Desperately Seeking Househusband

by Ray, Marika

  My ex.

  Rhett’s half-brother.

  The douchecanoe.

  With his gaze firmly stuck on me, he slammed the door shut behind him and strode in, like he owned the damn place. Fuckers always gotta fuck with you.

  “Hey, you need to leave.” Rhett, not having the same paralysis problem I was currently experiencing, stepped in front of me and put his hand out to stop Hew.

  Hew, being the asshole he was, simply stepped around Rhett and stood at my side, only inches away from me, staring a hole into the side of my head. Hello, personal space?

  I could hear our friends behind me murmuring questions and speculations as to who this interloper could be. But again, I stayed frozen, unable to move. Hew grabbed my arm and it was the shiver of revulsion that swept up my spine that broke the spell. Yanking my arm from his grasp, I turned my head to see him and stepped back.

  “You’re not welcome here, Hew. You need to leave.” Not a waver or a stutter to be found. Rhett appeared beside me, his hand on my low back, giving me the courage I needed to continue dealing with this asshole.

  “What the hell do you think you’re doing, Gabby?” Hew’s face twisted into a look I’d never seen before. “Is this some sort of joke to get back at me? How immature do you have to be to date my little brother and parade it around on national television?”

  All the blood drained from my face. “It-it’s not a joke.” Shit. That definitely had a waver and a stutter.

  He advanced on me and Rhett tightened his hold on me by wrapping his arm around my waist. The fact that he was nervous made me more nervous.

  “What? You couldn’t keep me interested so you went for my brother instead?” He flung his words at me, along with some spit.

  I could see the cameramen closing in on us out of the corner of my eye. As much as I felt like I’d been pummeled by Hew, I had to keep up the pretense, right? But wait. It wasn’t even a pretense anymore.

  I turned into Rhett’s chest, my hand lying on his impressive pec muscle. Despite the nerves jumping inside my gut, I curved my mouth into a saucy smile, deciding to lay it on thick.

  “You’ve got it all backward, Hew. When you cheated on me, you did me a favor. I didn’t realize I’d chosen the wrong O’Donnell brother.” I looked up at Rhett adoringly, seeing he’d gone pale beneath his freckles.

  Hew clearly needed to have the last word. I couldn’t diss him on television and get away with it. “Enjoy yourself. I’m sure he’ll get bored with you eventually too. And I hope you have enough money to bankroll this loser. Then again, you always did like throwing your money in people’s faces.” He tossed his hand in Rhett’s direction, but still didn’t acknowledge his existence even as he eviscerated him. Then he spun on his heel and left, slamming the door closed and leaving the party in a charged silence.

  The cameras kept rolling as I stood there in Rhett’s arms, the two of us ramrod straight, our hearts beating out of our chests. We were smashed together physically, yet I’d never felt so apart from him. Hew had come in and spread his worms again, lashing us both with hateful words and leaving us a bloody mess on the floor in his wake.

  The silence stretched out for what felt like an hour but was probably only a few minutes. Natalia jumped up from Frank’s lap and I almost laughed out loud at how much restraint she must have summoned to stay quiet for that long. Well, I would have laughed if I was still a person with a range of emotions available to choose from. As it was, I was just a shell of a human being after that little fiasco gutted me.

  “Hold up. Do you mean to tell me Rhett is your ex’s little brother?” Natalia’s face barely moved, but from the way she stood with her feet wide apart and hand on hip, I could guess she was shocked.

  All the blood that had left my head when Hew barged in came rushing back to pool in my cheeks. I knew this was a bad idea. I’d known it the moment I found out who Rhett really was and yet I’d still gone forward with this whole stupid scheme. My own desperate need to flaunt my happiness in my ex’s face brought me here. Here being a place of total and complete humiliation on national television. Made worse by the fact I actually had real feelings for Rhett now, so not only did I lie to everyone at the beginning, but now I really was falling for my ex’s brother.

  Rhett stepped forward as I remained mute and drowning in my own shame spiral. “Yes, I’m Hewitt’s half-brother, though we don’t have a relationship at all at this point.”

  Natalia shimmied up to me. Was there music playing or a disco ball nearby I’d missed? “Damn, girl. I didn’t think you had it in you. I’m so proud!” She wrapped her little bird arms around me and pulled me in for a hug that felt as warm and fuzzy as squeezing a scarecrow.

  I laughed—okay, guffawed—in her ear, which made her pull back in a hurry. She was proud of me? What the hell?

  Lavender took up where Natalia left off. “Oh, honey, that man was horrible. Don’t internalize his words. Let them flow through you and watch them float away in your mind’s eye.” She, too, pulled me in for a hug, but this one felt like floating in a cocoon, where everything was soft and light and warm. No wonder she was a professional.

  I could hear the guys talking to Rhett, backslaps and handshakes all around. Rhett still looked pale, which was the only thing to pierce this blanket of mortification that threatened to pull me under. It was one thing for Hew to tear me down like usual. It was another to see him do it to Rhett.

  I pasted on a smile and tried to converse, but I wasn’t really there. I couldn’t have told you what we talked about for the next thirty minutes. Everything was lost in a fog while I tried to sort through all the emotions and thoughts running through my head. Eventually, the ladies got the hint that I was emotionally exhausted and rounded up their husbands to leave. As soon as the door slammed shut, the silence in the house seemed to be closing in on me. Rhett and I eyed each other from across the room and while I desperately wanted to go to him, I felt too broken to make the long trek across the carpet. How did you console someone else when you had nothing left to give?

  “Gabby.” He reached out first, his hand hovering in the space between us. All I had to do was walk over there and take it.

  I wanted to. I wanted to cuddle up with Rhett and talk it through like a mature adult. I wanted to let all the guilt go. I wanted to give him comfort and heal his wounds.

  I just…couldn’t.

  So I stood there, frozen in indecision until he let his hand drop. I watched as the light went out in his eyes and he walked out of the room and up the stairs, shoulders slumped. Seeing his retreat was what broke the fog that had clung to me since the moment I saw Hew. Pain pierced through first, making me feel as if my heart was being crushed inside my chest. My feet refused to move and my mouth couldn’t form words adequate enough to call Rhett back. Instead, I sank to the floor and sobbed, wishing the tears to wash away all my problems.

  I cried for all the years I wasted with Hew. I cried for the little boy and the grown man still terrorized by an evil person. I cried for what Rhett and I could have had if it weren’t for the big, huge, not-so-secret secret that stood between us and always would. And last but never least, I cried for myself. The person I’d become, the way I allowed someone else to change me with their emotional manipulation, the way I let revenge drive my decisions even after I was free from the bastard, and the woman I was now, who let the best man she’d ever met walk out of the room without saying a damn word to keep him.

  I was despicable.

  And despicable women sleep on the couch, a blanket haphazardly thrown across them, tears soaking the pillow. Sleep eventually came and when it did, I got no rest, because when I woke up, all my problems were still there.

  And Rhett was gone.

  * * *

  “I don’t know what to do, Lil.”

  I paced from one end of my house to the other, the cell phone clutched tightly in my hand. I’d unloaded all the details of last night onto Lily-Marie the minute I realized Rhett wasn’t anywhere
to be found in the house. His car was gone, but all his clothes and surfboard supplies were still there, so I took comfort in that for the time being. I didn’t know why I was so panicked he was gone, given I’d ignored him last night, but somewhere in my confused brain I knew things were always better when he was with me.

  “Well, first of all, I know you haven’t experienced a lot of time yet with Rhett, but, honey, I know you. I can tell you’re—well, taken by him. I won’t use the L-word and freak you out entirely, but I really think you need to change your mind about the brother thing. Why does it matter if he’s Hew’s brother? You know he’s nothing like him, he doesn’t even talk to the guy, so why does it have to matter?”

  I tried to come up with all the reasons it definitely should matter, but other than some sort of urban legend bro-code, I came up empty. Sighing and stubborn to the end, I said, “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t like that we have this shared history with that asshole. Like, we have the same weakness. Aren’t you supposed to find someone who’s the yin to your yang? We’re two yins, no yang!”

  Baby Loni made a cooing noise through the phone. Lily-Marie was probably walking around with her snuggled up against her shoulder. I wanted to come visit and hold Loni and never leave Lily-Marie’s house. Everything seemed so simple for her, while my life was a total train wreck.

  “First, that makes no sense, Gabs. Second, go find Rhett. Talk. To. Him.” Loni interrupted with a louder screech that made me reconsider visiting.

  “That’s seriously your advice? Talk to him?” I wrinkled my nose. That was lame, even for Lily-Marie.

  She huffed, her voice getting louder than necessary. “Listen, beyotch. I don’t have time to Dr. Phil this with you. Talk to the boy, then call me back.”

  The phone line went dead. I pulled it from my ear and looked at it, stunned. That little baby mama hussy hung up on me. Guess she didn’t have time for her bestie as her life fell apart. Sheesh. Was a two-week-old baby really that difficult? They just ate and slept.

  Rhett would never hang up on me.

  The thought flitted through my brain and stopped me in my tracks. It was true. He wouldn’t. Why? Because Rhett would give me the shirt off his back if I shivered. He’d drop everything going on in his life to come be my fake boyfriend simply because I, a total stranger at the time, was desperate. He’d get over his own gaping wounds left by his half-brother and try to comfort me instead.

  Holy shit.

  And I’d ignored him. Thought only of myself.

  This pain in my chest? That was heartache. I’d felt something like it when Hew and I broke up, but the anger I’d felt at the time had overridden the pain. This pain was like nothing I’d ever felt before. It dashed all hope that tomorrow could be better. It weighed me down like an elephant sitting on my chest. It made me wallow around in my sadness like a pig in mud.

  I didn’t want to be a pig, in mud or otherwise. I wanted to be a goat. Goats head butted their way into a situation, sniffing out their mates and abandoning everything but wild sex on a mountainside with their beloved.

  Rhett was my beloved.

  The heavens parted and for the first time since last night, I felt like there was a way out of this. A way to still be with Rhett. I needed to find him, sniff him, head butt him, and drive out to the mountainside to have my way with him. Who the hell cared if he had a brother goat I’d head butted before?

  I cringed, finally hearing my crazy thoughts. I needed food first. I was thinking like a lunatic. I liked the part about finding Rhett. The rest was a little crazy, but a desperate girl’s gotta do what a desperate girl’s gotta do. I wasn’t a quitter, that’s for damn sure, and it was time I remembered it.

  After grabbing an apple out of the fridge, I pocketed my phone and jammed my feet into flip-flops. I was still wearing last night’s makeup, but I didn’t want to take the time to freshen up. I needed to find Rhett to apologize.

  I needed to tell him I loved him and see if he could love me back.

  26

  Rhett

  It’s funny how when you’re lamenting something shitty in your life, the universe hands you a situation that shows you just how big a flaming pile of poo things can really get.

  When Hewitt walked in and ignored me, then insulted me, it felt like he stabbed me in the chest and then twisted the knife around a few times. Which, as you can imagine, didn’t feel very good.

  But then Gabby wouldn’t meet my eye. Even after everyone had left and it was just the two of us, she refused to talk to me. To touch me. To let me comfort her. She’d just closed in on herself and refused to let me in like I was as worthless as Hewitt professed me to be. And that? Well, that was like pouring gasoline on my battered heart and dropping a lit match on it.

  So I’d left the room and tried to sleep surrounded by sheets that smelled like Gabby. I tossed and turned, wondering where she was. I checked on her twice, seeing her on the couch, tracks of tears and mascara on her cheeks. I was mad at her for shutting me out, but I also wanted to smother her with so much love she’d never feel anything from Hewitt ever again. In the end, I’d left her alone. I gave her what she appeared to want. Space.

  I had a lot of time to think in those sleepless hours in the dark. At first, I was pissed at myself for getting mixed up in something that had been my brother’s. I wondered if I was only interested in Gabby because of the connection to Hewitt. But then I thought back over the last few weeks with her and I knew I didn’t give a shit who she dated previously. She wasn’t an object to be owned and discarded. I loved the woman she was today and even though that included dating other men, I was thankful for them in that those experiences made her who she was.

  Daybreak was peeking in through the curtains I’d forgotten to close when I had an epiphany. I couldn’t ask Gabby to move beyond all her shit with Hewitt if I didn’t do it first myself.

  Which sucked monkey balls, believe me.

  That epiphany meant I needed to confront Hewitt on my own terms, say what I needed to say, and then let go of any expectation I still had in regards to his involvement in my life. The pain I felt when he ignored me last night showed I still had work to do. I couldn’t ask it of Gabby if I didn’t do the work myself.

  So I put on the best T-shirt for the occasion—F*UCKER, It Just Isn’t The Same Without U—and crept through the house. Thankfully, the early morning hour meant I’d dodged the camera guy, which meant I could say goodbye to Hewitt in private. I thought for sure starting my Land Cruiser would wake up Gabby, but I planned to hurry up and leave to take care of my business before she and I talked.

  And we would be talking.

  I wasn’t losing her without an epic fight.

  I’d call in the goats if I had to.

  Like the devil summoned him himself, Hewitt texted me when I was on the freeway headed toward his office in downtown Los Angeles.

  Hewitt: Got a friend looking to invest in some small businesses. Heard through the grapevine you’re starting a board shaping business. Call me.

  I tossed the phone down on the passenger seat and tossed my head back, laughing at the irony.

  “You’re really funny, Universe! Hardy, har, har!”

  The minute I made the decision to cut Hewitt out of my life forever, he reached out to me for the first time ever. It was all some cosmic joke to test my commitment to my decision. Old me would get super excited my half-brother wanted to talk to me or was even thinking about me. New Rhett would laugh it off and realize it was all part of Hewitt’s warped psyche. He didn’t like Gabby dating me, so if he couldn’t scare off Gabby with his little show of assholeness last night, he’d try to become my friend and get me to leave her instead. Why he cared so much when he was the one who cheated on her, I didn’t know, nor did I care. After our conversation here shortly, he wouldn’t matter to me ever again.

  * * *

  “I’m sorry, but Mr. O’Donnell is busy. You can make—”

  “I am Mr. O’Donnell,” I cut off the sec
retary just trying to do her job by striding right past her and opening the door to Hew’s office. I threw open the door, startling him while he was on the phone.

  “Hello, brother dearest. Let’s chat.” I gave him a smile he didn’t deserve and had a seat in the chair across from his huge wooden desk. He mumbled something into the phone and hung up, smoothing his tie and returning my smile with something that looked more like a grimace.

  “I had no idea my text would get such a quick response.” His lips tilted into a smirk that had the unique ability to ruffle my feathers. He just looked so smug for a guy wreaking havoc everywhere he went.

  “I was already on my way in to see you.”

  “Well, isn’t this nice. A little brotherly bonding.” He winked and I had to count to ten before I spoke again. He looked like me, minus the red hair and freckles, and it was weird to think we could be so different at the same time. That nose was our father’s nose. That arched eyebrow? The same expression our father would make when he wasn’t happy with you.

  “We share the same father and yet I have no idea where you came from, Hewitt. It’s like you were born without the most important part: your humanity.”

  “Oh, ouch. That really wounds me.” He lifted an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed.

  “I actually didn’t come here for that. I came to speak my piece. You know, I’ve been waiting my entire life for you to give a shit about me. To recognize that we’re brothers. That we could have been friends. But I think twenty-eight years is long enough to wait.” I stood, already feeling lighter than I had in years. His gaze took in my shirt and the subtle dig just for him. The lines around his eyes tightened. “Stay out of my life, stay out of Gabby’s. We’re both done with you.”