Desperately Seeking Househusband

by Ray, Marika

  Sometimes you just know when you’ve hit on a sensitive subject. That there are talons behind the innocent words. Many men would change the subject, but not Rhett “Danger” O’Donnell. I doubled down.

  “Did Hew forget your anniversary or your favorite flower?” I kept my tone light, hoping she’d share.

  She smirked and leaned forward for another swig of wine. “Hew forgot everything except for what benefited himself. He was more attentive at the beginning, but then we just fell into this partnership. He took out the trash. I made sure the refrigerator was full of food. He stayed out of the house so I could get my work done, and I went to fancy business dinners with him.”

  From what little I knew of my half-brother, that sounded like him. “You co-existed.”

  Gabby’s face lit up. “Exactly! There wasn’t some great passion or even liking really. We were just there. A body in the house so neither of us went through life alone. Pretty lame, I know, but I thought it worked.”

  A yawn took over and I couldn’t smother it. “Sorry. I’m not yawning at your story. It’s just today has been quite the day and with almost no sleep last night…”

  Gabby stood up and grabbed the takeout boxes. “I hear you. I could do with an early night myself.”

  Unfolding from the chair, I grabbed her wine glass and went in the kitchen to wash it. When we were done cleaning up our dinner, the silence was back. Unspoken questions hung there between us, begging to be asked, but too scared to be said aloud. Did we go to bed together? Should I let her get in her pajamas and then go in the bedroom? Last night, we’d worked almost the whole night, just crashing for a few hours, fully clothed on top of the bed. Tonight would be the first night we actually shared a bed in the way a real couple would.

  Gabby hooked a thumb over her shoulder, not meeting my eyes. “I’m going to just go get in my PJs and then, um, I might read in bed or something.” She spun around and hustled out of the kitchen before I even answered, which was just as well. I had some stupid joke about my habit of sleeping in the nude on the tip of my tongue, which in hindsight, could have been disastrous. A lot of times, what I thought was super hilarious turned out to be annoying or offensive for others. Her cutting me off was a gift for the longevity of our working relationship.

  Thinking on my feet, I pulled my phone out of my back pocket and opened the timer app. The seconds, and then minutes, ticked by as I stood in the kitchen, caught between what I should do and what I wanted to do. I really, really wanted to go see her in those PJs, whatever they turned out to be. Hell, I’d bet even flannel would look sexy as hell with those curves of hers. However, I knew being a gentleman was called for here, which meant I was stuck in the kitchen for fifteen minutes on the dot before I dared make my way to the master bedroom.

  Acting blasé about the whole sleeping in the same bed thing was my genius game plan. Pretending to still be on my phone, when I was really just watching the numbers turn over on the timer like a psycho, I walked into the bedroom and made a beeline for my side of the massive closet. Which meant I didn’t see a pile of clothes on the floor in my direct path. I stumbled and tried to take a large step forward to catch my balance, but my foot got caught up in the clothes, and down I went. At least I got my hands out in front of me to break my fall.

  In the background I heard Gabby gasp and had I not had the snot scared out of me while hurtling toward the floor, I would have groaned over the fact she had a front row seat to my clumsiness. I landed unscathed due to playing beach volleyball on occasion and knowing how to take a dive. My phone, on the other hand, went flying, skidding across the carpet to lie face up next to where she sat on the bed. I looked up from my low perch to see her staring at my phone.

  “Are you timing your falls?”

  I popped back up to my feet and examined my elbow where I had a rug burn forming. When all else fails, pretend you didn’t hear the other person. Worked every time, in my experience. A pile of Gabby’s clothes—the very ones she’d been wearing today if I wasn’t mistaken—were in a neat little pile behind me, looking all innocent when they’d just taken down a grown man without lifting a finger. Not that her clothes had fingers. That would be weird. Even for an uber rich person.

  “I know I just moved in and all, but I vote for getting a clothes hamper.”

  She had the graciousness to blush. “I have one, actually. I just don’t use it often. Sorry about that.”

  Now that the adrenaline was leaving my body, I was exhausted. No sense getting mad about how she kept her room cluttered when it wasn’t my room. “No harm, no foul. I’ll just grab my pajamas and hit the hay.”

  She quickly looked down at her tablet and went back to whatever she’d been doing before I made my epic arrival. I grabbed my pajama pants out of the closet and went to the bathroom, shutting the door for privacy while I changed. I did all the normal things one does before bed, brushed teeth, went to the bathroom, and flexed a few times in the mirror to make sure I still had it.

  When I came out, the lights were off and if the dark lump was what I thought it was, Gabby was already under the covers and fast asleep. I felt my way through the unfamiliar room with my hands out in front of me. I ended up kicking the bed with my toe and nearly firing off an expletive at full volume in the quiet space. As it was, I just whimpered and silently begged for the day to be over before I seriously maimed myself.

  I finally found my side of the bed, peeling back the covers and climbing in, careful not to reach too far across the invisible line in the middle of the bed. The scent of Gabby, a little lavender and a hint of something sugary sweet, filled my nose as I turned my back to her and lay on my side. I could feel her next to me even though there was at least a foot of space between us in the huge bed. Her breaths came steady and I was soon syncing my own breathing to hers, lulled into sleep before my brain could worry about late night farting or morning wood or any of the other possibilities that could wreck the status quo.

  9

  Gabby

  The weirdest dream had me in its clutches. I knew it, yet I couldn’t wake from it. All around me was deserted island, the swaying palm trees and crashing ocean a gorgeous backdrop. But I could sense I was alone, which had the pit of my stomach in knots. The dream fast-forwarded in the way only dreams can and I’d become one with the island, wearing my own handmade palm frond skirt. The breeze kicked up and I realized I was topless, like some National Geographic episode, island-style. But that wasn’t even the weirdest thing about this dream.

  Held in my arms was a cute little baby, suckling on my breast, the feeling both foreign and ticklish. My heart lurched at the sight of him. Yes, him. Instinctively, I knew. The discovery mystified me as I’d never had a baby, nor had I ever dreamed I was pregnant. This was Lily-Marie’s territory with her third mini human on the way. Where did this dream baby come from and why was it attached to my nipple? And what the hell was I doing on this island?

  I startled awake finally, my eyes flying open to see my bedroom ceiling in the soft morning light. I’d never been so relieved to see that boring white drywall before. A breath later I became aware of the baby still suckling my breast. I looked down in dawning horror to find Rhett lying diagonally in the bed, his face half on my stomach and half on my right breast, his mouth strategically placed. His eyes were closed, hair artfully rumpled from sleep.

  Of course, I should have pushed him off me right away, but to be fair, this had never happened before and I was a bit stunned. An almost stranger had never barnacled themselves to my thin cotton covered breast while sharing my bed. I could only imagine what dream Rhett was having. I discovered rather quickly he had a nice mouth and he knew how to use it.

  My toes curled and my stomach clenched in the most delicious way. It had been a lonely year, okay? My trusty vibrator was life giving, but she didn’t provide nipple service. I’d forgotten what it felt like to have a man’s mouth worshipping the rounded peak.

  And it felt gooooood.

  So yeah, I ga
ve myself a few blissful moments of guilty pleasure before the angel screaming in my ear made me reach down and nudge his shoulder.

  “Uh?” Rhett’s eyes blinked open and his mouth quit its magic, disappointing the devil who’d been panting in my other ear. He looked at me and then down at where his head was lying.

  I’d never seen someone jump out of bed so quickly, nearly going down again with his legs tangled in the sheets.

  “Careful!” I sat up too, trying to keep control of the sheet and keep part of it to cover my breasts, both of whom had nipples standing at attention, hoping the suckling would continue.

  Rhett stood up to his full height and I forgot all about the sheet, my nipples even piping down finally. Because the only thing my whole self cared about at that moment was drinking in the sight of a sleepy Rhett, without a shirt on, in a pair of lightweight gray sweatpants with the biggest hard-on I’d ever seen pressing against the front of the material.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t—well, I mean, I was asleep and didn’t realize,” Rhett stumbled through an apology while he stood there running his hands through his hair, oblivious to the d-print that would be forever imprinted on my brain.

  I swallowed, willing myself to focus on speech. “No problem. It’s fine. We should probably just get ready before the camera crew gets here.”

  Rhett nodded eagerly. “Yes! Great idea. You get ready and I’ll make us some breakfast?”

  “Sounds great!” I pasted on a sunny smile as he rushed out of the room, already planning to bring my vibrator into the shower with me. I couldn’t go through the motions as his girlfriend today without taking the edge off. Jesus. That thing needed a concealed carry permit. A choking warning, maybe. Perhaps a few ground crew members to guide that behemoth with their flashing batons.

  Who would have guessed I picked the short straw—literally—when it came to the O’Donnell brothers? Ahem, half-brothers.

  * * *

  By the time I came out of the bathroom, showered, fully dressed, and hair and makeup on point, Rhett was sitting down eating breakfast at the table.

  “Yours is in the microwave. I didn’t want it getting cold,” he said around a mouthful of food.

  I’d scratched the itch so to speak, so I felt more in control. My cheeks had even returned to their normal color, though I’d never forget the sight of perfection just inches from my face. I’d consider that a win. The plate of scrambled eggs and toast looked fabulous. Anything looked fabulous when I didn’t have to make it myself. I sat down at the table across from him and dug in.

  “I wanted to say I’m sorry again. I honestly was asleep or I never would have been lying on you like that.” Rhett’s voice floated across the table, the worry and regret obvious in his tone. Which was odd. I’d never heard him speak without at least a bit of a smile in his voice. Given that I’d enjoyed it a teensy bit—okay, a lot—he shouldn’t feel bad about it.

  After giving my cheeks a stern talking to, I looked up. “Seriously, don’t worry about it. It’s bound to happen with us living this lie. We just have to move on and put on a good show.”

  He searched my eyes for a few seconds, and apparently seeing I was serious, the smile returned and we were back on familiar ground. “So, Gabriella Cole. What are your dreams and goals for your life?”

  I nibbled on my toast. “Ah, easy breakfast conversation, I see.” When he chuckled like I hoped he would, I continued. “Honestly, my career is great. My finances are stable. I’m not a crazy huge spender. I just want to be a regular woman. Good friends, a husband, two point five kids, and the white picket fence.”

  Rhett nodded, then leaned his forearms on the table. I went back to picking at my toast, desperately trying not to look at his muscles on full display. Bejesus, the guy must work out on the daily, which was fine by me. All the more to make Hew jealous when he saw Rhett as my boyfriend. Hew had given up the gym when the business he helped start took off, favoring the monetary rewards over the physical.

  “Why do you always do that?”

  “Do what?”

  Rhett kept staring into my eyes, like he could see beyond the facades I’d built over the years. We all had them. They were the screens we put in place to keep people out, to let them see a version of ourselves we deemed appropriate. But a select few could always see through them, seeing the real person underneath in all our flawed reality.

  “Downplay your wealth. Your finances aren’t just stable. You’re extremely wealthy with most of your money tied up in investments making you more money, right?”

  I tipped my head back and forth, uncomfortable with where this was going. “Well, yeah. But I don’t necessarily identify as a wealthy person. That’s why I begged my dad to let me go to public school, which turned out to be the best decision ever because I met Lily-Marie. I just want to be normal, you know?”

  Rhett sent me a big grin. “So be normal. And be wealthy. You can be both.”

  I gave him my best oh-thank-you-for-the-genius-advice-I-never-thought-of-myself sarcastic look and tried to remember how thoughtful he was by making me breakfast. “Yeah, I hear you and yet it’s just not that simple. Everyone has expectations of me because of who my family is and how many zeros there are on my bank statement. I just want to be Jenny from the block, you know?”

  Rhett smirked and it was lethal combined with the muscle thing he had going on. A horrifying thought occurred to me. He was younger. Maybe he didn’t even know who JLo was, for God’s sake. He probably had no idea what Jenny I was referring to.

  “So you want to wear big hoop earrings and shake your gorgeous ass?”

  At that nonsense, I had to roll my eyes. At least I wasn’t so much older that he didn’t get my pop culture reference. This fake relationship just might stand the test of time. “Since you’ve got it all figured out, why don’t you tell me what your hopes and dreams are, big guy?”

  He leaned forward even more and I told myself I wouldn’t back up. “My dream is to become a world renowned board shaper. However, my goal is to become an entrepreneur who makes a shit ton of money so I can take care of my mom and shove my wealth in my half brother’s face.” He shrugs. “I’m stuck somewhere in between those two.”

  “Why can’t you just be both?” I asked flippantly.

  He gave me a look, like he wasn’t dumb enough to fall for his advice being thrown back in his face.

  “No, no, I’m serious.” Now that I thought about it, I was kind of on a roll. “Why don’t you build up your board shaping business to the point it accomplishes your goal? You can have both!”

  “Have you ever met a board shaper who was rolling in money? No, you haven’t. Because they’re all beach bums living out of the back of their van down by the coastline.”

  I slapped a hand down on the table. “Wait. Hurley. That’s a surf brand, right? Somebody started that company in Orange County and made it into something huge. Why not you?”

  Rhett sat back and folded his arms across his chest. “I could go over the statistics of small businesses failing, but I’ll leave out the boring stuff. How about this? Why don’t we both promise to work on being both things? On blending all of what we want into our actual reality? We’ll use this time on the show to support each other on our vision for ourselves. I’ll get my board shaping business up and running with the intent to make it huge. You’ll embrace your wealth and your plebeian nature fully. ”

  I snort-laughed to cover the melting of the organ in my chest that didn’t realize all of this was fake. In three months, I’d never see Rhett again, so becoming friendly, or God forbid, falling for Rhett, was not in my best interest. “It’s not about being a bum. I just want to be normal and not get all caught up in the superficial things that don’t matter.”

  Rhett cocked his head and seemed to study my face. When he spoke again, his voice was gentle. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”

  The doorbell rang and I jumped, having forgotten the crew was supposed to be coming by any minute
.

  Rhett stood. “Mind if I get cleaned up while you get them settled?”

  Oh good Lord, there he was, in all his chiseled glory, on display for my viewing enjoyment. The ankle spanker had been packed away for later, but even so, Rhett was a sight to behold. We should have opened a window to cool things off.

  “Gabby?”

  I pulled my gaze back to his face to see a dimple winking at me, like it knew exactly what I’d been looking at. “Oh sure, yeah, go ahead!”

  He stayed to help me out of my chair like a perfect gentleman, when all I wanted to do was pet his chest and lick a line right down the middle of his abs. The insistent ringing of the doorbell dashed cold water on my hot daydream.

  “I’m coming!” I called out. Once Rhett disappeared up the stairs, I answered the door to a crew of five people and one very large camera.

  Showtime.

  10

  Gabby

  “Oh please, Lord here could have handled the whole thing better himself and he hates giving speeches almost as much as he hates our micro needling appointments!” Kitty let out a bray of a laugh, the sound like nails on a chalkboard. I smiled, of course, playing the part of rich society woman, trying to make friends with the other couples all seated around a ridiculously long dining table.

  Rhett reached over and squeezed my leg, most likely dying a silent death alongside me as we had to listen to these people talk about how great they were and how lame everyone else was in comparison. Plus, the ten course meal hadn’t filled me up. There was nothing I hated more than eating for two hours and still being hungry. This was a prime example of why I didn’t want to be a stereotypical rich person. After tonight, I thought Rhett might better understand my stance on the issue.

  “Speaking of micro needling, did you hear they now do it for the genital region for increased sensation during sex?” Natalia leaned forward over the table like she was imparting a national secret.