Why was he doing this?
I shook off the thoughts of why and enjoyed the sandwich and coffee, which would give me the energy to tackle the morning. As I picked off a chunk of bacon, I went back and forth on whether I should text or call him to say thanks. I don’t even know why I was considering not thanking him. I was brought up to say thank you when people showed you any form of kindness. I tilted my head back and stared at the ceiling while my conscious went to battle with my heart. Yes, text him, no, don’t text him. He doesn’t deserve a message, but he sent your favorite breakfast over. It’s the nice to say thanks, you are trying to move on! My conscious finally won. With an uneasy sigh, I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and clicked into my messages. Opening a blank text and searching his name, I hesitated briefly while trying to figure out what to say. I had to start a new text because I’d deleted our text history after our showdown. I was hurt, pissed off, and hormonal, so of course, I deleted all memories of him. Who wouldn’t?
Marnie: Thanks.
One word, that was all I could come up with. After stuffing my phone back into my pocket, I waited for Mom to get back from doing the banking and then went about my day. As usual, I was busy on my feet, but I had no complaints because it was a damn good distraction.
I never received a response from Austin.
From then on, one day ran into the next. I’d work my ass off all day at the shop with Mom, head home after dark, pull out my laptop, and work until I either fell asleep on the couch or until my eyes gave in and I could barely see. I hadn’t received any other breakfast surprises from Austin, so there’d been no other contact.
I did, however, receive numerous texts throughout the day and night from Sasha and Missy. Our group text seemed to always be dinging with notifications. They never asked me straight out what was going on, but there had certainly been a lot less talk of Austin and me.
Tonight, a miracle occurred, and I’d left work at a reasonable time. I was dead on my feet, but I’d promised myself that I was going to head home, start a fire, order some food, and drink whiskey while catching up on some shows.
I planted myself on the couch and began to untangle my braid when three knocks in quick succession echoed through my house. My head slammed back, and I groaned because I really wasn’t in the mood for company. With a huff, I stood and shuffled toward the door, not having a clue who could be visiting.
A young guy holding a huge pizza box stood in front of me when I opened the door. He thrust the pizza box and a plastic bag into my hand before spinning around on his heel and legging it back to his car.
“I didn’t order pizza!” I called out after him.
“It’s paid for, and this is the address on the order. Enjoy your night.” He got in his car and drove away from my house, leaving me in a complete state of confusion.
What in the …?
Oh god, Austin!
Shaking my head, I closed the door behind me and went straight to the kitchen. After placing the pizza and plastic bag, which I peeked into and found a can of Mountain Dew and garlic bread, I grabbed a plate and napkins. With eager fingers and a roaring stomach, I opened the lid of the exceptionally large pizza box and inhaled sharply.
Chicken, mushroom, pineapple, extra cheese, barbecue sauce on the base and a swirl of garlic sauce on top.
He’d ordered my all-time favorite pizza, and garlic bread and Mountain Dew which I craved when I’d eat this pizza.
I hadn’t cried in days, but my eyes immediately filled with tears. We hadn’t shared a pizza in seven fucking years, and he remembered exactly how I liked it? How could that not mess with my head? I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since he sent me breakfast last week, and now this. It was as if he was trying to stay in my head. Well, newsflash, he hadn’t left my head. He just kept walking around up there, tapping on my brain and reminding me of something sweet he’d do or say, but then as if the devil side of my brain switched on, I’d remember a fight we had once, or him saying no, or something that would cause my anger to flare up. Seriously, it was exhausting.
I piled my plate high with pizza, grabbed the garlic bread and can of Mountain Dew, and then went straight for the couch. Before I began to eat, I snapped a quick photo of my plate and sent it to Sasha and Missy.
Marnie: (photo of pizza)
Missy: Now that’s an interesting looking pizza
Sasha: Hmm, pineapple on pizza … I’m not sure how I feel about that.
I ate one piece and moaned, closing my eyes tightly as the combination of flavors burst on my tongue. I’d almost forgotten how freaking delicious this pizza was because nowhere else in the world could make it as good as Monroe’s Pizza and Gelato Bar. I knew this delivery would ignite my addiction again. I’d be having this pizza at least once a week, and I’d have absolutely no regrets about it. I swear to god it felt like I was having a food orgasm, which would be the closest thing to receiving an orgasm lately from anything other than my vibrator or my own fingers. Fuck, it’d been a long time since I’d had sex.
As I was inhaling my second piece of pizza, my phone dinged with a new message.
Missy: Is there a reason you’re sending us a pic of your weird-looking pizza?
Marnie: I thought you said it looked interesting?
Missy: Weird, interesting … same same.
After wiping my mouth, and cracking open my Mountain Dew, I took a massive gulp and grabbed my phone.
Marnie: Austin sent it over.
Missy: Wow, that boy wants to keep you fed.
Sasha: What do you mean?
Missy: He ordered breakfast for Marnie last week, and I took it over.
Sasha: Wow. Okay, look, it’s none of our business …
Missy: Yes, it is
Sasha: Ignore Missy. It’s none of our business, but I’ve heard word on the street that you two had it out a couple of weeks ago. Are you okay?
Was I okay? Nope.
Would I survive? Yes.
Marnie: Yeah, I’ll be okay.
Sasha: Just in case you were wondering, I’ve seen him a couple of times, and he looks miserable. Now, please don’t think I’m taking sides because I’m not. I’m friends with both of you, but whatever went down between you two, he’s not taking it well. Oh and don’t be surprised if Ben comes and checks on you when they are back in town after this job is complete.
Sasha: That was a crazy long text. Whoops.
My eyes slammed shut, and my brow furrowed. I really didn’t want to hear this. I knew Sasha didn’t mean anything by her comment, but I hated thinking of Austin being miserable. It had always been in my nature to protect him, and now that she’d told me this, my heart immediately told me to make sure he was okay while my head screamed at me that he’d brought this on himself.
Marnie: I’ll prepare for Benji’s visit
I left it at that.
After finishing half of the pizza and some of the garlic bread, I was full, satisfied, and on the receiving end of not just a food orgasm but also a food coma. I didn’t bother switching on the TV; instead, I climbed the stairs, took a ridiculously long shower, and scrambled into bed.
Before I slipped into dreamland, I grabbed my phone. I needed to send Austin a message. This one would be longer than the one I sent last week.
Marnie: You remember my favorite pizza?
I passed out, holding my phone. I didn’t get his reply until the next morning.
Austin: Yep. I told you I remember everything about you.
I started the day with a heavy heart that offered slithers of peace
I didn’t reply.
It was Thanksgiving night when I finally broke down to Mom. After an incredible day of food, football, drinks, and being surrounded by my family, it had bubbled to the surface. It might have also been the fact that I hadn’t heard a peep from Austin. I hadn’t heard anything from him since he had the pizza delivered to my house. Now that I wasn’t busy with work or getting ready for Thanksgiving, I had time to think, to dwell, and it was fucking with
my head.
“Sweetie, you’ve got to talk to me. What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
“It’s Austin,” I cried, collapsing onto the couch next to Mom before dropping my face into my hands. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Oh, Marnie. Come here, my sweet girl.” I shifted closer to Mom and fell into her arms. I held her tightly, basking in her warmth and clutching onto her strength. “What’s going on? Talk to me,” she whispered into my hair.
I sucked in a calming breath and filled her in. My relationship with Mom was one of complete honesty and openness. She wasn’t just my mom, she was also my best friend. Between my hiccups, sniffles, and wiping away tears, she listened as I divulged everything. Around me, her arms kept holding on tightly. She allowed me to speak freely without interrupting, so I could get everything off my chest that had felt like it had been smothering me for weeks.
When I finished, I blinked up at her and waited for her to give me all the answers of how to move on from this. She gazed down at me with so much love in her eyes. When she finally spoke, she said the last thing I’d ever thought I’d hear her say.
“Did I ever tell you about the time your daddy and I split?”
My head shot up from her chest, and my gasp tore through the living room. “What?”
“Oh yes, sweetie. There was once a time your daddy broke my heart.” Her smile was layered with love and remembrance.
“When? Why?”
“We need hot chocolate for this. You stay here. I’ll be back.”
I tucked my legs under my body and pulled a crocheted blanket over my lap. My tears had dried up, and I’ll admit I did feel lighter after having said everything out loud to Mom. I still had no clue what I was going to do or how I truly felt, but I definitely felt lighter.
Mom appeared back in the living room with a tray holding two hot chocolates and a plate of freshly baked gingerbread cookies. I grabbed the mug she held out to me and snatched up two cookies. After she settled back on the couch next to me and tugged the blanket over her lap, she gazed at me, smiling.
“Ahh, Mom, I’m going to need you to expand on that bombshell you just dropped.”
In my eyes, Mom and Dad had always been rock solid. They shared the kind of love I always hoped would be mine one day, so hearing this was mind-blowing on so many levels.
Her soft laughter calmed me instantly. “Austin is very similar to your daddy. I think that’s why they got along so well. He was the best judge of character I’ve ever known, and he approved of Austin as soon as he met him even though he made poor Trent prove himself for a long time.”
It was true. Even though Austin was four years older than me, and we started dating when I was still seventeen, Dad had approved of him right away. Dad could see something in Austin, and he trusted him with his baby girl’s heart. But that wasn’t to say that he allowed sleepovers or approved of us making out in front of him. Austin wouldn’t have done that anyway because he had a crazy amount of respect for my dad. Whereas Trent had to jump through hoops and prove himself repeatedly even to take Cora out on their first date. But over time, Trent proved himself, and both he and Austin became like sons to Dad.
“I was also a big dreamer, sweetie, and maybe that’s where you got it from. I’d always wanted to be a ballet dancer and perform in New York. I danced throughout my childhood and into my teens. It was everything to me. Then I met your daddy, and he became my everything. All I wanted to do was have babies and become his wife. To become Mrs. Theo Lavender. We’d been together for a couple of years when he broke up with me.”
“What?!” I whispered, my heart stopping briefly. “Why?”
“Because he wanted me to go to New York.”
“Oh my god.”
“Yep, he wanted me to pursue my dream because my dream was part of my life before he was.” My hand shot to my mouth, and I continued staring at my mom. “Sound familiar?”
All I could do was nod.
“Your daddy didn’t just break my heart then; he broke his too. And sweetie, it took me a long time to understand why he did it. I hated him. I cursed him. I tried to avoid him. Even though my heart was hurting, I still loved him. I didn’t make it in New York, but I did end up going to school, and I did become a dancer, and you spent your childhood seeing me happy because I was still dancing and teaching others to dance.”
“And …?”
“And I might not have achieved that if your daddy and I didn’t have our time apart. I was so in love with your dad that I almost lost sight of what I wanted, what made me, me. I got lost in the bubble of new love and the right then, instead of the bigger picture. And sweetie, you and I are so similar that I can say you did the same thing.”
I lifted my mug to my lips and sipped in silence. It was like the clouds shifted, and everything started to become clearer. Even when Austin and I broke up, and Dad had found me sobbing in my bedroom, he hadn’t disowned Austin. He hadn’t pushed him away, hated him, or dismissed his existence. Of course, he wasn’t happy that he’d broken my heart, but now it would seem that Dad understood better than anyone because what Austin had done, what he’d sacrificed, was eerily similar to what Dad had done.
“But why didn’t Austin tell me earlier? I could have come back to Monroe years ago.” I sniffed.
“Sweetie, losing Daddy affected all of us in our own way. Do you think you would have been ready to come back any earlier than you did?”
I dropped my eyes to the mug in my hands. I knew Monroe would always be home, but for a while, I didn’t want anything to do with it. It was the place of monsters because a monster took my dad. Slowly, I shook my head.
“It’s not just me that knew you weren’t ready to come back. That’s why I kept my begging for you to come home to a minimum. I think Austin didn’t reach out because he also knew you weren’t ready. He knew he had a battle on his hands to win you back, so he waited until you came back on your terms, and then he’d move in.”
“I don’t know if I can trust him.”
“Sweetie, I can’t tell you what to do, and I can’t make your decisions for you. Whatever you choose to do, you’ll have me on your side. Follow your heart but listen to your head. When your head tells you something, and your heart leads you in that direction, you will know it’s the right thing for you. Until then, we eat cookies.”
So, that was exactly what we did until both of us staggered, completely exhausted to bed. I fell onto my childhood bed, flinching when my phone dug into my hip. Flipping myself over, I looked at the screen and sucked in a breath when I saw Austin’s name.
Austin: Happy Thanksgiving, Freckles.
Freckles.
I told him he shouldn’t call me that anymore, but right now, I’m glad he didn’t listen.
Twenty
Austin
“Hart, do you have a minute?”
My fingers froze on the keyboard, and I shifted my attention from the domestic violence case report I’d been working on for the past hour to Captain Santora hovering at the end of my desk and looking majorly pissed off.
In his hands, he was gripping a crisp white envelope, and I knew exactly what it was.
Without saying a word, I pushed back from my desk, gave him a sharp nod, then followed him into his office and closed the door behind us.
“Another one arrived,” he growled, throwing the envelope onto his desk. “Have any of them been opened?”
I shook my head, my eyes remaining glued to the envelope as if it would detonate at any moment. “Nope. All destroyed.”
“Take some time now. Head out and see what they want done with this one.”
I snatched the letter up from his desk and jammed it into the back of my jeans. I stormed out of his office, pissed that this was happening yet again.
“That time of the year?” Ben asked through gritted teeth, knowing full well what an envelope at this time of year meant.
I tagged my keys and tore my jacket off the back of my chair and s
lid it over my shoulders. “Yep. I’m heading out to deal with it.”
“You want me to tag along?”
Grabbing my phone, I pushed it into my pocket. “Nah, I’m good. I’m just going to head over to the house and see what she wants to do. Although I think we already know.”
“She’s been working with MJ, so she’s probably at the shop.”
With a firm nod, I stalked out of the station and headed for my truck. If Marnie was at the shop as well as her mom, I had no fucking clue how this conversation would go down or how she’d react with me being in her space. We hadn’t seen each other in weeks, and we’d only exchanged a couple of sporadic texts. Thanksgiving had come and gone, and now we were headed toward Christmas. The world was still turning, but we were locked in a holding pattern, and I wanted us out of it. But right now, I couldn’t allow myself to get lost in thoughts of us because this visit wasn’t about her and me. It was about her mom and dad.
Ten minutes after I left work, I walked down Main Street, heading toward Luscious Lavender. This was the shittiest conversation I had to have every year, and I just wanted it done. Not for me, but for the Lavenders.
“Austin! Hello!”
Lola Lavender greeted me with surprise in her voice after I stepped through the door and into the intoxicating space, filled with the sweetness of hundreds of flowers. Marnie’s head shot up, and her eyes locked with mine.
I focused on Lola, giving her a wide smile. “Hey, Lola.”
As I moved toward them, Lola’s smile didn’t budge whereas Marnie’s face remained stoic. Her hand flinched before wrapping around the to-go coffee cup to her left. My smile softened as she lifted it to her lips. As she sipped, she stared at me over the top of the lid.
“You good?” I directed at her.
She nodded, still not speaking.
“What brings you here?” Lola questioned, stepping out from behind the workbench and wiping her hands on the front of the lilac-colored apron she wore.
I got straight to the point. “I wish I was here for a personal visit, but it’s work related.”
My Only Reason (Men of Monroe Book 2) Page 18