Meeting Mrs Garret

by Raquel De Leon

  “I’m so glad my parents are working things out. I was getting worried,” Brittney said as she bounced in place.

  “Yeah,” Natalie croaked out hoarsely. “I think your mom was, too.”

  Brittney looked startled for a moment. “Exactly, yeah.” Her smile from before grew, and she looked up at Natalie. “I know things are kinda screwy but you’re a good friend. You always have been.”

  Natalie wanted to scream. She didn’t feel like a good anything then, not when she couldn’t shove aside her own selfish feelings and just be happy for everyone. “Yeah,” she mumbled lowly. “Look, I’m glad we’ve kinda worked some stuff out, but I really should get back to work. This has been a really long lunch break.”

  “Oh, okay.” Brittney shot her an odd glance. “I’d like us to be friends again at some point. Okay?”

  “Okay,” Natalie agreed with a forced smile. She remained still as Brittney left.

  Maybe if she just sat she could find her balance, feel okay.

  The garage seemed foreign. She suddenly needed to be doing anything but thinking about her stupid feelings. She jerked up a pile of odds and ends and began randomly assembling things.

  At least she could fix something.

  Chapter Nineteen

  The start of the spring term came about rather quietly for Natalie. It was the middle of January, and time had not been kind to her. She’d only been by Sage Falls to work on Adam’s car sparingly; even then, Maddie rarely said more than a handful of words to her.

  It hurt, even though she didn’t want it to.

  Maddie still texted her during work to remind her to take breaks. She was even kind enough to make Natalie lunch on the rare occasions that she’d agreed to it, but the times of hanging out and chatting were gone. There was a great divide there, one Natalie didn’t know how to traverse.

  All she knew was that Maddie wouldn’t really even look at her anymore. Natalie had crossed a line and had been reduced to Brittney’s mechanic friend that was doing some work for Adam.

  Steven and Reeve were concerned, though only Reeve knew something of the truth. Natalie didn’t trust Steven not to blurt out her business to the rest of the family. He was notoriously bad at keeping secrets.

  She was glad that classes were starting again. She still wasn’t even close to making full time at Jimmy’s garage, and having spare time had proven to be horrible. There was simply too much time to wallow and wonder. Natalie didn’t wallow, dammit.

  Except she had been wallowing.

  Weeks later, she still wasn’t sure what prompted her to be so obvious about her attraction.

  What kind of person was she, putting a married friend into that kind of position? Though Natalie had always had a taste for mature women, she’d always been respectful of committed relationships.

  She was still embarrassed when she remembered her comment about Maddie’s voice to Brittney, who hadn’t understood just how serious she’d been. The comment, preceded by her blatant look of arousal—it was no wonder she was being avoided.

  Natalie let out a deep sigh and shifted her position. She was sprawled out on the brittle grass of one of the many nice spots on campus. The sun had come out and she didn’t have a class for another hour, so it had seemed like a good idea.

  Her mind wouldn’t rest, even on such a beautiful day. She scowled up at the blue sky, frustrated with her inability just to feel normal, even for a moment. A burst of anger blindsided her, her hands clutching at the grass as she fought the urge to tear it up from the earth.

  As sudden as it came, her anger was gone. Bereft of it, she only felt empty. She eased her grip.

  There were better ways to channel her energy. Professor Baptiste might be finished with his doctoral candidates, and thus might be willing to let her hang out in his lab. He’d really loved the prototype she’d submitted as a final project the previous semester.

  The walk to his building passed quickly, and she peeked through the small window in the door to see if he was in his lecture hall.

  He was seated behind his large desk, his smooth dark head bowed down as he reviewed some paperwork. She knocked firmly.

  Professor Baptiste looked startled for a moment, the reading glasses on his face slipping a little as he turned to face the door. He had a formal office, of course, but stayed out of it when he wasn’t required to be there since he preferred the larger space of the lecture hall.

  The older man offered her a smile and a wave to indicate she could come in. She nodded and pulled open the door, blinking a little at the change in lighting. She adjusted the strap of her messenger bag as she approached him.

  His smile remained, and she returned it with a small one of her own.

  “Natalie, how can I help you?” His eyes were soft and welcoming as she stopped in front of his desk. Just the sound of his familiar accent brought her comfort.

  “Hey Prof, nothing really I need help with. I was just wondering if I could hang out in your workroom for a bit?” She eyed him hopefully.

  A sly smile curled his lips. “Are you making something for another mystery friend? The flower was lovely.”

  A sharp bark of laughter escaped Natalie before she could help it, and she shook her head. “No, no that didn’t turn out too well. I kinda just want to do something between classes, you know? I thought maybe I could run a few stress sims—if it’s alright with you.”

  Her former instructor frowned. “What time is your next class?”

  “Two-fifteen,” she replied.

  He quietly studied her.

  “And you think that gives you enough time to properly stress test?” he sternly asked.

  Natalie felt her stomach drop in disappointment.

  He smiled, his eyes twinkling. “You should come more frequently if you want to be thorough.”

  “Well, I guess it would reflect poorly on my instructors if something I designed failed post-production due to a lack of thoroughness.”

  “That’s right, we can’t have that.” He winked and nodded his head toward the lab door. “Go ahead and get started. Try not to lose track of time, though. I don’t want to be held responsible for depriving a young mind of its education.”

  She whipped out a sharp salute and made straight for his lab. Being the head of the engineering department had its perks, and the kindly older man was willing to share some of those perks with devoted students.

  Natalie was just glad that she’d signed on for a couple of his classes over the years. Since Pops had to take things easier, it was nice to have a mentor to turn to with technical questions and concerns. And though she loved Pops, she felt a particular kinship with Professor Baptiste, who had always been open about his humble beginnings in Haiti. He still visited his birth country often and had even helped rebuild what he could after the disastrous 2008 hurricane season.

  If she could accomplish even half of what he had, she’d be happy. With that thought dominating her mind, she got to work.

  *****

  Maddie smiled as she pulled into the driveway. She’d just gotten off of work and was happy to see Adam’s truck parked in front of the garage. It had been nice, getting used to seeing it most days again.

  Adam had been going above and beyond to make sure his schedule didn’t take him away for more than a few days week. The effort made her happy, though they still hadn’t found their stride together yet.

  They’d talked about it, of course, as much as they could without driving each other up the wall. It was particularly difficult for Maddie, who hadn’t found many hobbies to divert herself with. To her embarrassment, she still ended up working more than not in her spare time. Since they’d only been trying to reconnect for a few weeks, they were allowing each other the crutch of talking about Brittney.

  And in the end, Maddie argued, did it really matter how much they talked? They enjoyed each other’s company and respected each other’s free time. As long as they shared most meals and did at least a few things together a week, she was con
tent. It wasn’t like they didn’t talk at all.

  When she headed through the garage door, she froze. Adam’s familiar bulk was situated in front of his old car, and it was clear he’d been tinkering for some time. Seeing him there somehow felt wrong, but that didn’t make sense since the car was his.

  “Hey, hon. What are you up to in here?” She made herself sound casual. The garage just didn’t seem the same without—

  Grinning, Adam half-twisted so he could see Maddie. “Well, I know Natalie’s kind of stuck until I figure out what kind of engine I want to put in, so I was looking around a bit. I think I’ve figured out what I want.”

  Hearing Natalie’s name, even so casually, made Maddie’s heart beat irregularly. She forced a smile on her face as Adam turned to look at her. He grinned, his eyes dancing and the crinkles at the corners of them deep. She attempted to let the gentle warmth of her connection to Adam wash away her disquiet.

  “That’s good,” she said as she cleared her throat, “since I’m sure Natalie has been ready to start really putting this together for a while now.”

  Adam wiped his hands with a dark rag. “Yeah, I noticed she hasn’t been around as much. She must be getting bored, frustrated, or both.”

  Unbidden, Maddie recalled how dark Natalie’s eyes had been as she’d stared at Maddie’s mouth.

  Maddie made a noncommittal noise in her throat. “Classes have started up again for her and Brittney. I’m certain they’re both trying to get a handle on their new schedules.”

  “You’re probably right,” he said as he squinted down at his car.

  Glad for his distraction, Maddie opted for a change in subject. She didn’t need another reminder of Natalie’s absence—or her part in it. “So, any requests for dinner?”

  “Actually, why don’t you take it easy and let me cook?” Adam hiked an eyebrow in her direction.

  She had to bite the inside of her cheek hard, but she managed not to immediately reject his offer. “That sounds lovely.”

  Adam clapped his hands together and grinned. “Great! Why don’t you go ahead and go change and relax? I’ll be inside in a bit to begin preparations. You just stay out of the kitchen.”

  “Whatever you say, honey.” Her lips twitched with the effort it took not to say more. She turned and shook her head, hearing Adam muttering under his breath as she left.

  Her equilibrium lasted until she was alone in her bedroom and sifting through her clothes. Tonight she felt like dressing down, but she didn’t want to send the wrong message to Adam when he clearly had something special in mind.

  As Maddie stared past the countless dresses hanging in her closet, she felt her happy facade begin to crack. She missed Natalie.

  At work, she’d found herself scrolling back through their old texts. They’d had so many friendly exchanges, a few of which she recognized perhaps had verged on the side of too friendly. Did it still count, in hindsight?

  Her hands trailed restlessly through her clothes, flicking back and forth between various dresses. She paused when she reached an azure sheath that she’d always loved. She rubbed the fabric, enjoying the silky texture between her fingertips. It had been the dress she’d worn the first night she’d met Natalie.

  It was a betrayal, thinking of Natalie so much. She just needed more time to get over the attraction, especially since she couldn’t get completely away from the younger woman. Not that Natalie had been pressuring her—just the opposite. With a sting, she remembered their last, brief encounter. It had been the final time Natalie had agreed to lunch. Maddie had prepped the sandwich and left as soon as Natalie had entered the kitchen.

  Some small part of her had had difficulty letting go. She’d looked back. Natalie had been sitting stiff as a board, ultimately having understood that they couldn’t be friends after all.

  It had been a bitter moment. She knew how much Natalie respected Adam. There was nothing Maddie could say. She’d been polite but distant, as the situation called for. Part of her was scared that if they talked, Natalie would be as sincere as Maddie had known her to be.

  In her most honest moments she knew that no matter what Natalie had to say, Maddie wouldn’t like it. If Natalie felt something, oh.

  It was both absurd and terrible (how much Maddie was trying not to want it). In the same token, Maddie would hate to realize that Natalie’s apparent affection (Maddie was definitely misinterpreting the situation) was superficial, at best.

  Even with her decision made, she still wondered what Natalie really thought. The day Maddie had realized her own attraction and she’d pulled away… it would only be logical for Natalie to be blaming herself. Something ached in Maddie’s chest every time she realized that.

  She stripped out of her slacks and blouse, her hands once again reaching for the azure sheath. The dress came free of the hanger with a gentle tug.

  Pulling it on was easy, and she took a few moments to adjust it against the contours of her body. She stood in front of the full-length mirror situated on the wall opposite the closet to take a closer look.

  She didn’t feel any different.

  It had been a stupid idea. Putting on the dress and wishing that she could go back to that moment before things had become so complicated, to when Natalie had just been Brittney’s friend, had been pointless.

  There was no going back. She should have never ignored the moments between them that had bordered on inappropriate, the almost-flirting that Maddie had enjoyed but explained away as something else. She’d known Natalie was gay and her own history with women, and had still turned a blind eye to the moments they’d shared that had simply been too intimate. If Natalie were a man, Maddie would have never allowed such things to pass for fear of provoking Adam’s jealousy. Her choices had been made; she couldn’t claw those parts out of her chest that had learned to pulse and beat with the silent tempo of Natalie when she wasn’t looking.

  Her allotment of time over, she tugged the dress off. It was time to stymie such thoughts again, push them away and package them neatly into a box that she’d labeled ‘impossible’ from the beginning. It was buried deep into the darkest parts of her where she stowed her fear, guilt, and shame.

  Thinking of it was maddening.

  Soon enough Natalie would find someone different, younger and unattached.

  The front door opened downstairs, the familiar thumps of Adam’s footsteps trodding toward the kitchen. She would never mess things up with Adam, whom she did love. She wouldn’t throw away twenty years because of a simple fascination.

  Maddie counted to ten as she shut her emotions down and picked a simple black dress. She tested her smile several times before grabbing a set of matching pumps, wanting to get downstairs as soon as possible. With Adam in the kitchen, she should remain ready with the first aid kit.

  By the time she reached the bottom of the stairs, her smile was almost real.

  *****

  “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Reeve asked as he leaned against Natalie’s bedroom door, his arms crossed.

  Natalie stopped rearranging the few things she’d stowed in her backpack to spare him a glance. “No,” she paused, “and yes.”

  Reeve’s eyebrows rose. He stared at her in disbelief, silently waiting for an explanation.

  She sighed and turned back to examine the contents of her bag. “I need to work on Adam’s car. The pay is good but, besides that, I made a commitment.”

  He remained quiet as he continued to watch her, worried more than he would say. “I don’t like it. I know he’s excited to get the engine in, but you know what tomorrow is.”

  “That’s why I’m going today. I definitely should not be there tomorrow.” She emphasized her words by grabbing a spare shirt and shoving it roughly into her bag.

  It had been a shit week. Her car battery had died on campus the previous day. She’d ended up waiting for Steven to get off of work and, after a long day of classes, all she had wanted was to go home.

  Her old battery had
only managed a weak charge, so getting a new one had set her back an extra hundred plus dollars she hadn’t been looking to spend. She’d just had to pay for books and software for her classes, and given that she hadn’t really been going to Sage Falls to work very often, things were financially tight.

  When Adam had called her to excitedly inform her that the engine he’d selected had finally been delivered, she’d agreed to head out to help him get it installed. She felt odd about working with him, but at least she’d already done most of the work on the custom engine mount the G-47s required.

  Her stomach churned when she considered what tomorrow was, and how very much she just wanted to be anywhere other than Sage Falls. Preferably with a drink in her hand.

  With all her bad luck, she was happy to at least only have a single Friday class. It allowed her to make the trip out to Adam’s early enough that she could get back home the same night.

  “Alright,” Reeve’s low voice cut through her thoughts, “you know we’ve got plans tomorrow.”

  “We do?” She frowned.

  He grinned at her, a glint in his eye she’d seen before. “Yep. No bar hopping. Just you, me, Steven, and The Exchange.”

  “The Exchange?” Natalie’s frown deepened. “We haven’t been there in forever.”

  Reeve nodded slowly. “Not since Tiva left to take care of her uncle but, guess what? She’s back.”

  Natalie’s confusion shifted into surprise. She’d always liked Tiva, and they got along great. Reconnecting with her old friend would be a fantastic way to take her mind off of Maddie.

  “Okay, cool. I better get going then.” She stood and pulled her backpack on, one hand reaching for her toolbox.

  When she turned back to face the door, the broad grin on Reeve’s face made her want to punch him. He knew more than anyone how close she and Tiva had been, back before Tiva’s uncle had gotten sick.

  She shook her head and promised herself she’d punch him later.