The Weight of a Thousand Oceans

by Jillian Webster

  She had died, both physically and metaphorically. She has seen the beginning and the end, stretched her fingers wide across the breadth of the heavens as the soul of the earth surged through her veins. Water streamed from the depths of the oceans, enveloping her like a cocoon as it curled and twisted into the abandoned hollows of her bones, leaving her born anew. Something inside her has shifted. It feels like she has been reunited with a long-lost love, and for the first time in her entire life, she is no longer afraid.

  Laughter once again erupts from down the hall, with both men and women’s muffled voices intermingling into a messy jumble of sounds.

  Maia quietly slips back into her bed and pulls the crisp blankets up to her neck, relieved to finally be free of the needle in her hand. She smiles, basking in the glorious comfort of the plush mattress and inhaling the scent of freshly washed sheets. After sleeping for months on a cold floor in the musty basement of a ship, a rotting island made of plastic, and a netted bundle of bins and driftwood, she can rightly admit—never has a bed been more comfortable.

  A sliver of light streams in from beneath her door, along with wafts of roasting meat. Her mouth waters. She reaches out to touch the cool metal of the bedside lamp beside her and a harsh, artificial light bursts forward. Shielding her eyes, she swipes at the lamp’s base until she is once again blanketed in darkness.

  Peeling back the sheets, she slides out of bed and plucks Lucas’s sweater from the end of the cot. She pulls it over her gown and heads for the door.

  Following the scent of roasting meat, she shuffles towards the end of the narrow corridor. She slides the pocket door open. A dozen strangers huddled around a crowded kitchen table simultaneously look up at her.

  “Maia, hello,” Claire says warmly.

  The man next to her stands, his enthusiasm similar to the men of the Northern Tribe. Maia fights the urge to recoil.

  As Lucas stands from the opposite end of the long table, the legs of his chair screech against the tile floor. He walks over and wraps his arm around her. “It is nice to see you awake,” he says softly. “Are you okay? I was going to bring you a plate.”

  “No, it’s okay—I’m fine,” she whispers, taken aback as the entire table stares at her. It’s been years since she’s seen this many people at the same time. “I thought it would be nice to join you.”

  “Great!” The man standing beside Claire motions Maia towards the table. His smile is wide and greedy. “Come. Sit. I’m Jake.” Slightly older than Lucas, he has a light speckling of gray through his hair. He is undeniably attractive with a haughty air of arrogance. Something about him makes Maia immediately uncomfortable.

  Another young man leaves his seat next to Lucas’s empty chair and grabs a spot across the table. He nods with a smile and introduces himself as Mario as he takes his new seat.

  Lucas grabs a plate and piles it with mashed potatoes, steamed beans, and a leg of roast chicken. He places it before Maia and kisses the top of her head. After days of nothing but soup, she has to restrain herself from diving into the plate headfirst and shoveling the food in with her hands.

  “Maia, we’ve heard so much about you,” Claire starts. “Maybe we’ll go around the table and introduce ourselves.”

  “I’d love that,” Maia says as she scoops a heaping spoonful of mashed potatoes into her mouth.

  “I’m Claire. I’m one of only two doctors in the village where Jake and I are from. He came back for me so I could be properly trained at the university up north. I’ll have to work for my schooling, so I probably won’t go back home for another five years, but once that’s finished, I plan on starting my own clinic and medical school.”

  “Uni—” Maia chokes on her words. “University?”

  “Pardon?” Claire leans in.

  “There’s a university?” Maia asks again, tears surfacing.

  Claire smiles. “There is. It’s small … well, the campus is massive but there are apparently only a few people to run it. They’re still building it up. Once we get it all going again and I have the right team in place, the technology should be close to where it was before The End.”

  Maia looks down at her food, now blurred through her tears. There’s a university there. An actual university.

  Lucas rubs her back.

  “Is she okay?” someone whispers across the table.

  “She just needs a minute,” Lucas responds, leaving his hand on the small of her back.

  As Maia devours her meal, she discovers the eclectic group of people around her are mostly orphans as well, in search of a better life. A few people are already from The Old Arctic Circle, crew members to accompany Jake in his journey. He is a representative for his village in search of a more sustainable community. He had traveled up a year ago with Mario.

  “So, what’s it like up there?” Maia asks as she cleans her piece of chicken down to the bone.

  “They’re rebuilding,” Jake is quick to answer. “They’ve named the city Leucothea.”

  “Leucothea … like the Greek Goddess who protects sailors?” Lucas asks.

  “I suppose so.” Jake shrugs. “It was originally founded by some hippies, so the name is a bit romantic, if you ask me. But it’s run by a new government now. They call it The New System. The city has this massive wall around it.”

  Maia stops cutting her beans. “A wall? Why would they need that?”

  “Just want to have more control about who is coming and going. It’s still pretty rabid out there. But everything is relatively new and a lot of special systems have been put in place considering … and there’s still snow in the winter. That’s pretty epic. It’s exciting but I wouldn’t say it’s magical.” Jake chews on a piece of meat.

  “I disagree,” Claire interrupts. “I think at a time like this, to see people coming in from all over the world to gather together is magical. It’s magical that we are even here at all.”

  “Nah … humans are resilient. Strong. We’ll make it out of this, thriving like never before,” Jake says, winking at Maia.

  Maia glares at him. “As long as we don’t ‘thrive’ like we used to, I think we’ll be okay.”

  Jake’s eyebrows raise and an amused smile curves up from his lips.

  “So, what is it like then, this New System?” Lucas asks.

  Maia tears apart a bread roll, shoving a large piece into her mouth.

  “I think it’s best to discover it for yourself, to form your own conclusions,” Jake says. “That’s what I’ve told everyone here. Leucothea may not be for everyone, but they still have renewable energy sources. It’s pretty amazing to see a touch of the life our ancestors used to live.”

  “And you traveled up by foot?” Lucas asks.

  “And boat.”

  “What was that like?” Maia dips her bread into the potatoes and shovels it in despite her quickly filling belly.

  “I guess a little bit of everything,” Jake answers while eyeing her. “Land near the equator is unimaginably hot and barren. We tried to sail past it but a storm hit and our boat didn’t make it. We were prepared, stuck close to shore and had a small lifeboat that got us to land. That was about halfway up the West Coast of North America, so it was still pretty hot. It was a long, long journey.”

  “You stuck close to shore you say?” Lucas chimes in. “What did you do about pirates? They love those areas.”

  Maia looks down at her plate and cuts her last few pieces of food.

  “We have more, Maia,” Claire whispers.

  Maia’s head snaps up. “More?”

  “Maybe give it a minute. You haven’t eaten much in a while.” Lucas rubs her back.

  “Honestly, I feel fine!” Maia excuses herself from the table, stumbling to grab another roll.

  “We ran into them once or twice,” Jake says.

  “Once or twice,” Lucas repeats flatly, a hint of suspicion in his voice.

  “Yeah,” Jake replies.

  The two men eye each other and an awkward silence ensues.<
br />
  “The world out there was pretty rough,” Mario says with a sigh. “There were some real dangers, some crazies too … especially around the condensed areas like the West Coast of the United States. But there were good bits too.”

  “Rare,” Jake scoffs.

  “Lucas … Lucas. Every time I hear that name, I think of that crazy man we met in the United States,” Mario continues.

  “Hmph,” Jake snorts. He leans back with his hands behind his head. “Which one?”

  A few chuckles resound around the table.

  “The one that broke his leg and never left. And he wasn’t actually crazy.” Mario absently pushes a few beans around his plate. “He wasn’t.” He gazes up at the ceiling. “He’s the oldest young man I’ve ever met.” He turns towards Lucas. “He kept going on and on about his brother, Lucas. ‘Must wait for him. He’s coming. I know he’s coming.’ We kept telling him, ‘Mate, your brother’s dead.’ But he wouldn’t hear a word of it.”

  “What did you say his name was?” Lucas asks.

  “We didn’t. Never told us,” Mario says.

  “He did,” Jake interrupts. “Marty or Michael … Miguel. I think it was Miguel.”

  “He was South American?” Claire asks.

  “Brazilian,” Jake says.

  Maia stops chewing.

  Lucas’s eyes are fixed intently on Jake. His jaw clenched, a light dew of perspiration has gathered across his forehead. “What else did he say?” Lucas asks.

  Jake shrugs. “Lucas, Lucas, Lucas.” He leans on his elbows. “Apparently Miguel’s brother lost his wife and kid in an earthquake. Some village by the Chilean border. Watched them get buried alive inside their home and then spent days digging them out.”

  Lucas drops his fork. It clinks loudly as it falls to the edge of his plate and flips to the ground.

  Maia leans towards Lucas. “You didn’t tell…”

  “No. I didn’t,” he says quietly.

  “Apparently, Miguel’s brother ran off in the middle of the night.” Jake shakes his head as he cuts his soggy beans without looking up. “Left Miguel without saying a word,” he chuckles. “I almost admire his tenacity.”

  Lucas pounds his fists against the table, clinking the crammed flatware together.

  “What the fuck?” Jake looks up from his food.

  “Lucas…” Claire reaches across the table. “Did you lose your family in an earthquake?”

  “Where is he?” Lucas asks.

  “Who? The crazy man?” Jake smiles.

  “Please stop calling him that,” Mario interjects.

  “Don’t know,” Jake says, going back to cutting his vegetables. “Somewhere in the mountains outside of LA. We took the back roads to stay away from thieves and kooks.”

  “I can draw you a map,” Mario chimes in. “I remember it plain as day.”

  “What happened to him?” Lucas’s voice is steady, quiet.

  “He was with his family,” Mario answers.

  “Was?”

  “Yeah. I don’t … I don’t know the extent of it, but it’s just him now. He broke his leg,” Mario continues.

  “Did they just leave him?!” Lucas raises his voice.

  Mario rubs the back of his neck. “No, they…”

  “They died,” Jake interjects, baiting Lucas for another reaction. “They were attacked by a mob. Pretty gruesome from what I heard.”

  “Jake.” Claire backhands his arm.

  “It’s the truth.” Jake shrugs, still watching Lucas from the corner of his eye.

  “Anyway,” Mario continues. “He found this cabin in the woods to heal and never left. I think whatever happened really scarred him. So, he’s up there alone. We really owe him. I’d be happy to help you find him.”

  Maia watches Lucas. His breathing strained, the worried look behind his eyes is fading. Calculating. “I have to get off,” he states as a matter-of-fact.

  “Lucas?” Maia clutches at his arm as he stands from the table.

  Jake’s face lights up. “There ya go, man. Go save your little bro!”

  “Who do I have to speak with to get off?”

  “The captain,” Claire answers quietly. “He’s upstairs.”

  Lucas shoves his chair away.

  “I’ll draw you a map,” Mario says, standing to join him.

  “Lucas?” Maia whispers, panic swelling from within. She reaches for his hand but he is already out of reach.

  “Thank you, I really appreciate it,” Lucas says as he heads for the door with Mario trailing behind him. He pauses for a moment, briefly turning towards Maia. She wills him to look at her but he turns away. Sliding open the pocket door, he disappears into the darkness.

  Forty-Eight

  Maia’s legs dangle over the edge of the giant sleeping boat. The moon’s reflection scatters across the ocean, flickering in sporadic bursts as tiny waves jump up in a race to kiss the sky. A gentle sea breeze brushes against her skin, tousling her hair from her shoulders. She sighs and gazes up at the velvety black sky, placing her thumb over a bright crescent moon cracked open on its side.

  Behind her, the deck’s door slowly creaks open and then latches closed with a loud, metallic click. Footsteps sound behind her, followed by a disheartened sigh. She drops her hand into her lap, turning her head towards him in acknowledgment.

  Lucas sits down next to her and flips his legs over the edge. Her heart suddenly pounding, she cannot find the strength to look at him.

  “I’m sorry,” he says quietly.

  She doesn’t respond, afraid that should she speak a word, she may shatter into pieces like the moonlight across the sea.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I just wasn’t ready to show you that side of me.”

  “Yes, well…” She swipes at a runaway tear. “I suppose that makes two of us holding back.”

  There is a long silence as the ocean gently laps the side of their boat.

  “Maia.” The pain behind Lucas’s voice is agonizing.

  She looks at him.

  “What am I supposed to do?” he asks her with pleading eyes.

  She looks away, her heart and head waging a fierce battle. She should say something to him, something to ease his pain. She must—but she can’t. She closes her eyes and holds her breath as she fights back tears.

  “Maia—” He grabs her hand and she swipes it away.

  “Please don’t,” her voice cracks.

  “Okay,” he sighs. “I will tell you everything. My father left us for The Old Arctic Circle when I was very young.” He leans across the boat’s railing and peers up at the stars. “He left us for something he knew nothing about.”

  Maia nods her head in response. It’s all making sense now.

  Lucas continues. “I saw him leave in the middle of the night. I ran out screaming in a panic as he tiptoed into the darkness outside our tin hut. He didn’t come back into the light for a few minutes—I was sure he was gone. But then he came back and crouched down so we were face to face. He told me not to worry and to take care of my mother and Miguel, that I was the man of the house until he came back. I was seven years old. We never saw him again.”

  “I’m sorry, Lucas. I had no idea.”

  “We did all right. My mother was young, but she was fierce. She never let us see her feelings about my dad leaving, but I overheard her crying most nights for what seemed like a very long time. We were left with nothing.

  “My younger brother and I were the only survivors of nine children. We lived next to an abandoned library. When my brother was out foraging, I was in the library, studying English, studying everything I could get my hands on. He gave me a hard time about it for years but as we grew older, we started to realize how much we needed each other.”

  “Your brother, Miguel?”

  “Yes, he became my best friend. Then my mother got sick. She just needed antibiotics. I was sure of it. If we could just find her some antibiotics, she would get better. Miguel and I searched for weeks as she
got sicker and sicker. There was a powerful gang in the next village that we heard may have some. Antibiotics … they were like gold. We decided to barter with them, said I could fix their solar panels. They were the last people in the area with working electricity but it was fading from something faulty within the lines … or the panels themselves. They were beginning to panic, so they were quick to agree.

  “I worked for days and all hours of the night. As I grew tired, some of the men started to harass me, telling me I was wasting their time. Tensions were high. Miguel got into a fight with one of the men after seeing him slap me on the back of my head. Miguel was badly beaten. It took us all day and night to hobble back home.

  “Once I got Miguel settled, I went back. Begged them to let me in. I continued working for weeks for a solution to their problem. When I finally figured it out, I ran home with the pills. I ran like I’ve never run in my life—panicked, nearly mad with desperation. When I arrived, Miguel was digging our mother’s grave.”

  Lucas swallows hard, blinking fast. “It was just the two of us after that and things were different. I had failed my family. I couldn’t save my mother and my little brother was angry. He had looked up to me, he depended on me, and I had failed him. He did not look at me the same after that, and I was young and guilt-ridden and thought it would be best if I left. So, I left. Just like my father. In the middle of the night. Without saying a word.”

  He shakes his head, his eyes burdened with tears. “Jake had the story wrong. My brother was not there when I left my village after my wife and son died. He must have shown up afterward in search of me. He would have seen that I was a coward when I was younger and I am still a coward.”

  “You’re not a coward, Lucas. You’re the most incredible person I’ve ever met.”

  He grunts. “You haven’t met that many people.”

  “You should stop being so hard on yourself,” she whispers.

  He turns away, toying once again with the braided bracelet around his wrist. It’s one of the first things Maia noticed about him back on the ship. He stops and looks up at her. “It’s from Miguel. He made it for me when we were young but I never wore it. I brought it with me when I left him and carried it around for years. I tied it on when I left South America. It was always my intention to find him again. I looked for him in every port on the small chance he was out looking for me too. I have thought about him every single day of my life.”