Protect

by Bailey, Sarah

  ***

  I hovered in the doorway of the living room whilst Dante squatted down in front of his three siblings sat on the sofa with their backs to me.

  “Now, remember I said we had someone coming to live with us who’ll help keep you safe?”

  The girls didn’t acknowledge him, but the youngest, James, nodded.

  “Well, I’d like you all to meet Brent. It’s his job to make sure nothing happens to us.”

  Dante straightened and indicated with his head I should come over. He’d reminded me the twins weren’t talking and if they say anything, it was only to him or James. I made my way over and stood next to him. James was practically the spitting image of Dante, just younger.

  “Hello Brent,” he said, giving me a lopsided smile.

  “You must be James. It’s nice to meet you.”

  I turned to the girls.

  “This is Fiona,” Dante said indicating the girl next to James, “and this is Jennifer.”

  Two sets of blue eyes set into identical faces stared up at me. What struck me the most about the siblings is how they all looked like replicas of Zachary. Their dark hair, blue eyes and facial structure all matched their father’s. You couldn’t see much of Margo in any of them. I’d only seen pictures of her, but it wasn’t obvious they were related.

  “Hello Fiona and Jennifer.”

  Neither of them said anything and I hadn’t been expecting them to. Fiona looked down at her hands after a moment, but Jennifer stared hard at me. When I met her eyes, my heart stuttered in my chest. There was something so steely yet incredibly vulnerable about her gaze. Some part of me wanted to reach out and hold onto her so I could heal the void inside this beautiful but haunted girl. I had no idea where that urge came from, but it burnt in my veins. I had to clench my jaw to stop myself from acting on it.

  “Can I show Brent my PlayStation?” James piped up.

  I tore my attention away from Jennifer despite wanting desperately to squat down in front of her and take her hands in my own. Ask her what she needed. Get her to trust me so she’d open up to me.

  “You can, what games have you got?” I replied.

  James jumped up and walked over to the TV. He sat down and pulled out a box. Dante gave me a nod as if to say ‘thank you’. I shrugged. It was the least I could do. As I followed James over to the TV, I noticed Dante sit next to the girls and take Fiona’s hand. His eyes were sad and it broke my heart a little. It was clear he cared a great deal about his brother and sisters. He’d taken them from his father, who was technically my employer. I still didn’t know why exactly, but Dante would tell me when he was ready.

  Jennifer was still looking at me as I sat next to James and he started talking to me about each of his games. Her gaze seared into me, making my skin prickle. I’d never had such a visceral reaction to another person before. I wanted to tear open all her walls so I could learn everything about her. What really caused the hurt behind her eyes. What she thought about me. Did she feel the same? The innate urge to be closer. To hold on and never let go. Fuck she was so beautiful.

  I tore my eyes away from her again. Reality hit me hard. This was Dante’s fifteen year old sister. What the hell was I thinking? So inappropriate. I was twenty one and she was underage. I mean yes, their birthday was in a couple of days, but it didn’t make it any better. The twins had been through a traumatic sexual assault which is why they were mostly mute. Whatever she’d unwittingly unleashed, I had to quash it.

  Even as I realised I could never act on any of these feelings coursing through me, I knew Jennifer had altered me on some level. The only woman I’d ever really cared about was my own sister. Now all I wanted to do was help these two girls overcome their past and make sure nothing like that ever happened to them again.

  ***

  Jen stirred, blinking rapidly as she opened her eyes and looked up at me. She smiled which had my heart thumping against my ribcage. She’d come a long way since she was fifteen. Jen had grown into an even more beautiful woman whose fire had never died.

  “Morning,” she said, her voice a little groggy. “Were you watching me sleep?”

  “Maybe.”

  She reached up, her fingers tangling in my hair as she pulled me closer.

  “That’s a bit creepy,” she whispered before she kissed me.

  It was gentle at first, but Jen pressed harder against me, her fingers running down from my hair across my shoulder and along my back. I knew what she was doing. Pulling away, I searched her face, trying to work out why she had immediately tried to turn a simple kiss into something sexual. She frowned, trying to pull me back.

  “Jen, stop.”

  “Don’t you want to?”

  I shook my head. I definitely wanted her, but something about this didn’t feel right.

  “But… am… am I not good enough anymore?”

  “What? No. Why would you think that?”

  She looked away, her cheeks flushing slightly. This wasn’t the first time she’d questioned me about whether I enjoyed sex with her. Hell, being with her was amazing. No one else could compete or compare. I didn’t know how she could ever think I wasn’t into it.

  “Not everything is about sex, you do know that, right?”

  She didn’t look at me or say a word. I cupped her face, tipping her chin back up towards me.

  “Have you not done this with anyone? Just been with them without it being about sex?”

  Her blush deepened.

  “No,” she whispered. “I don’t know how.”

  I had no idea what to say. Clearly all the guys she’d been with were either arseholes or just didn’t give a shit. Jen deserved to be cherished not treated like a fucking sex object. I felt sick.

  “Is this not something you’ve talked to Jensen about?”

  She shook her head.

  “Don’t you think you should?”

  I would never presume to tell Jen what to do, but this bothered me. Far too much.

  “Maybe… I thought that’s what you wanted from me though. Just… sex.”

  I couldn’t believe she thought that about me, but then again, I hadn’t exactly given her any reason to think otherwise.

  “No. I actually like spending time with you even when you’re going crazy at me. Don’t get me wrong, the sex is amazing, but you’re more than that. I wish you could see that.”

  She met my eyes then. The vulnerability in them almost made my heart stop.

  “You like me?”

  “Yes.” I don’t just like you, Jen. I love you. “I thought that was obvious. You did say we’re friends, right?”

  “I don’t know how to be your friend. I’ve never had a male friend. Jensen doesn’t count. He’s my therapist and I guess future brother in law since there’s no way he’s not going to marry Fi one day.”

  I stroked my thumb across her cheek. Her openly admitting that to me was significant. I don’t think Jen realised just how much of herself she let me see over these past few months since the night which altered our relationship.

  “This is all friendships are, Jen, talking and spending time together.”

  She bit her lip.

  “I can’t be just your friend. It would make things a hell of a lot simpler if I could.”

  She was right though. I didn’t think we could be just friends either. I mean, fuck, we’d come a long way since she’d stopped hating me so much, but the lines we’d crossed in the process made everything complicated.

  “I can’t give you more than friendship.”

  My heart ached like a bitch. I wanted to give her more. I wanted to tell her I’d give her the world. But it would involve admitting how long I’d loved her. And telling her brother.

  “I wasn’t asking for more.”

  How the fuck had we got into this situation? I knew I couldn’t stay away from her. Not now. Even when I’d stopped her from escalating this into sex, it didn’t prevent my body reactin
g to her proximity and the way her soft curves moulded to me. I ached for her physically, but my heart wanted her too.

  “Jen…”

  She pulled away, trying to escape me entirely and I knew it was because she felt far too exposed. If I pushed her, she’d have a go at me. I couldn’t let her go though so I held on to her tighter.

  “Let me go,” she whispered, her blue eyes filling with pain.

  “No. Don’t run from me.”

  “I’m not.”

  I tugged her closer again, holding her cheek so she couldn’t hide from me.

  “You are. You’re going to leave and overthink it all so next time you see me, you’ll be all worked up, we’ll fight and end up back at square one again. I’m not letting you do that.”

  She pushed at my chest but there was no real fight behind her movements.

  “I won’t.”

  “Yes, you will. You think I don’t know what you’re like, Jen, but we’ve known each other for years. I’m not blind.”

  “I have work.”

  So she was trying another tactic.

  “It’s Saturday.”

  She stopped struggling and just stared at me.

  “What about Dante?”

  “What about D?”

  “He’ll know something is up if I waltz back upstairs from your flat in my pyjamas later.”

  She had a point there I couldn’t deny.

  “Your brother is far too worried about Liora to notice anything which happens to be going on between you and me.”

  Since when had I started coming up with excuses regarding Dante? It happened to be true. If he hadn’t been so focused on Liora and the baby, he would’ve picked up on it immediately. He would’ve asked me what the hell was going on. And I would’ve had to lie to his face.

  “That doesn’t matter. You don’t want him to know.”

  “And you do?”

  “I didn’t say that. It’s just it’s like Fi all over again except this isn’t a relationship.”

  It shouldn’t have stung to hear her say it but it did. If things were different, I’d have made her mine already, but they weren’t.

  “I haven’t told her, but I don’t like lying to her either.”

  It surprised me. Jen and Fi told each other everything. Well they had up until Fi met Jensen and it all changed. I hoped they’d found a way to navigate the new state of their relationship. Jen had gone back to therapy. She seemed to look up to Jensen.

  “I expected you to tell her.”

  “You’d be okay with that?”

  I almost rolled my eyes.

  “She’s your twin. Why would I ever tell you to keep something from her? I know how much it upset you when she kept her relationship with Jensen secret for so long.”

  Sometimes I wondered if Jen forgot how well I knew the two of them. I’d seen the way they’d sit together with their heads bowed, chatting away and giggling. So alike yet so different.

  “Maybe I’ll tell her. She probably knows anyway. She knows me.”

  She shifted against me, I almost groaned when her stomach brushed against my cock. Her eyebrow shot up.

  “Are you quite sure you don’t want to…?”

  I couldn’t lie and tell her I didn’t want her to relieve the ache. The thought of being inside her drove me nuts. Yes, I’d had her twice last night but it wasn’t enough. It’d never be enough.

  I gripped her hip and rolled her on her back. Leaning down, I ran my nose along hers.

  “We’re still friends. Just friends.” I settled between her legs. “I don’t want you to think I want you for just this.” My cock ran along her pussy and I found her wet with need. “Just because I want to fuck you hard, doesn’t mean you’re not worth more. You are. So much.”

  She let out a little pant, her hands curling around my shoulders.

  “Please,” she moaned. “I know. I understand. Please fuck me, Brent. Please.”

  Denying her when she begged would be impossible. Her legs wrapped around my waist as I thrust inside her. Each moment we were locked together, bodies moving in harmony, hands grasping each other, lips kissing, it felt so right. When Jen crested the wave, I was right there with her, breathing her air and feeling her all around me. Every time we did this, my heart fractured a little more knowing how hard I’d fall and break when this ended. The inevitable crash as we went down in flames was coming. If it wasn’t Dante discovering I’d slept with his sister, it’d be something else equally as damning.

  “I can’t stop,” I whispered as we lay together, both spent. “Tell me it’s not just me.”

  Her fingers tangled with mine on my chest.

  “It’s not just you. I can’t stop either.”

  I wanted to ask her what it meant. But that was a conversation we couldn’t afford to have. So I stayed silent and lay there with her until she left to go back upstairs. Even then, I didn’t get up. The weight of it all suffocated me. The lies. The secrets. The knowledge I could never really have Jen. She’d never be mine. This was temporary. A few precious stolen moments living in a fantasy with the girl I’d loved for so long. The crushing reality was more than I could cope with.

  So I didn’t get out of bed that day, only moving to feed myself before collapsing back under the covers and allowing misery to settle over me.

  Pathetic coward.

  I no longer had the energy to be anything but pathetic. The pathetic coward who loved his best friend’s sister and wanted something he could never have.

  Her.

  Chapter Nine

  Jennifer

  Did I want to have therapy today? Not especially. I had no choice in the matter. So when I entered Jensen’s office and sat down, letting out a long sigh, he raised an eyebrow at me.

  “Bad week?”

  I rubbed my face, looking away.

  “Bad life.”

  “That’s a little melodramatic.”

  Yeah, so he started calling me out on my bullshit when I resumed my sessions with him again. We were more than just therapist and client. He was my twin’s boyfriend. I’d told Brent, Jensen wasn’t my friend, but I supposed in a lot of ways he was. It’s just the whole therapy thing which made it different.

  I didn’t want to think or talk about Brent despite him being the reason I felt like my life was falling apart. That and Max. Except I really couldn’t talk about Max. That prick was insisting I attend some do at his office with him later. Not my idea of fun, but I suppose we had to go public with our fake relationship at some point.

  “You have met me, right?”

  When I looked up at Jensen, he was grinning. It’d taken me a while to get used to calling him that rather than Doctor Andrews.

  “What’s bothering you?”

  I grabbed a cushion, hugging it to my chest as I kicked off my shoes and curled my legs up under me on the sofa. I dragged my fingers across the surface of it, wondering where on earth I could start.

  “Something someone said to me this week.”

  “Was it someone close to you?”

  I shrugged.

  “You could say that.”

  “What did they say?”

  “That I should talk to you about something.”

  “Are you going to be cryptic for the whole session?”

  He was used to me getting like this on occasion. Ever since Max started blackmailing me, I’d felt trapped. Not being able to talk about it to anyone bothered me.

  “I don’t know how to be friends with a guy.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  I sighed, hugging the cushion tighter against my chest.

  “Okay so say hypothetically I slept with someone I shouldn’t have and I’m trying to be friends with them because it can never be anything else. I don’t know how to be someone’s friend really so I resort to initiating sex instead of talking to them about my feelings. And say that person told me I should probably talk to you about it si
nce they’re not the only one I’ve had this problem with.”

  He eyed me for a long moment before he leant forward and put a hand out.

  “Have you ever had a meaningful relationship with a man without it being about sex?”

  I shook my head. He wasn’t talking about my relationships with my family.

  “Why do you think that is?”

  He did this a lot. Turned it around on me so I had to think about things. So I had to delve into parts of myself I preferred to keep hidden. And I did know why it was, I just hated admitting it. Hated him still having so much power over me. It was like I could never escape.

  “My dad told me and Fi that was all we were good for.”

  “Do you believe him?”

  “I guess so,” I whispered.

  My chest caved in. How could I believe something so damning? I hated how much my father had manipulated me. Got inside my head and made me feel worthless.

  “Has anyone you’ve been with ever told you they wanted more from you?”

  “My hypothetical friend.”

  Jensen gave me a look. He knew it wasn’t hypothetical at all.

  “You can’t tell Fi,” I blurted out.”

  “When have I ever discussed your sessions with your sister?”

  I looked away, burying my face in my hands. It was true. Jensen never talked to her about what I’d told him in confidence. Would I even feel better if I told him about Brent and me?

  “I did something so stupid the night I found out about you and Fi.”

  “You were upset so that’s understandable.”

  I shook my head in my hands.

  “No, this was stupid on an epic level.”

  “You don’t have to tell me.”

  But I did. The words bubbled up inside me and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

  “I don’t even like him, but he was the only person I wasn’t mad at so I went and saw Brent in floods of tears. He was nice to me for once and somehow we ended up in bed together. He didn’t take advantage of me or anything. I wanted to sleep with him, but it’s so wrong. It can’t be anything. He’s Dante’s best friend. I don’t even want a relationship with him and he said himself he can’t offer me more than friendship, but he’s been there for me since I moved back home and it keeps happening. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be his friend, but I can’t at the same time because I want him. I don’t understand it. I hated him for so long and now this is all so fucking complicated.”