by Grace, Aria
“I would never think that. You never have to apologize for this.” I caress his cheek and look him in the eyes. “This sort of pain is going to take a very long time to recover from, and even then, I think part of it will always be with you. It will get easier, the memories will become more distant, and you’ll stop thinking about them as much, but it’s not something you’re just going to ‘get over.’ And that’s okay.”
“Thank you,” he says, turning his head slightly and kissing the palm of my hand. “I think you’re the first person who’s ever told me that. It’s still...difficult, but for the first time in a very long time, I feel like maybe there’s a way out of the darkness. Maybe there’s a future where I don’t relive my past every single day.”
“I know there is, you’ve just got to be open to it.” I lean forward and kiss his forehead. “I’m going to be here for you every step of the way, if you want me to.”
A soft smile appears on Billy’s face. “Of course, I do. I don’t think I can do this without you.”
A moment later, he laughs and looks away. “I’m sorry. When we came in here together, I thought things were going to get all sexy again. Instead, we’re sitting on the shower floor talking about this crap.”
I chuckle, but don’t move. “If not now, then when?” I shrug. “I mean…sex is great, it’s amazing really. But there’s more to a relationship than that, and that’s what I want with you, Billy. A relationship. Something that’s built on mutual trust and understanding. Something that’s more than just physical pleasure.”
He looks back at me, his smile still firmly in place. “I want that too. More than anything.”
Standing up, I pull him to his feet as well. “Now, let’s finish our shower and go make breakfast, okay?”
Billy grins at me, and for the first time since meeting him, I get the impression that he’s genuinely happy. “Okay.”
68
Billy
I feel clean.
Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
I’ve unloaded some of the worst parts about myself, things I’ve been struggling with for months, and Landon accepted me without judgment. I don’t deserve him, but I’m glad he’s mine.
In the kitchen, I try to focus on making something for breakfast, but my thoughts are constantly pulled toward Landon. He’s standing nearby, freshly showered and smelling like body wash, mixing together the ingredients for pancakes. Every now and then, I catch him looking at me with a soft smile on his lips. The look in his eyes is like a mirror and I can briefly catch a glimpse of the way he sees me. It’s humbling because I don’t feel the least bit worthy of his affection. I would be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy it though.
He makes me happy. I can’t honestly say that about anyone else who has come into my life in recent years.
I stop just shy of cracking an egg into a bowl. There’s something that I have to do first. Something important. Something I didn’t realize would be as important to me as it is now.
Carefully putting the egg back in its carton, I turn toward Landon. He doesn’t notice until I come up behind him and slide my arms around his waist.
“What is this for?” he asks with a light laugh as I rest my head against his back and listen to his heartbeat.
“I just wanted to be closer to you,” I say, even though that’s only partially true.
Landon gently loosens my grip on him and turns around to face me. He leans against the counter and drapes his arms around me. “How’s this?”
I frown slightly and look away. Why is this so difficult for me? “Closer,” I say softly. “I want...to belong to you.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I risk a glance at his face. For a moment, Landon’s expression is unreadable, and I catch myself worrying I’ve said something wrong. Then a smile spreads across his face and I know he was just lost in thought.
“I think you mean we should belong to each other.” He leans forward and drops a kiss on my forehead. “You’re no one’s property, Billy.”
“I-I know…” A blush spreads up my neck and out to my ears. I knew I would say the wrong thing. “What I mean is…I want to be your omega. Just yours. And…I want you as my alpha.”
Landon gently sways me in his arms, looking right into my eyes. “You don’t have to make this decision today, you know. There’s no rush.”
“No, there’s not, but I want to. I don’t think I can let myself leave here without making you mine.” I’m surprised by the ferocity in my words. I’ve never felt this strongly about anything before.
A sly smile plays across Landon’s lips and he traces a finger along my jawline. “How, exactly, are you wanting to do that?”
My cheeks grow even hotter as I shrug. I’m not used to initiating sex, and I can’t help but wonder if I’m doing it wrong. Part of me wants to take back everything I’ve said, but there’s something stronger, more instinctual, that urges me forward.
“I think...I need you to knot me.” The words leave my mouth with all the subtlety of a nuclear bomb. Even Landon appears a little shocked that I just came right out and said it. “If you want to, that is.”
Landon laughs and lifts me up off the ground, so my face is even with his. Our lips meet in a heady kiss that leaves me breathless. “You want my knot? Are you sure about that?” He sounds like he’s teasing me, but I don’t think he’s joking around. I’m certainly not.
“Please don’t make me repeat it.” I close my eyes and bury my face in his neck. “I’m so embarrassed.”
“There’s no one here to be embarrassed for. I, quite frankly, enjoy having such an adorable little omega tell me he wants my knot. It makes me tingle with excitement.” He kisses me again before lowering me back to the floor.
I feel goosebumps prickle across my skin as he pulls his shirt off and reveals those perfect abs once more. God, I love looking at him.
My hands leap into action, unfastening his belt buckle and pulling his jeans down before he can change his mind. His cock is already growing stiff and beginning to rise to its full length. I look up at him with a grin, but before I can act, he picks me up and attacks my mouth.
Landon’s exposed dick presses against me as I hook my legs around his waist and kiss him back. My mouth and lips hungrily clash with his, both of us desperate to get deeper inside each other. The heat of our kiss creates a heady lust within me that coaxes my body into action.
My balls twitch with excitement as my cock grows long and stiff. Even my asshole is slick to lube the path for Landon’s cock to breach me. That needy ache from last night returns with a vengeance. At this rate, my pants will be soaked through in about thirty seconds, but strangely enough, I don’t care.
The only thing that matters to me is the alpha holding me in his arms.
He carries me into the living room and deposits me onto the sofa. His gloriously naked body makes my mouth water. I want him like I’ve never wanted anyone else before.
I can’t get out of my clothing fast enough.
If only the stupid voice in the back of my head would shut up. But it won’t, and it keeps growing louder, more insistent, pushing my heart rate up until I feel like I might pass out. I can’t keep ignoring it. I’ve got to say something, or I know I’ll wind up with the regret of a lifetime.
“Wait.” I take a breath as Landon kneels on the couch cushion beside me.
He freezes in place, but his body quivers in anticipation.
There’s no mistaking the hungry look in his eyes. He doesn’t want to stop. I’ve unleashed a ravenous beast who wants to claim my body completely. But he did stop. He’s listening to me.
My words have power with Landon, and I feel my confidence growing as I meet his gaze. “I need...something.” Despite the fact that I know he’ll listen to me, I still feel bad for even wanting to ask. He’s been so good to me so far that I almost feel like I’m depriving him of something he deserves.
“Tell me.” He leans forward slightly and tips m
y chin up with his finger. Concern lines his face, momentarily displacing the hunger and arousal that had been there moments ago. “Whatever it is, I’ll do it for you. You don’t have to be afraid to tell me.”
A shiver runs down my spine and goosebumps bloom across my skin. I can tell he’s serious, and that makes me want him even more.
“I can’t risk getting pregnant.” I gather my courage and hold his gaze. “After everything that’s happened, I’m not ready for something like that. I’m on suppressants, but I’ve heard of those failing in certain situations. I just—”
He presses a finger to my lips to silence my worries. “Say no more.” His voice is deep and thick like molasses. My balls twitch at the intimacy with which he speaks. I want him so badly it’s driving me wild.
Landon rises from the sofa and disappears down the hall toward his bedroom. When he returns a minute later, he’s fiddling with a condom wrapper.
A smile touches my lips as I watch him slide the white, rubbery sleeve over his massive cock. The nagging voice in my head finally dies down, and I’m at peace now, completely ready to receive him. Nothing is going to stop me.
Landon raises an eyebrow questioningly as he returns to the sofa.
I smile in response and hook one leg over the back of the sofa to give him easy access to my hole. My hands slide down my body and one cups my balls while the other begins to finger my aching opening. Sticky slick coats my fingers and dribbles down my crack. I’m ready for him, and I’m making that abundantly clear as I slide multiple fingers in and out of my tight little hole.
“Billy, baby, let me in there. Please?” Both his eyes and his lips are begging for permission as Landon kneels on the sofa and strokes his condom-cloaked dick.
“Yes, alpha.” I move my hands out of his way and hook them behind my knees, pulling my legs as far apart as I can get them.
Landon moves into place and eagerly presses his dick against my ass. There’s a familiar pressure as his cock tentatively dips into my slicked-up hole, but it feels entirely different than any other experience with sex I’ve ever had. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was teasing me and trying to get me to beg for it. When I look into his eyes though, I can tell he’s holding back because he’s scared. The fear in his eyes breaks my heart. That fear is because of me. Fear of hurting me. Fear of undoing all of the good he’s done over the past twenty-four hours.
I gently wrap my legs behind his back and dig my heels into his ass, pressing him closer to me. It’s not hard enough to force him in, but I want him to know I’m as eager as he is. He doesn’t have to hold back with me anymore. I’m ready.
More ready than I’ve ever been for sex in my life.
At my coaxing, Landon finally presses forward, and his cock slides in so smoothly that it takes me by surprise. His dick is huge, bigger than most I’ve seen, and yet it fits me perfectly. The pressure of his dick inside me, rubbing against all the right spots, makes me shiver in ecstasy and my head falls back against the cushions as I surrender completely to him.
“How are you doing?” he whispers as he begins to slowly thrust into me.
“I...” My voice trails off as I fight my way through the haze of lust to assess how I really am. Physically, I feel like I’ve been transported to a higher plane of existence. My body feels as light as a cloud, my skin tingles with every touch, and I can feel an orgasm building in my tightening balls. Emotionally, I’m in another realm entirely. At first, I thought I was being overwhelmed by my desire for him, but I realize now that all of that is just window dressing. Underneath it all, I’m something I never thought I would be. Especially not with an alpha’s cock inside of me.
“I’m happy.” The words leave my mouth as my vision blurs slightly. I rub away the threat of tears with the back of my hand and smile up at him. “You make me happy.”
Landon seems satisfied with my answer as he sinks his dick into me one more time. “Good. Now...I’m gonna fuck you,” he says so matter-of-factually that my cock does a little twitch of joy.
I don’t get a chance to respond before he begins to pick up the pace. The slow, deliberate thrusts start coming more quickly. Landon’s dick fills me completely, rubbing against all the perfect places, satisfying my body in way it’s never been satisfied before. I want more of this, more of him, and I can’t hold myself back anymore.
Clutching at his forearms, I let my voice rise in wordless moans and gasps of pleasure. My senses dull to the world around me, homing in only on the alpha fucking me. Every part of me is building toward my orgasm. “Yes...fuck, yes.” I reach for my cock and pull feverishly on my shaft, timing my strokes with Landon’s thrusts.
Last night was good, but this is the way things are meant to be. An alpha and an omega, fucking the way nature intended. An instinctual growl builds in my chest, and for a brief moment, I regret making him wear a condom. Sex like this, knotty sex between alpha and his omega, should end with loads of come and potential offspring. Maybe I wouldn’t mind having a baby if it was with Landon.
The thought evaporates almost as soon as I have it.
I’m not ready for that. Not after what happened. Not after the things I thought. No, this, the way we are now, is perfect. Landon’s cock is perfect. My ass is perfectly full. My cock is straining toward the perfect orgasm. Nothing can ruin this.
“I’m coming, Billy. Get ready for my knot.” His voice is raspy as he adjusts his position to get better traction. Leaning over me, Landon slams his hips home with an intensity that makes my body quake with another spike of pleasure.
“Yes, fucking fuck me, Landon. Knot me. I want it. I want your knot.” I clench my teeth as I pump my dick furiously. The pressure is almost overwhelming now.
All at once, I feel his knot growing inside me, expanding to stretch my channel in the most amazing way. Caught by surprise, I moan with pleasure as his cock rubs all the best parts of my most sensitive spots. My dick pulses as come rockets from it and splatters across my body.
My chest heaves as I allow myself to sink back against the sofa—content, happy.
“Billy...” Landon’s panting heavily as he strokes my cheek. “That was the best sex I’ve ever had. Hands down. It was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.”
“Me too.” I shift slightly to get into a more comfortable position. His knot has locked us together, and while the amount of time each alpha’s knot lasts can vary substantially, I know we’ve probably got at least ten minutes before we can separate. I’m not in any hurry at all.
Landon settles back on the couch, propping himself up on his elbows as he looks down at me. There’s a quirky smile on his lips that makes me blush.
“What are you smiling at?” I look away sheepishly.
“Just the most beautiful omega I’ve ever seen.” Landon is wholly and totally unapologetic as he makes me squirm under his gaze. “Also known as my omega.”
My breath catches in my throat as he says those words. Not just because he thinks I’m beautiful, but because he actually called me his omega. The way he says it isn’t controlling or domineering the way Louie always used to say it. It’s endearing, encouraging, and it makes me feel fulfilled.
We lay together, comfortably chatting, until his knot begins to soften. I’m a little sad at the loss of contact, but I’m also ready to get back in the kitchen and finish making breakfast.
As his cock slides out of me, a rush of liquid runs down my thighs. Confusion clouds my thoughts as I look up at Landon. His eyes are wide, and his face is contorted into a look of horror. Holding my breath, I follow his gaze down to his cock where the tattered remains of a wet condom still cling to his softening shaft.
69
Landon
There are no words to describe exactly how I feel as I realize what I’ve done. I’m sick to my stomach, horrified, angry at myself, angry at the world, full of shame, and worried beyond measure.
When I meet Billy’s eyes, all I see is confusion. He quickly scrambles f
rom the sofa and begins pulling on his clothing.
“Billy, baby, just take a second to breathe, and let’s talk about this.” I’m trying my best to sound sincere and calm even though internally I’m freaking out even worse than he is. This is his worst nightmare. This is what I promised not to do to him. This is my fault. “We can figure this out together.”
Billy shakes his head as he zips up his jeans. “No, I-I need to get back to Omega House. I’m sorry I didn’t finish breakfast. I just…I need to go.” He trying to play things off, like none of this really matters to him, but I can tell he’s close to breaking down.
“I’ll give you a ride.” I grab my boxers and my pants from the kitchen and step into them. “I should be heading to work soon anyway. I’ll drop you off on my way.”
“No.” He shakes his head emphatically, grabbing his shirt and pulling it on before jamming his feet into his shoes. “I need to walk. Clear my head. I just need some time alone to...process.”
Fuck. I don’t want to let him leave, especially not alone, when he’s clearly not doing well. I want to give him support and show him we can work through things together no matter how difficult or uncomfortable they might be. But at the same time, I can’t force him to stay with me. He’s not a prisoner, and he’s free to come and go as he pleases. If he needs space, then I need to give it to him. “Will you let me know when you get home safe? It’s a long walk.”
Billy hesitates by the front door with his hand on the knob. I get the feeling he wants to say something but isn’t sure how.
I can’t find the words to say either. Everything going through my head sounds either too demanding or too needy. The ache in the pit of my stomach now feels like a full-on ulcer, and if he walks out that door, I know it’s only going to get worse.