Always and Forever at Glendale Hall

by Victoria Walters

  ‘But that’s your day off,’ Beth said. She had told me Sundays were my own. I had no idea what I would find to do out here on them though.

  ‘It’s okay, we still need to eat, right?’ I glanced at Cameron. He was staring down at his plate, picking at his food, quite obviously annoyed. I’d never met anyone quite so grumpy under the age of fifty before.

  ‘Well, if you’re happy to then I won’t turn down a good brunch.’ Beth definitely seemed pretty easy-going. But I knew based on experience that that could change in an instant if she thought I was doing something wrong. ‘We can have a big feast after church.’

  I raised an eyebrow. I hadn’t thought that I’d be around now to watch my brother work on a Sunday.

  ‘Thank you so much!’ Heather said to me then. ‘Well done on bringing her here, Brodie.’

  ‘I think we should be thanking Hamish,’ he replied with a raised eyebrow.

  Honestly, he never gave me a break.

  ‘Can we have seconds yet?’ Izzy asked then, reaching for the veggie pasta before anyone could stop her. I watched her happily, glad I’d made extra food. I couldn’t help but warm to people who loved to eat, and who appreciated my cooking, and I’d got one over on Cameron too. He was still glowering.

  And when I announced I’d made cheesecake for dessert, I even got a round of applause.

  Chapter Six

  I didn’t sleep well my first night at the Hall. The whole house was so quiet, it was disconcerting. I hadn’t slept somewhere so quiet since Christmas night at my parents’ house. All of my jobs usually had me living above pubs and restaurants, or when I travelled I slept in youth hostels. I was used to noise and people coming and going in the night. Glendale Hall, though, was completely silent.

  When I woke up after finally drifting off to sleep in the early hours, all I could hear was birdsong. I started Spotify up on my iPhone to break the silence and wake myself up. It was going to take some getting used to having all this peace and quiet. I sat up and looked around my room. It was so much more luxurious than I was used to, it felt rather unreal to be waking up here. I supposed because I wasn’t sure I deserved to be here.

  Shaking off that dark thought, I told myself to get going and that would stop me sinking into any over-thinking. It was something that plagued me too much, more than usual already, and I had a busy day ahead so there was no time to let myself dwell.

  It turned out that most of Glendale Hall attended church on a Sunday morning. Some did it because they always had, and maybe believed in God I don’t know, but the rest did it to support my brother, which was actually quite sweet, I thought. Although that meant I felt I had to go to church as well.

  Growing up, we had gone every week but now I only attended when I had to, for things like my brother’s wedding. But I couldn’t be the only one at Glendale Hall who didn’t attend.

  So, after my morning run, I showered and got dressed and went downstairs. It was a sunny, warm morning so everyone who lived at the Hall walked together to the village – Sally, the former housekeeper; Beth’s mother Caroline and her stepdad John; along with me, Beth, Drew and Izzy.

  ‘Is it weird having a minister for a brother?’ Izzy asked as we walked along, taking up most of the road, which was empty of traffic although I was keeping an eye out for tractors, just in case. I liked how inquisitive Izzy was, it reminded me of me growing up. I always had a lot of questions. A thirst for knowledge and experience, a desire to know everything. I still felt like that even now. Izzy seemed to get most of her information from books, whereas I wanted to get it from living, not reading.

  ‘It’s a lot to live up to,’ I admitted. ‘When I was younger, I was sure I often saw the words in my parent’s eyes: “Why can’t you be more like your brother?”’

  I laughed but it sounded hollow to my ears. I felt like they still thought that way. I certainly knew that I didn’t measure up to him.

  ‘Thankfully, I’m an only child otherwise I’m sure that’s what my mother would have said too,’ Beth said from beside us. She looked at Drew, who chuckled, their hands entwined. ‘So, you’re not as religious as him then?’

  I didn’t think I’d ever been interrogated quite as much in a new job before. This family were pretty nosey but they did it in such a straightforward way, I couldn’t get annoyed. ‘No. I mean, our parents are so we both grew up going to church but Brodie kind of stopped for a while when he was a teenager, and then after my accident I couldn’t go and I guess I just slipped out of the habit. When I was eighteen, I left home and I don’t go when I’m away from my family but when I’m at home, they kind of expect it.’ It was a source of contention between us all sometimes. My accident had led Brodie back to God, back to his faith in such a way he became a minister, but it had pushed me away, and kept me running from it ever since. I knew my parents and Brodie were upset by my lack of faith, and confused too. They believed that God had spared me. If that was true, I had never felt as if I deserved it. Instead, I felt like I had been given a burden that I wasn’t strong enough to carry.

  ‘Oh, well, you shouldn’t feel you have to join us,’ Drew said. ‘We’re in the habit but it’s not a prerequisite of living at the Hall.’

  ‘He’s her brother,’ Caroline said, glancing back, evidently having listened to our conversation. ‘Surely she wants to support him? Same as if he were an actor, you’d go to his plays, wouldn’t you?’

  I honestly hadn’t thought about it like that. I hadn’t listened to a sermon of his for years. My last time in church was for Brodie and Emily’s wedding and, obviously, he hadn’t led that service. Had I been letting him down all these years? ‘Of course,’ I said quickly, a little embarrassed. I cleared my throat. ‘So, when Heather was talking about Hilltop Farm, I didn’t really understand what they do there?’ I asked Beth and Drew, trying to take the heat off me. Thankfully, Caroline turned back ahead and began talking to John and Sally. I felt that I needed to be careful around her. She felt more like how I’d imagined the owner of the Hall to be than Beth was. I’d have to ask Brodie how come it wasn’t her who ran the place.

  ‘Well, my brother Rory and Heather recently bought the neighbouring farm to theirs,’ Drew explained. ‘They’ve opened it up as a retreat for the first time this week – a group from the Midlands are staying at the farmhouse. They are learning about farming and enjoying getting to live in the quiet countryside for a week. But they also plan to make it a working farm with sheep: they’re training their new dog and looking into buying sheep but they wanted to get the farmhouse sorted first. Cameron is living on site and managing it.’

  I nodded. ‘Even though I love animals I don’t think I’ve ever set foot on a farm in my life. I’m more of a beach holiday person.’

  Beth smiled. ‘They’ve actually had a lot of inquiries. I think lots of city people and workplaces love the idea of a rustic, peaceful getaway. Heather found this group through her Instagram; they’re a mother and baby group. They are really enjoying it.’

  ‘Her Instagram?’

  ‘She’s so popular on there,’ Beth said. ‘I’m trying to get the Glendale village accounts as popular but I can’t compete. Do you do much on social media?’

  I was surprised. I hadn’t expected that. Maybe because Glendale was so in the middle of nowhere, the last place you expect to find any kind of influencer. I shook my head. ‘Not really. I hate the idea of people you’ve met in the past being able to track you down and see what you’re doing now.’ I caught Beth share a glance with her husband, they clearly found that strange, and I suppose nowadays it was unusual, but let’s just say I probably had more ghosts I preferred to lay to rest than most women my age.

  Conversation paused as we reached the village and made our way to the church. I was taken aback to see how many people were walking inside. Brodie was in the doorway in his dog collar, greeting them all with a friendly smile. I thought church congregations were dwindling but Glendale’s appeared to be thriving.

  ‘Anna,
I’m so pleased you’re joining us,’ Emily said, hurrying over as we walked past the vicarage. She wrapped her arm through mine. ‘I definitely need your garlic bread recipe. I’ve been thinking about it since last night: I could do a week of bread specials from other countries. It would be really fun, don’t you think?’

  ‘Of course you can have it,’ I said, thinking that Emily reminded me of sunshine. I felt like I was more of a cloudy day kind of girl. ‘I can email it over.’ Emily and Brodie had emailed their baby scan to all the family so I had her address. I hadn’t spent any time alone with Emily since she met my brother, we’d only seen one another at Christmas or family gatherings, which I made sure were few and far between, and she was sweet but like everyone in my life, I had no intention of doing anything other than keep her at arm’s length. Although I did love how enthusiastic she was about bread. ‘I didn’t expect to see so many people here,’ I admitted as we walked towards the church door.

  ‘It’s all down to your brother,’ Emily said as we approached him. He smiled at us. It was obvious how happy she made him. ‘Just don’t tell him or he’ll get an even bigger head,’ she added so only I could hear.

  I laughed as he looked at us suspiciously. We walked on through into the church and I looked around. The church itself was small with light streaming in through the stained-glass window at the back above the altar. People were filling up the pews. Emily led me right up to the front where a pew was empty, clearly left for those at the Hall. I realised then what a big part this group played in this community. It took them ages to join us as they greeted the whole village on the way, it looked like. Finally, they all sat down and Brodie came to the front.

  ‘Welcome, everyone. I’d like to say a special note of welcome to my sister, Anna, who has come to stay in Glendale with us for the summer. Anna was the reason that I became a minister in the first place so it’s particularly special for me to look out and see her in the front pew.’ He gestured to me and I felt all eyes turn towards me. I shrank down, embarrassed. Now everyone knew I was the minister’s sister. Thanks, Brodie. It was like the headmistress of a school pointing out her daughter on the first-day assembly. Not what I wanted. I glanced around and caught a smirk across the aisle in the next pew. I recognised Cameron – he seemed to be enjoying my discomfort. Hmmm. I would have to get him back for that in our cooking lesson later.

  ‘I hope you’ll join me in welcoming Anna to the village.’ Several people turned to smile at me. I squirmed in my seat, feeling the pressure of living up to my brother’s expectations once again. ‘Now, let’s have a song…’ Brodie turned to the band behind him, to my relief. No stuffy organ hymns in Brodie’s church but a guitar band singing worship songs, which the congregation joined in with enthusiastically.

  I tried to sing along to the words on the projector at the front but I couldn’t stop thinking about Brodie’s words. How I was the reason that he became a minister – he really believed that God had saved me and he’d wanted to repay that debt somehow. I, however, felt like an utter fraud – completely undeserving of being saved.

  Brodie saw me almost dying as giving him his life’s purpose whereas I felt like it had left me without one. It was part of the reason I wasn’t as close to him, or my parents, anymore.

  I tried to tell myself that I kept moving because my life had been saved so I needed to live a big life. I needed to travel and have new experiences. I needed to be fearless, and not settle, but I knew it wasn’t what made me so restless, what kept me from getting close to anyone, what made me run from place to place, and never want to return home. Because having adventures was meant to make you happy. And I wasn’t.

  No, the real reason behind it all was my survivor’s guilt. Well, that’s what the therapist I had seen after the accident had called it. But she never knew the whole truth behind my guilt. No one knew. It was something I didn’t talk about and tried not to think about. It followed me around, though, like a dark shadow. It was the reason I couldn’t talk to my family about the accident. And why Brodie thinking that God had saved me horrified me.

  Because I knew that I’d survived an accident that was all my fault in the first place.

  Chapter Seven

  Cameron walked into the kitchen at the Hall after church. I had asked everyone to stay out of the kitchen until brunch was ready because I didn’t want them listening to me teaching Cameron. I wasn’t looking forward to it and was prepared for him to be difficult so it was better for everyone if the others stayed out of the line of fire. It was a pleasant late morning so the others went readily into the garden, leaving us alone.

  Cameron looked almost bored, and that was irritating. I mean, I was doing him a favour after all. What was even more irritating was how he rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt and I caught myself looking at his muscly arms. They were rather distracting. Why did someone so grumpy have to be so good-looking? Life was often unfair in that way though, I had found.

  Turning away, I pulled my hair into a bun, put on an apron and handed him one. I had to look up at him to speak. That wasn’t a rare event – I was always smaller than other people – but Cameron loomed large in the kitchen. But I had never once backed down from anyone, and I wasn’t about to start. And, thankfully, he put on his apron and it dulled his intimidating effect a lot. In fact, I let out a laugh. It looked ridiculous on him.

  ‘What?’ he asked, not getting the joke.

  ‘I just love a man in an apron.’

  He didn’t smile. ‘Shall we get on?’

  I stared back at him. ‘Fine. I will teach you how to make an easy brunch if you answer a question first. Deal?’

  Cameron’s eyebrows shot up. I loved that I’d wrong-footed him. It was one of my favourite things to do – the last thing people expected. His mouth twitched. ‘I can’t let Heather and Rory down at Hilltop so I’ll have to say yes.’

  ‘My question, then, while we get all our ingredients,’ I said, walking over to the fridge. I handed him things behind my back, passing them to him – eggs, bacon, sausages, tomatoes fresh from the garden, milk for pancakes, yogurt, berries. There was bread from Emily’s Bakery already on the counter, smelling inviting. I thought he’d run a mile from the idea of baking muffins or anything so we’d keep it simple. ‘So, we’re going to make the kind of breakfast people staying at a rustic farm would expect. You have to play to your crowd. If I had served up a soufflé in my old pub, I would have been laughed out of there. But just because you’re making a simple menu, it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t taste just as good as a fancy meal. In my humble opinion. Right, so my question…’ I turned to see Cameron, surrounded by food behind him on the counter, looking quite bewildered. By the food or me, I wasn’t sure. Could have been both actually. ‘Why were you so against me showing you how to cook?’ He was still looking at me strangely. Maybe he was attractive but dim, like Dave back in Glasgow. ‘Go ahead. We can cook afterwards.’

  He sighed. ‘I wasn’t against it, exactly. It’s just I need to focus on this new job. I didn’t think learning to cook was a high priority, to be honest.’ He didn’t quite meet my gaze, though, so I definitely didn’t think I’d heard the whole truth. I still couldn’t shake the feeling that it was me he hadn’t wanted to teach him, not that he hadn’t wanted to learn. But we’d only just met. Had I really offended him that much already?

  ‘Why did you want to be a farmer?’ I asked, determined to worm the correct answer out of him soon.

  ‘I love being outside, I love animals, I love hard work, and it’s all I’ve ever known. Like I said, my dad wasn’t around much so my uncle, Angus, took me under his wing. I used to spend loads of time with him at Fraser Farm where he works. After uni, I came back to Glendale and Rory and Heather offered me a full-time job. It was a no-brainer.’ He shrugged. ‘So, what do you do first then?’ he asked, steering us back to the matter in hand, clearly not wanting to elaborate further.

  I’ll be honest, I hadn’t expected that he would have gone to univers
ity. But then he came back home. I felt like there was more to his story. Like anyone, I suppose. Who tells someone they just met the real truth anyway? I knew I never did. Or even people I had known for longer. But I at least knew that he wasn’t afraid of hard work and it sounded like he was determined to do a good job at Hilltop, so hopefully we could make it through this lesson without anything getting burned. ‘Let’s make scrambled eggs. If you get that right then everyone will be happy.’

  Cameron focused on the task straight away. He listened and followed my instructions, and actually produced a notebook to write down what I was saying. I couldn’t remember a man listening to me so carefully before. We moved on to sausages and bacon then, and I bent down to put them under the grill and glanced over. He was chewing on his pen as he checked his notes, oblivious to my skinny-jeans-covered bum. ‘So, you’ll want to provide some non-cooked options because not everyone likes a cooked breakfast. So, make sure you have cereals, yogurt and fruit, granola, pastries, that kind of thing. And all bread options.’

  ‘Options?’

  ‘White, wholemeal, granary, rye, gluten-free… You know what, I’m sure Emily can deliver to Hilltop or something,’ I said when he looked blank. ‘Same for milk. Dairy-free options.’

  He wrote that down. ‘I really thought I’d just be doing cornflakes and toast. This is nuts. You’d better show me the pancakes,’ he said, taking a deep breath.

  I smiled. ‘For someone happy on a huge tractor, the kitchen seems to scare you.’

  ‘I’ve never been around anyone who cooks. My uncle can just about make beans on toast, and my mum only really makes pasta with a jar of sauce. We have a lot of takeaways or ready meals. I eat the best when they invite me here, to be honest.’