by Harms, C. A.
The days and nights are passing by, quickly closing the window of opportunity.
The vibration of my phone can be felt against my thigh. Quickly I reach inside my pocket and when I see it’s my father. I already know he’s calling to remind me of my responsibilities, my importance.
When I don’t answer he calls again and again.
Leaning back against the tree I let out a slow breath, allowing my head to relax forward as I look at the ground near my feet. Marching up to the front door of the cabin, making it known that I’m here was dangerous. I had never felt so unsettled, so confused, lost. What move is the right one? Where do I go from here?
I take in a deep breath, push off the tree and turn around fully intending to go back to my place and plan my next move when I look up and come face to face with Taryn. The same large coat she wore last night, the same oversized boots. Her face is mostly hidden behind the scarf she has wrapped around her but her eyes are completely visible. The fear in them cannot be misconstrued.
“Taryn.” I take a step toward her and quickly her hand thrusts forward.
“No! Just stop,” her words are a bit muffled but can’t be mistaken.
“Let me explain.”
“What are you doing here?” She takes a step backward, her hand still positioned in front of her. “Did you follow me here?”
I could lie, try to make up some crazy story and hope that she falls for it. But I already know my gorgeous beauty is smarter than that. Honesty its my only option. It’s what she deserves.
“I didn’t follow you, but I am here for you. I’ve always been here for you.” Her eyes crinkle at the sides and I know she is only growing more weary with my cryptic words. “I’ve been waiting every single day for you to come back to me. Since I led you back to the cabin and had to force myself to walk away, I’ve longed for the day I would get you back.”
“What are you talking about?” Taryn reaches up and jerks the scarf down, making her mouth fully visible. “Get me back? What is the hell are you talking about? Who are you?”
“I’m Merick.” I take in a deep breath and know this will be the moment that she either accepts what I am, or denies me the future I’ve dreamt of us building together. “I met you here in these very woods when you were twelve years old. And there hasn’t been a day since then that I haven’t protected you and waited for this day. The day you and I would come together again, to reconnect.”
“No.” She backs away more, and repeats herself. “You’re crazy, you have to be.”
“I’m not crazy, if you would give me a few minutes, allow me to show you what I need to in order for you to understand. To fill in all of the missing pieces of the last twelve years.” I was losing her, the fear in her eyes has overtaken everything else. “You don’t have to be afraid of me Taryn, I could never hurt you. You are the most important person in my life, please believe me.”
“I need you to go,” her voice trembles making my own chest ache.
“You remember me,” I try to remind her. I know I’m pushing her but she is going to run either way. I have to try. “Our time in the woods, the way you touched me, all the things you shared with me. Your nervous ramblings were so—,”
“Please go,” she steps back.
“Taryn.”
She shakes her head and I do nothing to stop her as she takes another step away. I know how this looks, how she must feel. Though it is one of the hardest things I know I will ever have to do, I have no other choice but to allow her to come to terms with this on her own.
I remain grounded as the distance between us grows until she’s no longer visible, but I can still feel her. I can sense her worry, her fear, but I know this isn’t over. Taryn needs time and I’ve waited for her for twelve years already. I can wait a little longer. I’ll give her a few days, and if by then I’m still left waiting, I’ll go to her once again.
Taryn
I enter the cabin in a panic, my hands trembling, my breath quickening. After I shove the couch against the door, I peek out the window in search of him. Is Merick still out there? Did I want him to be? I back away from the window and shake out my hands trying my best to rid the way they continue to shake. He says he’s my wolf, but that’s not possible, right? Wolves that can change into humans is something that just happens in the movies, that’s crazy. I’m losing my mind, I know it. This seems crazy, insane really.
I hurry around the cabin triple checking that all the doors and windows are locked before I head into my bedroom. I hold the butcher knife I grabbed from the kitchen in my hand and wonder would I even use it if the chance arose? Needing to rid myself of it, yet feeling I still need to keep it close I tuck it under my pillow and sit on the edge of the bed. Taking in one slow calming breath after another I try to calm my racing heart. I don’t know if a knife would protect me from the giant wolf that was outside my window anyway. This was all surreal. A wolf? I mean really there had to be some kind of explanation. I drank too much—not really—but for now, I would use that as an excuse to convince myself I haven’t completely lost my mind.
Instead of changing into pajamas I stay fully clothed just in case I need to make a quick escape. Mentally I try to weigh the distance between the door and my car. Wondering if I had to run would I be able to get there and inside before it all backfired. My heart continues to beat so rapidly I feel dizzy.
I crawl into bed, sliding under the covers and settling in, or at least trying to. Every noise I hear has me jerking in bed. I swear at one point there’s a scratching outside of my bedroom window, I presume each noise is only enhanced by the fear I feel. Was that a wolf that just howled?
I grab the knife and stare up at the ceiling, listening for any signs of an intruder. When the sky starts to turn an inky blue, I know the sun is about to rise. I sit up and set the knife down on the nightstand. A numb, tingling feeling runs through my palms and fingers from holding it so tightly for too long.
I am exhausted, but there is absolutely no way I could fall asleep.
After I use the bathroom, I creep out into the living room and move along the wall toward the bay window. I look out and see if I can see Merick or my wolf and I see nothing. Every move I make feels like I’m in a dream. I am still reeling from his words. Mixing that with the knowledge that I hadn’t imagined years ago that I met a wolf in the forest only complicates things more. An outsider looking in would think I belong in a mental ward. Hell, I am not far off from the observation myself.
Slowly making my way to the kitchen, I start myself a very strong pot of coffee.
I go to the fireplace and see I’m out of wood, my chest immediately feeling tight, knowing I need to go outside. “Fuck.” For a moment I consider freezing versus the alternative, only I know with the cooling temperature I won’t make it far. After five minutes of a very intense pep talk I gather my coat and boots and make my way to the door. Another deep breath and I push the couch away from the door placing my hand on the deadbolt. With a quick flip I cautiously open the door and peer outside through a crack. The coast is clear, and I open the door quickly, running toward the pile of wood grabbing as many logs as I can carry.
It takes two trips to get enough inside that’ll get me through tomorrow. I lock the door and push the couch back in front of it, feeling a little more secure than I did moments ago. After I get the fire going again, I grab a cup of coffee, and pour a healthy dose of my hazelnut creamer into it. I grab my blanket and curl up in front of the fireplace on the floor—he can’t see me if I’m on the floor. Another insane tactic, but whatever it takes to get by.
The warmth fills me from both the inside and outside as I stare at the fire, sipping my coffee. My phone alerts me to an incoming text message and I reach out to gather it from the coffee table.
Lily: Hey girlie! Checking in, I miss you. Chi-town is not the same without you.
I smile and quickly type a reply.
Taryn: Hey! I miss you too.
Lily: Have you found what you’re
looking for yet so you can come home?
Not even close, but I’m not going to tell her that. I don’t want to worry her because she would catch the first flight out and would show up here. Hey girl, I met a wolf. Well, not a wolf at the moment but he could shift to one any time. Oh, and did I mention it is the same man I met in the city that I gushed about in conversation. Yep, mmhm, that tall dark and handsome man I wanted to keep all to myself. Yep that’s him, a man...a shifter. Oh, my hell, I would surely be committed.
Taryn: No, but I’m enjoying the quiet.
Lily: You’re okay though, right?
Taryn: Yes, I promise I’m good.
I am so far from good I feel like I am in an entirely different universe.
After our conversation, I made myself some peanut butter toast. I quickly scarf it down along with another cup of coffee. Settling back in front of the fire I sit crisscross, resting my hands on my thighs. I read that meditation is good for clarity or at least opening your mind. When I close my eyes, I take a deep breath in and exhale a deep breath out. My mind starts to clear, and my body feels heavy. A numbness starts to overtake me and feel like I’m twitching. Everything I’ve read said that’s all normal, so I welcome it peacefully. As tense as I’ve been over the last ten to twelve hours, I’d take anything at this point. My muscles ache.
I’m not sure how long I sit here, but suddenly there are flashes in my brain again. Merick changes into the wolf, the wolf changing into Merick, he and I kissing, making love, and then I’m back to twelve-year-old me running through the forest except for this time, I’m being chased by a slobbering, snarling wolf.
I open my eyes and jump up from my spot on the floor. There’s a small voice inside me that’s telling me to run into the forest, to run to Merick, but I fight the desire.
He said he’s been waiting for me? I don’t know what that means, but do I want to find out? A part of me is terrified, but an even bigger part is curious what comes next.
On day number two of no sleep, I feel like I’m beginning to lose my mind. The day before I thought about leaving—I swear I did, but the thought of driving away from this place filled me with a wave of sadness.
I curl up on my makeshift bed in front of the fireplace and watch the flames dance. My cell phone ringing pulls me from my thoughts. I grab it off of the coffee table and see that it’s my dad. “Hey, Dad. How are you?” I try to hide the edge I know is in my voice. The last thing I need is for them to worry.
“Hey honey, I’m well. Everything going okay?” I’m sure he’s been chomping at the bit to call and check-in.
I don’t dare tell them what’s going on because it would either worry them enough that they’d show up or they’d send the caretaker here to check on me and I don’t need a stranger lurking around. It’s already bad enough I have a wolf, or a man...hell a wolf-man.
“Yeah, things are good. I forgot how beautiful it is here. How far am I from Stone Ridge?” I move to stand in front of the bay window, watching the snow fall.
“Oh, it’s about a ten-minute drive from the cabin. Did you need something? I can call John and have him bring you anything ou want.” Dad’s always trying to take care of me.
“No, I’m good. I have everything I need. I thought that once the snow lets up that I might drive to the town and look around.”
“You know our family can be traced to Stone Ridge pretty far back. Somewhere in the attic is a box with some family history. I can look for it if you want.” Of course, he would. He’d do anything I ask because my dad is the best.
“No, that’s okay but that’s pretty cool to know.” I yawn and cover my mouth with my hand. “Dad I hate to cut our conversation short, but I think I’m going to lie down and take a nap.”
“Okay honey. I love you and your mom loves you. Make sure you check in frequently, so we don’t worry.”
I assure him I will, and we say our goodbyes.
I move back to my spot on the floor, positioning the pillows just right for comfort. My eyes are so heavy, but I’m worried about falling asleep. I’m vulnerable while I sleep, but my body doesn’t seem to care. It doesn’t take any time at all before I pass out and welcome the darkness.
I awaken with a start and realize that it’s completely dark inside the cabin. The sun has set, the fire is out, and there are no lights on. I grab my phone and see that it’s three o’clock in the morning, which means I’ve slept most of the day away.
I turn on the lamp and then stand up, stretching my sore muscles. It probably wasn’t smart, falling asleep on the floor, but it’s not like I had a choice in the matter. It felt safer than the couch. With the oversized picture window I was at perfect height to peek from the floor or remain hidden, whichever I choose. I have a view of the opening of the forest where I knew Merick would appear from if he decided to come back.
My stomach growls reminding me that I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I quickly make a sandwich and eat it standing in the kitchen, switching my gaze from one window to the next.
There’s no point in starting a fire since I should go to bed anyway. But more importantly, I am in desperate need of a shower. And it is the fastest shower in human history.
In the bedroom I quickly put on a bra and panties. Over it I throw on some black leggings and an oversized t-shirt that hangs off one shoulder. I keep my hair up in a knot on top of my head and throw on my grey UGG’s.
When it appears I’m not going to be able to fall back to sleep I make a pot of coffee and while it brews, I rekindle the fire. Once that’s done, I creep over to the window, peeking out to see if I can spot Merick. I don’t know why, I’m confused really. I want to forget, but then I want to know more. I want clarification—why, how? Is he out there right now watching? And if so, what are his plans exactly? What does he want from me?
Merick
Her beauty mesmerizes me, just as it did all those years ago and still to this day, it is my weakness—she is my weakness. The way her smile reaches her eyes is captivating. Taryn has no idea the hold she has on me and I know that bond can only be strengthened.
The idea that she fears me is crippling though. I never want her to be scared of me, I want nothing more than to protect her, to cherish her. Yet, she remains hidden behind the walls of her cabin. Darkened rooms, with only the flicker of the fire highlighting the interior. I can’t bear her sleeping on the floor, though that is what she chooses. Curled on to her side, facing the flickering flames, terrified of any small noise that echoes in the night. It’s slowly breaking me.
“Have you told her?” The voice of my father fills the space though I don’t turn around to face him. Instead, I continue to stare out of the large picture window from my office. It overlooks the forest, the large mass of trees that separates me from Taryn. I’ve spent years ensuring that my home is built to perfection, a home for her, one she will love.
My father has come all this way hoping that the bond has been made. The pressure that lies at my feet to rebuild a past that was destroyed weighs heavy on me. Day after day I know the time is growing near, the deadline for Taryn to accept she is mine before our window is closed. The key to our world, to our future, lies in our hands, and at this point, she is terrified of me.
“Yes,” I finally respond knowing already he will have many questions that I can’t answer.
“And?”
I lift the small glass of brandy to my lips, dreading the conversation that is about to take place.
“I’m giving her time,” before the words are completely out of my mouth I hear his footsteps pounding against the hardwood flooring. Turning in my chair slowly I am met with the man who since I was a boy I referred to as powerful. Six foot six, hair that at one time was dark as coal, but has now begun to gray, and a strong broad frame, he was and still is a powerful man. The difference is now I too possess that same power, if not more.
His large hands slap the desk and he leans over ensuring that we are eye level. “We don’t have time.” His nostrils flar
e, the muscles in his neck tense and I know the strength it is taking not to transform. Aggression, fear, dominance—those are just a few things I can envision dancing in his eyes at the moment. But mixed within is a little bit of fear, the idea that our world is so close to being overtaken and lost forever.
The chosen one.
I didn’t like it when I was younger, and I still don’t like it now. With that title comes much responsibility and the fate of the rebirth of the pack, the fate of the world and all that entails rests on me. I’ve been told Taryn was chosen for me, she holds the keys that unlock the next generation and together we will restore everything that was lost to us. Seems amazing in a way that we are the ones that have the gift but also it means that we are not safe, that our children are not safe. Our people were once attacked, targeted and it could all happen again. I could lose it all, I have never in my life felt an emptiness like I did when I thought of a world without Taryn in it.
“I know how important this is.” Leaning in closer I square my shoulders and fight against the rage I feel inside, threatening to take over. “She’s just been told that a fantasy she thought she lived as a child was not truly a fantasy but her reality. She learned the wolf in the forest that she thought she dreamt was real. And that the same wolf is a man she met for the first time weeks ago in a city hundreds of miles from her. That very same man is now in the forest, standing in front of her family vacation home, telling her that I’ve been waiting for her since she was a child.” I take in a calming breath. “She needs a couple of days to absorb it all. She’s not going anywhere, she’s intrigued, but the interest is drowning in a sea of fear and disbelief. If I go to her now she will run.”