer-in-kegs, and hot dogs-on-the-grill casual affair. Ben had texted her that he’d be unable to attend and to give his best wishes to the bride and groom. He was trying to get off the day of the wedding, but made no promises.
The wedding had been the deadline for her and Ben’s time together. With his current SEAL commitments, it could realistically be after the wedding before she saw him again and by then, there would be nothing keeping them together.
She left Katie at her parents’ house and drove herself to the party. Seth had offered to drive her so she could drink, but she wasn’t in the mood for alcohol tonight. If she got drunk enough, she might cry.
The event was in full party mode when she arrived at eight. Yes, she was late. If it hadn’t been for her brother, she probably wouldn’t have gone. She wasn’t in a celebrating mood.
“You’re here,” a tipsy Bethany said, throwing her arms around Holly. “I love you. You’re going to be the best sister-in-law.”
Holly chuckled. “What are you drinking, and how many have you had?”
Bethany’s eyes widened. “I don’t know, but it tastes like fruit punch.” She shoved her glass at Holly. “Here. Taste.”
“Thanks, hun, but I’m driving tonight. I think I’d better stick with soft drinks.”
“I don’t have to worry about it,” Bethany slurred. “My husband-to-be promised I’d get home, so I will.” She drained the red liquid from her plastic glass. “Oops. I’m out. Be right back.”
Holly shook her head and grinned. That girl’s head was going to hurt tomorrow.
She found the stash of Coke products and poured herself one with no liquor.
“You’re here.”
She turned around to face Seth. “That I am. How are you?”
“I’m good,” he said, refilling his plastic glass with soda. “The girls have asked if Katie can come over sometime.”
“If she wants to, sure.”
“How was her birthday?”
“It was very nice. Thank you for sending her the iTunes card. You certainly didn’t have to.”
“It was more from my girls than me.”
“Well, either way, the money will be well spent on music. It was a very nice thing to do.”
As she spoke, she realized how often she used the word nice to describe anything involving Seth. He was nice. An all-around good person with a steady job that put him at home most nights. Was that what she wanted? Needed?
Katie was gone more and more doing things with friends. As her daughter aged, the time spent with friends would be more, not less. The time Holly was home alone would only get longer and lonelier.
She dragged her musings back to the present. Looking around, she asked, “Who’s your date tonight?”
“Didn’t bring one.” He stepped closer. “The woman I wanted to bring is here.”
“Oh.” Her heart pounded against her ribs when he neared. Her tongue felt thick, as though she’d lost the ability to form words, or at least, the right response…not that she had any idea what the right response should be. Her gaze dropped to her feet.
“In case you’re not aware, I’m interested in you, Holly. I like you. You’re funny and sweet and I’d like to see more of you.”
“Oh.” Her gaze jerked up to his face. Her breathing hitched at his serious expression. She’d known he was interested in her, but she was surprised he was willing to lay it on the line like that. “I’m flattered, Seth, but…”
“I know. The SEAL. But I’m not giving up on you. I think if you’d give me a chance, you’d see that I’m a great guy.”
She smiled but before she could respond, her sister-in-law swooped in and wrapped her arm through Holly’s.
“Sorry, Seth. You don’t get to monopolize my best friend tonight.”
He laughed, and that sober expression morphed into a smile. His laughter and as always, was nice and modulated to an appropriate volume. “Take her away, Diana.” He looked at Holly. “Think about what we talked about, okay?”
“I will.”
Holly let Diana lead her away.
“Thanks,” Holly said. “I needed the escape.”
“It looked a little too serious.”
“It was. He wants to date me.”
“I know. Remember? I told you.” She looked around. “Is Benjamin coming tonight?”
“No. Something’s going on at the base that keeping him there a lot.”
“Are you sure it’s work? You’re talking about a confirmed bachelor. Is it possible he’s ready to move on and by putting distance between you, he’s hoping to let you down easily?”
“It’s work. I’ve talked to some of his team members’ girlfriends. Their guys are at the base all the time.”
“Okay. I stand corrected. Sorry. Come on. Let’s get some dogs before they’re all gone.”
Diana’s words haunted Holly the rest of the evening. Was her sister-in-law right? Was Ben using the heavy workload to put some time and distance between them?
Chapter Twelve
Benjamin was given the day off for the wedding. His CO wasn’t thrilled, but all three SEAL teams had worked non-stop for months. Their assault plan was done. They’d run through the exercise so many times, the movements had infiltrated Benjamin’s sleep. When he wasn’t dreaming about the upcoming mission, he was dreaming of Holly. He missed her so much, his heart ached.
Their deal wasn’t supposed to go this way. He’d dated women for four months before. He’d enjoyed their company, but his heart had never gotten involved. His cock? Sure, but never his emotions.
After his sonofabitch father, Benjamin had been sure he didn’t have the ability to love in his genetic programming. How surprising it was to learn that maybe he did.
No, that was a lie. There was no maybe. He loved Holly, not that she’d given him any indication that she wanted more from him. She’d used him to avoid issues with her family. That’d worked. The wedding was here, and her need for him would be over after the reception, which was just as well. The teams flew out tonight at midnight.
He pulled the plastic off his dress blue uniform and laid the jacket on his bed. The six brass buttons sparkled under the light in his bedroom. His numerous campaign ribbons and metals gleamed. The matching blue trousers joined the jacket, along with a white dress shirt and black tie. From the top drawer of his dresser, he added his master chief petty officer tie clasp, belt, and a pair of black socks.
Dressing quickly, he sped to the church. He’d make it on time, but just barely. He exited his truck and set his cap on his head. His hair was at least two weeks past needing to be cut, but there’d been no time. He hurried up the steps and through the vestibule door. Placing his hat between under his arm against his side, he entered and found a seat near the rear on the groom’s side.
His ass had barely touched the pew when the music started. A door at the front of the church altar opened, and the minister entered, followed by the groom, his two brothers, and his dad, who was serving as best man.
The doors he’d just entered opened, and Diana Long entered wearing a long peach-colored dress and carrying a bouquet of flowers.
When she’d made it about halfway down the aisle, a second woman he didn’t know entered, wearing an identical dress to Diana’s and carrying an identical bouquet.
Then Holly stepped through the door and his heart swelled double its normal size. Her hair was up, leaving her long, beautiful neck exposed. Her dress was also floor-length, but was a darker shade than the first two. He didn’t care what she wore or carried or did to her hair. Seeing her was a sucker punch to his gut. His breath left his lungs in a whoosh. His chest tightened. His stomach fell to his floor. She was stunning.
She had a small smile on her lips as she took her first step. He wanted to stand and wave at her, to draw her attention to him. But she kept her gaze forward as she walked to her assigned place.
If someone had asked him later, he couldn’t have described the bride if his life had depended on it. His gaze remained on Holly through the entire ceremony.
The minister pronounced Lawrence and Bethany husband and wife. Lawrence dipped Bethany into a long kiss. When he returned her to upright, he shot his fist triumphantly into the air, making the wedding crowd chuckle. Then, to everyone’s surprise, including apparently Bethany’s, he swept her up into his arms to make the walk out of the church to thunderous applause.
Behind the wedding couple, Holly took her father’s arm and started down the aisle, her smile broad and her gaze moving among the crowd. Her gaze met Ben’s, and her smile grew brighter.
He exited from the church and found Katie standing on the sidewalk.
“Hey, Ben,” she said. “Mom wasn’t sure you were coming.”
“Hello, Katie. I’m glad it worked out. Your mom looked great, didn’t she? And I’m betting that’s a new dress on you.”
Katie grinned and held out her arms and spun around. The dress was a deep blue, floor-length dress with a ribbon that tied at the waist. The style and cut were ideal for her age. He suspected this might be her first long dress.
“It is. Don’t you love it?” She twirled again. “And check out my shoes.” She lifted the hem to reveal a low set of heels.
“You look gorgeous.”
“Thanks for the SEAL stuff for my birthday.”
“You’re welcome. I would’ve loved to have been there but…” He shrugged.
“I know. Mom said you’ve been working overtime.”
“True. Do you know if your mom needs a ride to the reception?”
“She has a ride, but I suspect she’d rather ride with you.”
Her words warmed his insides. “You think?”
“Yeah. Hey, there she is.” Katie pointed over his shoulder.
Ben turned, and there she was, her dress lifted off the ground as she walked down the steps. He moved toward her and held out his hand.
“You made it,” she said, sounding breathless. Her gaze took in his uniform. “And wow. You clean up well.”
“I told you I’d do everything in my power to be here.”
“Love your dress blues. Very sexy.”
“Eww, Mom,” Katie said. “I’m out of here. I’ll catch a ride to the reception with Hillary and her family.” She swung around and called out, “Hillary. Wait up. I want to catch a ride with you.”
Then it was just them. Benjamin didn’t care if people had to walk around them. For him, the rest of the world had ceased to exist.
“I’ve missed you,” she said.
“Missed you, too. Katie said you’d need a ride to the reception. Want to go with me?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Shouldn’t you be inside taking pictures or something?”
She chuckled. “Bethany had us all here hours before the wedding to take the pictures.”
“What about seeing the bride and bad luck?”
“In Bethany’s opinion, that was the stupidest thing ever, and the last thing she wanted to do was inconvenience her guests. Of course, her mother had a hissy fit, but Bethany stood her ground.”
“I like your new sister-in-law.”
“So do I. Ready to head to the reception?”
The reception was held at the la Spiaggia Country Club. Due to the size of the crowd in attendance, the event room doors opened to air-conditioned tents set up in the yard. A string quartet played, and the waitstaff handed a flute of champagne to each wedding guest as they entered.
The guests were served a plated meal, followed by the cake cutting, and finally dancing.
Benjamin could hardly wait to get Holly back into his arms, if only to dance.
She ran her finger along all his ribbons and metals. “What do these all mean?”
“That I was somewhere the government sent me, and I made it home alive. Don’t be too impressed. Some of them are, at best, participation trophies, if you will.”
“You’re too modest. You may be one of the bravest men I know.”
Maybe so, but he was still too chickenshit to tell her how he felt.
At one point, Seth Garrett sat down at their table to talk. Benjamin hated that Seth was an agreeable fellow. Easy to talk to. Quick to laugh. Courteous to Holly.
And then Seth asked Holly to dance.
She’d looked at Benjamin and he’d waved them on. It was obvious to anyone with a lick of sense that Seth had his eyes set on Holly and Benjamin could understand that. The question was, how did Holly feel about Seth?
Benjamin’s dad’s voice screeched in his head. You’re not good enough. Nobody could love someone like you, and heaven help them if they do. You’ll kill them just like you killed your mom and your aunt. You’re worthless, boy. Nobody cares if you live or die. You’re just too chickenshit to do the world a favor and kill yourself.
One of the reasons Benjamin had joined the SEALs was he’d figured he’d die young, but he hadn’t. So many missions and so many other fellow SEALs gone before their time, but not him.
He watched the woman he loved dance with another man. She was smiling, and now laughing at something he’d said. Seth was the kind of guy Holly should be with. Not a guy like him who couldn’t give her more children.
Before he left on this last mission, he’d make sure to push her in Seth’s direction. It was the least he could do for her. Odds were, he wouldn’t come home alive anyway. Every plan they’d devised showed multiple casualties on the U.S. side.
Seth brought Holly back to the table. “Thanks for the loan of your girl,” he said to Benjamin.
“She’s her own woman,” Benjamin said.
Holly looked at him in surprise.
“Thank you, Holly for the dance. I enjoyed it. I hope to speak with you soon.” Seth held out his hand to Benjamin. “Good luck on those missions. Come back safe.”
Damn. Did the guy have to be so fucking pleasant?
Holly retook her seat. “You’re here, but your mind is a million miles away.”
“Yeah. Sorry.” He turned his chair toward her. “Can we walk outside or go somewhere to talk?”
“Sure.”
She led him out the front door and around to an empty side patio that overlooked the eighteenth green.
“What’s up?”
He rubbed his neck and paced to the rock wall and back.
“Our arrangement was for the summer through this wedding.”
She nodded. “Yes, I know.”
He sighed. “Things didn’t quite work out the way we’d planned, did they?”
Her brow furrowed. “In what way?”
“I missed a lot of the parties you’d wanted me to escort you to.”
She scoffed. “No big deal.” She stepped over to him and laid her hand on his forearm. “We had fun, didn’t we?”
“We did. It could’ve been the best summer of my life if not for the last six weeks.”
“You’re a SEAL. It’s your job. You do what you swore to do. I understand that. I respect you for standing by your word.”
“What you said in May,” he said, fighting himself to say what he needed to say, “you were wrong.”
“Wrong? What are you ta
lking about?”
“You shouldn’t spend your life alone. Whether it’s Seth or someone else, you should marry again.” He could barely get the words out. His heart slammed against his ribs. A boulder clogged his throat. He wanted her to say she wanted him. Not Seth. Not some strange unnamed guy, but Benjamin Ezekiel Blackwell.
Her gaze slid away. “I see. And you think this man I should spend my life with is Seth Garrett? You’ve picked out my life partner for me?” She spun away from him. “Your arrogance knows no bounds.” She whirled back to face him. “Who do you think you are? Don’t I get a say in who I love? Who I want to live with?”
He jerked her to him and enfolded her in his embrace. “Of course, you do. I want you safe and happy.”
“I am safe and happy…when I’m with you.”
He shook his head. “You deserve so much more than me.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m not good enough for a woman like you.” He sighed. “My old man was a mean drunk. When he drank, no one wanted to be around him. And he drank all the time. He hated me. Beat me daily for every transgression. If he wanted coffee and there was none, he’d beat me, even though I was six and didn’t know a thing about coffee.”
She gasped and her hand covered her mouth.
“Most of the time, there was little or no food in the house. I had to learn to wash my own clothes in the first grade, otherwise the other kids would make fun of me.”
“Why didn’t someone call social services for you?”
“Oh, they did. He’d sober up before they arrived. Made me clean the house so everything presented well. The government finally took me away and put me in foster care from age eight to thirteen, and then sent me back to hell. I ran away when I was sixteen. It was leave or kill the bastard, so I ran, just like he always accused me of doing. Running away. Never staying to fight.” He chuckled sadly. “Maybe that’s why I joined the Navy. To show the world that I could fight.”
He held her upper arms in his hands and pushed her away. “Half of my genes came from him. Part of me is this mean bastard. I never want to hurt a child like he did me, but the genetics are there. The pregnancy scare I had at age twenty terrified me. As soon as I was old enough and I could find a doctor who would do it, I had a vasectomy. That’s how I knew the woman who later told me she was pregnant was lying. She couldn’t have been, or least not by me. I can’t be a father. I’m not cut out for it.”
Hot SEAL, Confirmed Bachelor Page 17