Christmas Roses

by Pat Posner

  It was strange really how things had worked out. Doreen, determined to stay single and become a secretary, had got married and left her job as an office typist. And Maddie, whose dream had been to live in a country cottage with honeysuckle and roses around the door and to be a housewife and mum to three children, was still working in her parents’ hardware shop.

  True, Doreen wasn’t exactly living the life Maddie had dreamed of. The prefab was nice and well-planned but it wasn’t an old country cottage with two storeys and nooks and crannies and beams and low ceilings. As she stood in Doreen’s kitchen, pouring Quaker’s Sugar Puffs into a bowl she could hear a cuckoo calling and glanced out of the window and across to Broome Park to see if she could spot it. The beauty surrounding her, making her think of what might have been, hurt. Really hurt. But she’d given up her dream of living somewhere like this because Roy had belonged in that dream and without him it was meaningless.

  She walked over to the table and put her cereal bowl down with a thump. This is why she wouldn’t have come if she’d known she was going to be on her own, being alone gave her too much time to brood. But even though she knew that emigrating, living in a far off, alien country, wouldn’t have been for her, she’d never managed to get Roy completely out of her mind. And had never found anyone else she wanted to live her dream with.

  Her tummy rumbled reminding her she was hungry. She reached for the milk bottle and poured milk onto her cereal. In spite of her mood, the novelty of having milk ice-cold from the refrigerator hadn’t worn off yet. And she might as well read the newspaper seeing as it was here. She unfolded it and tucked inside was a Jack and Jill comic.

  Her niece probably liked the name so similar to hers, Maddie thought. But as she idly glanced at the front cover, her eyes were drawn to the writing in black pencil at the top right-hand corner: 2 Broome Lane. So was the comic for Jilly or not, or had the comic been delivered to the wrong address? Though, perhaps the newsagent written Broome Lane when it should have been Broome Avenue? But Maddie recalled how Connie next door had been annoyed about the paper boy delivering someone else’s magazine to her and decided to go next door after breakfast and ask if there was a Broome Lane in the village.

  *

  Rob was at Flo and Connie’s when Maddie went round and asked about Broome Lane, explaining why she wanted to know.

  “There is a Broome Lane,” Rob said. “It’s not in the prefab village. It’s a row of old cottages behind Broome Hall. It would be quicker for you to drive there but you can walk to it through the park. It’s a right nice walk and there’s a gate at one side of Broome Hall that leads onto the lane. I could come some of the way with you, I’m meeting some friends at the boating lake.”

  “I’m not sure Maddie were thinking of taking the comic there herself, lad,” Connie said.

  “I might as well,” Maddie replied. “I expect the little poppet it was meant for will be feeling disappointed.”

  “D’you know there’s a way into the park over a stile?” Rob asked Maddie when they set off a few minutes later. “It’s there, see, just next to number four, the Claytons’ prefab, where the road curves.”

  Maddie nodded. “The Claytons keep hens, don’t they? I met Mary Clayton and one of her children the other day.”

  “Yes, Nana Connie gets eggs from them sometimes,” said Rob. “But are you all right to climb over the stile?”

  “I might seem old to you, Rob, but I’m not too old to do that.”

  Rob grinned. “Didn’t mean it that way. Even Nana Connie climbs over it at times. I thought you might be worried about getting your foot caught in your skirt or something,” he said.

  “You could have a point there.” Maddie glanced down at her polka-dot circle skirt. “I’ll just have to be extra careful.”

  She managed to climb over without doing any damage but thought she might get grass stains on her skirt when they walked through the long grass.

  “It’s only a small stretch like this,” Rob said. “See, there’s a proper pathway just ahead.”

  “I bet you spend most of your time here during the school holidays,” Maddie said, looking around once they were on the path.

  “Usually at the big pond or the boating lake,” he told her. “And I’m going to make the most of this school holiday. It’s the last one I’ll have. I’ll be goin’ out to work after Easter.”

  “Do you row around the boating lake or just watch others?”

  “Don’t tell Nana Connie,” Rob said, “but if me and my friends get there before the fella who sells tickets for the boats, we go for a swim. I’m wearing swimming trunks under my trousers.”

  “We lived near Rochdale when I was about your age,” Maddie said. “A few of us used to cycle to an open-air swimming pool in a moorland village and then spend most of the day swimming.”

  “Shame you aren’t wearing a cozzie under your clothes, Maddie. You could have joined us in the boating lake. But here,” Rob added, “is where I leave you.” He pointed ahead, “Just keep walking that way and you’ll see the gate at the side of Broome Hall.”

  It wasn’t too long before Maddie went through the gate onto Broome Lane. Her breath caught in her throat as she gazed at the short row of cottages; her dream had been to live somewhere like this. She made her way around two parked vehicles then slowly walked up number two’s garden path noting the riot of forget-me-nots, primroses and narcissi on one side and wild flowers on the other. Thinking it best to hand the comic over in person, she knocked on the front door.

  A harassed looking woman who, thought Maddie, was probably around the same age as her, opened the door. Maddie introduced herself, held out the comic and explained how it had been wrongly delivered to her sister’s prefab on Broome Avenue.

  “Your sister must be Doreen Smith. Her Jilly and my Hazel are great friends, they sit together at Sunday school. You don’t fancy coming in and giving the comic to Hazel yourself, do you, Maddie? Though I must warn you, she’s got a bit of a cold. She’s grumpy with it and when her comic didn’t arrive with the newspaper it was a bigger deal than it would usually have been. She’s only five and the mood she’s in, if I explained things, she’d likely blame me for the wrong delivery. I’m Amy, by the way,” she added.

  Maddie couldn’t refuse and, anyway, she was a bit curious to see if the inside of the cottage lived up to her dream cottage, too. Though she knew it would hurt if it did. She followed Amy in and Amy called up the stairs for Hazel to come down. “I’m sorry she feels so out of sorts,” said Amy as they walked on into the kitchen. “I think I’d have a bit more patience with her if it had been any other day. But I’m giving a dinner party this evening, my husband’s been working away, it’s our sixth wedding anniversary soon, so it’s a sort of welcome home, anniversary celebration and catching up with friends.”

  Amy sighed. “I don’t think he reckoned on having to do the food shopping for the party by himself. We need quite a lot and it will be easier to stash it in the car boot instead of carrying heavy bags on a bus. I can’t drive and I wouldn’t want to drive our car anyway, it’s too big and I’d be scared. We’d planned for all three of us to go shopping, but I can’t face dragging Hazel round the shops the mood she’s in.”

  Amy wound down and shook her head. “What must you be thinking of me? I don’t usually babble on like that. I’m just a bit stressed today. Ah,” she added, “here’s Hazel. “This is Maddie, Hazel, she’s staying at your friend Jilly’s and she’s brought something for you.”

  Even though she was scowling and had tear-stained cheeks, Maddie thought she was a pretty little thing. “Hi, Hazel,” she said. “I’ve brought your comic, I’m sorry but the paper boy delivered it to my sister’s by mistake.”

  “Have you read it?” Hazel asked.

  “Not really,” Maddie replied, “I just looked at Jack and Jill and their little puppy on the front cover. I love that little puppy.”

  “I saw a toy puppy just like Jack and Jill’s Patch in the toysho
p. Daddy’s going to buy it for me so I can play with it when the party’s on,” Hazel added.

  “Daddy mightn’t have time to go to the big toy shop in town for Patch today, sweetheart.” The deep, male voice had come from behind Maddie and she froze. Surely it couldn’t be? But he continued speaking and she knew she wasn’t mistaken. It was Roy. She knew his voice as well as she knew her own. “He’s got to do all the food shopping on his own because Mummy’s staying here to look after you. But maybe I’ll manage to find something special to bring back.”

  Hazel tugged Maddie’s hand. “If Mummy goes as well, Daddy will leave her doing the shopping while he goes to go to the big toy shop,” she said, gazing earnestly at Maddie. “If you stay and look after me, I’ll let you read my comic and we can play with my toy farm. I pretend it’s Buttercup Farm where Jack and Jill live.”

  Stay here where Roy’s living my dream with Amy! A dream he said he couldn’t share – didn’t want – but it’s their sixth wedding anniversary so he obviously married Amy and came to live here just three months after we’d split up.

  “Please, Maddie. I’ll be good, I promise.”

  Maddie shook her head. She couldn’t stay here and look after Roy’s daughter. “I’m sorry, Hazel, but—”

  “Maddie? Maddie. It can’t be.” Maddie heard Roy move, knew he was walking round from behind her and swallowed hard.

  He’s hardly changed, thought Maddie, staring up at him. His hair – how she’d loved running her fingers through it – was still as dark brown, his grey-green eyes still made her feel as if she were melting and his mouth...

  “You’ve changed your hair,” he said. “It was long and it never used to be curly. But what on earth are you doing here, Maddie? I knew you’d—”

  “Maddie brought my comic,” interrupted Hazel, twirling round to face him. “She likes Patch the puppy but she mustn’t like me ’cos she won’t stay and look after me. If you’d said yes,” she went on, turning back to speak to Maddie, “Daddy could’ve gone and got me Patch while Mummy did the other shopping. And the toy shop might sell out if I don’t get one today so if I never get one, it’ll be all your fault,” she ended on a sob.

  “Hazel,” said Amy, moving to put her hands on her daughter’s shoulders, “I know you’re upset but that doesn’t excuse you being rude to Maddie. I think you better say sorry.”

  “No, no, it’s all right.” Maddie managed to look away from Roy. “I’ve got things to do at my sister’s, Amy,” she said. “I’m walking back through the park and it’s a lovely warm morning. The walk here made me feel better even though I’ve got a bit of a cold.” Even through her distress Maddie managed to word it so that Hazel might not guess that she was offering to look after her at Doreen’s. “I know you don’t know me, Amy, b-but Roy does. Did, I mean. And you do know my sister.”

  “Are you sure?” Amy asked. “It would be a tremendous help, Maddie.”

  Maddie nodded. “And don’t feel you have to rush, Amy. I’ll make some lunch for Hazel.”

  “Does that mean…are you going to stay and look after me, Maddie?”

  “I’m taking you back with me, Hazel,” said Maddie. “Jilly’s mummy’s got a lot of brass and it got dusty when the outside of the prefab was painted. I’ve got to polish it, you can help me if you like.”

  “And can we read my comic as well?”

  Maddie nodded. “From cover to cover.” She glanced at Amy. “Is Hazel allergic to anything?” she asked.

  Amy pulled a wry face. “Only to being disappointed. She likes most food, she’s not a fussy eater.”

  “She loves home-made battered fish,” Roy put in, staring meaningfully at Maddie.

  How could he? How dare he? The two of them used to make that regularly in her parents’ kitchen at the house they’d lived in back then. Used to have fun testing if the batter was too thick or too thin. And…

  “Can you make battered fish, Maddie? It’s my betsest favourite food,” said Hazel.

  “Not one for giving delicate hints.” Amy smiled at Maddie.

  A pain sliced through Maddie’s heart. She hadn’t made it since she and Roy split up. And to make it now knowing it was for Roy and Amy’s daughter… But Hazel looked so hopeful. “I bought some fish off the fish van yesterday,” Maddie said at last. “I was going to poach it. I’m not sure if there’s any plain flour in Doreen’s cupboard, though. But I’ll make batter if there is, Hazel.”

  “You sounded all croaky then.” Hazel giggled. “Like a frog with a sore throat,” she added. “I hope there is some plain flour in Jilly’s mummy’s cupboard,” she added.

  Roy moved towards one of the cupboards; Maddie had always loved the way he walked with long, lithe strides. She tried so hard not to watch him but her eyes wouldn’t listen to her brain. He opened the cupboard, reached in and picked something off a shelf. Then he turned and walked over to Maddie. “Plain flour,” he said, holding the packet towards Maddie.

  For one moment, Maddie thought she could see a hint of sadness, or regret, on his face. But she must have imagined it because he looked away from her and, smiling, ruffled Hazel’s hair. “Have a lovely lunch and be good for Maddie, sweetheart. I’ll see you later.”

  Hazel smiled up at him. “You’ll be bringing something very special, won’t you?”

  “I will indeed,” he said, winking.

  Maddie knew she had to get out right now; the pain in her heart had become a sick and fiery gnawing. “If you get Hazel a coat and anything else she might need,” she said to Amy, “we’ll be on our way.”

  It seemed to take Amy for ever to fetch a coat, to button Hazel into it and kiss her goodbye. “Mummy or Daddy will come and collect you to bring you home,” she said to the little girl. “And thank you so much for doing this, Maddie, you’re an angel.”

  Maddie mumbled a reply then, keeping her head down to avoid making eye contact with Roy, she took Hazel’s hand and they hurried away.

  *

  “There,” Hazel said an hour or so later, “the brass is so sparkly I can see my face in everything. ’Specially in the big horse-shoe, I can even see how blue my eyes are.” Hazel had chattered non-stop, asking questions and telling Maddie about sitting with Jilly at Sunday school and the things she liked doing, all the time they been polishing the brass.

  Maddie smiled. “Now, let’s wash our hands and then we’ll make your batter.”

  Hazel giggled. “You mean the fish’s batter, Maddie.”

  Luckily, Hazel kept up her stream of chatter while she watched Maddie cooking and that helped a little to stop too many memories from crowding in. It didn’t stop all of them though; the once familiar aroma of fried fish brought tears to Maddie’s eyes.

  She knew she’d have to eat at least a small portion to keep Hazel company and was amazed that she somehow managed to do so. Hazel said she was too full for any fruit so, after Maddie had cleared away, they went through to the living room to read Hazel’s comic.

  “I like these lacy things over the back of the armchairs,” said Hazel. “They’re like the stuff on a princess’s wedding dress. Did you have a lacy dress when you got married?”

  “I’ve never been married,” Maddie replied.

  “Why not?”

  Maddie replied without thinking. “I loved someone once—”

  “When you do get married, you will have a lacy dress won’t you? And as well can I be your bridesmaid ’cos I’ve never been one?”

  It wasn’t likely that she’d ever get married but she couldn’t say that to Hazel. “Only if you let me be your bridesmaid, too,” Maddie replied over the lump in her throat.

  They’d just finished reading the comic for the second time when the doorbell rang. “I expect that’s your mummy, Hazel,” said Maddie. Please, please, please don’t let it be Roy fetching Hazel, she prayed as she went to open the door.

  Her prayer went unanswered.

  “You look a bit up-tight, Maddie,” Roy commented as they went through the hall into
the living room. “Has she driven you crazy?”

  “Not at all, we’ve had a lovely time,” said Maddie.

  “I’m going to be Maddie’s bridesmaid,” shrieked Hazel, “and did you get the very special thing?”

  “I did.” Roy replied abruptly, then looked hard at Maddie. “How can she be your bridesmaid when you’re already married?” he said.

  Maddie shook her head. “I’m not married, Roy. What gave—?”

  “Uncle Roy isn’t married, either,” interrupted Hazel. “He told Mummy he’d been an idiot, a fool, and he’d lost his only love. He even made something gorgeous for her. It’s in his workshop, I’ve seen it.”

  “B-but, I d-don’t understand,” stuttered Maddie. “You’re Hazel’s dad, it’s your sixth wedding anniversary, you…you… When you walked into the kitchen you told Hazel you had to do the shopping on your own – said you might not have time to go and get a Patch toy.”

  “Hal was upstairs getting ready,” Roy said. “I told Hazel that her daddy might not have time to get Patch. I said I might manage to find something special to bring back. Are you really not married, Maddie?”

  Maddie shook her head.

  “I went looking for you a year after we’d parted,” Roy continued. “I knew I’d made a terrible mistake months before that but I wanted to do something before coming to find you and that took a bit of time. I went to your parents’ house but you’d all moved. The old lady living there said your mum and dad had bought a shop somewhere but she didn’t know where and that you’d got married and she didn’t know where you lived either.”

  “That was Doreen, my sister. She and George lived near me and my parents for a while when we moved and then they were allocated this prefab. Are you really not Amy’s husband? I still don’t understand.”

  “Daddy is Mummy’s husband, silly,” Hazel said. “Uncle Roy is my daddy’s brother. He had to make up a fib to tell Mummy why he couldn’t stay and look after me ’cos he was fetching the very special thing.” Hazel giggled. “Have you hidden it, Uncle Roy?”