The Colossus of Roads

by Christina Uss

  THE BEST DRIVER IN LA

  MILA RETURNED RIGHT before Mom and Dad were scheduled to come get Rick. She held something behind her back. “Guess what I get to do?” she said, smiling.

  The pound cake and strawberry-banana smoothie had gone a long way to getting Rick out of his grouchy slump. He raised his hand. “Ooh! Ooh! I know this one! You get to…drive so slowly with Abuelita that you actually go backward in time!”

  Mila quietly cracked up and looked around to make sure Abuelita hadn’t heard him. “We were late again, but it was okay, because we got to do such amazing stuff. Look!” What she pulled from around her back was the last thing Rick would have guessed: a SPEED LIMIT 35 road sign. But the 5 had been painted with green and purple paint to look like a curvy fire-breathing dragon. Mila put it on the kitchen table so they could both admire it.

  “What is this?” Rick asked, baffled and intrigued. He touched the dragon’s tail.

  “It’s our new service project! The artist’s house we went to, Anna Diamond, she creates public art that’s displayed all around Los Angeles. My troop leader talked to her and she talked to her sister, who works for the city, and asked if we could make a public art project out of any recyclable materials the city wasn’t using. Now we get to paint old road signs with special reflective paint!” Mila didn’t usually talk this much or this loudly. Rick could tell how thrilled she was.

  “They gave you each an old road sign to paint?” Rick asked.

  “More than one—bunches. When we’re done with them, Ms. Diamond said she knows different neighborhoods that want them hung up in parks, on old buildings, decorating medians or ugly fences, stuff like that. Ms. Diamond said we can really make a difference in people’s lives when they see our art. It’ll remind them how beautiful any ordinary thing can be. She said Picasso said, ‘Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.’”

  “The signs are pretty perfect the way they are, though,” Rick said. His fingers itched to grab the sign, take it home with him, and wash the paint off in the bathtub.

  “Oh, I thought you’d like it,” Mila said, less excited-sounding. “I’ve seen you sketch road signs like this on your graph paper. I got permission to bring it home and show it to you and my family.”

  “Sorry,” Rick apologized. “This is definitely…creative.”

  Mollified, Mila continued, “I’m going to finish this one at Ms. Diamond’s house next week. Our troop leader said instead of our regular meetings, we’re going to focus on this for a whole month.”

  Rick blinked, momentarily overcome, thinking of the multitude of perfectly useful signs about to be covered in Girl Scout paint.

  Mila traced her finger over the 3 next to her dragon. “I’m going to make the three into a knight battling the dragon, and see if I can make each letter of Speed Limit into a different mythical creature. Ms. Diamond has a California condor made out of bent street signs flying over her front door, and her backyard is a sculpture garden with twisty paths so you can get lost among her creations. And there are sculptures in her house, too. When you walk in her front door, you’re in this big room without much furniture. Lots of space to spread out. Some of those huge freeway signs are going to be delivered next week.”

  “Wow,” Rick said. “How is she getting them to her house?”

  “I told you, her sister works for the city. I think she’s the manager of traffic, or transport. She gets the signs to Ms. Diamond.”

  “Wait, do you mean her sister runs the Department of Transportation?” Rick asked.

  Mila pressed her lips together. “Maybe. That sounds right.”

  “And she’s coming to drop off more signs to the Girl Scouts? Next week?” Rick involuntarily clapped his hands together. A very important city official, someone with authority over road signs, would be visiting his side of Los Angeles. Maybe he could talk to her about his Snarl Solutions.

  “Yup. We’re supposed to make her a thank-you note to bring with us. Ms. Diamond says her sister is very particular about thank-you notes. Why?”

  The doorbell rang and Mrs. Herrera called out, “Rick! Your dad is here for you!”

  “Mila,” Rick blurted. “Is there any way I can join your Girl Scout troop?”

  That evening Rick found out, much to his relief, that he needn’t become a Girl Scout to attend the next meeting. Mila had asked her mom, Mrs. Herrera had made some calls, and the troop leader and Ms. Diamond had said family and friends were welcome to participate in the painting project.

  Rick had then gotten his parents’ permission to go. “We’re happy you’re trying something new, but…painting with the Girl Scouts? With Abuelita driving you?” Mom had asked, feeling his forehead. “I don’t know about this.”

  Rick’s stomach was giving him furious this-isn’t-worth-it signals, but he ignored it. “Mom, this is important to me. I think I can handle it. I’ll bring lots of double-reinforced bags for the ride to and from Anna Diamond’s house.”

  As soon as he mentioned Anna Diamond’s name, his dad got excited.

  “Anna Diamond’s a street art legend! I’ve always suspected she was behind painting those giant cat faces on the Los Angeles River drains. Sweetheart, if the boy is willing to try to get there to learn from her, we have to say yes. It’s an amazing opportunity,” he said.

  “Who am I to stand in the way of an amazing opportunity?” Mom said with a bewildered shrug. “I guess Rick’s going.”

  Next, Rick searched the LA Department of Transportation website and found a picture of its general manager, Mrs. Althea Torres. She was the only woman listed, so he thought she was probably the artist’s sister. He studied her face to see whether she’d be one of those people who dismiss what kids have to say simply because they’re kids. It was impossible to tell. She looked elegant and serious. Well, he’d wear his most grown-up pants and T-shirt.

  Finally, Rick found the address of Yum Num Donuts on its website and looked at its location on a map. His stomach did a somersault. It was six miles away on Balboa Boulevard, a street with multiple freeway entrances where traffic often tangled in stop-and-go knots.

  So, going there was a good idea in theory. Too bad we’ll be staying home instead, his stomach said.

  “No, we’re going. We have to,” he told his stomach. “It’s my only chance to talk to Mrs. Torres.”

  Maybe you could ride your bike there? his stomach pleaded. Rick owned a bike, but with so many broken sidewalks in his neighborhood, he didn’t ride much. And riding on the road was too scary. Once, when he was pedaling on the street with his parents, someone’s rearview mirror had brushed his elbow. He’d glanced in the window of the car and seen a guy steering with his knees, a cup of coffee in one hand, his phone in the other. His parents would occasionally ride with him down to the local cycling path for a family outing, but they hadn’t done that in a while. He was pretty sure his mom had seen the coffee-and-phone guy too.

  Rick asked his stomach to buck up. “What matters is that we get there, and that we convince Mrs. Torres to listen to me. Stomach, keep your eyes on the prize. We’ve got to convince her to start trying my Snarl Solutions in the places Smotch needs them. This is how we can help Mom and Dad.”

  I will be brave, his stomach said. But Rick could still feel it wobbling.

  The following Tuesday afternoon, Rick followed Mila and Abuelita to their carport. Mila carried her partially painted speed limit sign and a homemade thank-you card. Rick had his school backpack slung over his shoulder, a manila folder with his best Snarl Solutions tucked inside, along with double-reinforced bags. He was wearing his khaki pants, a plain black T-shirt, and his black In-N-Out Burger cap. He thought it made him look sort of professional. A little taller, at least.

  I can do this, he repeated to himself. I can do this. No matter how Abuelita drives, I can do this.

  Abuelita’s 1952 Cadillac Eldorado was fire-engine red with tailfins. It sat in the carport like a long, fat tropical fish. Rick climbed into the backsea
t.

  We can do this? his stomach asked.

  We can, he told it as confidently as possible.

  One mile out of the driveway, he knew he couldn’t. He was going to die. Abuelita was not only slow, she was swerving hypnotically back and forth across the road, angry cars behind her laying on their horns. Rick grabbed a handful of carsickness bags out of his backpack and clutched them tightly. His stomach bellowed the unhappy moose noise.

  Abuelita glanced at him in the rearview mirror. “Are you all right?”

  Mila answered for him. “He’s turning a funny color. I don’t think he feels well.”

  Abuelita pulled into a 7-Eleven and turned off the car. She turned around and got a good look at Rick. Her eyes widened in alarm. “Ricardo! What do you need?”

  He needed someone to peel him off the seat and lay him down in a small hole where he would never be asked to move or speak again. But he had to find a way to survive the next five miles. He had to meet the head of the Department of Transportation and impress her with his awesomeness. “I’m…fine…,” he croaked.

  “Did he say he was dying? Pobrecito, poor boy!”

  Mila said, “We should probably turn around and take him home.”

  “Not…home…please…can…make it.” He tried to push his face into a smile.

  The wrinkles on Abuelita’s forehead deepened. “Do you feel this way from the motion of the car?” she asked.

  Rick managed a nod.

  Her forehead smoothed. “I know what to do. Rest now. Breathe. And tell me when you are ready for us to move again.” Abuelita reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a pair of red leather driving gloves. Each had a small brass button at the wrist. She slipped them onto her hands and snapped the buttons closed with relish.

  Mila leaned over Rick and wound his window down for him. He breathed in the afternoon air and stared at the angles of the 7 in the 7-Eleven sign, willing his stomach to give him a break. When he felt he was back from the brink, he let out a sigh. “Better now.”

  Abuelita gave him a firm nod. “I will take care of you, Ricardo. Trust me. I am the best driver in LA.”

  Rick tried to prepare himself for the next onslaught of nausea. He was hit by a wave of surprise instead.

  Abuelita pulled back out onto the street. Instead of slowing down cars behind her for blocks, she smoothly began passing every car ahead of her like they were standing still. She didn’t have to tap her brakes even once, soaring under every green stoplight. Rick managed a glance at the speedometer, but she wasn’t breaking any speed limits. Abuelita was somehow obeying all the traffic laws in the smoothest possible way.

  When they glided to a stop at the curb in front of Anna Diamond’s one-story adobe house, Rick’s stomach had nothing to say. He thought it might be in shock.

  Abuelita removed her driving gloves. “That was okay for you, Ricardo? Not feeling so sick now?” she asked.

  Rick nodded. If everyone drove like that, there’d be no need for Snarl Solutions or discussions with his stomach.

  “I’ll be back for you kids in a couple of hours,” Abuelita said. “Have fun!”

  They got out, Rick with his backpack, Mila carrying her dragon-decorated sign. They wordlessly watched Abuelita pull away, the big car once again slowly weaving like a placid red fish undulating upriver.

  Ms. Diamond’s yard had no grass, only sandy soil, desert plants, and sculptures. He and Mila silently navigated the flagstone walkway to the front door. “She always tells Mami and Papi she’s the best driver in LA,” Mila finally said.

  “Maybe she is, sometimes,” Rick said. He tried to simply be grateful for the fact he felt like a normal human being and not think about which of Abuelita’s driving styles he’d get on the way home.

  Mila rang the doorbell. Rick eyed the California condor above the door, made from contorted green street signs that had once labeled Valley Road, Tyler Street, and Memory Lane. He looked over his shoulder and saw the Yum Num Donuts sign illuminated down the street: COME ON IN FOR FRESH DON TS. THE ONLY THING MISSING IS “U.”

  A woman with spiky black hair answered the door, wearing a wild parrot-print blouse that billowed around her ample frame. “Welcome, chickadees,” she said. Standing guard inside the door, a sculpture of a rooster made from a rusted frying pan stood tall on stiltlike legs. The rooster held a bouquet of real lollipops in his beak.

  Rick introduced himself. “I’m Mila’s neighbor Rick Rusek. Thanks for letting me come.”

  “Call me Ms. Diamond. Always happy to encourage young artists. Come in, come in.” She beckoned them past the rooster with her paint-spattered hands. “Paintbrushes and paints are over there. Grab any sign you like, find an open spot, and set your imaginations free! Whatever you make, I guarantee it will lift your fellow Angelenos’ hearts when they see it.”

  The front of the house was open and airy, like it had been hollowed out into one large space for elaborate art-making. The cream-colored, rough-textured walls were hung with framed abstract paintings and odd objects, like animal antlers with holes drilled into them and a guitar shaped like a banana. The brick-red tile floor had been strewn with several drop cloths, but based on the array of stains Rick could see peeking from between them, Ms. Diamond wasn’t bothered by spilled paint.

  About a dozen Girl Scouts were eagerly sorting through a sizable stack of road signs against the back wall. A couple of Scouts were already kneeling on drop cloths, busily painting their chosen signs. Two women were dolloping various colors onto plastic palettes. “That’s my troop leader and her assistant,” Mila told Rick. She introduced him to them, and one of them said, “Let us know if either of you need help getting started. And there’s a padded mailing envelope over there for the thank-you cards.”

  “I think we’re good,” Mila said. She laid her dragon sign down on a drop cloth and said to Rick, “As soon as I put my card in the envelope, I’m going to get started. Why don’t you go choose a sign and you can set up here next to me?”

  “Sure,” Rick said absently. He watched one girl using broad, splashy strokes to turn an entire ONE WAY sign purple. Rick wanted to explain to her what a waste of a perfectly good ONE WAY sign it was. He looked away and said under his breath, “Focus. Act professional. Remember why you’re here.”

  Ms. Diamond finished ushering in another girl and headed for an untidy desk in the corner. Rick followed her. “Hi, er, Ms. Diamond. Mila said some big freeway signs were getting delivered today. Did they get here yet?” he asked.

  “Not yet, but they should be here shortly. We’ll continue concentrating on the smaller individual signs today and save the big signs for group work next time. Please, please, get started. Don’t be shy.” She sat in her rolling desk chair and it let out a squeak. “I want you young creators to feel empowered to make art everywhere you go, and find art everywhere you look.”

  “Yup, thanks,” Rick said, not really listening. He’d assumed he’d need a long chunk of time to get himself back to normal after driving with Abuelita, so this extra time was an unexpected gift. He put down his backpack and unzipped it. He took out the manila folder on which he’d printed the words Traffic Solutions in his best-ever handwriting.

  He closed his eyes and practiced his opening line for when Mrs. Torres arrived. I’m Rick Rusek, and I think I can solve problems for both of us. Then he’d confidently hand the folder to her. He’d read that if you handed a thing to people confidently before they really knew what it was, they’d take it automatically. Once Mrs. Torres opened the folder, once she looked at his Snarl Solutions, he was hoping they’d do the rest of his talking for him. “Yes, I see,” Mrs. Torres would say. “These are precisely what our city needs. I will implement them immediately, and do the same with any other ideas you send me.”

  The sound of a large vehicle pulling into the driveway outside made his eyes pop open. “There they are now,” Ms. Diamond said, standing and making the chair squeak again.

  IF YOU CAN DREAM IT, YOU CA
N DO IT

  RICK WAITED FOR Mrs. Torres to come in, his lips getting ready to form I’m Rick Rusek. Instead, a tall guy with ropy muscles entered from the side door. “Where do you want this load?”

  “Right up against this wall, please. I’ll get the furniture dolly from the shed,” Ms. Diamond said, disappearing out the same door.

  “You’re not Mrs. Torres,” Rick said.

  “Nope,” the guy said. “And I wouldn’t want to be.”

  “Are you a traffic engineer?” Rick asked.

  “Nope again. And I wouldn’t want to be that, either. I like being a delivery guy for the city.”

  Rick was at a loss. His mouth really wanted to start saying I’m Rick Rusek, and I think I can solve problems to someone, but this was not the right someone. Mila must have misunderstood.

  Ms. Diamond returned with a couple of speed limit signs under her arm and said to the delivery guy, “I put the dolly next to the tailgate. That’s one full truck. I’ll help unload, but would you first like to see some of the art you’re helping us create?” She motioned him closer to the drop cloths. The delivery guy shrugged and followed her. Rick followed both of them. He didn’t know what else to do.

  The two nearest Scouts were absorbed in their work. One was painting a jungle populated by sapphire tigers. The other had the purple-plastered ONE WAY sign. She appeared to be transforming it into a stout purple alligator. “Heh,” the delivery guy said, cracking a smile. “You’re going to let blue tigers and purple alligators loose on the streets of LA? Well, let’s not dilly-dally. This looks important.”

  Rick stood clutching his manila folder to his chest and watched the delivery guy and Ms. Diamond bring in dozens of signs of all sizes and colors. The pile they made was beyond awesome. There were speed limit signs in every multiple of 5 from 15 to 70. There were signs there to fix nearly every traffic puzzle Rick had ever dreamed up. When the green freeway signs came in on the dolly, they were so much bigger than he’d realized. His brain felt a bit fizzy beholding them, like its synapses were turning into soda—the same way they felt when he came up with an especially insightful Snarl Solution.