by Harms, C. A.
“Then we will be forced to go after her.”
We?
“There is no we, it is just her and I.” I refuse to spend my life watching Taryn fall apart after being forced to be in a world she does not want. I need her to desire me the way I crave her. I need her to love me and feel the need to protect me as much as I do her. With this life comes many secrets. Living among those that think we are normal and being forced to live that charade, it's often overwhelming. “You need to stand back and let me handle this because if you don’t it will be in your hands when this all falls apart.”
I understand my father's desire for revenge, he’s lost a lot, we both have. But Taryn is mine, she is all mine, and I will protect her no matter the cost, against any person or thing that got in between us, including my own father.
I have to show her that the life I can give her is worth walking away from the life she lives now. There is nothing I won’t do for her, nothing I won’t provide. She is my world, the basis of my purpose, it all surrounds her.
She is the key.
I walk up the front steps to her small cabin and pause near the door. Leaning in, I listen quietly for any sounds on the other side. The sun has begun to set and the yellow-orange glow illuminates everything in its path. The reflection on the windows makes it hard to see inside but I know she is here, I can feel her. I can always feel her.
Lifting my hand, I knock against the thick wooden door and then place my palm flat against it. I’ve never wanted to touch anything or anymore more than I want to touch Taryn. To feel the warmth of her skin, to taste her lips, I crave her to the point of possessiveness.
“Taryn,” the sound of her name inflicts a desire in me that is hard to control. “Please,” my heart pounds, the heat of my body rises. “I would never hurt you, you have to believe me. I need you,” I rest my forehead to the door and close my eyes. “I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you, and each day since I’ve been unable to stop myself from falling in love with you more.”
I hear a shuffle on the other side of the door, so I pause, listening for a sign that she is there. Then I feel it, that closeness, the completion I’ve felt every single time she’s near, even if I can’t see her.
“I know you’re confused, that you fear me, but I need you to know that never would I harm you. More than anything I need you to know that you can trust me. You are and always will be the purpose of my existence.” I grow silent, almost willing her to accept what I’ve said. I know I am taking a chance coming here, she could run and though I would find her I know that I may never truly reach her. I could be risking my future and the future of everyone that is looking to us to save them. But if telling her all the things I need to, if being here on her porch now triggers a downward spiral then it’s something I will have to live with. Because staying away from her any longer is impossible.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why spend so many years at a distance, letting me believe it was nothing more than wild dreams? Why?” I can hear the desperation in her voice.
I trace my finger over the space I imagine her head to be resting, taking a moment to weigh out the words that are swarming around in my mind. “Had I come to you ten years ago, or even five, would it truly have made a difference?” She doesn’t respond. “Would you have feared me less, or more?”
I wait, and the longer I am met with silence the more restless I become. Until, after what feels like forever, I heard the sound of the door unlocking. Leaning back I place one hand against the frame of the door and wait with anticipation as the door slowly creeps open. I want to move forward, I want to hold her close and get rid of this ache inside of me that has been there since the moment she ran from me three days ago. Only I hold back, knowing that I am on shaky ground and at this point, anything can happen. I want her trust, I need it.
“I don’t fear you,” Taryn’s voice is so soft and I was desperate for her answer, but now I’m somewhat relieved. “This all seems crazy. Like at any second I’m gonna wake up and I’ll be tucked in my bed in Chicago. It’s surreal, maybe not for you, but for me, it doesn’t seem possible.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?” the look of distress on her face is killing me.
“Yes,” I reply, but she doesn’t seem convinced. “Because to me, you are a dream, a fantasy that I’ve dreamt of for so many years and now you are here, standing before me. I’m terrified too, but for completely different reasons. I’m afraid that you can’t see me the way that I’ve always seen you.”
Her head tilts just a fraction as she looks up at me.
I've ,never needed something more than I need your acceptance. Because I will never force you to feel something you can’t. The life I live appears normal in the eyes of someone on the outside looking in, but to be a part of it, that's when it all changes.”
Taryn
I stare at him, not knowing what to say. How do you respond to something that is so heartfelt, so powerful? He’s being sincere, I know it and I can feel it. What should I do? Isn’t this why I came here, to find something bigger, more meaningful? Granted I never believed this is what I would find, not even for a second. Merick is asking me to take a leap of faith, but am I ready to do that? I don’t even truly understand what’s he’s asking of me.
Before I have the opportunity to change my mind I take a chance. “Come in,” I say quietly as I step back, allowing him to join me inside. His frame is so large that the opening in the doorway seems small in comparison.
Merick removes the black puffer jacket he is wearing and I didn’t think something so simple as the movements of a man could become so hypnotic. I recover quickly, reaching out to take it from him and resist the urge to bring it to my nose, inhaling the masculine scent coming from it. I drape it over the kitchen chair and turn back around to face him.
His dark hair is shaggy and unruly and it’s curling around his jaw. My fingers itch to run through it. I’m imagining the softness gliding against my palm. I shiver and hope immediately that the reaction has gone unnoticed by him.
His size should be intimidating, but there is this calmness in him, this soothing manner that I can’t help but feel too in his presence. Jesus, he’s big. I point to one of the chairs by the fireplace. “Have a seat. C-Can I get you something to drink?”
He smiles, causing the skin around his eyes to crinkle and his alluring brown irises to sparkle. “I’m good, thanks. Come sit, talk to me.” He taps the empty space near him, and I feel my earlier confidence dip.
Choosing to sit in the chair opposite him in order to maintain some much needed distance I see the disappointment in his eyes. “What do you want to talk about?”
“Do you have any questions for me?” His voice is measured yet rough and it causes goosebumps to pop up all over my body, as I do my best to ignore them. My eyes immediately go to his full lips and visions of me kissing them run through my mind. “You’re staring.” His words are laced with humor.
My cheeks heat up with embarrassment. Of course, he noticed me staring at him. I tuck a loose strand of my hair back from my face, letting the heat soak into my skin. Merick sits stoically in his chair, looking like the king of the castle. Can he sense that I’m trying to fight the desire I feel for him, and I am losing the battle fast?
“I should have a million questions.” I do, but honestly, I have no idea where to start. Honestly it all boils down to one specific thing. “You said I remember you,” he nods. “It’s true, I do.” Telling him I’ve dreamt of him often was something I chose to keep to myself, at least for now.
His world though, I know without a doubt is so much different than the one I’ve lived.
We continue to stare at one another—his face gives nothing away, but I can feel so many emotions coming off of him. They’re making my head spin. I grip the arms of my chair and take a deep breath. “What changes?”
“Nothing...everything.” His calmness is somewhat irritating when I’m a complete mess inside. I feel like any mom
ent someone is going to jump out of nowhere and say, gotcha! “Come to my home, let me show you. I promise you can leave at any time.” He slides to the end of his chair, holding his hand out to me. His home, do I want to step into his territory? “Look into my eyes, you will see I’m not going to hurt you, you can trust me.” Hesitantly I place my hand in his, it’s so large it dwarfs my own, but weirdly I find it comforting. The warmth spreads through me as he holds my hand securely, almost protectively. “Taryn, I’d die before I let anything happen to you, I need you to know that. Don’t just hear those words, accept them, believe them.” There isn’t an ounce of reluctance in his voice, and his eyes bore into my own.
The voice inside me tells me to trust him and to go with him, but there’s a small part that is screaming run as fast as I can away from here. “Can you give me the night to think about it? Only tonight and I promise tomorrow I’ll come to your home with you. I’ll listen with an open mind.” Tonight I need time to think, time to analyze it all. I’d let him in, I’d listened and now I have to process everything.— alone. I need time alone. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would be in this place doing this very thing.
Relief seems to wash over him, and Merick gives me a smile that makes me weak in the knees and causes a desire to pool in my belly.
He stands quickly and lets go of my hand. I hear him inhale deeply as he turns toward the door to leave. Was he attempting to smell me?
I ignore that thought and grab his coat for him. Merick’s fingers graze mine as he grabs it from me. After he shrugs it on, he walks toward the door. “Tomorrow I’ll come back with my truck.”
I look outside and only see my rental. “How did you get here?”
“Through the trees. I’m about a mile from here. It’s a straight line through the forest, a two-story log cabin, you can’t miss it.” He flashes me a smile that makes my belly flip and then winks before stepping outside and down the stairs leading to the snow covered ground.
After he disappears into the trees I close the door and lock it. Completely unsure of what I want to do, I curl up in front of the fire.
I awake with a startle again. The cabin is bathed in darkness and I’m freezing. I roll to my back and listen. A scratching noise can be heard from the back of the cabin. My heart beats rapidly in my chest as I remain perfectly still. Fear chokes me. I grab the blanket, pulling it up tight to my neck as if it alone can somehow protect me. A hissing sound joins the scratching and I know I’m not imagining the noises.
I let go of my blanket and cover my ears, silently praying that whatever it is it would go away. My hands tremble and I can’t block out the noise. What is happening? I reach out and grab the butcher knife off of the coffee table, clutching it to my chest again praying that the opportunity to use it never comes. I can’t do this, I don’t want to. The scratching turns to banging and I jump up seeking out the safest place to hide. Scanning over the space of the cabin I freeze in fear when I see a shadowy figure pass by the window near the kitchen sink. The rattling sound of the handle echoes through the silence and pure adrenaline fills my body. The backdoor bursts open, and I spring in to action doing the first thing that comes to mind.
I run for the front door and without a second thought, I flipped the deadbolt and burst out of the cabin. My first instinct is to hide in the trees, my fear obviously taking over all logic. But when I reached the clearing only one thing, or one person came to mind. In only a pair of wool socks, I run through the snow as fast as I can. Branches off the trees as I pass, smack me in the face.
The cold night air burns my skin as I run faster than I ever have before. I don’t even know if I’m running in the right direction. I can’t think, all I can do is keep moving. He’s said to trust him, he told me he’d never hurt me or allow anyone to hurt me. Merick says he can feel me? Can he tell I’m coming right now? Is he coming to get me?
The snow is deep enough that I don’t see the thick fallen tree branches until I’m tripping over them. I land face down and if I wasn’t so scared I might actually laugh at myself, but nothing about this situation seems humorous at this point. I look behind me and don’t see anything chasing me, but I’m not taking any chances, I can’t let my guard down.
I get off of the ground and limp run because my foot at this point is killing me. I’m cold, wet, and the adrenaline rush is starting to fade, fear conquering me little by little, crippling me. My body trembles violently as I keep moving, but my movements are getting slower and slower with each passing second.
A twig snaps in the distance and I whimper as I attempt to run on my wounded foot. If I scream will Merick hear me?
“Merick.” It comes out as a hoarse whisper.
I swear I’m trying to scream but it won’t come out. “Please M-Merick. H-Help me.” I attempt once more before tripping again. Pain radiates from my ankle and I feel hot tears roll along my cheeks. Hysteria takes over and I realize I don’t have the knife anymore.
I push myself up and look down, even inside my sock I can tell my ankle is swollen. There are also red spots on the snow. I look at my arm and see an ugly gash. Did the knife cut me when I tripped the first time? Blood drips steadily down my arm into the snow.
My vision swims, but I push past it and hobble in the direction I was running. “Merick.” I scream, my throat burning this time from the forced cry. A wolf howls in the distance and my vision swims again and this time I can’t stop it, I fall face down and fade into darkness.
I feel myself being lifted. I’m snuggled up to something warm. “I’ve got you, baby. You’re safe now.”
I keep my eyes closed and savor the warmth his bare chest is giving me. I’m not sure why he’s shirtless, but I don’t care, he saved me. “I knew you’d come.” I whisper before I lose consciousness again.
I wake to the sound of talking and I’m not able to move, but I feel warm and pain-free. I look down and see I’m wrapped in a thick comforter in front of a huge fireplace. My arm is wrapped in a bandage and my foot is propped up with an ice pack laying over the swollen joint.
He took care of me.
Again I hear voices and I wonder who is he talking to? Did he hear me even when I couldn’t yell? My mind swarms with so many unanswered questions but I can’t seem to keep myself alert.
I fall asleep before I have the chance to speak.
Merick
I stand in my office with a clear view of Taryn through the open door that overlooks the living room. She still remains curled up in the blanket I wrapped her in only a few hours ago. The way her body shivered against my own as I picked her up from the snow frightened me. But the blood, the whimper she released that echoed through the trees, that was excruciating.
“She’s here,” my father speaks low as he steps closer, “that’s all that matters.”
“What matters is why the hell I found her in the forest, bleeding and in pain. What was she running from? She was safely tucked away inside her cabin only hours before that. I would never have left her had I—”
“There is no way you could have known.”
I know he’s doing all he can to keep me calm, but frankly, at this point, I don’t believe anything can tame the anger I feel. Something made her go into the woods at night alone.
“Go to her,” I take in another calming breath as I weigh out the reasons why I should listen to my father. But a big part of me wants to go outside and comb the land looking for any clue that would lead me to the answers. “Comfort her, that’s what you both need.”
He says nothing more before he exits my office and moves toward the door. Slowly and very cautiously he opens the front door and disappears through it., closing it softly behind him. I am alone with Taryn and again the anger threatens to overpower me. I take the same path as my father, placing my hand on the door handle fully intending to take a run, in search of anything when I heard her call out.
“Merick?” her voice is hoarse and instantly I release the door and cross the room toward her. Rounding
the couch I kneel before her and push back the long brown hair that had fallen like a shield over her face.
“I’m here,” cupping the side of her face I watch as she blinks a few times as if trying her best to focus. “How are you feeling?”
“What happened?” she asks, ignoring my question her eyes grow wide and she attempts to push up off the couch.
“No, please rest,” the sound of the logs in the fire behind me pop from the heat. “Relax, you're safe here.”
“Here?” I notice the way her gaze moves passed me and scan over the mass room. “Am I ..” her question dies on her tongue but I know what she was about to ask.
“My home,” she redirects her attention to me. “I found you in the forest. I knew something was wrong, I felt a sense of urgency, a need to find you.”
“You did?” She seems confused and I can’t help but smile. I hadn’t gotten the opportunity yet to explain what it truly meant to be mine. How I can sense her. I feel her, I swear she runs through my veins, her thoughts can be heard mixed with my own and her fear, I feel it. I know when she is sad, happy, I know when there is something troubling her.
“I’ll always come to you, but I’m hoping that one day soon I won’t have to. Instead I hope that you are here, next to me, where I can ensure that no one ever hurts you.” I notice the bob of her throat as she swallows hard. It's so easy for me to say these things to her because I have never meant anything more. “Having you close will allow me to protect you, it will—”
“You keep saying that,” a concerned look takes over her features.