Twisted with Chaos: A CASH BAR NOVEL

by Faiman, Hayley

  Dimples was supposed to be locked and tied up in the warehouse, she wasn’t. She was breathing free and easy in the bar, drinking from a bottle of tequila, sitting on that prospect’s lap, acting as if she’d won the goddamn lottery.

  “What happened with those two. What was that?” Roxie asks, she looks so fucking confused and yet, she’s still beyond beautiful, even in her confusion.

  Letting my head fall back, it bounces off of the door as my eyes close. I debate lying to her. I debate not telling her what happened with that bitch, or at least what I can remember and the days afterward. Shaking my head, I know that I cannot lie to her. Never.

  I tell her everything, every goddamn thing. Her face holds zero expression as I tell her the life I’ve had over the past several weeks. I wish she would just be angry with me. The old Roxanne would be fucking pissed. She’d throw shit, probably act irrational, I’d tackle her to the ground and then we’d fuck. This new Roxie, I’m not sure what she’s thinking, and that shit is terrifying.

  “You love me. You’ve been looking for me, but you’ve been fucking someone else?” she asks. I see a spark of the old her in her tone, in her eyes as they glitter and watch me.

  Lifting my chin, I nod. “Didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” I admit.

  She shakes her head, raising her hand to run her fingers through her hair. “I can’t do this. It’s all too much. There is just too much that’s happened the past twenty-four hours,” she whimpers.

  Pushing off of the door, I close the distance between us. Without giving her a chance to get away or to fight me I wrap my arms around her back, pulling her body against my own. She tilts her head back, her gaze glittering with anger as she looks up at me and tries to wriggle out of my grasp. She won’t. I won’t let her.

  “Let me go,” she growls.

  Shaking my head, I lower my face, my lips brush against hers. “Never,” I breathe against her mouth. “Never again, Firefly.”

  She tries to fight me, but I won’t allow her to be free, not ever again. I almost lost her, forever. I will not let that shit happen again. She’ll never be out of my sight, not ever. I deepen the kiss, my tongue peeking out to taste her, to taste her lips. Her mouth opens, though I doubt it’s on purpose. I don’t care, I take the opportunity to drive my tongue deep into her mouth.

  Her hands move between us. I tighten my hold on her, afraid that she is going to try and push me away, but she doesn’t. Instead, her arms wrap around my neck and her tongue meets mine with the next stroke. Moving my feet, I walk her toward the wall, her ass and back slams against the window.

  She rips her lips from mine as my mouth travels down the column of her soft neck, nipping her skin along the way. Tugging her little shorts down, I’m thankful when they fall to her feet. Sliding my palm beneath her thigh, I wrap my fingers around the underside of her knee and spread her leg wide, hitching it around my hip.

  She reaches between us, unbuttoning my jeans. Her fingers wrap around my cock before she gives my dick a few expert tugs. I push that out of my head, not wishing to know where that new ability has come from.

  I suck on her collarbone, her hand guides me toward her center, and I’m unable to hold back my moan as the tip of my dick comes into contact with her wet, waiting, pussy. Wrapping my fingers around her wrist, I pull her hand away from between our legs before I slam deep inside of her. Lacing my fingers with hers, I guide her arm up and against the cool window above our heads.

  Moving my hips, I fuck her, slow and steady, I claim my woman again. Lifting my face from her neck, I look into her eyes. I hope that she can see exactly what I’m trying to communicate. She is mine, I am hers, there is nothing between us anymore. I’ve killed them all. Her illness isn’t between us, either. It’s just part of her, another part of her that I’m madly in love with.

  “I love you, Firefly,” I breathe, my lips touching hers. She whimpers, her leg tightening around my hip as I continue to thrust into her tight body. “Tell me you’re mine,” I demand.

  She reaches for me, her hand wrapping around the side of my neck, her thumb sliding alongside my jaw. “I’m yours. Nobody but yours,” she breathes.

  ROXANNE

  He’s asleep. Tanner’s arm is stretched out and wrapped around my waist. I can’t stay in this bed right now, though. I need to move. My mind will not shut down, my body cannot stay still. Slowly, I disengage from his grasp. Holding my breath, I stand next to the bed and watch him. He makes a noise, but only rolls over with a sigh.

  Reaching for his discarded shirt on the floor, I pull it over my naked body and sigh as it touches my sensitive skin. After fucking me against the window, Tanner took me two more times. He played with my body as we recovered, sucking, licking, biting, and pinching every part of me.

  It was glorious.

  I’ve never felt so desired and beautiful before that I can recall. I can’t sleep though, my mind won’t shut off and I need to just go—somewhere. For the first time, I can move freely.

  Without even putting on shoes, I hurry out of the room and into the bar. The lights are dim, the room is silent, and the bodies of the two people Tanner killed, are gone.

  Unable to even slow my feet, I hurry out of the bar. I don’t look behind me, only ahead of me, but I don’t see anything. Hurrying, with no place to go, I swiftly walk into the darkness. The moon shines down on me, though it’s not warm like I wish it would be.

  I wander. There’s a fence that threatens to stop me, but I quickly climb over it. I hear sticks and leaves beneath my feet, but I can’t feel them. Though I’m sure they are somehow hurting me, I can’t feel it. At least not yet. My heart is racing, my mind even more.

  There’s a clearing, so with determination, I make my way toward the middle of it. I don’t know where I am, I know it’s the middle of a forest, but even if I could recognize anything around me, my mind is too busy spinning to even try.

  Holding my arms out, I laugh as I spin. The moon is still shining brightly, except now I can feel its warmth against my skin. Hurriedly, I peel Tanner’s t-shirt from my body and throw it out, away from me. Continuing to spin, I laugh as I take in the moon, the trees, the fresh air—everything.

  I spin and spin until I’m too dizzy to stand, only then do I fall to my back. Staring at the stars above me, I wonder if life has always been this brightly beautiful, or if it’s something new. My body is restless, my mind not stopping, but I feel elated to just be here.

  Stretching my arms over my head, I sigh. My legs are finally tired enough not to want to move, my head is a different story. It’s never tired. When I was trapped in that cement cell, it never shut off, not unless Maîtriser forced it to.

  HOUSTON

  I roll over, feeling for Roxanne’s body but the sheets turn up cold. Sitting up, my heart races as I look around the room. It’s empty. She isn’t here. Glancing around on the floor, I notice that her clothes are there, but my shirt is gone.

  Grabbing my jeans, I quickly pull them up my legs, over my hips and zip them. Leaving the button undone, and my shoes on the floor, I go in search of her. She can’t be far, I lie to myself, she could be anywhere. This isn’t the first time I’ve woken to find her gone from my bed and it won’t be the last. I’ll always wake up, I’ll always put on my pants, and I’ll always chase after her—my Firefly.

  The bar is empty as I rush through it, proving fruitless in my efforts of finding Roxanne. Once I’m outside, I glance around, trying to think of where she could have run off to. She wouldn’t go toward the front of the clubhouse, there’s a guard there, even subconsciously she would know that.

  Heading toward the back of the property, I curse as my bare feet land on small rocks and twigs. The moon is bright as fuck tonight, which is helpful in my efforts to find my woman. She’s nowhere to be seen though. I reach the back fencing and pause.

  “Where did you go?” I ask myself.

  Turning my head to the side, my eyes catch something. It’s a piece of fabric, reachin
g for it, I take it between my fingers. It’s t-shirt material. It’s my shirt. Climbing over the fence, I rush forward through the wooded forest until I reach a clearing.

  I can see a pale body in the grass. Lying in the middle of the clearing with the moon shining down on her. Had the moon not been full and bright, I would have never seen her. Slowly, I make my way toward her, trying not to startle her.

  She hears me, rolling onto her side she pushes up slightly. Her tits are exposed, she’s completely naked. She smiles, reaching one hand toward me.

  “Roxie, what’re you doing out here all alone?” I ask, keeping my voice even. I’m not angry, not really, but I am concerned.

  “I needed to feel the warm moon on my body. I needed to move,” she says happily.

  Closing the distance between us, I sink down to my knees in the grass and dirt. “Scared me, Firefly,” I admit.

  She frowns, obviously unaware that I would be worried over her disappearance. Honestly, I’m just glad she’s not in a depressed state. This, her manic and restlessness, this is easy. It’s when she’s depressed and in obvious pain that it fucking kills me inside to see.

  “Make love to me in the warm moonlight, Tanner,” she rasps.

  Lowering my face, I run my nose alongside hers before my lips find hers. I shouldn’t take advantage of her, but she’s mine, so I do. Except I don’t take her in the moonlight, I allow her to take me. She rides me, the moon shining bright on her beautifully naked body.

  The moment is as perfect as she is. It’s wild, unpredictable, and freeing. Roxanne frees me in ways I never thought possible. She scares me, but with her, my life will always be an adventure.

  My past is no longer at the forefront, not when I have her there. Roxanne eases my pain in ways that I didn’t think was even possible. Roxanne is my future. She is all that I need in this life.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  ROXANNE

  Tanner’s fingers slide up and down my spine, lifting my head, I blink. “I fell asleep,” I announce.

  His eyes smile before his lips. He chuckles, his mouth touching my own, still not speaking, yet. Rolling me onto my back, I widen my legs, allowing his hips to snuggly fit between them.

  “You did, in the middle of a fucking field. Using my body as a pillow,” he smiles.

  “I’m sorry,” I lie. I’m not. Not in the slightest.

  He hums, his lips touching my neck, moving down until they reach one of my nipples. He sucks the now hardened nub into his mouth, swirling his tongue and nibbling before he lifts his head.

  “You’re not sorry. Me either. You were beautiful, you’re always beautiful,” he points out.

  “I took you from your bed,” I whisper as his lips travel over to my other breast.

  His hand touches my abandoned nipple, his finger swirling around the wet tip. “Don’t mind one bit, Firefly,” he mutters around my nipple.

  He continues to kiss and play with my breasts until my sore pussy craves him inside all over again. My voices are quiet, they have been since he found me here in the middle of the night. I’m grateful, but also leery, wondering when they’ll be back.

  My eyes flutter closed, my back arches and my legs spread, waiting for him to fill me. “I’m not fucking you right now, Roxanne.”

  Immediately, I open my eyes and my mouth in surprise. He lifts his face from my chest, his eyes finding mine and they are so kind, so sweet, and so damn warm.

  “Tonight. I’m taking you to the tattoo parlor and the doctor today, then tonight I’m going to claim my woman completely,” he says.

  “Completely?” I ask.

  He hums with a nod. “You’ll have my mark on your body. You’ll be on your way to whatever you need for your mental health, and we’ll be at our new place.”

  “New place?” I feel like a parrot repeating every couple words he says, but I’m a bit confused.

  His lips turn into a smile. “Carson, your best friend, she got it set up for you. It’s a trailer behind the bar where you used to work. You don’t have to go back to work there, but we’re going to live there for a while. At least until we find our own place. You can’t stay at the clubhouse, you need your own space—we need our own space,” he explains.

  “I like the sound of us, we, and ours,” I admit, looking into his beautiful eyes.

  Tanner’s hand slides up the center of my chest to loosely wrap around the front of my neck. I should be frightened considering I watched him choke a woman yesterday, but I’m not. This man won’t ever hurt me, it isn’t inside of him. That woman, she was evil. She deserved to be taken from this place, she was a rapist, a user, and she tried to keep us apart. I’m glad she’s gone.

  “Let’s get our day started then,” he winks.

  Without another word, he stands to his feet. I watch him bend down, grabbing his jeans and he quickly tugs them up his hips. He looks around, one hand on his hip, he stops, a smile twitching against his lips when he finds what he’s looking for. He jogs over to it, bends down and stands, producing the shirt of his I wore last night.

  Standing to my feet, I hold out my hand and take the soft material from him. Tugging it over my body, I attempt to smooth down my ratted hair with a smile. “Stunning, Firefly,” Tanner lies.

  He takes my hand in his and together, we walk toward the clubhouse. I should feel guilty for taking off last night. He should probably be angry with me, too. I’m not and he isn’t. I don’t know how we work, I can’t remember much about what we had before, but this works—perfectly.

  The clubhouse comes into view. We continue to walk closer and I notice some more cars in the parking lot, along with more bikes, than were there yesterday. Frowning, I look up to Tanner. Without skipping a step, or even looking down at me, he answers my question.

  “Rest of the women are back from Idaho. Carson is back, and I’m sure she’s itching to see you. I’ll call your head doc to get here and assess you,” he announces.

  “How?”

  He snorts. “Roxie, money, it only takes money.”

  “And you have a lot of it?” I guess.

  He shakes his head. “Not really, but for you it’s limitless.”

  I don’t ask him what he means. I don’t make him clarify. I don’t get the chance. The door to the clubhouse opens and a woman is standing there. She’s heavily pregnant, her hand shields the sun from her eyes, but as soon as I see her face, a million memories slam into me. They flood my mind.

  “Carson,” my voice trembles.

  “You remember,” Tanner’s voice grunts.

  Turning my head to look at him. “I remember Carson. I remember her and our moments,” I admit.

  He nods. “Go be with her. She’s been worried sick about you,” he urges.

  I don’t run away from him, instead, I throw my arms around his neck and bury my face against his chest. One of Tanner’s hands grabs ahold of my ass, the other he buries into my hair. His lips slam against mine, kissing me with everything that he has. It’s owning, and yet pleading at the same time.

  When he breaks our kiss, my eyes find his. “I will remember everything about us, Tanner. I know that I will,” I exhale.

  He shakes his head once. “I don’t need you to, Firefly. Now, go be with your girl.” He releases me, taking a step back. I open my mouth to speak, but he only shakes his head and jogs away from me, toward Carson and past her into the clubhouse.

  “Roxanne?” Carson asks, a few seconds later.

  My eyes find hers, and tears instantly begin to fall down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” I sob.

  Her arms instantly wrap around me and she pulls me against her chest. “Never leave us again, swear to me you’ll never leave us again,” she chants against the side of my head.

  My arms wrap around her back, I’m careful not to hug her too tightly. “I’m not going anywhere,” I state.

  It’s the truth too. I don’t know why I felt like I needed to leave before, but I don’t now. I’m here. Tanner is stuck with me, so are
Carson, Axe, and the rest of the crew. They are officially stuck with the crazy aunt, and there’s nothing they can do about it.

  HOUSTON

  I watch the women hug from a distance. She remembers. At least, she thinks she remembers everything. I doubt that she does, at least not accurately. Closing my eyes, I try not to think about my own past traumas.

  I know without a doubt that my memories from war are not one hundred percent accurate. They come to me in snippets and dreams, nightmares, and night terrors. But, I also know that they are not completely accurate either. I’ve been to enough therapists, and psychologists to know that for a fact.

  “She looks good, well, better,” Keys says from next to me.

  Shaking my head, I dig my phone out of my pocket. “She’s not, not really,” I announce. His eyes are on me, and I feel them burning a hole in my skin. Clearing my throat, I clarify a bit. “She remembers what she wants to, what she can handle. That doesn’t mean that what she’s remembering is accurate,” I explain.

  “So, she’s still fucked in the head?” he asks. I know that his question isn’t meant to be cruel, he loves Roxanne for no other reason than Carson loves her.

  Dipping my head, I focus on my boots. “There is no cure for what she has, Keys. Now she has PTSD from being kidnapped and held hostage for months. I’m pretty fucking positive she was used as a sex slave during that time, too. Dice can tell me more of the conditions of her hostage state, but fuck me, I’m not sure I want to know all of the details.”

  There’s a long moment of silence, and I think that Keys is going to just walk away, but he doesn’t. I feel his hand on my shoulder and he grips me tightly before releasing me.

  “She’s lucky to have you, brother. Not many men would take on all that she is, then add this shit too. You’re better than any one of us,” he murmurs.