The Baby: A Steamy Rock Star Romance (Cruise Control Book 3)

by Sian Ceinwen

  “What happens if the tumor is growing too quickly?” Sebastian asked.

  Lita was grateful that he was here and able, once again, to field the doctor-speak and ask the questions that she found herself unable to ask at the moment. She was gripping Sebastian’s hand so tightly that her knuckles had gone white, and she vaguely thought that she must be hurting him, but she couldn’t relax her grip either. A part of her felt as though he was the only thing holding her to the face of the planet right now, and that if she let go, she might simply fly away from here.

  “If the tumor is growing too quickly, we will need to refer you to a cardiothoracic surgeon, who will perform in utero surgery to remove it,” Dr. Sanders replied.

  Surgery. On her tiny baby. While it was still meant to be inside her. This was insane. Millions of people had babies every day around the world. More than that, probably. Lita felt like she should look up the statistic. Why did their baby have to have something wrong? Was that fair? If it wasn’t their baby, would some other baby have this issue? That wasn’t how it worked, of course.

  Lita felt as though she was slowly losing her mind. Every breath she took was furthering her descent into madness. She could not handle this; it was all too much to bear. Sebastian. Their baby. Those were the two things that mattered to her. Now, their baby was in danger. She needed to be strong for their baby. She needed to eat, and she needed to make sure that she did everything that she could to keep their baby safe.

  “Is the surgery done here in Seattle, or do we need to go to Los Angeles or something?” Sebastian asked

  Lita hadn’t even thought of that question. The pens on the doctor’s desk were askew, and Lita felt the urge to straighten them. There should be order to them. Color theory, maybe? Or perhaps in size order. Definitely not just haphazardly strewn about the desk. Sebastian’s hand was firm in hers as the doctor answered his question.

  Dr. Sanders smiled at Sebastian. “It depends on how the tumor progresses. If surgery is required soon, then no, it can’t be done in Seattle, and you will need to go to a specialist hospital.”

  Traveling for surgery. It would depend on when the surgery was required. Lita disliked the idea of meeting a new doctor on the day of the surgery if it was needed. She wanted to say that, but her mouth still wouldn’t work. The idea of one day being shipped off to Los Angeles or to who the hell knows where to meet a doctor that she would have to trust to save the life of their baby was terrifying.

  The air conditioning in the room was too cold. It was uncomfortable. Maybe Lita just felt that way because she was uncomfortable. With this conversation. With this appointment. With this pregnancy. How could she suddenly find herself in this situation? It was so incredibly unfair.

  “We will need to send you to see a genetic counselor, as well. They will obtain a detailed medical history from you both. From here, you will need to see a doctor that specializes in high-risk pregnancies.”

  Lita liked Dr. Watson. She was nice. Comforting. For women who had nice, normal pregnancies. Not for Lita. Lita was high-risk. She needed a specialist. More than one specialist, apparently. Those pens were still annoying her. Color theory would be prettiest. Color theory and size order, would that work? No, the two greens were vastly different sizes for a start.

  “Do you have any more questions for me?”

  Sebastian was looking at Lita, so was Dr. Sanders. She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t form the words. A thousand questions ran through her mind. She needed to say something. She needed to shake her head yes or no. She couldn’t. She simply stared at the doctor with panic oozing from every fiber of her being instead.

  Dr. Sanders smiled at her. “I can see that you’re very frightened, Lita. We will make sure that you and your baby get the very best of care.”

  Lita wanted to nod. To say thank you. To show that she appreciated his kindness during the worst moment of her life so far. But she couldn’t. Her mouth wouldn’t move. Her head wouldn’t move. She clung to Sebastian so that she didn’t fly away from here.

  “Thank you, Dr. Sanders,” Sebastian said quietly. “You’ve been fantastic.”

  “If you have any further questions, don’t hesitate to contact me,” the doctor said, handing Sebastian a business card.

  Sebastian took it as the doctor wished them farewell. Lita didn’t speak at all as they left, and Sebastian paid for their appointment. She didn’t speak as they walked through the paparazzi waiting for them outside. How had they found them here? Lita was mildly curious. They always knew where Sebastian was.

  She wondered wildly if they had some sort of way of tracking him. That was stupid; of course they didn’t. They made their way through the crowd; both Ben and Daryl were with them today. The bodyguards kept the media at bay, while Lita continued to cling to Sebastian for support.

  They reached the interior of the car, and Sebastian pulled Lita’s seatbelt over her and buckled her in, giving her a soft kiss on her lips as he did so, before strapping himself in. The silence continued as they pulled away and into traffic.

  “Are you okay, princess?”

  She still couldn’t talk. It was like being locked inside her body, unable to make it work. Lita turned her face to Sebastian and realized that there were tears falling from her eyes. How odd to be crying now without knowing it.

  The look on Sebastian’s face made her sad. He looked scared. Was he scared just for the baby? Was he scared for her? Lita was scared for herself. She wanted to reassure him that she would be okay, but would she be okay? Sebastian was wearing a t-shirt, and Lita noticed that a part of the print had bled when it was being printed, and one of the lines was crooked. Very annoying.

  She looked back to his face instead. Sebastian’s face was perfection. Handsome, chiseled, symmetrical features. Blue eyes piercing into her, through her, into her soul. Could he see the turmoil that she felt right now?

  “You will be okay, Lita,” Sebastian said.

  How did he know that she had been wondering that?

  “She will be okay, too,” he continued.

  He didn’t know that for sure. He shouldn’t make promises like that to Lita. Not a promise that he didn’t know could be kept. She should reply, should say something to him. He needed comforting too. But her body wouldn’t respond; it kept her prisoner behind lips that wouldn’t move.

  Sebastian raised a hand and wiped tears from Lita’s cheeks, then kissed her gently and put his arm around her, pulling her in to him for a hug as they continued the drive to their apartment. Lita’s face was even closer to the misprinted line on his shirt now. People should take more care when printing those shirts. He spent good money on it, and it was imperfect. It should be perfect. Why couldn’t it just be perfect? Why couldn’t everything be perfect?

  They eventually arrived home to their apartment, and their bodyguards left them alone after Sebastian told them they wouldn’t be going out that night. Lita went straight to the baby’s room. Their little girl. What would they name her? Even if she didn’t survive, she needed a name.

  Days of joking about names like Cletus and Tchaikovsky felt like an age ago. Their baby needed a proper name. She pulled out her phone and started looking through baby name websites while she sat on the floor in the empty room.

  Lita didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there before Sebastian sat down on the floor beside her. “Are you ready to talk, princess?”

  She looked at him. Focusing on this thing, on finding a name for their child, had calmed her mind a little. It had taken her attention away from the overwhelming fear that had caused her body to shut down on her earlier. Lita swallowed heavily.

  “Our baby needs a name, Seb.”

  As she said these words, she saw his entire body relax from the tension that had been rolling off him when he first joined her in the room.

  “She does. How are you feeling?”

  “Scared. I just…” Lita trailed off, paused, then took a deep breath before continuing. “No matter what happens, she ne
eds a name.”

  “Let’s go sit on the sofa, and we can find a name together; it’s not comfortable here on the floor.” Sebastian gave her a sweet smile, and Lita nodded.

  He helped her up off the floor, and they walked into their living area. Sebastian pulled out his phone and started looking up baby names as well. He sat down on the sofa and patted the empty space next to him.

  “Come here, princess.”

  She sat down next to him, and he put his arm around her to hug her before removing it to look at his phone again. Lita was sitting closer to him than she had for weeks, and she felt warm and comforted being with him. The fear was losing its grip on her as well, and she was starting to think more rationally. She couldn’t change the condition their baby had, but she could choose a name for her.

  “We can get through this,” Lita said quietly, possibly more to herself than to Sebastian. “The doctors know what they’re doing. We’re not the first people to have a baby with this condition.”

  She knew that; she’d read the stories. All Lita could do is hope like hell that their story ended up as a positive one.

  “That’s right, Lita.” Sebastian smiled and softly rubbed her baby bump.

  “Okay, let’s pick a name,” Lita told him.

  A name that would be used one way or another. Lita felt the panic rising in her and forced herself to concentrate on her phone’s screen as a distraction.

  “We’re definitely going Italian. Aria? It’s got musical connotations.”

  She had just picked one of the first names she’d seen that she liked, but Sebastian shook his head. “Too close to Ariana. What about Alessia?”

  “Good point. Hmmm, maybe Alessia. It’s nice. Carina? Means beloved.”

  “I like it. Another, maybe?” Sebastian told her.

  “Okay, maybe Carina.” Lita started a list in the Notes app on her phone. “Electra? I do like superheroes.”

  She actually laughed as she said it, and she realized that she hadn’t laughed since their scan last week.

  “Definitely a maybe if it can bring a smile to your face,” Sebastian said softly and kissed the top of her head.

  “I’m sorry. I can’t have been much fun lately.”

  They hadn’t had sex since before the scan either. Lita hadn’t felt like it, and Sebastian hadn’t even tried to get her into bed. He also hadn’t gone out on any of the nights since he’d arrived.

  “I don’t care about fun; I care about you. I’ve been worried about you, I still am. I’m worried about her too. This is scary shit, and I don’t know how to make it better.”

  Lita frowned. “You can’t, Seb. That’s the thing. Nobody can make it better, except maybe the doctors. I hate not knowing what’s going to happen, not being able to plan. The thought of suddenly being whisked off to Los Angeles for surgery is scary as hell for me. Not knowing the doctor? How do I trust that they’ll be able to do what we need them to do?”

  Tears sprung to her eyes as she voiced the fears that were terrifying her. Ever since Dr. Sanders had mentioned that they would need a new doctor again, that there may be a scenario where she would need yet another strange doctor involved, she had been worried about that coming true.

  “Let’s wait and see what Dr. Sanders says on Friday. Maybe we can meet the doctor that would operate if it’s needed,” he suggested.

  “That’s a good idea.” Lita could feel the pull toward withdrawing into herself and shutting down growing stronger, so she looked down at her phone quickly. “Mirabella? Wondrous beauty.”

  It was the first name that Sebastian didn’t immediately give a response to. “I actually really like it. Also, what about Valentina as a middle name? It means healthy and strong. Which she is.”

  “Mirabella Valentina Fox.” Lita tested the name out in her mouth. “It’s beautiful.”

  “Mira. Our bella. We can keep looking for another name if you want, though?”

  The nickname fit perfectly, and Lita loved it. Their baby had a name, Mirabella. She was their wondrous beauty who was healthy and strong.

  Lita rubbed her bump, and she felt the tiny butterflies inside her. She whispered, “Do you like your name, Mira? We can’t wait to meet you, baby. Please just stay safe for us. Be strong.”

  She looked up at Sebastian and saw that he had tears in his eyes. He must have been so stressed while she was mentally checked-out this week. She reached up and placed her palm on his cheek.

  “Thank you for being here with me for all of this.”

  “I wouldn’t be anywhere else right now. Sorry that I’m crying like a girl.” He laughed.

  Lita frowned. “No, Seb. Not like a girl. Like a man. It’s okay to have emotions, and it’s okay to cry, and you shouldn’t ever feel bad for crying. Certainly not in front of me. I don’t know how I would’ve handled any of this without you. You’ve been strong as hell, and crying doesn’t make you less strong. You’re just human, not superhuman.”

  “I want to be superhuman. I want to be your hero.” He gave her a wry grin.

  “You are my hero. You’re the man who is going through this with me. I need a human being to help me, someone who feels the same way I do about Mira. You are uniquely qualified to fulfill this role.”

  “Phew! For a moment there, I thought that I might not get the job.” Sebastian laughed, then looked pensive. “Look, I’ve been thinking about canceling my birthday party.”

  “What?” Lita was shocked by this announcement; his birthday party was a couple of weeks away, and she’d forgotten about it amidst all of their drama.

  “I don’t think that you really want to celebrate, and neither do I. We’d have to fly to Chicago, and I don’t know if that’s a good idea. It just doesn’t feel right to celebrate right now.”

  Lita took a deep breath. She could see where he was coming from, but she didn’t want him to miss out on this. Her concerns about flying were very real, though. Would it have an effect on Mirabella if they did?

  “Let’s ask Dr. Sanders on Friday about me flying. If he says it’s okay, I’ll come. If not, you should still go without me. I don’t want you to miss out, Seb.”

  Sebastian frowned. “We can ask, but if he says you can’t fly, I don’t want to go without you.”

  Lita shook her head; she could tell that he wasn’t going to change his mind. His party was going to be massive; he’d told her that months ago, and she would feel terribly guilty if it got canceled because of her.

  Sebastian moved closer to Lita on the sofa and rubbed her stomach softly. “I don’t want to be in Chicago if something happens.”

  Lita sighed. “That makes sense.”

  Later that evening, they sat at the dining table, having dinner together. Sebastian sat on the side to Lita’s left, and they were eating steak and vegetables that Lita had cooked for them.

  “I really need to buy you some more furniture for this place,” Sebastian told her.

  Lita frowned at him. “No, you don’t. I’m not renting this as a furnished apartment, and I’ve got my stuff.”

  “Yeah, but it is pretty bare in here. There’s even an echo.” Sebastian grinned.

  “No, Seb. You’re my landlord, not my boyfriend. You can buy things for your room and the nursery, that’s it.”

  “Ouch. Got it. Know your role and shut your mouth, Sebastian,” he said in a cool tone.

  “Seb, that’s not what I meant. Look, everything that’s going on with Mira sucks, but it hasn’t changed anything. I love how supportive you’ve been, and I appreciate it, but I’ve noticed that you haven’t been going out while you’ve been here. Don’t feel like you have to stay here with me every night just because my pregnancy sucks.”

  Sebastian was quiet when she finished talking, then he sighed. “That’s not why I’ve been staying home, princess. I haven’t particularly felt like going out, but it has been a while, and I’m suddenly feeling like a night out might do me some good.”

  They finished eating shortly after that, and Lita h
ated herself for telling him to go out tonight. She’d been letting him kiss her and hold her hand and taking all of the support that he was offering her, though, because she was struggling with Mirabella’s issues, and it wasn’t fair to him.

  Lita was lying in her bed reading a book when Sebastian knocked on her door.

  “Come in,” she called to him.

  He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt, along with a black leather jacket that probably cost a fortune. His hair was wet and slicked back from his forehead, and Lita thought that he looked more gorgeous than she’d ever seen him look.

  “Hey, I just wanted to check if you needed anything before I go out.”

  “No, I’m fine. Have a great night.” Lita forced herself to smile at him.

  Sebastian looked as though he might say something else, but closed his mouth and nodded his head. “Cool, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  He closed the door behind him, and when Lita heard the elevator doors closing, she started to cry, thinking how much her life sucked. She was worried about her baby, who might die, and she loved the man she had refused to be in a relationship with and had explicitly told to go have sex with someone else tonight.

  28

  LEVEL 23.4 – Happy Birthday to You

  Your baby is the size of a fertility idol.

  “Happy birthday, old man,” Lita greeted Sebastian when he walked into the living area on the morning of his thirtieth birthday.

  “Thanks, I think,” Sebastian said as he grinned and dropped onto the sofa next to her. “What are you doing?” He indicated to the phone she was holding in her hand.

  “You know, the usual.”

  He frowned at her. “Reddit or more tumor stories? Neither is healthy; you know that, right?”

  “I know.” Lita wrinkled her nose and sighed as she said it, then she grinned. “Reddit. The hardcore Sebastian and Heather crowd seem very disappointed that I’m keeping you here in Seattle.”