Tactical Heart

by S. K. Rose

  Before I have time to mourn what felt like a goodbye, the lead official from EkoTek is clapping my shoulder. A golden trophy sits cradled in his arms.

  “Welcome aboard, son.”

  27

  Scarlett

  It’s not until I step outside of the warehouse that I let the emotions I’ve choked back well to the surface. My knees wobble as I walk toward my car; Wren and Julie are talking, but I can’t understand what they’re saying. All I hear are two words spinning around in my head.

  You lost.

  You lost. You lost. You’re nothing, you lost.

  I drop to the curb and hide my face in my hands.

  “Oh Scar, you did so good. You should be proud, sweetheart.” Julie’s soft voice is in my ear.

  “Dude, she’s right. You kicked major ass,” Wren chimes in.

  But they don’t understand. Everything is ruined.

  Kane hates me for some reason, that much was clear in his venomous words. Something changed from last night to today, and I can’t figure out what. No, that’s not true, is it? It’s because I kept pushing him away, and he finally got sick of it.

  Mom is cutting me off; I have no idea where I’ll live or how I’ll afford school.

  Everything is falling apart because I failed at the only thing I thought I was good at.

  “Scarlett Mavis, get up off that filthy ground.”

  My head whips up at the sharp voice.

  “Mom?”

  What the hell is she even doing here?

  As far as I know, nobody told her when or where this competition would take place. Let alone the fact that she has audibly made it clear how much she hates anything related to video games.

  “Up, up.” She motions for me to stand, and warily, I do.

  “Mom, please, I can’t deal with this right now,” I plead, lip quivering.

  “Strangest thing, a very handsome boy visited me at my work yesterday.”

  My face scrunches in confusion. “Wha...?”

  She shushes me with a stern look. “Let me talk. Now, although he was handsome, he was also quite rude. Telling me about how talented my daughter was, that I needed to quote ‘pull my head out of my ass’ and come see you compete today, so I would understand you better.”

  What th—did Kane go and see her?

  “That’s right, this stranger implied I didn’t know my own daughter. Ridiculous. Ridiculous and yet...completely true.” Her bottom lip trembles, a sign of weakness I’ve never seen her show before. “The Scarlett I saw in that room, she reminded me so much of her father. Full of passion and excitement. I won’t pretend to understand what was happening on that screen, it was all gibberish, but it made me realize it is not just a childish pastime. I wanted you to follow in my footsteps, Scarlett, and that was wrong. You are your father’s daughter, too, with my determination and his raw creativity, you were born to forge your own path.”

  She takes a deep breath and takes my hand in her own. I open my mouth, but no sound comes out. She continues with a smile.

  “I won’t always understand, but from now on, I’m going to listen instead of closing my mind and my heart like my mother always did to me. The EkoTek internship may be out, but we will find an even better company to get you into. I’ll do everything in my power to help you become a game maker...game drawing person…” she trails off, looking embarrassed.

  I laugh, and the weight of a house lifts from my shoulders.

  “Video game designer,” I croak out, and she nods feverishly.

  “Yes! That one! We just need to make a plan of success. First, re-evaluate your classes and then see about this internship business. Eventually? I’m thinking CEO of your very own company. You know I have a close friend who—”

  “Mom, stop.” I cut her off with a small smile. “I love you so much, you don’t understand how happy I am to have your support but...I’m done.”

  She looks taken aback. “You’re done?”

  I throw my hands up with a sigh. “Mom, I lost. Maybe you were right, I need to find a serious job. So what if it’s not my dream? I had to get my head out of the clouds some time right?” I blink back tears.

  Her features soften. “You got knocked down today, and what did your father always have to say about that?” I shake my head, but she presses me, “What. Did. He. Say?”

  I close my eyes, clear my mind, and let my father’s deep voice fill my thoughts. “When you get knocked down, rub dirt on your cheeks and prepare for war,” I choke out with a strangled laugh.

  She nods. “That’s right. We don’t give up. We keep fighting because that’s the Mavis way. We are warriors, my dear.”

  With that, my mother wraps her arms around me and gives me the first real hug in years. I drop my face into her neck and hug her back tightly.

  A deep voice calls out from behind us.

  “I hate to interrupt, but I was wondering if I could talk to Miss RedWyrm for a moment.” A stoic man in a dark suit stands beside the car.

  I break away from Mom and make my way over to him. “That would be me.” I keep my back straight, and my chin high. Failure sits like a pit in my stomach, but I won’t let it show. I may have lost, but I played a damn good game, and nothing can take that away from me.

  “You were quite impressive back there; I can see how you’ve kept on top in the leaderboards for so long.”

  “I—thank you, sir.” This guy looks familiar, but he wasn’t one of the officials from inside.

  “Next year, we’ll have another internship position opening. Now, it won’t be paid, and it won’t be glamorous, but if you’re interested…”

  “Yes!” I shout, then snap my mouth shut in embarrassment. “I mean, it would be an honor, sir.”

  His face cracks into a smile. “Well, Miss Wyrm, keep those grades up, and we will see you soon.”

  As soon as the man is out of earshot, everyone starts talking at once.

  “Smart, smart man,” Mom says with an approving smile.

  Julie clings to me. “Oh my god, oh my god, Scar, I told you they would love you.” She squeals as she squeezes the breath out of me.

  Wren claps my shoulder with a grin. “This calls for a celebration, you lucky bastard. Also, how does he know about your grades? Damn, he’s got tabs on you, girl.”

  As if noticing him for the first-time, mother gives Wren a shrewd once over.

  “My dear, I have no idea who you are, but you desperately need a haircut.”

  Julie falls into me laughing as Wren’s face sours.

  “Mom, this is Wren. You know my online friend I used to tell you about all the time.”

  “I never approved.” She sniffs. “He could have been anyone. I’m glad to see he turned out to be...relatively normal and not some psychopath.”

  “No worries, ma’am, I made sure to take all my meds this morning.” Wren flashes her a predatory smile.

  I smack him in the arm, unable to hide the smile on my face. “Cut it out.” I turn back to my scowling mom when it hits me. I did recognize that man; he was on the cover of my favorite gaming magazines last month.

  “Holy shit! That was the CEO who was just talking to me, guys.”

  Wren’s eyes widen. “The CEO of EkoTek? Seriously?”

  Dazed, I nod slowly. I caught the eye of the fucking CEO.

  “Okay, this definitely calls for a celebration,” says Julie. “Plus, I’m starving, how about we find a nice place for dinner?”

  Kane’s voice is ringing in my ears. “This competition is on, but me and you? It’s game over.” I guess that means our dinner is off the table.

  Guess that means everything is off the table.

  “Yeah,” I croak out. “Dinner sounds good.”

  28

  Scarlett

  Spring break couldn’t have come at a better time. A few days after the competition, the school semester came to an end, and I was granted two weeks of freedom.

  Kane was...dust in the wind.

  I texted him
a few times, no response. I passed him in Tactical Heart, and he would blip out of existence. After the competition, everything was supposed to be less complicated, open the door for us. Instead, it slammed shut, and I was stranded in the dark, wondering what the hell happened. I racked my mind for days trying to figure out what I did wrong. It couldn’t have been me pushing him away; the stubborn bastard never minded before...right?

  He won the internship for fuck’s sake; if anything, I should be the salty one.

  I’ve lied to Nessa and Jules, Mom and Wren. I’ve lied to everyone, but try as I might, I can’t fool myself. I’m not okay, I’m not over him, and it does hurt like a bitch. More than Dylan calling me a worm and Cody sticking his dick in an entire sorority. More than every guy who lost interest in dating me because I was “geeky” or “abrasive.”

  That stupid nerd grew on me, and damn if I don’t miss him like crazy. So with a cracked heart and wounded pride, the plan was to spend spring break with my two good friends, Jack and Captain Morgan.

  Two days deep into my “cleansing,” Mom decided it was time for a family vacation. Julie will never confess, but I know her ass snitched on me. Begrudgingly, I admitted it was exactly what I needed. Mom set us all up in a fancy resort and the three of us spent our days tanning at the beach.

  Whoever said money doesn’t buy happiness has never had an oiled up Fabio give them a deep tissue massage.

  The relationship with my mother hasn’t magically fixed itself overnight. It’s still awkward talking about certain topics, like two strangers trying to pretend they aren’t strangers. It’s going to take time, but for the first time, we have a dialogue going that doesn’t end with me getting defensive or her saying she’s disappointed. She seems genuinely excited to help me with my career path, and I’m not too stubborn to realize I’m still young and could use the help of someone who’s been successful for over forty years.

  We got back yesterday, with only a few days left until classes start back up again. Nessa is still in Puerto Rico visiting family, so I’ll have the dorm to myself. Huzzah!

  Lugging my suitcase over my shoulder, I open the door and breathe a sigh of relief. It’s good to be home. Nessa’s clothes are strewn across her side of the room, and I swear there’s a purple vibrator on her bed, but I refuse to give it a closer look.

  Closing the door and dropping my luggage, I fly to my computer and wrap my arms around the monitor. “I missed you so much, sweetheart. Mama didn’t mean to be gone for so long.” I stroke the plastic lovingly before I move on to my headset and keyboard, making sure all my children receive attention. When I pull my hand back, I catch a glimpse of silver.

  My dragon ring that Kane gave me on our first date. It’s quite ridiculous that I’m still wearing it; he certainly had no problems taking off his. I close my eyes and take a couple deep breaths, trying to remember some of the cliché mantras I’ve been told.

  I don’t need a man.

  I’m a strong, independent woman.

  Everything happens for a reason.

  Don’t cry over spilt milk.

  Ugh. I don’t even know what that last one means. Who the hell cries over milk? A bitch that’s who.

  Well, I’m done crying over Kane Decker. It’s a new semester, and if I play my cards right, I’ll still be able to intern at EkoTek before I graduate.

  So it’s time to put the past in the past and smile big at the future.

  Swallowing, I slide the silver ring off my finger and drop it into my desk drawer without a second look.

  Powering up my computer, I log into Tactical Heart for the first time since I left for the resort a week and a half ago. Right after the competition, I had a flood of friend requests in the game. I may not have won, but I was apparently a big hit.

  In the top right corner, a little envelope is glowing green. Someone sent me a private message. I hover the mouse over the envelope, hesitating, before I click it.

  Maybe it’s…

  No. It’s not him, don’t be foolish.

  I click on the envelope, and much to my surprise, I don’t have just one unread message, but about sixty.

  What the shit?

  I click on the oldest one and read it quickly.

  “RedWyrm, I just watched u on EkoTek Live and u were AWESOME. All the boys tell me im a girl so I cant be as good as them but now I know I can b awesome just like u. U ROCK!!”

  I click and open the next message.

  “OMG!! Not only did you get into the competition but you won second place and wiped all the rest of those guys out. You’re inspiring as hell, thank you for showing the gaming world that gamer girls aren’t to be messed with!”

  Most of the messages are from females, all along the same idea. My heart swells with a confusing mix of emotions as I read through them. Some were bullied like me, others have kept their gaming a secret, but all of them have struggled in one way or another as a girl gamer. They watched the competition and found me...inspiring.

  Many have hashtags written at the end; after a quick online search, I realize #whosarealgamernowbitch and #realgamer were both trending with videos of girls winning matches or kicking ass in different games.

  I sink back into the chair in amazement. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could make this kind of impact by just, well, being me. Gamer chicks all over the world are feeling more confident in being their nerdy selves because I whooped ass with no apology.

  A growing smile splits across my face.

  How can I be upset about losing when this was the outcome? In this small way, I made a positive impact on women and girls like me, and that’s worth a hundred trophies.

  Fuck it, I’m going to celebrate tonight. Tactical Heart can wait one more night; I’m fairly sure it won’t kill me. I rummage around my top desk drawer and pull out my fake ID with a yell of victory. I only have a few months until I turn twenty-one, but Nessa made sure I would be able to go with her before that. I don’t get the urge to go to a club very often, but something about loud music, poor lighting, and idiots buying me free drinks is so appealing right now.

  I pull on the tiniest black mini skirt I can find in Nessa’s closest, a white shirt that shows off my tight stomach, and my favorite knee-high boots. Using my straightener, I put some loose curls in my red hair and apply a touch of makeup.

  Standing in front of Nessa’s floor length mirror, I place a finger on my right ass cheek and make a hissing sound.

  “This nerd is too hot to handle,” I inform my smirking reflection.

  Grabbing my black studded purse and my keys, I skip out the door. There’s a strip of bars and clubs near campus that everyone and their mom goes to, I might even see a friend. God, Nessa is gonna be pissed when she finds out I did this without having to be dragged, and more importantly, without her.

  It may be a week night, but everywhere is packed with students. Everyone’s filtering back in from break and ready for one last night of fun. I hone in on a club that has actual fog pouring out of the doors. That shit looks like an asthma attack waiting to happen, and I’m so ready.

  I step into line, but a bulky bodyguard swoops in on me right away. His deep voice is gravelly, “Just you?”

  I throw up my hands. “Don’t rub it in, man,” I joke and flash him a flirty smile.

  Nothing. Not a smile, not an eyebrow raise, not a hint of amusement. His face is set like a damn stone, a permanent scowl. I’m actually concerned a smile would make his face crack and crumble into dust.

  “This way.” I pass the long line of people and am led directly into the entrance.

  I put a strut in my step, a little sway to my hips. “Damn, Stoney, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.” The bodyguard doesn’t even bat an eye. Crossing his arms, he leans against a wall, eyes scanning the crowded club.

  I pat his arm with a sigh. “You’ll warm up to me, big guy.”

  Leaning across the bar, I order a Seven and Seven cocktail and a Washington Apple shot. Flipping around to
lean on the counter, I watch the mass of drunk people making fools of themselves on the dance floor. A few more drinks in me, and I’ll happily be one of those fools.

  Once I’ve thrown back the shot, I grab my drink and move to the outdoor patio and lean over a tall cocktail table. There’s a heated lamp close by, and the waves of warmth feel good as hell.

  Not even five minutes of people watching and a glass full of dark liquid is slammed down before me. Looking into the eyes of a stranger, I tilt my head.

  “Can I help you?” I ask lazily. He’s tanned, well built, but looks like a damn teenager. Aren’t they supposed to be carding people? Although they didn’t card me…

  The man child grins. “You looked lonely, thought I would get you a drink.”

  With the tip of my finger, I push the glass toward the edge of the table and away from me. “While I’m sure rohypnol adds something special to the taste, I’m gonna have to pass.”

  His youthful face scrunches in confusion. “Roh-hip-nol?”

  “Jesus, I hope you’re in school still,” I mutter before enunciating my words slowly for him. “You know. The. Date. Rape. Drug?”

  He looks taken aback. “No, no, you have the wrong idea. I would never do that to a woman. It’s just a little ecstasy,” he explains with an encouraging nod toward the drink.

  Is he fucking serious?

  I grab him by the collar of his shirt and yank him close. “You don’t offer a woman you don’t know laced drinks, you little shit. Now get out of my face or I’m going to collect your balls as a trophy and hang them in my—”

  “Problem here?” The bodyguard materializes out of thin air.

  I release the kid and turn to give him a sweet smile. “No problem, Stoney. Just teaching the kid a few manners. My civic duty really.”

  Babyface sneers and disappears into the throng of dancing people.

  “He can’t be old enough to drink,” I comment, surprised when I get a response.

  “Owner’s kid.” He shrugs.

  “Well, you should tell the owner his little party boy is running around offering laced drinks to his customers.”