Aretha Moon and the Dead Hairdresser: Aretha Moon Book 2 (Aretha Moon Mysteries)

by Linda Ross

  “Hey, great party!” a voice said next to me, and I turned to see Avery Turnberry. He looked stunning tonight too in tight spandex pants, a loose silk blouse and his auburn wig.

  “Looking good, Avery,” I said.

  “I just came from a show,” he said. “No time to change, but I wiped off most of the makeup.

  “Well, you look fantastic,” I said. Avery thanked me and moved on with a toss of his glorious hair. I briefly contemplated getting a wig, but with my luck it would get infested with something.

  “Time for champagne,” Lorenzo called, holding up a bottle and setting his thumbs to it. “Rose, you can pour while I open.” He flipped the cork out with a resounding pop, and we all cheered.

  Rose set about pouring the champagne into the glasses lined up on the counter and handing them off. Lorenzo started on the second bottle, but when he popped the cork the champagne practically exploded out. I was grateful to be standing near the back as the bubbly sprayed Rose and then Darlene.

  Rose definitely took the brunt of it. The front of her blouse was soaking wet, and I could see her bra underneath. So could Carl, and he was openly leering. Champagne dripped off her belt onto the floor. Rose looked startled as she shook her hands in the air to clear the dripping champagne.

  Darlene’s hair was wet, but her clothes relatively dry. “Oh, dear,” she said as she surveyed Rose.

  “Never mind,” Rose said. “My sweater’s still dry. “I’ll go get out of the blouse.” She headed to the rest room, and everybody helped themselves to champagne.

  When Rose came back, she had buttoned the cardigan in place of the blouse, and she looked as chic as ever.

  We all drank champagne and chatted for about half an hour, and then the party moved down the street to the brewery where Lorenzo had rented a room and ordered appetizers and sandwiches for us.

  I couldn’t seem to get into the party mood though.

  “So what’s wrong?” Thelma asked as we stood at the edge of the room watching everyone laughing and eating. “Where’s your appetite? You should be celebrating that you found a killer.”

  “I don’t know. I guess it’s this itchy rash. Something just doesn’t feel right, and I can’t put my finger on it.”

  “You found the evidence and the police are questioning Haskell. Seems to me it’s pretty well wrapped up.”

  “I suppose so. But it was just too. . . easy. You know? Why would Haskell just leave that stuff sitting in the barrel? Why wouldn’t he get rid of it?”

  “Maybe he hadn’t had time. He knew you were watching him.”

  “And why was he threatening you and me? We didn’t find out anything incriminating when we talked to him.”

  “Maybe he thought we did.”

  “And Duggie the elf never saw him near the salon.”

  “Maybe he came after Duggie left.”

  I was still brooding when Avery came up and handed me a plate with some shrimp, chips and guacamole on it. “I saw you standing here, and you’re not eating. You should be celebrating.”

  “Thanks, Avery. How are things going with you?”

  “Oh, they’re terrific. I’m a regular now in the shows, and I’m practicing to do a Liza Minnelli number. I’ve ordered a new black wig. It’s going to look fabulous.”

  “Good for you,” I said.

  As Avery walked away, I tried to picture him in a black wig, but the only image I could conjure was Moe of the Three Stooges. I couldn’t quite make the image change to Liza Minnelli.

  But Avery might pull it off.

  And that’s when it clicked. I looked across the room and felt the puzzle pieces falling in place. It made sense now. I was pretty sure I knew what happened. I just needed to get Jimmy to check one thing.

  I found Lorenzo holding court with a woman Thelma had interviewed when she won a hottest grandmother of the year award. I apologized for the interruption and asked Lorenzo if I could have the key to the office. I said I’d left my wallet there.

  He handed it over without any hesitation, and I grabbed my coat and headed for the door. I wanted to take Thelma, but she was on the far side of the room talking to Rose.

  Once I was outside, I texted Jimmy and then headed for the office at a brisk walk. The night was crisp and cold, and a full moon had come out. A few people were still out and about, but most had gone indoors to get warm.

  I trotted the last block and stopped at the door, my hand shaking when I put the key in. I turned on the light and closed the door, then headed for the rest room. I didn’t see what I was looking for when I first opened the door. I turned on the light and looked around the toilet and sink. Then I looked behind the door and there it was. Rose’s braided belt hanging over her blouse on the door knob. I knew that fingerprints weren’t important at this point, so I just grabbed it and coiled it into a neat circle. I knew I couldn’t very well walk back into the party with it, so I needed to find a place to stash it here. If only I’d had my car. I headed for my desk and opened the bottom drawer. I had pushed some printer paper aside and was about to slide the belt in when the door opened. I looked up, startled, to see Rose standing there. She looked at the belt in my hand, and a scowl crossed her face.

  “What are you doing with that?” she demanded, staring at the belt.

  I took a deep breath and dropped the belt on the desk.

  “Hello, Kara,” I said, trying to keep my voice even.

  There was a long, tense pause as we stared at each other.

  “So you finally figured it out,” she said in a low growl. “I have to give you credit. I didn’t think you would.”

  “It was the wig. I finally realized you’re wearing a wig.”

  She smiled. “I paid a lot of money for this wig. It looks natural. It’s only temporary though. I’m going to be leaving town when my own hair grows out. Maybe sooner now.”

  “It’s over,” I said. “I texted Jimmy to check the body’s DNA against the black hairs in your brush at the house.”

  “I still have time,” she said coolly.

  “Did you kill Stephanie too?”

  “I wasn’t going to jail again,” she said casually. “Stephanie saw me with her credit card, and she said she was going to tell her husband. I’d already ordered a TV on another customer’s card, so if the police checked they’d find out. I knew Stephanie jogged every evening, and she just lived up the road from me. So it was easy to run over her. But I knew I’d be a suspect, and my car was damaged, so a change of identity was the best way out.” She spoke easily and quickly, and I realized she was boasting. She was probably happy she had someone to tell what a great plan she’d executed.

  “So you killed Rose.”

  “I told her to come to the salon so we could talk. I stole a hammer from Loren’s barn and brought it with me. I used my belt to strangle Rose, and then I gave her a hair job to look like me. It took a while, and in the meantime I put on the wig and went out the front door and left in her car. I drove it back and parked a couple of blocks away, then walked to the salon as myself. That idiot Duggie was there wanting to sell me some stuff, but I told him I wasn’t interested. I went back inside, finished the hair dye and cut and then bashed in her face with the hammer. I drove to her house and became Rose.”

  “Did you kill Hominy too?”

  “In a manner of speaking. She’d been wanting to get together to do some porch pirating like we used to do, and one night when I was drunk I told her about how cool it would be if I took on Rose’s identity. I figured Hominy might remember that, so I got enough fentanyl together and gave it to her. She managed to kill herself, which was what I figured she’d do.

  “After I killed Rose I wanted to point the police toward Loren. Since he was seeing Stephanie, it was perfect. I kept trying to give you hints, but you were too dumb to pick up on them.”

  “You mean the rat in the car?”

  Kara nodded. “That’s why I got the job here, so I could make you think Loren did it. I didn’t think you and tha
t stupid cop would ever get the message. But now that the police arrested Loren you ruined it all by figuring it out.”

  There was a moment of silence and then I heard a metallic click. The overhead light gleamed on the knife in her hand. Paul.

  “I never go anywhere without my friend,” she crooned. There was another click, and a second knife appeared in her other hand. “All the better to cut you with, my dear,” she said with another smirk.

  She started moving toward me and I backed up against the desk. I had nowhere to run here, and I didn’t think I was going to be able to defend myself against two knives.

  I’d read that overweight people have extra veins, so I figured I’d bleed a lot. That wasn’t a pleasant prospect. And that old regret surfaced, that I’d be a fat corpse at the funeral. Maybe it would be a closed coffin. I could only hope. I wondered if Jimmy would be upset. At least I’d have Thelma to light a candle for me or whatever it was ex-nuns did with candles. If Darlene was involved, the funeral parlor would probably catch fire.

  Kara was only about three feet away now, and I could tell that she was savoring this moment. It was apparent that she enjoyed cutting people. I swallowed and tried to think of something.

  In one fast move she lunged at me, and I tried to dodge her. She caught me on the arm, and I was shocked to see blood run down to my hand. Kara laughed.

  “I like it when I can do it slowly,” she said. “it’s more fun.” She held up the second knife. “Let’s do this again.”

  She was about to lunge again when the door burst open and banged into the wall. She jerked around in time to see Darlene spill across the doorstep, a group of people behind her. I don’t know if it was instinct or what, but Kara’s arm came up and she threw one of the knives at Darlene.

  Normally when someone throws a knife if doesn’t get to its target or it gets there handle first and bounces off. It’s not easy to hit someone with the blade of a knife. But this was the unluckiest woman in the world. The knife blade entered just below her collarbone and stuck there.

  Darlene gasped, and I gasped. And Kara turned on me in fury. She knew she couldn’t get away now as even more people piled into the office behind Darlene. I felt around the desk behind me, but all I could come up with was my World’s Greatest Bowler mug.

  I curled my fingers around the handle just as Kara lunged at me, a look of pure hatred on her face. I moved to the right and brought the mug around with a roundhouse swing as hard as I could and connected with the side of her head as the knife caught the edge of my shoulder. The mug shattered, and Kara collapsed to the floor. The wig was now sideways, showing her short black hair. Time seemed to stand still. It could have been a minute or an hour.

  Someone was calling my name, and I realized I had sunk to the floor. I heard Jimmy’s voice and Thelma’s. I looked up and saw both of them kneeling in front of me, looking as worried as I’d ever seen either of them. Jimmy cupped my face with his hand.

  “Aretha, are you all right? How badly are you hurt?”

  “I don’t think it’s bad,” I managed to get out. “But I don’t want to look at the blood.”

  “Just close your eyes,” he said. “An ambulance is on the way.”

  “Is Darlene okay?” I asked.

  “She’ll be fine,” Thelma said. “The knife glanced off her necklace.”

  “So she actually had some good luck,” I said.

  “Looks that way.”

  Jimmy was wrapping a handkerchief around my arm, and then his hand was cradling my face again. “Don’t move,” he said. And I thought, As if. I was afraid that I would crumple if I tried to stand.

  The ambulance got there within a few minutes, and the crowd moved aside to let the EMTs inside. I’d lost some blood, but they said no arteries were severed.

  Jimmy rode in the ambulance with me, holding my hand, and he didn’t leave my side until I was taken back for stitches. He took me home to his house and got me a Diet Coke.

  “Is Kara all right?” I asked when he had me tucked in bed, propped up on pillows.

  “The hospital is keeping her overnight to check for concussion. We have an armed guard at the door, so she’s not going anywhere. How did you figure it out?”

  “The wig. I’d been admiring her hair since I first saw her and wondering how she got it to always look so good. Then Avery was talking about getting a new wig, and the pieces just came together. That’s why I texted you to do a DNA test on the body.”

  “Good thinking,” he said.

  “Jimmy,” I said hesitantly.

  “What?” he asked with a smile.

  I wanted to ask him if I could live here in his house with him forever, but I figured it was the painkillers talking in my head.

  “Do you think we could get a pizza?” I asked.

  “Not just pizza. Let’s get some cheesecake too.”

  * * * * *

  Thelma and I wrote up the story, and the St. Louis area papers picked it up. Even a Kansas City one ran it. We were hot stuff for a while. Lorenzo even bought me a new mug. This one read World’s Greatest Fisherman. Yeah, well, it’s the thought that counts.

  I’d actually lost a pound at the next Slenderizers meeting, but that little victory didn’t last long. A few donut and cheesecake breakfasts took care of that.

  I stayed at Jimmy’s until the sling came off my arm, and then I moved back to my house with Nancy. I think Nancy misses Jimmy. She keeps checking the guest bedroom and sighing. So do I.