‘You know I want to spend more time with you,’ he replied, jumping into the car. I hid my smile as I climbed in beside him.
‘So, are we still sticking to just being friends?’ I joked as I drove us away from Hilltop.
‘I thought you didn’t like labels.’
‘You’re right, I don’t. But I have a feeling you do.’ I glanced at him. It was so strange this connection I felt with someone so different from me. But I suppose two lost people could find each other, and it felt like that was what was happening with us. I just wished I wasn’t equally excited and scared by that idea. How did people fall in love? How did they just take that leap? I couldn’t fathom it yet.
‘I think I’ve learned they don’t mean anything.’
Even though he had only loved one woman, he had loved before, he had been in a long-term relationship whereas I never had. Relationships were alien to me whereas my love life was probably equally as alien to him.
We drove the rest of the way in companionable silence, and when we arrived smiled at one another as we got out of the car and went inside.
In the kitchen, Beth, Drew, Izzy, Caroline, John and Sally were there and Brodie and Emily had arrived with Iona. The smell of my stews (I’d made a meat and a veggie one) cooking filled the room, and everyone was chatting happily as they gathered drinks and sat down at the table. I didn’t think I’d been in a kitchen with so much warmth in it before coming here. And it was down to the people. I wondered if Beth knew how lucky she was to come home to this every night. ‘Sit down everyone and I’ll get it all dished up,’ I said, aware of eyes turning to me and Cameron. I slipped into the kitchen, leaving him to deal with their curious looks. I felt bad but he had known what he was getting into.
‘So, you and Cameron…’ Brodie appeared beside me to pour two glasses of red wine, handing me one, as I tipped each stew into a serving pot and spooned the roast potatoes that had been crisping up while I was over at Hilltop into another dish.
I looked at his twinkling eyes and despite myself, I smiled. ‘We’re just hanging out,’ I said, nudging him with my hip. ‘Make yourself useful and carry something over.’
‘Fine but it’s nice to see you smile. Oh, and I have something to tell you… I’ll wait till we’re sitting down.’ He carried off one of the stews and Drew came to help me bring everything else over. We also had runner beans grown at the Hall cooked in butter and everything looked delicious. It was a bit more of a winter meal but it was a cool evening and no one minded a hearty meal here, I had found.
‘This is as tasty as ever, Anna,’ Beth said after everyone had piled up their plates.
‘I have to admit you’re giving me a run for my money,’ Sally said to me after she had tasted it.
‘That is high praise,’ Beth told me.
‘I’m honoured,’ I said, pleased. I had a taste of my veggie stew, it was spicy tomato flavour, and I was happy to see some of them eating that either instead of or with the meat version.
‘So, one of my parishioners came to see me earlier,’ Brodie said. He was opposite me with Emily on one side, Cameron on the other. I was relieved we weren’t next to one another, this was strange enough already for me. ‘And he mentioned that his son works at a cookery school in Inverness. He gave me his number, said he’d be more than happy to talk to you about doing one of their courses…’ Brodie slid the business card across the table to me. Everyone was listening by this time. ‘I think you should make this your career. You could open your own restaurant one day.’ He said it so simply, like it would all be that easy.
‘How could I ever afford to open my own restaurant?’ I asked, looking at the card.
‘We would think of something,’ Brodie said. ‘If it’s what you want. You’re such a good cook, Anna.’
‘You definitely should do it,’ Beth said. ‘And I’d love to help you, Anna. Your talent shouldn’t go to waste. Maybe you could even open the restaurant nearby, I mean we only have the pub in Glendale, don’t we?’
I looked around the table, everyone was nodding and smiling like they had all of my future planned out. I looked at Cameron, the only one looking down at his plate unsure. If I stayed in Glendale, what would that mean for us? Would he even want me to? ‘This is all a bit much. I’m only here for the summer.’
‘There’s no reason why you can’t stay though,’ Beth said.
I knew she meant well but she was so bossy. Anger flared up inside my chest at their assumptions. ‘You think you have it all planned out, don’t you? Like I don’t get a say in my own life?’
Beth’s mouth fell open. ‘That’s not what I meant…’
‘No,’ Brodie said at the same time as her. ‘Of course not. Just trying to give you some options. We want to help.’
I put my cutlery down with a clatter. ‘But I didn’t ask any of you for help, did I?’ I wasn’t sure why I was so annoyed. I think it was because they all seemed to know what was best for me without taking into account that I might want to make my own life choices. ‘I know you’re all used to being in each other’s business all the time but I’m not you, okay? And I didn’t ask for any of you to butt in like this.’ Even after all we had talked about, my brother still thought he knew what was best for my life. And Beth seemed to want to control everyone. I stood up. ‘I’m quite capable of deciding what I want to do, okay?’ And even though it was maybe childish of me, I couldn’t face the rest of the meal with them so I stalked out of the room.
Chapter Thirty-Five
It was Emily who had evidently drawn the short straw as she was the one who came to find me sitting on the stairs, fuming. She walked over, hands up in a peace offering stance. ‘I know it’s annoying when people say they know how you feel but I really do this time. I have been on the receiving end of people trying to fix my life,’ she said, coming to sit beside me. ‘When I left my boyfriend in London, everyone told me that I should move here to open my own bakery. But they don’t mean to be bossy, they just like to help people. I totally get that you didn’t ask for any help, and that’s fine. But, honestly, they really didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘And you just went along with their plans for you?’
Emily smiled. ‘I had always wanted my own bakery and my old boss offered to give me the money to set one up. I grew up here and coming back did feel right. But I didn’t make the decision until I was one hundred percent sure. And it wasn’t because Beth told me to or that I knew it would make my aunt happy, or even because it would mean I would be living near your brother. I did it because I knew deep down in my heart it was the right move. I knew that it was going to make me happy. I also knew that it would be bloody hard work, and it was, and my life felt such a mess at the time but it was like a life raft. And I knew I would be crazy not to grab hold of it and use it to pull myself up. And look at me now.’ She touched my arm. ‘But that doesn’t mean it’s the same for you. You’re right about one thing – it’s your life, your choice to make. Just go easy on them in there, okay? They honestly just mean to be kind, I promise.’
I nodded slowly, my anger deflating. ‘I know that really. It came out of nowhere though. I felt like they were trying to take over my life. I’m not used to asking or needing or wanting help from anyone else.’
‘I get that. But it’s also okay if you do, you know?’
‘I only meant to stay for the summer. I’m supposed to be going to Ibiza next.’
‘Plans can change, Anna. Look at all of us in there. Did any of us plan to be where we are right now? Definitely not. But hopefully you can see we are all pretty happy. I’ll tell them all to back off but don’t hold this against them, will you? They’re good people.’ She stood up. ‘As are you. Remember that.’
I watched her go and felt really bad for my outburst. I had always been hot-headed but it was more than that. I had been alone for so long that it wasn’t in my nature to let people into my life. But it seemed that at Glendale Hall they pushed their way in regardless. Should I still be anno
yed or should I admire them for trying? I wasn’t sure, truth be told.
Cameron came out into the hallway then. ‘Fancy a drink?’
‘Hell yes.’
* * *
Cameron and I walked into the village together and headed straight for the Glendale Arms. It had been a quiet walk. Cameron seemed as thoughtful as I was and I longed to ask him what he had made of that meal but I was nervous to as well. We got our drinks and found a corner table. It was too chilly to sit outside. The pub was quiet as it was still early and none of his friends were in there thankfully.
‘Was I wrong to get upset?’ I worked up the courage to ask Cameron after taking a long gulp of my wine.
‘Maybe you were a tad harsh on Brodie and Beth but no, not wrong if that’s how you feel,’ he replied. It was a diplomatic answer. ‘You know, my mum and uncle did a similar thing to me. When I came back from uni, I was pretty broken. I had no idea what to do next. I was grieving. I’d lost Kirsty, and our future. I was down. Maybe even depressed, you know?’ He paused to take a sip of his beer while I waited. ‘Then my uncle came over and told me that Rory and Heather were buying the next-door farm, and that he was helping them under the proviso that I got first refusal for the manager job. I told him there was no way I was up to it and he actually swore at me. He told me to get up, have a shower, get dressed and come and see the place. He told me that his heart had been broken once and although he had never fully healed, he’d found a life that gave him purpose and peace, and that was what I needed. So, I went to see Hilltop and I saw it clearly. It was a place that would give me purpose and peace. And it did, and still does.’
‘So, you’re saying I should do what they’re telling me to do?’
‘No. I’m just saying we can’t always see things clearly, maybe sometimes we do need people who care about us to step in and just show us the way a little bit. But even if you don’t agree with what they said, I don’t think they said it to upset you. Your brother really cares about you. And Beth does too.’
‘I feel even worse now.’
‘I don’t want you to feel bad, just trying to say I understand the feeling of wanting to tell people to get out of your business, I really do. It’s just sometimes maybe we need them to get in it. I don’t know. I’m not good with words.’
‘You’re better than you think you are.’ I finished my drink. ‘I’ve never really thought far ahead, you know? Made a big plan for my life or anything. I don’t even know where to start. Or if I want to. Staying here was definitely not what I pictured. I still can’t.’
Cameron nodded. ‘I get it. You need to think about it, decide for yourself. But it’s good to know you have people who want to help, if you ask them to.’
‘I know. God, was I such a brat back there?’
He laughed. ‘You’re spirited, not a brat. But maybe you might need to apologise to your brother and Beth when we get back.’
I sighed. ‘Okay. God, could I really be a chef one day? That just sounds so crazy to me.’
‘It’s not crazy to follow your dream. I mean, it won’t be easy but I thought you didn’t want an easy life, anyway?’
I picked up my beer mat and threw it across the table at him as he chuckled, making me smile.
‘You did say that you were fearless, I’m pretty sure you did,’ he said, taking hold of my hand.
I swallowed hard. ‘I think I was lying to myself and you. Because right now I’m terrified.’
‘So am I but maybe it’s a little less scary doing it together?’
‘Maybe,’ I said, squeezing his hands. ‘Just a little bit.’
Chapter Thirty-Six
Cameron walked me back to the Hall after our drink and then I drove him to Hilltop. When I returned, everyone was still at the table talking over coffees despite it being near to ten o’clock. I gestured for Beth and Brodie to come into the kitchen with me, which they did willingly. They were better people than me but then I already knew that.
‘Sorry for storming out earlier,’ I said. ‘You took me by surprise with all these plans you were coming up with, and I really don’t know what I want to do next.’
‘Look we all know that I can be bossy,’ Beth replied, good-naturedly. ‘I can’t help it. I like to try to make everyone’s lives better but you’re right, I need to stop and check that they actually want my help in the first place. I’ll let you two talk and I’ll butt out, okay? Unless you actually ask me to do something.’ She rubbed my arm and headed back to the others, as cheerful as ever. I wondered what it would take to break her good nature. But then I remembered her telling me she’d been forced to run away. Maybe something that big happening when she was so young had made her resilient now and she was able to shrug off small problems. I needed to learn how to do that.
‘I’m sorry if you think I was trying to control your life,’ Brodie said once we were alone. ‘I certainly didn’t mean to do that. It was just Graham telling me about his son, this little light bulb went off but you’re right that I didn’t even ask if cooking was something you wanted to do in the first place. I think I just got excited about the idea of you sticking around.’
I felt really bad now. ‘I was just taken by surprise. I felt blind-sided by this plan you guys had laid out for me. I’m used to doing things by myself, on my own terms. I need to find my own way, you know?’
He nodded. ‘I know. I just want you to be able to reach out if I can help. I want you to be happy. I just saw how much you enjoyed cooking and, yes, I took a hundred steps ahead of you. I see that now, but it doesn’t mean that you have to completely dismiss what we said. Think it all through. I’ll support you no matter what. You’re my little sister and even though you might hate it sometimes, I want to protect you.’
‘I’m old enough to look after myself.’
‘Maybe, but we all need a helping hand sometimes.’ He leaned in and gave me a quick squeeze. Emily called him over then as it was time to take Iona home. I watched him go and felt something in my pocket. I reached in and pulled out the business card that he’d slipped in there when he hugged me. I shook my head but I wasn’t as angry as before. I just had no idea what I wanted to do.
I slipped the card back in my pocket and joined the others.
* * *
The second Glendale wedding was not as lucky with the Scottish weather as the first one had been. Rain poured down the windows of Glendale Hall from the moment we woke up on Saturday, and didn’t stop.
‘I don’t think the gazebo ceremony will be going ahead,’ Beth said as she drank a huge cup of black coffee and stared mournfully out of the kitchen into the garden. It was early and there was no sign yet of any of the wedding party or the people coming to help run the day. It was just us in the kitchen and it very much felt like the calm before the storm. ‘It’ll all have to take place in the marquee. What a shame.’
‘You can’t make the weather play ball,’ I said, passing her a plate of pancakes as I joined her at the table. ‘It will still be beautiful in the marquee.’
‘I hope so. Grant and Paul really deserve it.’ She took a sip of her coffee and looked across at me. ‘Are you still heading to Hilltop today?’
I tried not to smile but it wasn’t easy. ‘The retreat guests are leaving late morning so I’ll go then and have lunch with Cameron. If you’re sure you won’t need me.’
‘It was never part of your job description to help with the weddings and, besides, there will be plenty of people here soon to do the work. I’m just glad that you’re spending time with Cameron. You two deserve to have fun. I’m kind of jealous, I’m an old boring married woman now.’
I scoffed. ‘No one would describe you as that. You and Drew are still so in love, anyone can see that.’
‘You and Cameron will be like us soon,’ she said with a grin.
‘Honestly, I could never see myself settling down. Getting married, having a family, I don’t think it’s me.’
‘That’s fine, life would be boring if we all wa
nted the same things. But it doesn’t mean you can’t build a life with someone. If you find the right person.’ She ate some of her pancakes. ‘I’d marry you for your cooking alone,’ she added with a laugh.
‘It’s funny. Until I came here, I’d never cooked for anyone but myself. I just helped out in kitchens. You guys are the first people I’ve actually made meals for. And I do love how much you all enjoy it.’
‘Honestly, we love our food here, so if you can keep us happy, you have a good future ahead of you.’ She smiled. ‘Right, I’d better get dressed before the chaos begins. Enjoy today. I know that you might not be here for very long but life’s too short to worry about what happens after the summer. If you and Cameron are happy now then that’s enough, right?’
‘I think so,’ I said. I was tired of worrying about what to do next. I just wanted to enjoy these summer days despite the current rain for a bit longer. ‘Good luck today.’
‘Thanks. You know me, it’ll all be okay. I just want to make it perfect. I remember my wedding to Drew and it was everything I wanted it to be. That’s what I want to do for my weddings. Especially for Heather and Rory. I’m so nervous to get their day right.’
‘Honestly, when it all comes down to it, they will be happy because they are going to spend their lives together.’
She grinned. ‘I told you if you stayed here Glendale would start to work its magic. That sounded almost romantic.’ She left the room chuckling to herself. I shook my head. Romantic was something I would never be but I supposed I was starting to see benefits to this falling in love lark. Maybe my time would come one day.
Until then, I was going to just enjoy myself.
After I finished tidying the kitchen and did the last of the week’s ironing, I did some yoga. The rain was relentless now and I didn’t fancy running through it so I did stretches to some calming music and felt ready for the rest of the day.
Always and Forever at Glendale Hall Page 21