Hidden Chapters

by Mary Grand

  ‘Yes, Lowri told me. She said you sign?’ asked Mark.

  ‘Yes, but I can lip read pretty well.’

  ‘I have a friend who is Deaf. He keeps telling me to learn sign language.’

  ‘Well, you should,’ responded Bethan.

  ‘You’re right, I know. I can do a bit.’

  ‘Well, use it then.’

  ‘OK, but I’m pretty rubbish. I can’t do the whole BSL thing. You know, the grammar and things. Just the odd word.’

  ‘That’s better than nothing.’

  ‘Lowri tells me you do music. How does that work? Is it all done by vibration?’

  Bethan tutted. ‘It’s far more complicated than that. Hearing is only a small part of enjoying music. It’s multi-sensory, a physical thing. Music is a feeling, an emotion. A deaf person feels music within the vibrations in the same part of the brain that hearing people use when the melodies you love get caught in your head.’

  Catrin watched. She was impressed at the level of passion with which Bethan spoke. It was a side of her she seldom saw.

  Mark was looking very serious now. ‘That is so interesting. Lowri told me you play the flute?’

  ‘Yes, but it is composition I want to do at university. It’s exciting. There are some brilliant Deaf rappers and Deaf people composing now. I even read it could be the next big genre in music.’

  Mark nodded. Catrin was struck by how well he listened. So often, people asked questions not really wanting the answer. You could see they were busy thinking what they would say next. But Mark was really concentrating, genuinely interested in what Bethan was saying.

  Safi started to get restless. Bethan tickled his tummy.

  ‘Shall we go and get our stuff from the car?’ Lowri asked Mark.

  They left together, walking very close, their footsteps in sync.

  ‘Well, he seems alright. Bit intense, but that would suit Lowri,’ said Bethan. ‘Right. I need to put this monster down and go and get your present.’

  Catrin sat down on the ground and picked up Safi. He nestled in close to her as she stroked under his chin. She had the feeling he would stay there all day. It was wonderful to have a dog back in her life. She had forgotten how much having one meant to her.

  Catrin could hear Bethan running through the house. Soon she returned with a pretty paper carrier bag covered in pink roses.

  Catrin took out a box, inside which was a small fine bone china bud vase. It was white with delicate blue flowers. Impractical, but lovely.

  ‘It’s beautiful,’ she said holding it gently. ’Thank you so much.’

  ‘You like it?’

  ‘Of course. Could you put it up on the table safe, away from Safi? I’d hate anything to happen to it.’

  ‘Good. Here’s your card.’

  Catrin opened the envelope. The card was rectangular, with flowers framing it. In the centre was a black and white photograph of Catrin and Bethan, heads touching, and the words, ‘To the best Mum in the world.’

  Catrin smiled.

  ‘Oh, and one more thing.’

  Bethan handed her a book-shaped present. Catrin opened it, and found a large journal. She already had a pile at home. It had seemed to be the in-present the Christmas before. It struck her as strange that in an age of computers, people should feel the need to hark back to such an old-fashioned, Victorian idea. Catrin could see that Bethan was watching her anxiously.

  ‘It’s lovely. Thank you,’ she said, but secretly she wondered what she was going to write about. Her life barely justified a few pages in a note pad from Poundland at the moment.

  ‘Lowri looks pretty smitten, I must say,’ said Bethan.

  ‘You think she’s happy?’

  ‘God, yes. It’s a bit much, though, isn’t? Like they only have eyes for each other. Lowri hardly spoke to me.’

  Catrin smiled. She guessed that Bethan was feeling a bit jealous. ‘It’s bound to be pretty intense at this stage, love.’

  ‘Suppose so. Anyway, when’s Dad coming?’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  Before they could talk further, Catrin’s father joined them.

  ‘A dog!’ he exclaimed.

  ‘This is Safi, Dad. He’s my present from Lowri and Mark.’

  To her surprise, her father seemed to soften. He knelt down and called Safi, who went running to him.

  ‘He’s a fine little chap,’ her father said. ‘Oh, happy birthday, Catrin.’

  ‘Thanks, Dad.’

  Lowri and Mark returned.

  ‘Hi Grandad,’ Lowri said, stiffly. They eyed each other.

  ‘Glad you could come.’

  ‘It’s lovely here, Grandad.’

  ‘Your mother should have brought you before.’

  ‘She had her reasons,’ said Lowri. Catrin cringed. Lowri and her father had never got on. However, she had to admit that it was a relief to have someone on her side.

  ‘You haven’t introduced your new boyfriend,’ said Lloyd.

  ‘Haven’t had a chance. Grandad, this is Mark.’

  Mark stretched out his hand, formally. ‘Pleased to meet you, Lloyd. Lowri was showing me some photographs of your work. I loved the library you designed. It was in an American university?’

  Her father looked pleasantly surprised. ‘Oh, good. Thank you. So what do you do?’

  ‘I lecture at the university, marine biology.’

  ‘Really?’ Lloyd looked impressed.

  Catrin felt herself going red. Of course, that was where she had seen him. She worked in the kitchen at the university. Fortunately, he hadn’t recognised her. She guessed Lowri hadn’t said anything because she was too embarrassed about it.

  ‘Let me go and make coffee,’ said Catrin, and I need to get a drink for Safi. You’ll have to tell me his meal times, Lowri.’

  ‘He has two meals a day, usually after his morning and afternoon walks. He has dried food. Good quality. You know, the one we gave Lady. I brought a bag. I gave him a drink in the car, but you’re right. He needs another. I put his bowl down in the kitchen.’

  Catrin called Safi. She was impressed that he came straight to her. He seemed calmer than Lady had been. She was glad he had a different personality and colour. She would never have wanted to feel that she was trying to replace Lady, even after all these years.

  Lowri had already put water in the bowl. Safi drank thirstily. For all his quiet ways, he was a very noisy and messy drinker. Lady had always drunk neatly. Safi had splashed water everywhere. His ears were soaking wet. Lowri had put a dog bed in the kitchen. Catrin took Safi to it. He circled around in it and then, with a sigh, seemed pleased to have a rest.

  Catrin organised the drinks and biscuits. As she left the kitchen, Safi jumped up and followed her into the garden.

  ‘I think you have a new shadow,’ said Lowri.

  ‘So Mark, what do your parents do?’ asked Lloyd.

  ‘Mum is a teacher. Dad is a jeweller.’

  ‘His father owns a chain of jewellery shops, actually,’ said Lowri.

  Catrin put her coffee down and sat on the grass with Safi.

  She saw Mark give Lowri a nod, as if encouraging her to say something, but Lowri gave a quick shake of her head. Catrin wondered what they were keeping from her. It hurt. She and Lowri had always been so close.

  Catrin sipped her coffee. It was Mark who spoke next.

  ‘So, how are you celebrating your birthday?’ he asked.

  ‘I expect I shall cook us something tonight.’

  ‘When is Dad coming?’ asked Lowri.

  ‘Later today, I hope. Though I haven’t heard from him yet.’

  ‘God, he is hopeless.’

  ‘He’s just busy, love.’

  Lowri sat forward, grinning.

  ‘You know, Mum. I‘ve just had a great idea.’

  Chapter Twelve

  Catrin could see the excitement in Lowri’s eyes.

  ‘What’s your idea, then?’

  ‘Why don’t we all go out Mum, for
a change?’

  ‘I don’t know.’

  ‘Come on, our treat,’ Lowri said, smiling at Mark.

  ‘No. You can’t do that. You’ve spent far too much already.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter. We could go to the pub here. It looks OK.’

  Lloyd interrupted. To Catrin’s surprise, he said, ‘Good idea, Lowri. I’ll pay. I haven’t bought Catrin a present. This can be it.’

  Catrin looked at her father. ‘Well, thank you, Dad. That would be really nice.’

  ‘Good. I’ll go and ring and book us a decent table.’

  ‘I’ll send Gareth a text: make sure he’s here in time.’

  Gareth replied by text: ‘Still tied up but will be there by six.’

  Catrin, relieved to find he was still coming, went to make lunch.

  After they had eaten, Catrin sat out in the garden with Safi sat at her feet. It had cooled down. There was a refreshing breeze coming off the sea. Everyone else was inside watching the Olympics. Safi was in the shade under the table, apparently content to be with Catrin.

  Lowri came out. ‘Fancy a walk?’

  Catrin looked up, pleasantly surprised. ‘Of course. Is Mark coming?’ She tried to sound bright.

  ‘He wants to watch the sport. No, it’s just me. Want to talk with you, Mum, and I’ve something exciting to tell you.’

  ‘Fine. Well I’ll pack up some water and a bowl for Safi.’

  Catrin and Lowri plastered themselves with sun cream, found hats and sun glasses and took water for themselves as well. Catrin was struck with how much work hot sunny days could be, and even more so now that she had a dog again. However, she didn’t mind; it felt normal. They walked at a gentle pace.

  ‘Which way then, Mum?’

  ‘We cross the road, then down through the fields.’

  ‘It’s great here. Shame Grandad is selling the house. I’d have liked to come here more.’

  ‘I’m sorry I didn’t bring you here as a child.’

  ‘That’s alright. It must have been hard coming back, and you and Dad took us on lots of lovely holidays.’

  Catrin felt herself relaxing. It was lovely to have some time with Lowri like this. Safi had obviously been walked on a lead before and was happy smelling the heather.

  ‘How are you then? What’s the news?’

  Catrin saw Lowri hesitate.

  ‘What is it? Tell me.’

  ‘Before I do, Mum, is everything all right with Dad?’

  ‘He works too much but, apart from that, yes. Why?’

  ‘It’s just I bumped into him at the hospital. I tried to chat, but he seemed to be in a rush to get away. It was all a bit odd. He was with that nurse, Carol, from the surgery.’

  ‘Oh, they’re doing the research together. She’s very bright, hoping to qualify as a doctor eventually.’

  ‘She’s very pretty.’

  ‘I suppose she is. This research has really pushed Dad, though. You know how conscientious he is. I don’t know when he was last home before nine. He’s off before six each morning. You know, he fell asleep at the surgery the other day.’

  ‘Mum, that’s awful.’

  ‘I know, but you know your father. If I nag him he seems to get even more stressed.’

  ‘He’s a perfectionist. I know that.’

  ‘He’s always been like that. It’s good for his patients though. You know, the ones registered with the other doctors in the surgery always ask to see him if they can.’

  ‘I met someone at the hospital who knew him, a consultant. He spoke ever so highly of Dad. He said he was that rare combination of a doctor who was very clever but who also had great compassion.’

  ‘He is quite something, isn’t he? I’m very proud of him.’

  ‘But you never see him, Mum.’

  ‘I know, but I don’t expect him to put me before his work. It wouldn’t be right.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘I’ve always thought that.’

  ‘I guess you have. Well, tell me, what do you think of Mark?’

  Catrin smiled, pleased that her opinion still mattered.

  ‘He seems very fond of you, which is what matters to me.’

  ‘He is, Mum. I’ve never known anyone so caring, and he’s always asking me what I want to do, if I’m comfortable, happy. We both come home shattered, yet he usually cooks.’

  ‘You stay there a lot. You ought to bring him round. He can stay any time.’

  ‘I know, Mum, but he owns the flat. He bought it last year when he was promoted.’

  ‘That’s great. So how old is he?’

  Lowri grinned. ‘He’s thirty.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘It’s only a few years older than me.’

  ‘Has he been married?’

  ‘God, no. Too busy peering at things under microscopes or traipsing along beaches counting things.’

  ‘So how did you meet?’

  ‘At a party. You know, I’m hopeless at them. I went out into the garden and saw this chap picking up stones and looking at insects. Our first conversation was about woodlice. Very interesting, actually.’

  ‘Well, I’m really pleased for you. By the way, he didn’t seem to recognise me. That was lucky.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I see him at work. He comes into the staff canteen.’

  ‘Oh, right. You know, it never crossed my mind. You change jobs so often. Anyway, I lose track.’

  ‘I do something for a while, and then I get bored. I applied. It’s less hours, and you know I can go to all sorts there. I go to odd open lectures, use the library. It’s fun. I’m teaching myself about the Tudors at the moment.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, it’s interesting.’

  ‘And the work?’

  ‘It’s alright. Some nice people there. I’m sorry Jo is leaving, though. We had a do for her the other night. Her marriage has broken down. She’d been married thirty years. Anyway, she’s moving to Spain to live by her daughter, start again. It’s a shame. She was doing an Open University degree, but she said she can’t afford to do it now.’

  ‘Dad used to say you should do some kind of degree or something.’

  ‘I expect he’d like to be able to tell all his clever friends I was doing something like that. I’m sure it’s why he turns down all the social things. I mean, most of the doctors are married to other doctors or lawyers or something.’

  ‘Well, I know you’re clever, Mum. You’ve always been able to help me with my homework, tell me about things. Remember, you always took me and Bethan to the museum and art galleries.’

  ‘We had some great trips, didn’t we? So, you and Mark: you think that could last? Is this what the news is about?’

  ‘We’re not getting married, if that’s what you’re thinking.’

  ‘Oh, right.’

  ‘Mind you, his mother would like that. She understands, though, we’re not ready. In fact she’s very excited about our plans. She said they’d help.’

  ‘Hang on. You’ve met his mother?’

  ‘Oh, just a few times.’

  ‘But he hasn’t been to us?’

  ‘Sorry, Mum. I know what things have been like with Bethan: A levels, applying for uni. Well, you know.’

  ‘It would still be nice to see you sometimes.’

  ‘OK. Well, he’s come today. Give us all time to get to know each other.’

  ‘So, do you get on with his parents?’ Catrin asked, still feeling hurt.

  ‘Great. We’ve been out for a few meals. They gave Mark a holiday in Paris for his birthday. It was wonderful.’

  ‘You’ve been away. When?’ Catrin was shocked. She had never felt so out of touch with her daughter.

  Lowri looked embarrassed. ‘It was nothing, Mum. Just a few days at Easter.’

  ‘But you said you were working over Easter.’

  ‘I didn’t want you to worry. Anyway, Mark’s Mum is so lovely. You know, she only has sons, so she likes having anoth
er woman around.’

  ‘Is she my age?’

  ‘Bit younger. She married young. She’s very successful at her work. She’s a head teacher.’

  ‘Gosh. That’s impressive: clever woman.’

  ‘She is. Mind you, she can be a bit bossy.’ Lowri linked her arm through her mother’s. Catrin knew it was a silent way of affirming her.

  ‘And Mark’s Dad? What does he do?’

  ‘He owns a chain of jewellery shops.’ Lowri looked closely at her mother. ‘Are you alright, Mum, you look a bit stressed.’

  ‘Oh, it’s coming back here. It’s not easy. I had a long talk with Bethan. She wanted to know what happened to her father, to Aled.’

  ‘He fell, out on Worm’s Head, didn’t he?’

  ‘He did go to Worm’s Head. They know that, but he fell into the sea, so actually he drowned.’

  ‘God, that’s awful. You told Bethan? Is she OK?’

  ‘She took it well, actually.’

  ‘Why ever hadn’t you told her before?’

  ‘I don’t know. I thought she’d get upset.’

  ‘Sometimes it’s better to tell people the truth, Mum.’

  ‘Maybe. Bethan has mentioned about wanting to walk out to Worm’s Head, see where Aled died.’

  ‘That might be a good thing for her.’

  ‘But why? Why go there? It will be so hard to see where he was the night he died, imagine things–’

  ‘I think it might be harder for you than for Bethan, Mum.’

  Catrin shrugged. ‘Maybe. I try not to think about it, you see.’

  ‘That’s not always the best way to handle things you know–’

  Catrin felt herself go red. ‘I didn’t tell Bethan I’d seen her mother either. I hadn’t spoken to her, but I did see her at the party that night.’

  ‘Oh, Mum. You should have told her.’

  Catrin looked away. ‘I just wanted to protect her.’

  Lowri sighed. ‘I know, but I guess she has been trying to imagine her mother. I know I would.’

  ‘I didn’t mean to upset her.’

  ‘I’m not saying you did it on purpose, but you don’t like to talk about things, do you? I see the way you veer off from anything difficult.’