She pulled out of his grasp and snorted. “What utter horseshit.”
“Excuse me?”
“Horseshit. That mean—”
“I know what horseshit means. I don’t understand what you mean.”
“Katie adores you. Thinks you hung the moon. You’ve been caring and kind to my daughter. If you’d shown an ounce of what you described about your own father, do you think I would’ve let you within an inch of my child?”
“No, of course not. You’re a wonderful mom. And you should fall in love again and have more children. I can’t give you that.”
She rolled her eyes. “I swear to God, Ben. I thought I’d seen the extent of your ego, but once again, you’ve put it on full display. Has it occurred to you I might not want more children?”
That made him stop. His brow furrowed in confusion. “You should have the option. I’ve taken that away from you.”
“Wait. This is crazy, Ben. Why are you talking about children and pushing me toward other men?” She drew in a gasp. “This is you walking away from me, isn’t it?”
He reached out, but she backed out of his reach.
“Just tell me one thing,” she said, her voice shaky. “Did you care for me at all? Am I the only one in this relationship who developed feelings?”
His hand fell to his side. “I have feelings, Holly. I care deeply about you.”
She scoffed. “Deeply. Horseshit talk again.” She got directly into his face. “I love you, Ben. Love. Not care deeply. Not only do I want the best for you, I love you. I am the best for you.”
He took two steps back. “You might be the best woman for me. I only wish I was the best man for you. I do love you, Holly. I’ve never said those words to a woman before, and I doubt I ever will again.
“The team flies out tonight. The mission is, well, it sucks. I don’t think some of us will come back. But I needed to tell you that I love you and explain that you need to move on with your life without me. I hoped by telling you more about my past that you’d understand why I am the way I am. You know more about me than any other person alive, and I trust you to keep the information private.”
She brushed at tears on her cheeks. He handed her a handkerchief from his pocket.
“I have to go,” he said. “It’s a long drive to the base, and I can’t be late. Tell me you understand.”
“No, dammit. I don’t understand.” She rushed into his arms. “I don’t want safe and secure. I want you.”
He kissed her. “I wish things were different.”
An alarm chimed on his phone.
“I really have to leave. That’s the alarm I set. I’ll barely make it in time as it is.” He lifted her chin until their gazes met. “Take care. Be happy. Find someone to love.” He kissed her and stepped away.
Turning on his heel, he walked away, his heart shattering at the sound of her tears behind him.
* * *
One of the things Benjamin hated about the military was hurry up and wait.
Hurry up and get to the base.
Hurry up and get on the plane.
Okay, now sit and wait around in South Korea. Got to have those perfect conditions to go.
He and the teams sat around for ten days. Days of running and rerunning the operational plans. Nights of pool or mindless television. No contact of any kind with loved ones at home. That last one shouldn’t have bothered Benjamin. It never had in the past, but this time? He was an antsy as virgin on her wedding night.
The guys were starting to get on each other’s nerves, too. He’d never seen his team like this. They needed to get this show on the road.
He walked outside for another of his twice-a-day jogs at the same time Lieutenant Commander Briggs exited the officers’ quarters.
“Sir,” Benjamin said, snapping a sharp salute.
“At ease, Blackwell. Walk with me a minute.”
“Yes, sir,” he said and fell in step with his superior officer.
“I hear this is your last mission.”
“Yes, sir. Not leaving the Navy. Just transferring to SEAL Instructor.”
“You’re a good soldier. Did you think about staying in the action within Naval Special Operations?”
“Yes, sir. I have thought about it.”
“You’d be an asset to other teams heading out on missions like this one.”
“Sir, finding the Navy may have saved my life. It made a confused boy into a man. BUD/s training was the hardest thing I ever tackled. It made me believe I could do anything, and I have. I want to give back to all those SEALs who went before me and those who’ve served with me. Training the next generation of SEAL does that. I want those who follow me in this life to be the best of the best and I can do that by being a part of their training.”
“Sounds like you’ve thought this out.”
“Yes, sir, I have. When we return from this mission, I’ll be permanently reassigned.”
“I hope Admiral Houser appreciates what he’s got in you.”
“Thank you, sir. I won’t let the Navy down.”
“I know you won’t. The other reason I wanted to speak with you is the mission is a go for this evening. Twenty-two hundred hours. Let your men know.”
Benjamin drew in a deep breath. “Yes, sir.”
Benjamin saluted and turned back toward the housing and rec center where teams had been stationed. He was glad the mission was finally a go. He was ready to get this done and over with. Maybe, with a little luck, he’d make it home to the woman he loved.
For the last ten days, Holly’s voice repeating “horseshit” in his head had finally broken through. She loved him and believed in him. Maybe it was time to give himself a break.
He had some major groveling to do when he got home.
At twenty-two hundred, the three SEAL teams loaded boats and left for North Korea.
The distraction teams did their job. Popov’s guards scattered, trying to fight back assaults from multiple directions.
Benjamin’s team went right up the middle, straight for the last known location for Popov. Their sniper, Cowboy, found a high location to cover their approach. Banger breached locked doors with ease. The few soldiers remaining inside Popov’s compound were dispatched in an exchange of bullets. As Bravo team penetrated the building, all team members entered uninjured. Benjamin was determined they left the same way.
Bravo team split up, clearing rooms as they made their way through the building. In a rear bedroom, Ringer and Pretty Boy found Popov hiding inside an underground hidey hole accessed via a lift door in the floor of a closet.
“Package secured,” Ringer radioed to the rest of the team.
“Cover package and head for EXFIL,” Benjamin radioed back.
“Copy that,” Ringer said.
The team converged at the building exit, but was met with heavy resistance from North Korean soldiers who’d circled back to the compound.
“We have to get this guy back alive,” Benjamin said. “We need to know what he knows and how far along he’s gotten in his bomb development.”
The Russian spat hostile words in his direction.
Benjamin laughed. “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” He looked at his team. “Where’s the vest for him? He’s going to need it between here and the boat. North Korea is not going to let him leave here alive if they help it.”
Pretty Boy shook his head. “He refused to put it on.”
“Fuck what he wants,” Benjamin said. “Cut his ties and put one on him now.”
Once Benjamin was satisfied they had their guy protected, he radioed Cowboy in the tower position.
“Headed out. Need some cover.”
“Got it,” Cowboy said and laid down suppression fire into the area beyond the compound.
Rooster took the lead out the door, spraying gunfire ahead of them. The rest of the team followed with Ringer and Pretty Boy dragging their hostage along. Benjamin came out last, covering his team from a rear assault.
&n
bsp; Their progress to the beach EXFIL would’ve progressed quicker if they’d had a willing package, but Popov dragged his feet and delayed them in any fashion he could think of. Pretty Boy had all he could take of the Russian before he cold-cocked him with the butt of his rifle and slung the man over his shoulder.
“Should have fucking done that ten minutes ago,” Ringer complained.
“Keep moving, men,” Benjamin hollered into his radio. “Enemy combatants closing fast. Cowboy. You on the way?”
“On the way,” Cowboy radioed back. “You have ten men to your left and a contingent of six to your right. Copy?”
“Copy that. Sixteen total. Apple Landing. You copy?”
Apple Landing was the codename given to their command for this current op.
“Apple Landing copies. How far from EXFIL?”
“Two minutes,” Benjamin radioed. “We’ll be coming in hot.”
“Roger, Bravo One. We’ll be ready to receive.”
“Bravo Five coming up on your right,” Cowboy radioed.
“Copy.”
Benjamin laid down a barrage of gunfire to his left as Cowboy took care of the soldiers to the right
The gunfire had slowed when the team hit the beach where Banger waited with their rigid hull inflatable boat.
Behind them, Benjamin heard the engine of a fast-approaching truck.
“Load up,” he ordered. “More soldiers coming. Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
Pretty Boy tossed Popov into the boat and scrambled in behind him, followed by Ringer. Rooster and Cowboy turned their weapons toward the sound of the approaching vehicle as they launched themselves onto the floor of their watercraft. Last to leave the beach would be Benjamin, as they’d planned.
A truck with a machinegun mounted on the rear roared onto the beach. Benjamin turned and fired, taking out the driver with a windshield shot. Without anyone controlling the truck, it’s forward progress halted when the front bumper collided with a tree.
With a last burst of bullets at the two soldiers in the truck’s rear, Benjamin turned and raced for the water’s edge. Knife-hot pain shot through his left thigh. Another through his right. He stumbled forward as a third bullet penetrated his vest into his back. A fourth shot grazed his neck and he fell face-first into the sand.
This was it. He’d pushed his luck on these missions one too many times.
Chapter Thirteen
Holly was cleaning up the breakfast dishes and wondering if October the fifteenth was too early to buy Halloween candy when her doorbell rang.
“I’ve got it,” Katie called, racing to the living room.
Holly smiled to herself. The difference in her daughter in the last month had been surprising. Katie took more responsibility for her school work. She helped Holly around the house, sometimes with a little prodding. Katie had witnessed Holly’s grief after the wedding. Holly hadn’t told her daughter much more than Ben was gone and she didn’t expect to see him again.
Seth had been to their house for dinner a couple of times. Once he’d brought his girls and paid Katie to babysit them while he and Holly had dinner. She’d tried to object, saying the girls were visitors in their home and her daughter shouldn’t be paid for taking care of guests, but he’d insisted, explaining he wanted to spend the evening with Holly and not spend it keeping an eye on his kids.
She’d let Seth kiss her. He was a good kisser, but she’d felt no fire in her belly, not butterflies in her stomach. Her heart didn’t leap at the sound of his voice or her knees quake at his touch.
Part of her felt guilty seeing him. Not because she felt like she was being unfaithful to Ben, but because she felt as though she was giving Seth false hope about their future.
The last time they’d had dinner, she’d told him that she didn’t see them having a future, but he’d disagreed and asked for more time. In her soul, she knew more time would never erase Ben from her heart. He was imprinted in every cell of her being. A month might have passed since the night he’d walked away, but she couldn’t give up hope.
Adult female voices from the living room had her frowning. She wasn’t expecting company. Only the multitude of Katie’s friends ever filled her house with voices these days.
She dried her hands and walked into the living room and was surprised. Standing in her doorway asking for her were the team ladies, Casey, Presley, and Dani. Their faces were drawn and serious. Holly’s heart fell to stomach. They were not here with good news.
“Let them in,” Holly said to Katie as she pressed a hand to her belly.
Katie stepped back and the three ladies entered.
“This is a surprise. Can I get anyone coffee or tea or water?” Holly asked.
“No, we’re fine,” Casey replied, answering for the group.
“He’s dead, isn’t he?” Holly fell into a chair and dropped her face into her hands. Tears leaked between her fingers.
“No, no,” Dani said and hurried over to put her hand on Holly’s back.
Casey sat on the floor in front of Holly’s chair. “He’s not dead, but he’s badly injured.”
Holly uncovered her face and let the tears stream. “What happened? Is he going to die? Is that why you’re all here?”
Presley sat cross-legged on the floor next to Casey. “He was shot during their last mission. Pretty bad. Cowboy says he doesn’t know how Benjamin is still alive.”
“Presley,” Casey scolded. “Let’s be optimistic. He’s alive. He’s getting the best care in the Intensive Care Unit at the base hospital.”
“Tell me everything,” Holly begged. “I need to know.”
“Honestly, we probably don’t know everything and never will,” Dani said. “All Nick would tell me was that they were on a highly classified mission and Benjamin got shot protecting the team. The guys pulled him into a boat and got away from wherever they were.” She glanced at the other ladies. “What were the rest of you told?”
“Same,” Casey said. “Jacob was pretty upset about the whole situation.”
“Was this the mission they worked on all summer?” Holly asked.
“Yep,” Presley said. “Or that was the impression that Evan gave me.”
“Ditto,” said Dani.
“Where were they?”
“No clue,” Casey said. “Jacob only said ‘out of the country,’ which for this team could mean anywhere short of the moon.”
“Shot just once?” Holly asked, hope clearly heard in her voice.
“Four times,” Casey said.
“Oh my god,” Holly said, and covered her mouth with her hand. Then she heard gasping sobs coming from the couch. “Oh, honey,” she said to Katie. “I bet Ben will be fine. You know how stubborn he can be.”
“Don’t lie to me, mom,” her daughter said, tears streaming down her pale face. “I’m not a baby.”
Dani sat beside Katie and wrapped her arms around the quaking teen. “No, you’re not a baby. And this is serious. I’m sorry, honey.”
“I need to see him,” Holly announced and stood.
“I don’t think you can get onto the base,” Casey said.
“And Evan said the doctors weren’t letting anyone in to see him.”
“They’ll let me in,” Holly said. “Or I’ll run my car through the gate.”
Casey gave a little smile. “Yeah, no. The last thing Jacob told me was that he was trying to reach out to the powers that be about getting you in.” Casey pulled Holly back to her seat. “You need to hear this.”
Holly sat. “What?”
“Jacob said that Benjamin made him swear that if he didn’t make it that Jacob was to tell you that you were the last person on his mind. Said he loved you, and that he’d fu—sorry, messed up big time.”
Holly’s tears came faster, rolling down her face not in drips but sheets.
Presley nodded. “Evan told me the same thing. Seems like he wanted to make sure you got the message. Here’s the thing, Holly. I’ve known Benjamin for a while now, and
while the term ‘player’ isn’t exactly accurate for him, I’ll say he was never without a woman if he wanted one. Women flocked to him, and he let them—until this summer. He had eyes only for you. Evan used to razz him about how he looked at you.”
“I know, right?” Dani said. “Nick told me Benjamin was a totally different guy this summer. So much happier. The team had talked about it, behind Benjamin’s back, of course.”
“Yep,” Casey said. “Same.” She touched Holly’s hand. “He’s going to make it and then you’re going to have to deal with an Alpha male the rest of your life.”
“They’re a handful,” Dani agreed.
“But I’d not give up my Alpha guy for anything,” Presley said.
All the ladies nodded.
Casey’s phone buzzed. “Sorry. I thought I had that turned off.” She pulled it from her pocket and read the screen. “It’s from Jacob. Holly is cleared to see Benjamin.”
Holly leapt to her feet. “Thank you for coming and telling me about Benjamin, but I’ve got somewhere I need to be.”
Katie stood. “I’m coming with you.”
Holly hugged her. “I don’t think you can. But I’ll go and find out what I need to do so you can come with me next time.”
Her daughter’s eyes filled with tears. “What if there isn’t a next time? What if Ben dies, just like Dad?”
“He’s not going to die,” Holly said with determination. “We won’t let him.”
When Holly stood to leave, the three women stood also.
“We’ll come with you,” Casey said.
Holly drew in a deep breath for strength. “Thank you, but no. I want to go alone, but I appreciate everything you’ve done.”
The drive to base seemed to take hours, when in reality it was only forty minutes. Still, Holly’s heart raced and showed no intention of slowing. She’d cleaned her face and put on makeup. If there was even a second of wakefulness, she wanted, no, needed to look strong for him.
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