Hidden Chapters

by Mary Grand

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘I’m sorry, but he didn’t. He was very upset about it.’

  Catrin scowled. ‘I think you must be confused. No, he definitely wanted to get married. He’d have been a wonderful father,’

  Elizabeth opened her mouth to speak, but stopped herself.

  ‘By the way,’ said Catrin, missing the hesitation, ‘Did you know that he had a row with my mother? Have you any idea what that was about?’

  ‘Maybe something to do with money.’

  ‘Money?’

  ‘Yes, he said she was, well I won’t say his actual words, but he said it was terrible that his own mother wouldn’t help him.’

  ‘Help him with what?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ Elizabeth was looking around, fidgeting.

  ‘What did he say?’

  Elizabeth frowned. ‘I can’t remember. I fell. I blacked out.’

  Catrin shook her head with irritation.

  ‘Look, it’s not my place to tell you this. Ask your father. He knows.’

  Catrin realised Elizabeth wasn’t going to tell her anything else.

  She sighed and asked, ‘So what was it you wanted to ask me?’

  ‘I’ve been really lucky. I’ve managed to get tickets for a band I know Bethan would really like to see.’

  ‘Oh, really? When is it for?’

  ‘Tomorrow afternoon, the London Festival Hall. I was hoping it would be alright with you for me to take Bethan up with me tonight to stay at my house, and go to the concert.’

  Elizabeth watched Catrin’s smile fade into a frown. She had expected Catrin to be nervous. She was, after all, a very clingy woman, but nothing had prepared her for Catrin’s reaction.

  ‘No. No way is Bethan going away. You kept her out really late last night. And what were you doing taking her to a cocktail bar?’

  ‘I didn’t let her drink. It was fine. And this is only one night.’

  ‘Yesterday, you took her off for the day and spent all that money on her, and now you’re proposing to cart her off to London. Well, the answer is ‘No’. No way is she going away with you.’

  Elizabeth sat up straight. ‘Look, Catrin. What harm can it do? Be reasonable. Bethan will love it. You can come as well if you want to, although I’ve only got two tickets for the concert.’

  ‘Of course I can’t come. Bethan would hate that. It’s not like she’s a child.’

  ‘Exactly. You need to let go a bit, Catrin.’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with that. Bethan is my responsibility, and I am saying ‘No’.’

  ‘But that’s ridiculous.’

  ‘I don’t care what you think.’

  ‘So, does Bethan get a say in this?’

  Elizabeth saw Catrin cross her arms tightly, her mouth clamped shut, defiant. But there were tears in her eyes.

  ‘Look, Catrin, I haven’t come to take Bethan away from you. I mean, I couldn’t if I tried. You’re her mother, but have you any idea what her birthdays are usually like for me? I spend them crying, grieving. Let me spoil her just this once. I thought Bethan would hate me, but she doesn’t. I’ll be back in work next week, but at least I can see her a bit before that.’

  ‘But you can’t just drop in for a week in her life and then forget about her again. That’s not fair. What do you plan after this?’

  ‘Why do we need plans?’

  ‘For God’s sake. You sound like Bethan, but you’re not eighteen. You’re an adult. You should behave like one.’

  Elizabeth froze with anger. ‘How dare you speak to me like that? How can you be so condescending?’

  At this point, Bethan walked into the garden. She was wearing new jeans and a new top.

  ‘Elizabeth, you’re here. I didn’t know,’ she said. Looking at Catrin she asked, ‘Is something the matter, Mum?’

  Elizabeth waited. She wondered what Catrin was going to do. She was surprised when Catrin explained exactly what Elizabeth had proposed.

  ‘The thing is, Bethan I don’t think you should go.’

  ‘But why? Mum, it would be so exciting to see Elizabeth’s house, and it would be fantastic to see the band.’

  ‘You’ve heard of them then?’

  ‘Yes. The lead guitarist is Deaf. The band collaborate and experiment to write songs that are authentically from the perspective of Deaf musicians. They experiment with all kinds of sounds and vibrations. Their aim is to reach both Deaf and hearing audiences. Mum, they are a one off. I really should hear them. I’ve seen them on YouTube, but they’ve been sold out for months.’

  ‘Elizabeth, how on earth did you get tickets?’

  ‘We were just lucky. Maybe they were a cancellation.’

  ‘That’s amazing. Please Mum. Let me go. Please say ‘Yes’.’

  Elizabeth could see that Catrin was starting to weaken.

  ‘Look, I have my phone–’

  ‘There’s the audition–’

  ‘I’ll have her back late Thursday night,’ said Elizabeth. ‘We’ll come straight out of the concert and drive back.’

  ‘Mum. It’s one night, please.’

  Elizabeth took out her phone. ‘This is my house.’ She handed the phone to Catrin, who scrolled through the pictures. ‘Bethan can text you as often as she wants. As I say, if you, or Lowri, want to come, that would be fine.’

  Catrin sat back and sighed. ‘Well, I suppose it would be OK.’

  Bethan kissed her mother, then ran inside quickly, threw some things in a bag, and was back before Catrin could change her mind.

  Lloyd came out into the garden. ‘What’s all this noise about? Oh, Elizabeth–’

  ‘I’m going to London. We’re going to stay away for a night at Elizabeth’s,’ said Bethan, breathlessly.

  ‘What?’ Lloyd looked at Catrin.

  ‘I said she could go, Dad.’

  ‘Really? I don’t think that is on. What about the audition?’’

  ‘We’ll be back tomorrow night,’ explained Bethan.

  ‘Now, hang on,’ said Lloyd. ‘You need to practice for your audition.’

  ‘I think Bethan has a right to spend a day with Elizabeth,’ said Catrin. ‘I have her phone number and address. Elizabeth, I think it is best if you just go now.’

  Elizabeth was surprised, but also impressed, at Catrin standing up to her father.

  ‘Well, OK. Fine. Good. OK, Bethan?’

  Bethan hugged Catrin. ‘Love you, Mum.’

  Elizabeth looked down. It hurt. She knew it shouldn’t, but it did nevertheless.

  ‘Love you too,’ said Catrin, tears in her eyes.

  ‘But–’ began Lloyd.

  ‘No, Dad. Leave it,’ shouted Catrin.

  He stopped. He looked stunned at her outburst.

  ‘What?’

  ‘I said, leave it, Dad. Bethan is going.’

  Elizabeth looked over at Bethan, who grinned.

  ‘Come on, then. We’ll have to walk down to the B & B. My car is back there. I’ll have to let Angela know I’ll be away for a night.’

  Catrin watched them leave the garden, then heard the front door slam. Lloyd turned on her, and, grabbing her arm, said, ‘If we lose her, you’re to blame.’

  Catrin shook him off, and sat back down on the chair. Her father stormed into the house. Safi jumped up on to her lap. She sat stroking his ears and he cuddled into her. She was sure there were things Elizabeth wasn’t telling her. She was also worried about Bethan going off. Had she made the wrong decision? She hardly knew Elizabeth, but how could she have said ‘no’? She turned her phone on and immediately she saw that she had missed a message from Gareth. It read:

  ‘Ring me, it’s urgent. Gareth.’

  Chapter Twenty Five

  Catrin looked at her phone again. The message had been sent at six that morning. She stared at the phone. She tried ringing Gareth back, and sent a text, but he didn’t respond. What else could she do?

  Lowri appeared from the house.

  ‘Alright, Mum?’

>   ‘Fine,’ Catrin said automatically, trying to smile.

  ‘I saw Bethan going off with Elizabeth.’

  Catrin explained what had happened. ‘I hope I did the right thing letting her go. Do you think she’s alright?’

  ‘I’m sure she is. She’s growing up, you know.’

  ‘She’s not eighteen yet.’

  ‘She will be a week Saturday. She’ll keep in touch. Bethan and I looked up stuff about Elizabeth online. It’s surprising how much is out there when you have a name. We even found pictures of the school she’d been to and everything.’

  ‘Good God. You both know a lot more about her than I do.’

  ‘She seems OK. Very materialistic, though. Still, I don’t think that will bother Bethan.’

  Catrin was about to go inside to phone Gareth, when Lowri said, awkwardly, ‘The thing is, Mum, there’s something I need to talk to you about.’

  Catrin was torn. She was desperate to know what was the matter with Gareth. On the other hand, Lowri so seldom asked for her time that it didn’t feel right to put her off. She sat back in her seat.

  ‘Of course. What’s it about?’

  Lowri scratched the end of her nose, a nervous habit she’d had since childhood.

  ‘It’s OK. You can tell me.’

  ‘OK. Well, I have been thinking of taking a year out of my medical studies.’

  ‘Gosh, really? Are you allowed to do that?’

  ‘Well, it’s not encouraged, but I have heard of people doing it. Someone recently went to America. She worked as a phlebotomist for a year.’

  ‘Went abroad? You’d want to do that?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘But why take a break? It’ll make your training even longer.’

  ‘I know. But the thing is, Mum, I’m really tired. It was full on getting the grades at A levels, and it’s been so intense since. I need to stop. I need to know this is the right thing for me.’

  ‘So you could give up?’

  ‘I don’t think so, but I need a break from study.’

  ‘Gosh. Have you talked to Dad about this?’

  ‘I have. He seemed to think it was a good idea.’

  ‘And have you talked to the university?’

  ‘Just put out feelers. I think they might let me do it next year.’

  ‘And you’d go abroad?’

  ‘Yes. I’d like to go to a developing country. I could get funding for that from a charity.’

  ‘It’s a huge thing and, well, it could be dangerous. Some of these places are unstable. You could get ill.’

  ‘I would be careful, Mum. It’s just, if I don’t do it now, when will I?’

  ‘What about Mark?’

  ‘I don’t know. He might be able to come. He was thinking about it. He has asked if he could have a year’s sabbatical.’

  ‘You’re that serious?’

  ‘I think so, yes.’

  Catrin saw her blush.

  ‘It would be exciting, Mum.’

  ‘You’d be gone for a whole year?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘You might want to go back again when you’ve finished training?’

  ‘Possibly. I really don’t know. What do you think?’

  Catrin looked at her daughter: her face alight. She saw an excitement and a youthfulness she hadn’t seen for a long time.

  ‘I think, love, that you should go for it.’

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Lowri, I’d love you to live next door to me for the rest of my life, but that’s not right for you, is it? You should go and do this if that is where your heart is.’

  Lowri hugged her mother.

  ‘Oh, thank you, Mum. I’ll tell Mark. He’ll be so pleased.’

  At that moment, there was a shout from the pavement outside. It came from David and Anwen. They came into the garden.

  ‘Hi. How are you all?’ asked Anwen.

  ‘Come in for coffee,’ shouted Lowri. ‘I’ve got some exciting news.’

  They came into the garden. David approached Lowri, who started to tell him all about her plans. Anwen, however, hung back. She looked at Catrin, who was looking at her phone.

  ‘Are you OK?’

  ‘It’s been a stressful morning, so far.’

  ‘Good to see Lowri looking so happy.’

  ‘Yes. The thing is, I’ve had a strange message from Gareth.’

  Catrin handed her the phone.

  ‘Whatever is the matter?’

  ‘I don’t know. I wonder if it’s his sister, Jill. Maybe she’s ill. I can’t get through to him.’

  ‘Why didn’t he say?’

  ‘I don’t know. I have no idea what the matter is. I have so much I need to talk to him about, and he never answers his bloody phone. Look, I’m just going inside. I need to have a bit of space to think.’

  Catrin left the others in the garden and went into the house, closely followed by Safi. She took herself upstairs, sat on the edge of her bed, and tried to calm down. She tried ringing Gareth again, but again his phone went through to voicemail. She tried the house, but the same happened there. There was a quiet knock at the door. Anwen came in.

  ‘You don’t have to talk, but is there anything I could do to help?’

  Catrin shook her head. ‘No, it’s OK.’

  ‘I don’t think it is.’

  Catrin sighed and found herself telling Anwen about Bethan, her father, and Gareth.

  ‘God, families eh?’ said Anwen. ‘Can’t live with them, can’t live without the beggars.’

  Catrin smiled faintly. ‘Quite. It’s been one thing after another: Bethan and Elizabeth; Lowri going away. In the old days Gareth and I would work together on all this. But lately, I feel like I have to do everything on my own. I don’t know what the matter is.’

  ‘You and Gareth need to talk, particularly with this message.’

  ‘I’ve been trying to, but he won’t answer.’

  ‘Maybe you need to talk face to face.’

  ‘I would if he would come back here.’

  ‘Well, you could always go there.’

  ‘Oh, no. I can’t leave.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Well, what if Bethan needs me?’

  ‘You said she’s gone off with Elizabeth. She has her phone, and we are all here. She can phone you any time. It’s really not far to Cardiff, you know.’

  ‘But Safi–’

  ‘Why not leave him here with us? He could even come and stay if you need to be away for the night. It would be lovely to have him,’ said Anwen.

  Catrin frowned. ‘Well–’

  ‘Seriously, I know what I’m doing with dogs. I love them.’

  ‘You have cats–’

  ‘They’ll be fine. Really, I’d love it. You can just come and get him when you’re back. Give me your mobile number.’

  Catrin gave it to her.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘Go on. You go and find Gareth.’

  ‘But Dad, Lowri–’

  ‘I’ll sort all them out. You could do with getting dressed,’ said Anwen, smiling.

  ‘Oh, God. I’m still in my pyjamas.’

  ‘It’s alright, but maybe not for travelling. You just go, OK? We’ll all be fine.’

  Catrin felt enormously relieved that someone else for once seemed to take over.

  ‘Thank you so much,’ she said.

  Anwen left her to get ready.

  Catrin showered, dressed, and packed a few things in case she needed to stay away for a night, although she hardly needed to as she would be at home. She went downstairs. Anwen looked out of the kitchen window.

  ‘They’re all in the garden. I’m making coffee.’

  ‘Will you tell Dad where I’ve gone?’

  ‘Fine. Off you go.’

  Catrin was enormously grateful that she didn’t need to speak to anyone. She smiled gratefully at Anwen and left the house.

  It was another beautiful morning. As she drove over the downs, the view over Gowe
r was stunning. The sun on the heather highlighted blues and purples. The yellow gorse shone. By the time she reached the major roads they were getting busy. Her mind was trying to sift through the possibilities of the message from Gareth. Maybe he was lying dying in hospital after a car crash? Maybe his sister was ill, or had been in an accident? Why hadn’t he said, though? Maybe he was at home in bed ill? What else could it be? Maybe he was leaving her? It was possible. What would she do? She’d be alone, and know he was with someone else, that he’d chosen someone else over her. On a practical level, how would she look after herself? Catrin put the radio on to try and stop her mind building and knocking down Jenga towers of scenarios but, as hard as she tried, she couldn’t stop her mind racing.

  Elizabeth had driven over the downs out of Gower. Now that she had won the battle, she was nervous. Suddenly, Bethan was her responsibility, and it frightened her. Of course, Bethan wasn’t a child but, sitting next to her in the car, she suddenly looked very young. Elizabeth was also growing more aware of the shortcomings in her communication skills. She had guessed that yesterday she had signed some things wrong and had also found it far more tiring than she cared to admit. It was why she had suggested the cinema: at least she could just sit there. Still, it was just going to be the concert. Nothing more. It was also very tempting to show Bethan her life in London, what she had made of herself. She wanted Bethan to be impressed with her. It was only one night: there was no reason they should meet anyone. Then she would take Bethan back to her family. Bethan would understand about not visiting her in London again. She liked Bethan. She was older, more grown up than Elizabeth had expected, and it had been great fun shopping yesterday.

  ‘Mum and Grandad won’t mind too much, will they?’ Bethan asked.

  Elizabeth glanced at her. She suddenly looked younger again, here away from her family.

  ‘Oh, no.’

  ‘I don’t want to hurt them.’

  ‘They’ll be OK.’

  Elizabeth turned on Radio Four. Bethan groaned.

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘Well, I can’t hear most of what they’re saying, and what I understand is boring. But don’t worry. I’ll listen to my iPod.’

  They drove on in silence.

  Elizabeth eventually pulled in at one of the services. She ordered them both coffees without asking Bethan. As she put down the drink, Bethan asked, ‘Can I have a cold drink?’