My Life as Cheese

by K. Aten

  “Anne…” Uh oh, she really is serious if she’s using my real name.

  “Come on Robin, I thought you knew me better than that.”

  At that point I really wished I could see her face. “I just don’t want you to play around with her like you do all the other girls. Her last girlfriend was a real shit. She was lying, cheating, and verbally abusive. That’s the reason I talked her into starting fresh and moving down here.”

  I ran my right hand through my hair while holding the phone with the other. “Robin—” I paused, trying to sort out what I wanted to say. “You don’t have to worry about that from me. I have a line that I draw between my friends and anything else, you know that. I like Jen a lot and even after only a few days, I consider her a friend.”

  She sighed again. “Okay, I trust you, Little Bird. You can’t blame me for being worried though. I know you better than a lot of people, and I also know that she’s exactly your type.”

  I laughed, “Oh yeah, she’s definitely hot—” I was pretty sure I heard a little growl in my ear from Robin. “But she’s also my friend and you know my rule is not to date friends. That just causes too many problems later on.”

  She chuckled over the phone, completely aware of the usual drama involved with tight circles of friends when two end up dating then breaking up. “Oh yeah, I know all about it. I’m just saying to be careful, Ched. She’s definitely interested, and I wanted to give you a heads up.”

  I grinned, even though no one else could see it. “Really, did she tell you that?”

  “God you’re incorrigible! No she didn’t come right out and say it but she did ask something like a hundred questions about you. Don’t worry, I tried to warn her off already.”

  I felt a little hurt and bitter at her comment. “Gee thanks, make sure you tell Jen I rob little old ladies and eat babies too. Keep her away from the monster in 2-A.”

  Robin gave me attitude right back. “Damn it, Anne, it wasn’t like that and you know it! I was looking out for her and you. I just wanted to make sure she knew the score, so that you wouldn’t have to do the uncomfortable let down that always comes at the end.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Fine, I get it. Please stop already. You don’t have to worry about me. Hands off the baby chick, I’ll protect her like she was my own egg.”

  Robin laughed. “You’re a nut, but thanks Anne. I was just worried, you know? After all, I’ve seen you go through half the eligible girls back in college and I know you haven’t slowed down much since then. You can’t blame me for being a little worried.”

  I sighed, saddened at her words but knowing they were true nonetheless. “Yeah, I don’t blame you for trying to look out for Jen. She really is a great girl. I’ll keep an eye on her, who knows maybe we can set her up with someone nice.”

  “Little Bird… you are nice and don’t let anyone tell you different. As a matter of fact, you are one of the nicest people I know. You’re just not available like that, not in the monogamous way she needs right now.”

  “Yeah, I hear you there. Message received, now let me go wench, I need to get in the shower!”

  She laughed. “Ok then, I’ll see you Thursday?”

  “Yup, Thursday.”

  It was an odd conversation and I had to sit for a minute to digest everything that was said. I don’t think I’d ever had anyone warn me away from someone else before. It wasn’t a very nice feeling, especially when it’s coming from a friend. Not that I blamed her, of course. If Jen were my cousin, I’d want to protect her too. Immediately her smile and bright blue eyes popped into my head. “Nothing is gonna happen to you on my watch, Miss Brower!”

  JEN’S CAR WAS finished by Tuesday afternoon. Turns out, it was just a bad starter. So after walking home I gave her a ride down to the auto shop so she could pick it up. She offered to buy me dinner for all my help but I had to decline.

  “Sorry Jen, maybe another time. I’ve got soccer tonight. I have to get home so I can get ready for my game.”

  She laughed and poked me in the side. “God woman, it’s no wonder you’re such a little thing. All you do is run around!”

  I gave her a sheepish grin right before I hugged her goodbye. “Yeah, well, it keeps me busy! See yah later, Darlin!”

  Thursday rolled around again and Jen rode with me to her game. Luckily, our teams were still playing at the same time, just on adjoining fields. My team had a blast with our second win and her team had their first win so everyone was happy. Well, mostly happy. Jen rode with Robin to celebrate with her own team. Though I would never admit it aloud, I kind of missed her. It was an odd feeling and definitely not one I was used to.

  This was the way things continued for the next few weeks. Jen walked to work with me most days, if she didn’t have any errands to run later in the day. And once in a while she would ride with me to games if our game times matched. My next strange conversation actually happened at Milligan’s after our first loss. It was a close game, but still a loss and it kind of stung. After a few beers, I found myself sitting next to Vicky at the end of the table. She tossed a peanut at me to get my attention.

  I raised a pale eyebrow at her and tossed it back. I’d practiced the single eyebrow lift for years as a kid until I could get it just right. “What?”

  She gave me a little grin. “So Ched, have you seen any more of that sexy Jen Brower?”

  Thinking about my new friend and neighbor always put a silly smile on my face. “Well yeah, I see her just about every day. Why?”

  Vicky’s eyes went wide with shock as she drew out her reply. “Reeeaaalllly?”

  I was confused by her strange behavior. “Why? Is that a problem?”

  She gave me a sly smile. “You been seeing her in the morning or in the afternoon, Little Bird?”

  Apparently I can catch a softball but I can’t catch a clue because I still had no idea what she was talking about. “Umm…actually, most of the time I see her in the morning and afternoon.” I just barely had time to dodge the sip of beer she spit out after I finished talking.

  “Damn girl! I never thought I’d see the day someone had you pinned down. Morning and night, shit you’re a lucky dog with that one!” She slapped the table and started laughing.

  And there it was. I suddenly found myself figuratively standing in the grass and miraculously holding the white, stitched, ball. “Uh…Vicky, we’re not an item.” That got her attention so I continued. Unfortunately, by this time, we had acquired an audience of our fellow teammates who were diligently listening. “We’re neighbors you nosy hound. And we happen to work in the same building so we usually walk to work together.”

  I glanced down the table to make sure everyone heard. After all, I had a reputation to uphold. Not to mention, I didn’t want it to get back to Robin that there was something going on between Jen and I when there really wasn’t. She’d kick my ass. Once everyone but Vicky had turned back to what they were doing she leaned toward me and apologized.

  “Hey, sorry ‘bout that. I just thought…you know.”

  I smiled again then added a little shyly. “It’s okay. We have become pretty good friends over the last few weeks, who knew huh? I just don’t want people to assume there is anything going on between us. Jen doesn’t need her name romantically linked to mine in this community. She’s really a great person, Vic.”

  She cracked another peanut. “Yeah, she seemed pretty nice when she was here.” She popped it in her mouth and ate it then gave me a serious look. “But let me tell you this kiddo, there is quite a long list of girls that would give their favorite ball glove to have their names romantically linked to yours. If anything, she’d have to deal with a bunch of jealous bitches.”

  My cheeks burned with her compliment and I scrubbed them with my palms, hoping the color would fade. “Well, yeah, I guess. I just don’t want to deal with the hassle you know.” I’d known Vicky for a long time so I sighed and tried to put my reasoning into words. “It’s just…I know how I feel, and I don’t w
ant anyone to get hurt because I don’t feel the same way when they start to get serious. I’m just not interested in serious and even when I’m up front about it, women don’t believe me. It seems like most of them really believe in all that U-Haul crap. I only seem to hurt the girls I’ve went out with in the past just because they expected more than I could give.”

  She gave me an understanding smile. “I hear yah there. I got tired of all the dating drama a long time ago.”

  With Vickie’s admission I turned the subject onto her. “So speaking of you…anyone you’re interested in?”

  She gave me a sly look. “Oh, maybe…maybe not.”

  I tossed a shell at her. “You dog! Who is it?”

  Vickie wiggled her index finger back and forth at me. “Uh, uh, uh, I’m not telling. I don’t want to jinx our thing before it’s really gone anywhere.”

  I relented. “Okay, but don’t think this conversation is over. I’m going to want to know later if things work out, you hear?”

  She laughed aloud and drained the rest of her beer. “Right back at you, babe! You better keep me posted too. Now I’ve got to get out of here before my car turns into a pumpkin.”

  I snorted at her joke, thinking about the burnt orange monstrosity she drove. “I think it’s too late for that. But hold on and I’ll walk you out cuz I’m ready to leave too.” After paying our bills and saying goodbyes, we walked out. The sun wasn’t quite down yet but it was near enough to give the air a little chill. I gave Vickie a hug and watched her drive away before getting into my own car and driving down the street to my apartment. Half-way home I was already cursing her name and I was sure she knew it. I’m as curious as a cat in a yarn store and I knew it was going to eat me alive trying to figure out who she was interested in.

  The next morning, we spent the entire walk to work recapping our games for each other. She sympathized with our loss, and I congratulated her on their win. A thought hit me right before we arrived at work. “You know, this means our teams are tied for first place.” I wiggled my eyebrows up and down at her. “Are yah scared yet?”

  Jen laughed and scanned her badge to open the door. “Yeah right! Save all that bravado for the field, Vandercheddan, you’re going to need it!”

  That little snot, she just walked off with a smirk and a wave. I chuckled to myself as I headed for my office. We’d see who came out on top the next time we play each other!

  Chapter Three

  THAT AFTERNOON ON the walk home we were laughing at something one of her patients had done. Suddenly she changed the subject. “So, you have any plans tonight?”

  I just looked up at her and gave a Cheddar grin. She laughed, “Let me guess, it’s ladies night again, right?”

  “Yes ma’am. I plan on spending the evening getting acquainted with a little pool, a little beer, and a little dancing.”

  She laughed at the wistful look on my face. “Yeah, among other things I’m sure.” Shaking her head at my sheepish look, she continued. “I’m glad Robin is finally available, I think we’re going to hit Kipper’s tonight too.”

  I perked up, though hopefully it wasn’t too noticeable. “Really?” I gave her a little teasing poke in the ribs as we made our way up the winding stairs in our building. “You better come over and say hi to me when you get there.”

  She poked me back as I was trying to get the key in my door. I jumped and cursed as I missed the hole before stepping close and lining up again. “Whatever! I’m sure you’ll be busy by the time we get there. You usually have enough girls floating around you that you probably won’t even notice us.”

  I stopped and turned back toward her when I got my door open. I gave her an honest smile. “But, Darlin, none of those other girls will be you! I always have time for my friends so you better come over and say hi to me when you get in. Ok?”

  She smiled back and got an unreadable look on her face. “Alright, but you have to promise me one thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  She gave me a devious smirk and I almost instantly regretted whatever was going to come out of her mouth. “I want one dance with you. And you better not be too tired either, because I can promise you’re going to have a hard time keeping up with me!”

  Even though her flirting seriously threw me for a loop, I valiantly tried not to show it. I leaned toward her, so close we were practically breathing the same air. I could see the look in her stormy blue eyes and I know she was feeling at least some of what was going through me. I lightly tapped her nose with my finger to cut some of the tension. “It’s a deal. Oh, by the way, I think I can handle anything you dish out, Miss Brower, so bring it on!” I winked at her and backed away through my door. “See you tonight, Jen.”

  I wasn’t sure why, but I was nervous while getting ready to go out that night. I even lingered in the shower, which was something I never do. And I took a long time to pick out my outfit, settling on a pair of low rise button fly jeans, a white tank top and a brown leather belt with a cool buckle I picked up in Texas the year before. I topped the outfit off with a pair of sandals. According to my weather app it was going to be a hot night and even though Kippers had AC it still got hot on the dance floor.

  I walked into the club a little later than normal. The DJ was already spinning the good stuff. After paying my cover and hugging Shelly, who was working the door, I wandered over to the bar for a drink. I turned around to face the dance floor while I was waiting in line, just to see who was already here. I exchanged nods with a few people I knew but truthfully there was only one person I looked for. Not seeing her before it was my turn to order, I faced the bar to pay for my drink. It was only when I saw Robin over at the pool tables that I knew for sure Jen was there.

  I was just taking a swig of my beer and scanning the dance floor again when I finally saw my neighbor and secret crush. I almost choked at the sight of her sensuous moves up on one of the dance boxes. More than a few women were checking out her jean-clad ass and her baby doll t-shirt that was tight in all the right places. After seeing her I was torn. I didn’t know whether or not to turn around right then and leave the bar, or go join her on the box. My choice was made for me when she opened her eyes and saw me. She gave me a sexy smile and beckoned with a single finger, mouthing “come here.”

  I had a very bad feeling about the night, I knew that either Robin was going to kill me or the lovely Miss Jen Brower was. The first idea sucked but, oh what a way to go for the second. Needing the extra courage, I finished chugging the rest of my beer and set the empty bottle on a ledge. The DJ was just mixing into a sexy, grinding beat as I hopped up next to her. A few girls made room for me on the crowded cluster of dance boxes but I still found myself pressed up against my friend. I tried to control my heartbeat as I smiled up at her. “Hi.”

  She looked down at me and smiled back, face flushed and panting. “Hi.”

  I raised my eyebrow at her, sensing she was just as affected as I was. “So, you ready for that dance?”

  She just stared at me for a second and licked her bottom lip before answering. “Absofuckinglutely!”

  We started out slow, pressed together. Both hands were on each other’s hips. Once we found the rhythm together, it was fan-fucking-tastic. I think we took dirty dancing to another level. After a few minutes the other girl on the tall box with us hopped down, leaving the entire space to ourselves. At one point Jen turned around and was grinding her ass into me. We were facing the mirror on the back wall and I could see the paleness of her eyes in the flashing lights. It was one of the hottest things I had ever done, but I knew I was crossing a line. We danced to three songs before we had to take a break. Both of us were thirsty and had sweat soaking our shirts. Jen had to go to the bathroom so I went to buy us a round of drinks. It was while I was waiting in line that Robin finally caught up to me. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she wasn’t happy.

  “What in the hell do you think you’re doing up there?” She pointing toward the dance boxes, as if I did
n’t know exactly where ‘there’ was.

  I ordered my drinks and paid for them before answering. “Well, I think I was dancing.”

  It was only because I was feeling slightly guilty that I let her drag me into a corner and chew me out. I finally had to interrupt her just to get her to stop. “Look! I know I crossed the line okay? Is that what you wanted to hear?” I sighed and set our beers down. “Listen, it was just supposed to be a dance, I don’t know what happened. But I’m going to tell you right now, it’s really hard to say no to that woman when she wants something.”

  Robin reached out and squeezed my arm. “I know, Little Bird. And all she’s been talking about for weeks is you. You see why I’m just a little bit worried here?”

  I gave her a look, my eyes pleading her to understand. “Jesus, it’s not like she doesn’t know the score already. She’s seen the different women that have come home with me. Hell, she knows I don’t come home at all, at least once every other week. How much more honest can I get?”

  Robin shook her head then picked up my beer and stole a swig. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to see either one of you get hurt.”

  I gave her a sad smile. “Yeah, and I really don’t want to hurt her and I think that’s where this is going.” I mentally gave myself a shake then made a quick decision. “You know what, I think I better leave. Keep my beer and give Jen hers when she comes out of the bathroom. Tell her I had fun dancing but had to leave, okay?”

  Robin gave me an unreadable look. “Are you sure?”

  Once I made up my mind, I was fidgety. I wanted to be gone before she came out of the bathroom. “Yeah, it’s for the best. I’ll see you around Robin.” And though it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done, I left. I knew she was going to be pissed at me and probably hurt, but it really was the best thing I could do.

  I walked to a small bar a few blocks away. It had been around practically forever, and though it was mostly older gay men I always had a good time there. I walked in and found a booth by the jukebox. Since no one had anything playing I loaded it up with money and went to town. I knew what the crowd liked and luckily I had a taste for just about everything. While I sat there listening to show tunes, I drank chocolate covered cherry martinis and brooded. A little while later my friend Jonathan came in and we proceeded to get trashed and play darts until the bar closed. Since he was drunker than I was, I walked him home. Unfortunately he lived in the opposite direction from me so I didn’t get home myself until close to three in the morning.