Stolen Dreams

by Cheryl Bradshaw

“So, Libby talked to you then?”

  I shook my head. “Libby didn’t say a thing to me—not about you, not about her husband, not about the situation, not about anything. She just walked around acting like everything was just fine.”

  “Then, who told you?”

  “Jeremy.”

  “Oh.” He held the door open. “Do you want to come in?”

  I stood there, thinking, trying to decide; part of me wanted to go in, wanted to talk to him, and the other part wanted to be strong and tough. I’d said what I intended to say. He knew I knew, so I should have just turned around and left. But I didn’t. I walked inside.

  He went to close the door, and I said, “Leave it open. I’m not sitting down with you, and I’m definitely not staying long.”

  “Okay. Whatever you want.”

  “You don’t have to be so nice to me. What you did wasn’t nice. You ruined us, ruined our marriage.”

  He ran a hand through his hair. “I wish I could just sit and talk to you about how I feel, about all of this, and why it happened, but I can’t.”

  “Why not? I’m not stopping you.”

  “I don’t feel like you’d handle it well. Believe me, I’ve wanted to talk to you for a long time. And ... the thing with Libby ... it’s not what you think. Not what you think at all.”

  “It’s exactly what I think. Jeremy witnessed it.”

  “I don’t want to talk to you about Libby. I want to talk to you about us.”

  “There is no us, Josh. You walked out on me. You gave up.”

  “Callie, please. You’re all hung up on Libby, and you shouldn’t be. I’m not with her. I was never with her.”

  “Does she know that?”

  He paused long enough for my question to answer itself.

  “It’s just a messy situation. I haven’t wanted to deal with it.”

  It made me wonder whether he didn’t want to deal with it because he was conflicted about which woman he really wanted. Maybe that was what this separation was all about—him clearing his head, trying to make some tough decisions.

  “Libby told Jeremy she was leaving him for you.”

  “I know what she said. She told me.”

  “She said she wanted to be with you, and she was sure you wanted to be with her.”

  “I’m aware.”

  “Why, Josh? Why did you get involved with her? We were happy. Weren’t we?”

  So far I’d resisted the urge to break down in front of him since I’d arrived, but now, looking at his face, seeing his emotions, even with all my pent-up anger and rage, I softened. For a moment I remembered why I’d fallen in love with him in the first place. The tears flowed freely, and I allowed them to pour.

  Josh reached out to me, taking me in his arms. I wanted more than anything to feel his touch, his embrace, but I was still reeling from the life he’d so easily left behind. I shoved him off me, turned, and did the only thing I knew to do—I ran.

  Eyes blurred with tears, heart feeling like it had ruptured inside of me, I wound my car around the streets of Summerlin, heading toward home. Blinding light from the setting sun filtered through my windshield, making it almost impossible for me to see the road in front of me, and given the fact that I was a sniveling mess on top of it all, it depleted my vision even more. I flipped my visor down. It didn’t help. I held up a flattened hand, noticing cars were now whizzing by me, passing me on the left side. I looked at the speedometer and realized why. I wasn’t even close to going the speed limit.

  I considered jerking my car off the road and sitting there until I pulled myself together, trying to drive again when I was a bit more even, sane, and rational. But nothing would alleviate my pain in five minutes or five hours, so I sucked it up and kept driving, all the while hearing Josh’s words echo in my head. It all made sense now, or at least, it made more sense than it had before.

  Without knowing whether Libby had been just a kiss, or an affair, whether it was still going on, or whether it wasn’t, I assumed guilt had driven him away from me. But what hurt the most was that he preferred walking out the door to sitting down and talking to me, trusting me with the truth. When had our marriage become so strained he felt he couldn’t be honest with me anymore?

  I wiped my tears away with a hand, glanced at the road, and noticed I’d veered into the other lane. I jerked the wheel to the right, trying to align myself with the right side of the road, but it was too late. A car in the opposite lane tagged my fender, and everything started spinning.

  “Honestly, you guys, I’m fine,” I said. “It’s just a few bruises here and there. No big deal.”

  Rae hovered over the hospital bed, inspecting me. “You have a few cuts on your face. Not bad though. With a little makeup, you won’t even be able to tell.”

  Sasha and Kenna sat in chairs on the other side of the room, looking on, but not speaking.

  “Really, you didn’t all have to come down here. You can go home. They’re releasing me in the next hour.”

  “You’ve always been here for us, and we’ll always be here for you,” Rae said. “It’s what we do.”

  There was a knock at my door. Sasha sprung from her chair and opened it.

  Josh walked in, carrying a cheap bouquet of roses I assumed he purchased at the hospital gift shop.

  I looked at my girls. “All right, which one of you called him?”

  They looked at each other. No one spoke.

  “They didn’t call me,” he said. “The hospital did.”

  “I don’t want you here.”

  “Callie, I didn’t come here to upset you. I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

  “I’m okay. You can go now.”

  “Can we just—”

  “No,” I said. “You can go.”

  He turned and walked out the door, closing it behind him.

  Sasha and Kenna joined Rae at my bedside.

  “What’s going on?” Rae asked. “You weren’t this mad earlier. Last time we talked, you wanted to work things out with him. What changed?”

  “Remember Libby Hansen?”

  Their pleasant dispositions turned to anger.

  “What about her?” Rae asked.

  “She hired Josh to renovate her bathrooms.”

  Kenna grimaced, crossed her arms in front of her. “I just bet she did.”

  “I know,” I said. “I should have known. I remembered what she was like in high school. She was the biggest flirt of them all. I knew she couldn’t be trusted.”

  Before anyone had the chance to ask why, Kenna said, “I don’t think you really understand just how bad she really is.”

  “What do you mean?” I said.

  “Libby slept with Todd.”

  Todd had been Kenna’s high school sweetheart. Everyone thought they’d graduate and get married, until they broke up at the end of their senior year.

  “Is that why you two broke up?” I said. “Over Libby?”

  Kenna nodded. “If I saw her right now, I’d slap her across the face. Scratch that. I’d punch her. I mean, I love Ben, and if it weren’t for Libby, we probably would have never met, but I’d still like to smash her face through a brick wall.”

  We all remained silent for a moment, allowing time for what she’d just said to sink in.

  “Kenna,” I said, “why didn’t you ever tell us what she did to you?”

  “I was young and embarrassed. I should have. I’m sorry.”

  Embarrassed.

  I knew the word well. In the ambulance on the way to the hospital, I thought about Rae, Sasha, and Kenna, and I’d decided I wouldn’t tell them about Libby. But I was wrong to think like that. Now, seeing them standing in front of me, dropping everything in their lives to be by my side, I knew I had to tell them the truth, so I spilled what little details Jeremy had told me about Libby and Josh.

  “You don’t know what really happened between them though, right?” Rae said. “I mean, you need to talk to him so you’re clear on what really happe
ned. A kiss is one thing. Sex is another.”

  “I don’t want to talk to him. I mean ... I can’t right now. I’m afraid of what he’ll say. Afraid it will be too hard for me to hear it.”

  “Can I talk to him?” Kenna said.

  “No,” I said. “I appreciate what you’re trying to do for me, but please ... I don’t want any of you talking to him. I have to deal with this myself, in my own way.”

  “You’re not dealing with it though,” Rae said.

  “Just because I’m not doing what you think I should do doesn’t mean I’m not dealing with it. I need some time. I need to think about what I should do, what I want to do, what’s best for me.”

  Sasha reached over and grabbed my hand. “Take your time. Take all the time you need. We’ll be right here when you need us.”

  Two months later, I was pumping gas when a familiar voice said, “Callie?”

  I turned, smiling when I saw Jeremy. “How are you?”

  “Better. How are you?”

  I laughed. “Depends on the day. How are things with Libby?”

  “Over. How are things with Josh?”

  “About the same, I guess.”

  “You feel like talking about it? I’d love to catch up if you have time.”

  I shrugged. “Sure.”

  “How about now? We could grab a cup of coffee if you want?”

  Ten minutes later, we were sitting in a corner booth at a coffee shop not far from the gas station.

  “What happened with you and Libby?” I said.

  “I served her with divorce papers about a week after I saw you last.”

  “Because of Josh?”

  He shook his head. “Josh was just the catalyst. I knew long before the situation happened with him that I needed to end the marriage. He wasn’t the first, and I knew he wouldn’t be the last. She had a whole mess of affairs during the marriage. I’ll never know exactly how many, and I don’t care to know.”

  “Is she with Josh now?”

  “Don’t you talk to him anymore?”

  I cupped my hand around my latte, staring into it like it was a crystal ball. “Not really. I don’t know whom he’s with now. I haven’t really seen or talked to him lately.”

  “I know what you mean. I’ve completely detached myself from Libby. When’s the last time you talked to Josh?”

  “We met once a couple months ago. He didn’t have much to say. He told me he still loved me, but he said he thought I deserved better, someone who would make me happy. I tried to tell him he made me happy, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t believe me.”

  “And you haven’t talked since?”

  “He texts me once or twice a week to see how I’m doing. Other than that, I don’t hear from him. He doesn’t call, and he doesn’t stop by. Neither one of us has filed for divorce yet, though I imagine it will happen any day now. It’s hard, feeling rejected by the one person you used to love.”

  Jeremy swallowed half his coffee. “I don’t think you’re being rejected, Callie. I just think the man is fighting his own demons, whatever they may be. Josh seems like a good guy. I honestly don’t know how any man could let you slip away though.”

  I felt hot, like my cheeks were burning. Was he flirting with me? It had been so long since I’d welcomed attention from another man, I really didn’t know what to think or what to say. “Thanks.”

  “I mean it, Callie. You’re kind and pretty. Any man would be lucky to have you.”

  Nervous, I shoved my hands into my pockets. “Umm ... thanks.”

  “Are you dating anyone?”

  I shook my head.

  “Is it because it’s too soon?” he asked. “Or are you hoping you two can still work things out?”

  “Josh won’t even talk to me. Not on the phone or in person. I can’t put my life on hold while he does whatever he wants. He can’t expect me to wait. It wouldn’t be fair to me.”

  “Has he asked you to wait?”

  “He hasn’t. All he does is check in with me through text messages, just simple things like asking how I’m doing. I feel like he does it out of obligation, like he thinks he still needs to be here for me if my car breaks down or if some tragic event occurs. I don’t need him for that. I have friends.”

  “I hope you know you don’t deserve what he’s putting you through.”

  “I do.”

  He leaned back, crossed one leg over the other. “It’s always good to see you, Callie. I’d like to go out sometime if you’d like to get together again.”

  Was he asking me for a date? It sounded like it. “Do you mean you’d like to get together again as friends?”

  He grinned. “Friends ... more than friends ... it can be whatever you want it to be.”

  It was an open-ended offer. He was opening the door, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to walk through it, or close it. I’d never considered being more than friends with him or any other man since Josh had left.

  “What do you say, Callie?”

  My initial reaction was to say no. A thousand times no. I wasn’t divorced yet. He wasn’t divorced yet. It had only been a couple months since things went south with Josh, and I wasn’t sure what I wanted anymore. Until I did, I had no business dating anyone. I opened my mouth to say no, shocked when the only thing that came out was, “Yes.”

  One week later I stood in front of my bedroom mirror feeling awkward and nervous, not ready to do whatever it was I would be doing later with Jeremy. Kenna sat on my bed, legs crossed, casually flipping through a magazine.

  “Can you help me?” I said. “I’m kinda freaking out here.”

  “Why?”

  “I can’t decide what to wear, and I’m tired of trying on everything in my closet. I should have bought something, but now it’s too late.”

  She peeked over the magazine at the dress I was currently considering. “I like it.”

  “Like isn’t the same thing as love. I should change.”

  “Callie, you’re overthinking it. This isn’t a blind date. Jeremy knows what you look like, and he knows what you usually wear. I’m sure he’ll like whatever you have on.”

  “That’s not the point. I haven’t been on a date in a long time. I want to look good. Not just for him. For me.”

  “The dress you have on right now is great. Not too little. Not too much. You’re showing a little leg, a little shoulder. It’s a nice little teaser for what will come later.”

  “Kenna!”

  “What? Don’t act like it’s not a possibility.”

  She winked. I frowned.

  “There isn’t going to be a later. It’s just dinner.”

  “It’s just dinner right now. What are you two doing after dinner? Have you discussed it?”

  “I just said I was freaking out, and now I feel worse than I did before.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m just happy to see you out of your frumpy clothes and into something nice. You deserve a little fun. At first, I wanted you and Josh to work it out, actually. I guess part of me still wants the two of you to be together actually. Another part of me is disgusted with the way he’s been acting toward you since he left. If he thinks you’re going to sit here and do nothing, he can think again.”

  “I can’t sit anymore. I’ve locked myself in this house for too long.”

  “I’m glad you’re taking charge of your life again. If you want my opinion, Josh may not be talking to you, but I think he knows you aren’t seeing anyone or going out much. It’s time for a change. If he really wants you, maybe it’s time for him to fight to win you back.”

  “I don’t think that will happen. I did at first. But now ...”

  “It’s not over yet. You don’t know what the future will bring. None of us do.”

  Enough talking about Josh.

  Tonight was about new experiences.

  It was about me, not him.

  I tugged at the hem on the dress. “Do you really like this dress? It just feels like it doesn’t fit right. I haven’t wor
n it for a few years. I must have gained a few pounds or something.”

  Kenna looked up, smiled, said nothing.

  “What?” I said. “Why are you looking at me like you know something I don’t?”

  “You’ll see.”

  A few minutes later, my front door swung open and in walked Rae and Sasha. Rae carried an armful of dresses, and Sasha a makeup kit. Rae tossed the dresses on the bed and looked at me. “What? You didn’t think you were going on this date without our help, did ya?”

  Dating after several years of marriage felt like walking into a store and realizing that not only was my shirt not buttoned right, it was also inside out. Everything about it was awkward, from avoiding direct eye contact to the topic of conversation. Even though Jeremy was a friend, it didn’t stop me from feeling anxious about seeing him again. This time was different. I didn’t know what to expect.

  I arrived early, sat on a padded bench in the waiting area, and fidgeted for ten minutes. He was late. But then, men were often late for dates. Weren’t they? I was staring at a toddler spinning in circles when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I turned around, smiled up at Jeremy.

  “Sorry I’m late.” He looked me up and down, taking time to appreciate the black dress Rae, Sasha, and Kenna had voted on as the dress of the night. It was one of Rae’s, and not something I’d ever buy for myself, let alone wear. It was too short and too tight for my liking, but they had been so excited about it, that I didn’t dare say no.

  We made eye contact for a split second before I looked away. He looked at me differently tonight than he had in the past. Differently weird. Differently uncomfortable.

  “You look amazing,” he continued. “Honestly. That’s a great dress.”

  I smiled. “Thanks.”

  We walked to the table, sat down, and ordered. My hands were shaking. I shoved them under the table, tried to act normal, as if it were possible.

  He raised a brow. “You okay?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Are you sure? If this is too much for—”

  “It isn’t. I want to be here, with you, I mean. I’m glad you asked.”

  He smiled. “I only suggested dinner because, well, it’s easy. If you’d be more comfortable doing something else, we can. I’d be fine to do something else, actually.”