Losing You

by Gen Ryan

  “Yes, Dr. Phil.” Lee laughed.

  “Stay for dinner? Your sister should be home soon.” He glanced at his watch.

  “No, thanks. Duty calls.” I yelled good-bye to Olivia, who was too caught up in her show to come say good-bye. I would have stayed for dinner—maybe—but I had a meeting with the chief. I had put in for a promotion. Lieutenant Colton James had a nice ring to it. I’d been waiting weeks to hear the status of the promotion, but there was no rush to fill the spot since the current lieutenant wasn’t retiring for a few more months. There was some stiff competition, but only one guy stuck out for me as a fierce competitor—Alton Biggs. He was an asshole, in the “do anything to get what he wanted” type of way, but just like me, he had no family obligations, which made him available all the time. Overtime, graveyard shifts, you name it. All the other guys had things that would make their availability less open. It wasn’t that they weren’t good at their jobs, just that they had other focuses and things they loved, like wives and kids. Chief didn’t like anything that made people lose focus. That was probably why he’d been married and divorced four times.

  I walked into the precinct, all eyes immediately on me as I weaved in and out of the desks. A few people gave me a thumbs-up, a few nodded, and others ignored me altogether. Stopping in front of the chief’s door, I took a deep breath before knocking.

  “Come in!” his voice boomed, and I swallowed my nervousness.

  “Have a seat, Sergeant.”

  I hated the formality of these things. He usually called me James. My uniform collar seemed as if it were getting tighter and tighter as each moment went on. I sat down and he stared at me. He didn’t blink, which was unnerving.

  “All right. I’m going to cut to the chase. It’s between you and Biggs.”

  My back went rigid and all nervousness flew out the window. He still hadn’t made a decision.

  “Sir,” I said politely. “Alton is a good cop—”

  He held up his hand to stop me. I’d thought him telling me that the promotion was between us was an invitation to try to convince him why I was a better candidate. I gulped. Guess I was wrong.

  “I am fully aware of each of your credentials.” He leaned back in the chair. “Quite honestly, you both are extremely similar on paper.” He glanced down and moved two pieces of paper in front of him, which I assumed were our résumés. “But I need to weed out the best man somehow. So these next months, I’ll be watching you both closely.” I nodded. His phone rang and a slew of curse words escaped his lips.

  “That’ll be all, James.”

  I smiled and nodded again. We were back to the way things always were. I was just James and he was Chief. I let out my breath and exited his office. As I closed the door, I heard the chief ask someone if they could trace calls inside the precinct. I wondered if he had some concerns with some of the officers. Shrugging it off, I thought about what having to wait months for this promotion meant. No doubt it would be overtime and offering to do a shit ton of work to prove myself. I was tired, getting worn down from the job and endless nights. I passed the lieutenant’s office, which I hoped would be mine soon. It would all be worth it.

  “Keep walking, fag.” Biggs snickered. He was being an asshole. Few people at the station knew I was gay. It wasn’t that I was hiding it—I was proud of who I was—I just believed in keeping my private life private. He made some weird movement with his fist and his mouth and a few guys laughed. I let it roll off my back and smiled as I headed toward my patrol car. Well, I gave him the finger, but that was about it. I considered that rolling off my back, bearing in mind the other things I wanted to do to him involved my fist and his face. Biggs was a douchebag. I reminded myself that it would eventually catch up with him. I hoped over these next few months the chief would see him for who he really was.

  6

  ___________

  BRAD

  There was an extra pep in my step as I strolled into work. Something about meeting Colton the day before had given me the motivation I’d been lacking. I was finally getting help, going back to my roots, even if just in the form of teaching swim lessons, but it was a start. Changes were coming.

  “You’re awfully smiley today.” Melanie glanced up from her computer. Her blonde hair was down and swooped in her face. Her big eyes sparkled as she stared at me. She was stunningly gorgeous. Wherever we went, heads turned to watch her walk past. I tried to get her to put herself out there more and date, but since Max, she kept to herself. It wasn’t for a lack of men trying though. She’d go on a date and kick them to the curb before they even had a chance.

  I grinned even bigger. Melanie jumped up from her chair. “You got laid, didn’t you?” She glanced over her shoulder to make sure Max was out of earshot. “Spill,” she whispered excitedly. I laughed.

  “No.” I sat down in the chair and she retook her seat, positioning her chair so she could see me. “But I met a guy at swim practice. He was picking up his niece. And lord”—I fanned myself—“he puts Jason to shame.”

  She shook her head at my mention of Jason.

  “’Bout time you got over him.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Been over him. Just no one caught my eye. But this guy.” I motioned with my hands, trying to mimic his body. It didn’t do him justice. Nothing could do him justice. I tried my best to describe him, but something about hot cop with muscles and a crooked grin just wasn’t enough. He’d had me stumbling over my words, struggling to not openly gawk at him. My initial reaction to him was like something out of the romance novels Melanie constantly read. If that was the standard she set, no wonder she was still single.

  “Did you get his number?” Melanie refocused on her computer screen as she continued chatting with me. I frowned.

  “I’ll take that as a no,” she said through a laugh. “Any chance he’ll be picking up his niece at swim practice tonight?” She raised her eyebrow.

  Shit. I hadn’t thought of that.

  “Oh damn….” I stood. Melanie shook her head and smiled.

  “Ask him for his number. You should go out. Even if just for fun!” There was a sadness in her eyes when she said that. She looked outside and her gaze landed on Max and Jason, hand in hand.

  “Melanie.” I placed my hand on her shoulder. “You should do the same.”

  She gave me a sad smile.

  “I’m happy that they’re happy. I’m just ready for that for myself, that’s all.”

  I gave her a weary smile because the truth was, I wanted that too. Someone I wouldn’t lose. Someone who would be my forever.

  “I’m going to ask him for his number.”

  Melanie gave me a thumbs-up and shooed me away to focus on her paperwork. I wanted so badly to tell her that Jason and Max bought her that Volkswagen Beetle. Melanie was like me. She wanted everyone around her to be content, even if that meant she wasn’t. I was glad someone was focusing on her happiness.

  It was time for me to focus on mine.

  I spent most of the day playing out how to ask Colton for his number. Every scenario had me stumbling on my words and acting like a complete idiot. It was one of the first times I was putting myself out there. All my other dates and partners had kind of just happened. This was going to take effort, and I was encroaching on new territory. The fear was exhilarating though. It was like a high, a propulsion forward to something exotic, unchartered.

  Thankfully, practice flew by and I found myself waiting for the kids’ parents and focusing more on the door than the questions about the upcoming swim meet. It caught me off guard, the swim meet. I’m not sure why, because anyone who knew anything about swimming knew that meets were a common occurrence. I just hadn’t thought, I guess. The memories of Taylor jumping on my bed and telling me she’d won first place took over my mind. Her smiling face, her love of swimming that she’d learned from me.

  “Are you even listening?” Some mom rolled her eyes at me and I put on my best smile, thinking how to respond. I hadn’t heard a word of
what she was saying.

  “No, Lisa, he wasn’t listening to you talk about his muscles. Don’t you have to get home to Greg and his shriveled-up penis?” I looked back and saw Colton, his arms crossed over his chest and the cheesiest smile on his face as Lisa scoffed and stormed away.

  “Thanks,” I murmured, unsure how to respond to him coming to my rescue. Colton looked over his shoulder as Olivia jumped off the bleachers and started walking toward the girls’ locker room, giving me the perfect opportunity to steal a glance. I mean, it wouldn’t matter if I openly stared. I’d done it the other night and he seemed to enjoy it, offering me a crooked smile that went straight to my dick. He was wearing running shorts that clung to his ass. His shirt was formfitting and accentuated his arms, which had just the right amount of muscles. I looked at his hands as he waved to Olivia, and I couldn’t help myself from thinking about how his hands were the perfect size to fit around my dick. I glanced down at my raging hard-on pitching a tent in my swim shorts. I tried to think of anything other than his massive hands and his ripped body. Colton turned around, his eyes widening as they focused on my dick.

  My initial reaction was to be embarrassed that I couldn’t control my body, but I was met with a crooked smile again. Fuck it, I was proud of my hard cock.

  “So, Brad.” The way he said my name was like cool water hitting my body. Shocking at first, but comforting once I got used to it. I eagerly awaited his question. “How’d you get into swimming?” That’s what he wanted to ask? I frowned. Oh right, I was supposed to ask him for his number.

  “I was a semipro surfer back in the day.”

  He laughed. “What are you, like eighteen?” he said jokingly.

  I chuckled. “No, twenty-five.”

  He looked at me, surprised. “You look like a baby. Never would have thought.” His eyes found mine.

  It was my chance. Just ask him. “I’m not a baby. Far from it.” I adjusted my cock that was still semihard.

  Colton’s eyes glanced down quickly before refocusing on me. “I see that,” he said in a playful tone as he licked his lips. “I’m a much bigger judge up close and personal though. I tend to take a more hands-on approach.”

  God, we were flirting. Maybe a little bit too much cock in the face, but Colton didn’t seem to mind. I shifted under his stare. It was either all or nothing; there was no in-between. I should have just asked him for his number instead of groping myself in front of him.

  “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.” All my confidence drifted away as I tried to take back the last few minutes.

  Colton shifted from foot to foot. “Stop. It’s fine. It’s refreshing to hear a guy being honest. I love that, and a dirty mouth.” He offered me a warm smile.

  Thank fuck.

  “Okay. So.” Ask him. Ask him. My mind kept pressuring me but my mouth couldn’t form the words.

  “Uncle Colt!” Olivia yelled as she walked toward us. “Did you ask him yet?”

  Colton groaned and rubbed his face.

  “Ask me what?” I said through a laugh.

  “To a cookout. Friday evening at my sister’s.”

  I let out a breath. Yes! Olivia joined us and I fought back the urge to pick her up and kiss her.

  “Oh. Sure,” I said. “Um, what time?”

  “Hell if I know.” He held out his hand. “Cell phone?”

  “One second.” I tried to hide my excitement, but Colton had just asked me for my phone, so yeah. Inside I was doing somersaults and trying not to giggle like a schoolgirl. I walked quickly over to my bag and pulled out my phone, allowing myself a moment to grin.

  I handed my phone to Colton.

  “I’ll program my number and we can keep in touch about the logistics. I have to ask my sister.”

  “Sounds great.”

  Olivia tugged on his arm. “Do we have to go to the oil change place?” She frowned. “It’s so boring.”

  “You need an oil change?”

  Colton nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Bring it to Craver Automotive tomorrow. Off State Street. I work there.”

  Colton laughed. “You’re a mechanic?”

  “I am.”

  He shook his head. “Full of surprises, Brad.”

  I grunted, biting back a totally inappropriate and sexual response as Olivia glared between us, clearly bored with our interaction. “Bring it tomorrow?”

  “Sounds good. Maybe we can get lunch?” He shifted again and I couldn’t help the wave of relief that washed over me when I realized he was nervous like me.

  “That could work.” I grinned.

  Olivia pulled on him again. He looked down at her and she smiled.

  “All right, Brad. Text me. You’ve got my number now.”

  I nodded as he headed out.

  I waited until he wasn’t in sight anymore before I did a little dance and shot a text to Melanie. I had a date, a few dates. Lunch was a date, right? I didn’t care what any of it was. The lines of communication were open, and although I hadn’t asked him for his number, he’d given it to me. I couldn’t wait to use it. The question was, how long did I wait to text the man who was the current reason for my sexual desire?

  7

  ___________

  COLTON

  I was sitting outside Craver Automotive clutching my steering wheel so hard my fingers were going numb. I had a perfect view of the bay area where Brad and some other guy were laughing and tinkering with a car. My nerves were getting the better of me. I hadn’t dated anyone since Ben, and we had been together for years. I was accustomed to how he did things. I knew what he liked, and he knew what I liked. Those things made our relationship comfortable. I watched as Brad bent over the car and reached for something. His shirt tightened around his abdomen, showing his lean body. My dick slowly came to life, pressing against the front of my jeans. Maybe comfortable wasn’t what I needed. All I knew was that Brad brought my body to life again. I owed it to myself to explore that.

  The guy Brad was with pointed to my car. Brad squinted and then waved at me. I waved back and exited, pushing aside my nerves. As I walked toward him, Brad was talking to the guy, but I caught him stealing glances at me out of the corner of his eye. I put my hand in my pocket and adjusted my dick, which still hadn’t fully gone down from watching him.

  “Hey, Colton,” Brad said with a smile. “This is Max Craver, owner of this shop and my boss.” The way Brad introduced him made me slightly jealous. There was a playfulness in his tone that I most certainly didn’t have with the chief. I couldn’t help but wonder just how close they were.

  “Nice to meet you. I’d shake your hand, but....” He held up his greasy hands.

  “No worries.” I smiled, my jealousy subsiding as I noticed a ring on his finger. Thank God I didn’t have competition. I was going to do this. I’m going to try dating again.

  “Keys, please?” Brad held out his hand and I placed my keys in it. His skin was soft, much softer than I would have thought a mechanic’s hands would be. “Thanks. Let’s take these to Melanie, and Max will take care of the oil change while we go to lunch.”

  “Sounds good.” I followed him after exchanging good-byes with Max.

  “Melanie?” Brad opened the door to the office and a cute blonde whipped around in her chair.

  “You must be Colton!” She sprang up. “It’s so good to meet you.” She shook my hand excitedly.

  Ah, so he’s talked about me? I raised my eyebrow playfully.

  “Yep. That’s me.” I laughed. Brad gave Melanie a look and she smiled wide.

  “He’s told me sooo much about you.” She exaggerated the “so” just a little too much.

  Brad groaned and ducked his head, a blush creeping across his face. His embarrassment was endearing. I liked that he’d talked about me. In fact, it was quite the turn-on.

  “Has he now?” I crossed my arms across my chest and leaned against the countertop. Melanie opened her mouth to speak and Brad took me by the hand, catching me of
f guard. He glanced down at our hands just as I laced my fingers with his. I wanted to take his embarrassment away. Although, it was cute when his face puckered into a little scowl. I needed him to know it was okay that he talked about me and that he was as excited about meeting me as I was him.

  “We’ll be back, Melanie.” Brad removed his hand from mine. I looked down at my empty hand, and fuck, did I already miss it in mine. I couldn’t remember what it was like to hold someone’s hand and not want to let go. To not care if their hand was sweaty or any of that shit. Because holding Brad’s hand had turned me on and soothed me all at the same time.

  I held the door for him as we exited. “Where to?”

  “We can walk to the sandwich shop down the road. Is that okay?” Brad shoved his hands in his pockets. I stopped.

  “What?” Brad turned around, shielding his eyes from the sun.

  “Do I make you nervous?” I sighed. “Because I don’t want to make you nervous.”

  His eyes narrowed as he digested my words.

  “Well, no.” His eyes flew to my gun. I patted it.

  “My gun makes you nervous? Lola here has been good to me.”

  He laughed. “Lola? You named your gun?”

  “I’ve named a lot of things.” His eyes instinctively went to my dick. “Eyes up here.” I pointed to my eyes.

  Brad threw up his arms. “Well you can’t say stuff like that and not expect me to look.” He grunted and started walking away. All right, so I wasn’t the best at easing people’s nerves. That was why I went into the police force and my sister became a psychologist.

  “Hey,” I said once I caught up to him and we were walking side by side. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you even more uncomfortable. I’m no good at this flirting thing.” I looked at the side of Brad’s face as he continued walking straight ahead. Slowly, a small grin crept onto his face.