Protect

by Bailey, Sarah

  She nodded and finished chewing on her biscuit before she answered.

  “Of course, it’s a big, big change, but if anyone can cope with it, it’s you, Jen. You’re one of the strongest and most determined people I’ve ever met. You’ve got all of us, but really, I know it doesn’t help much with the constant doubts and worrying you can’t do this. But you really aren’t alone in feeling this way.”

  It might seem small to everyone else but having someone who’d been through the same thing as me, made this a little easier. The ache in my chest lessened.

  “And I’ve got Brent.”

  She grinned.

  “Hmm, yes, you do, for all your protestations of hating him.”

  I shrugged, rolling my eyes.

  “Yeah, okay, I was stupid and blinded my determination not to like him. Learnt my lesson now. Not letting that one go.”

  “Even if he still annoys the shit out of you?”

  I laughed. Oh, he most definitely annoyed me on a daily basis. That would never change no matter how much time passed. Brent knew exactly how to push all of my buttons and he took full advantage of it.

  “Yeah, even despite that… Okay, I have an embarrassing question.”

  Her eyes narrowed. She was used to me asking her stuff she didn’t want to answer, especially about her and Dante. Liora wasn’t a prude, she just preferred to keep the intimate details of her relationship with my brother private.

  “What is it?”

  “Did you get ridiculously horny? Between you and me, I think I might be wearing Brent out.”

  She put a hand over her eyes and groaned.

  “I didn’t want to know that!”

  I chuckled.

  “Just answer the question.”

  “Maybe a little bit, but do not tell your brother I said that.”

  I leant forward.

  “Really?”

  She dropped her hand. Her faced was flushed.

  “Yeah… I thought I was going crazy. Dante certainly didn’t complain, but some days it was all I could think about. It was so bad at work.” She lowered her voice. “There I was trying to concentrate on getting the feed right for the animals and all I could think about was getting home and well… you know.”

  I grinned. Oh, she knew exactly how I felt at work when I desperately wanted Brent to come rescue me.

  “Oh, I definitely know. I harass him to come into the office.”

  “You don’t!”

  “I do and well… he can’t really resist.”

  She burst out laughing and shook her head.

  “So that’s why he keeps disappearing on us. I won’t tell Dante about your extracurricular activities. He supports your relationship, but I doubt he’d be to impressed about the two of you doing that during work hours.”

  I shrugged. Needs must. I was sure things would even out eventually. My hormones were just all over the place at the moment. It wasn’t as if all Brent and I did was fuck. We’d discussed plans for redecorating downstairs and he was looking into contractors since I was busy with work. He wanted to take that weight off my shoulders since he said I already had enough on my plate.

  “How are you feeling about seeing Zach tomorrow?”

  My hand around my mug stiffened.

  “Honestly? Whilst I know I have to do it, I’m also scared shitless.”

  “Don’t blame you. It’s been years since I last saw him, but even I didn’t relish going to the prison. Is Fi okay about it?”

  I sighed. When I told her, she’d immediately said she was coming with me and I couldn’t stop her. I hadn’t wanted to. Having my sister there would give me the strength to go through with it. As well as Jensen who’d been instrumental in my healing process.

  “No, but she told me she would never let me go without her. Not when it’s such a monumental thing, you know. I didn’t think I’d reach a stage where I’d want to speak to him ever again.”

  “I think you’re incredibly brave after everything he put you through.”

  I gave her a tight smile. I suppose this could be considered brave, but I saw it as a necessity in order for me to move on.

  “Thank you… I mean for everything. You’ve been the glue keeping our family together since Dad went to prison, and you’ve made Dante happy, so I want you to know how much I appreciate that.”

  Tears welled in Liora’s eyes so I got up, walked around the table and gave her a hug. I meant every word. Even if what Dante did to get her here was fucked up, she’d still been the catalyst for the change we all needed.

  “You, Fi and Ellie are like the sisters I never had. I’m so happy you and Brent finally found your way to each other. You deserve to be happy, Jen. You all do.”

  And I swear to god I couldn’t stop the waterworks from her words either.

  Stupid pregnancy hormones.

  ***

  Fi grasped my hand tightly under the table. Jensen sat on the table behind us just to make sure we were okay. He wouldn’t interfere no matter how much he wanted to protect Fi and me. We were in a prison. What could my dad do other than talk to us? Nothing.

  “I can’t believe we’re doing this,” she whispered.

  “Me either.”

  Closure. That’s why I was here. And a small part of me really wished I hadn’t told Brent to stay at home.

  The moment our dad walked in, my skin prickled and my stomach dropped. He looked older than when we’d last seen him. Perhaps prison life had done that to him. He sat down in front of us, his blue eyes sweeping over me and Fi. The lines around his eyes were more pronounced and his hair was almost completely grey. Unsurprisingly, he was immaculately dressed in a pale blue shirt and chinos.

  “I must say this is unexpected.”

  His voice. It made my heart pound in my chest and not in a good way.

  “Hello Dad,” Fi said.

  He inclined his head before his eyes fell on me.

  “Jennifer.”

  “Dad,” I practically hissed.

  A smile crept across his face and it just plain pissed me off. I wasn’t here to get angry though. That wouldn’t help anyone.

  “What brings my two daughters to my doorstep? You’ve never shown any interest in seeing me before.”

  “Why would we?” Fi said. “You’re not worth our time.”

  If he cared about Fi’s statement, he didn’t show it.

  “My question still stands. Why are you here?”

  Fi looked at me, giving my hand a squeeze. All the words I’d gone over in my head time and time again weren’t forthcoming. I looked back, finding Jensen’s eyes. He gave me a reassuring nod as if to tell me ‘you’ve got this’ and in that moment, I believed him. I turned back to my father and met his eyes.

  “I have some things to say to you.”

  He put his hands out.

  “Then by all means, speak.”

  I swallowed down the lump in my throat. Now I was here in front of him, the memories were no longer there haunting me. In this setting, surrounded by prison walls and guards, I didn’t feel so intimidated by the man in front of me. He couldn’t harm me again.

  “I spent years wondering why. Why would my own father do something so horrific to his own children? Not just to me, but to all four of us. What you did haunted me for so long. So many nights for the past twelve years I’d wake up screaming, scared you’d take something or someone else away from me.”

  I took a breath. His expression hadn’t changed. His hands were settled on his chest as he leant back in his chair, appraising me.

  “The thing is, Dad, I don’t live in fear anymore. Not since I realised you have no power over any of us. And whilst your stupid mind games with Marcus might have only caused me more pain, it doesn’t matter. They did something else too. Taught me that no matter what, the people who really care about me will always protect me.”

  I let go of Fi’s hand and pointed at him.

  �
�You know what you did? Failed to protect any of us. Failed to keep us safe over and over again. And you deserve to sit in this prison for everything you did. You don’t deserve this visit nor to ever meet your grandchild or any future grandchildren. You’ll never see their first steps, watch them grow up and have their own families. It’s really too bad you can’t see how your own children have thrived despite everything you did. And you don’t deserve it either.”

  I placed both my hands on the table. His lip twitched and his small reaction gave me a sense of satisfaction. My words affected him even if he didn’t want to show it.

  “When I leave here, I won’t think about you again. I don’t need to. You’re nothing to me, Dad. Nothing at all. And you know why? Because I forgive myself for all of my mistakes. For all of my regrets. For all my pain. All of it taught me how to live. To strive for better and to never accept anything less than I deserve.”

  I hadn’t planned on saying this next bit. Hadn’t thought I’d ever want to reveal any of it to him, but now I was seeing him, I knew this would probably hit him harder than anything else.

  “Before we leave, I have one last thing to tell you. Brent and I are getting married. You can’t walk me down the aisle, Dad, and I wouldn’t want you to anyway. You know who will? Dante. And you know why? He’s been there for us. He’s my father figure, unlike you. And he’s a wonderful father to his son who you’ll never know.”

  I stood up, not wanting to hear any of the venomous words which might spill from his mouth when I was done. My hand went to my stomach.

  “It’s really a pity you won’t get to see my wedding day nor will you get to hold your grandchild growing inside me. The choices you made landed you in here and it’s the best place for you. Goodbye Dad.”

  I turned and walked away. Jensen put a hand on my arm to stop me. I looked down at him. He gave me a smile and I knew I’d done good. He let go of me and I proceeded to the door, not once looking back. When I walked through into the lobby, a sense of freedom burst through my chest, warming me from the inside out. I sat down on one of the plastic chairs to wait for my sister and her boyfriend. I didn’t feel too good about leaving Fi in there without me, but she had Jensen.

  The one person I wanted to talk to now was Brent, but we’d had to give our phones in at the desk when we signed in. I’d see him when I got home and tell him all about it. He’d be proud of me. I was glad I’d done this without him. I needed to for me. To prove to myself I could stand up to my dad. To prove I wasn’t scared of him any longer. He couldn’t hurt me. He couldn’t do anything.

  Ten minutes later, Fi and Jensen walked out hand in hand. I stood at their approach before my sister let go of her boyfriend’s hand and enveloped me in a hug.

  “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered. “You did amazing.”

  I looked at Jensen over my shoulder. His green eyes twinkled with pride too. I put an arm out. I mean, yes, this was Fi’s boyfriend and my therapist, but he was also my friend. He hesitated for a moment before joining the two of us. A three way hug was a little odd at first, but I needed this.

  “You were both brave,” he said. “I think we can say your official time as a patient is over, Jen. But I’m always here if you need to talk.”

  That made tears well in my eyes. I knew he was right. I didn’t need official sessions any longer. I was better. So much better than I’d been before. And I really owed him everything.

  I pulled away slightly and stared up at him.

  “Thank you for everything. I would say you have no idea what you’ve done for me, but I think you do. For me and Fi.”

  He reached up and ruffled my hair which made me scowl. Fi grinned and smoothed it down for me.

  “He does that to me and it’s annoying.”

  “Wait, Mr Perfect isn’t so perfect?”

  “I’m right here, you know,” Jensen said, rolling his eyes.

  The two of us laughed and we all stepped away from each other. I linked arms with Fi as we walked towards the desk to collect our things.

  “What did he say?”

  “Just complained you’re still stubborn, but I think your words rattled him to be honest.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yeah, he didn’t seem like himself after that. At least not the confident, cocksure father we know. He just asked about how I was and I introduced him to Jensen. I told him I wasn’t going to come see him again and weirdly, he said he understood. I didn’t really have much to say to him. You said it all.”

  I nodded. She had a point. I’d pretty much given it to him straight and pulled no punches.

  “I feel free, Fi. Finally free from what he did. I never thought I’d say that.”

  She smiled at me and squeezed my arm, telling me without words she knew exactly how I felt because she did. Fi was my twin and my soulmate. And she’d be there for me until we faded from this world.

  After we collected our things, Jensen drove us back to Dante and Liora’s. It was mine and Brent’s home too now, which was still kind of weird, but I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. Not when we had a baby on the way and would need all the support we could get. I said goodbye to the both of them, knowing they wanted to get home and be alone together.

  Brent was in the hallway when I unlocked the front door and walked in. He gave me a tentative smile before grunting as I barrelled my way into his arms.

  “Well, hello to you too.”

  Everything melted away now I was right there next to him. He kissed the top of my head, holding me close.

  “You okay?”

  “I am now,” I whispered. “I’m more than okay.”

  “Did it go okay?”

  I pulled back and stared up into his beautiful gold flecked hazel eyes. Hell, I loved this man. So. Damn. Much.

  “Actually it was good. He didn’t really say much. I said what I needed to say and left without waiting for a response. According to Fi, I rattled him. And I may have told him about the baby and us getting married. You should’ve seen his face when I said Dante would be giving me away. His eyes got all dark and his lip was twitchy. But it didn’t scare me like it used to. He doesn’t scare me at all. He’s just a sad, pathetic man rotting away in prison and that’s all he deserves.”

  Brent stroked my hair and smiled.

  “I’d have paid to see the look on his face.”

  “Neither of us ever have to see his face again, so you should be happy about that.”

  “Oh trust me, I am.”

  I reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck and going up on my tiptoes.

  “Enough about Dad. I’m more interested in what you can do with that devastating mouth of yours.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “Again?”

  So we may have had a particularly vigorous romp this morning before I’d gone to work. Instead of having my usual therapy session, Jensen, Fi and I visited the prison instead. And now all I could think about was a very delicious repeat of our performance earlier.

  “Yes, I’m your pregnant, nympho fiancée and you better get used to it.”

  He rolled his eyes before picking me up and carrying me upstairs.

  “You know, Aiden is right. You are a troublemaker.”

  I grinned.

  “I’m your troublemaker.”

  “Mmmhmm… and I’m going to be stuck with you for life. Lucky I love you so much.”

  He set me down on the bed when we got into my room and pushed me down on my back.

  “Now, troublemaker, you’re going to shut up and let me work my magic. Got it?”

  I nodded, giggling as he started to undress me.

  “Shh, firestorm. You’ll have D down here complaining again.”

  “Fuck Dante. He can complain all he wants. Now… show me what you got.”

  Chapter Twenty Eight

  Brent

  I held Jen’s hand as she lay back so the sonographer could do her twelve week scan. It
’d be the first time we were seeing the baby and I was nervous as hell. Jen kept telling me it’d be fine, but who really knew?

  The sonographer was talking to us and explaining what would happen, but I wasn’t really listening. I stared at the screen, waiting for the images to appear as Jen had gel squirted on her lower stomach. She looked up at me, smiling.

  “Hey, you okay?”

  I nodded. I wasn’t, but she didn’t need to know that. Who’d have thought I’d ever be in this position? Of course, I’d gone through some of this when Cam was pregnant, but I’d never come to any of her scans.

  She squeezed my hand and turned back to the screen. My eyes were fixed on it. The woman was talking again, but all I could hear was a buzzing sound in my ears. And when she finally put the wand thing on Jen’s stomach and the image came up on screen, I just about died on the spot. She moved it around a little and stared at the screen for a few minutes, but it was obvious.

  “Well, I think congratulations are in order. You’re having twins.”

  It was clear as day, two babies. Two fucking babies. It was enough that I’d even got Jen pregnant in the first place, but now we were having twins. How the hell would the two of us cope with this? So many things were running through my mind and I couldn’t comprehend how this had happened.

  Jen looked up at me and I realised I was squeezing her hand. I loosened my grip.

  “You’re freaking out.”

  I was surprised she wasn’t. She’d got freaked out over the pregnancy in the first place.

  “Twins. We’re having twins.”

  I wanted to curse but decided against it given where we were. We could talk about this later when we alone and could process it properly. Right now, we needed to get through the rest of the scan. The woman pointed out more things to us, but I was barely paying attention. Two babies was a lot to cope with. Hell, one would be enough. This was not part of the plan, but when had anything ever gone to plan between me and Jen? Our relationship had been tumultuous from the beginning.

  When we were done, I drove Jen back to the office in a daze. She was staring down at the copies of the scans we’d been given. We’d barely spoken since we left the hospital, neither of us really knowing what to say. I pulled up in the carpark nearby and stared out of the window.