Disoriented brown eyes met her own.
“Hey,” she greeted softly.
“Hey,” came the groggy reply. “What time is it?”
Maddie raised her wrist to check the time. “Five-thirty. I brought dinner.”
Natalie nodded slowly, looking around the room to orient herself. Her eyes froze on the laptop. She sent Maddie a slightly panicked look. “Did you look at my laptop?”
“What?” Maddie frowned at the question, not sure at the abrupt topic switch. “Not really, I—”
“Not really? You should respect my privacy!”
Stung, Maddie dropped Natalie’s hand and stood up. She hadn’t even really looked. Did she even want to know why Natalie was so upset? She wouldn’t think about it. She made a point to stare at some point past Natalie’s head.
“Maddie, I’m sorry.” Natalie’s eyes roamed her face.
Maddie’s eyes began to burn. She didn’t like Natalie’s tone and she didn’t want an explanation.
Natalie sighed and slumped back into the couch. “Hand me my laptop, please.”
Her heart began to pound louder, nearly drowning out everything but the echo of Natalie’s request. She didn’t want to know. It was better not to know. She licked her lips and bent for the laptop anyway.
Natalie patted the spot next to her hip, feeling relieved when Maddie tentatively sat. She positioned the laptop screen so Maddie could see. The screen was displaying an open email she’d received only an hour ago.
She waited as Maddie quickly skimmed the message.
“Oh, Natalie, that’s wonderful news! I know that company, they donated new defibrillators to King Memorial a few years ago.” Maddie seemed so excited that Natalie couldn’t help but smile.
Her smile receded. “The internship is for their main R&D facility, Maddie; it’s in Seattle.” A one-to-two hour drive suddenly seemed like nothing compared to a cross-country flight.
“You want to go.”
The words were said without judgement, but they made Natalie’s heartbeat accelerate all the same. “Maddie—”
“You should go.” Maddie’s voice barely wavered.
“It’s only for a few months,” Natalie claimed half-heartedly. She tried to ignore the fact that the time away would be a little longer than she and Maddie had been seeing one another.
Maddie smiled and took a breath. “You’re right.”
They were quiet as they looked at each other, an odd discomfort in the air.
Natalie licked her lips, her stomach twisting. “We should eat.”
She reached to the side to collect the bag from Juniper’s. It didn’t take long to settle down at the table with their food, but Natalie knew Maddie was still thinking about the internship. Normally Maddie set out plates even if they ordered takeout, but she hadn’t said a word as they sat down and began eating from the cardboard containers.
“It’s good for you to go, it’s a great opportunity.” It was obvious that Maddie was forcing herself to look at things in a positive way, but Natalie appreciated the effort.
She finished chewing the bite of her grilled chicken club sandwich and nodded. “Yeah, Professor Baptiste told me I’ll have my pick of jobs after graduation if things go well.”
“That’s good.” Maddie visibly relaxed. She pushed some fries around in the container. “Adam was practically gone for the last couple years of our marriage, I can handle a few months.”
Natalie froze mid-chew, hurriedly continuing when Maddie started to look up. She averted her gaze in time, even managing a nonchalant air as they continued to eat.
A few months; that’s all it had taken for Maddie to fall in love with her. A lot could happen in a few months, and the Seattle internship was even worse. At least Adam been home for at least a week out of a month at any given time.
She was lucky to have scored a paid internship, but she was fully aware that pay wouldn’t be anything extravagant. The position was on the opposite side of the country, so even if she wanted to visit Maddie it wouldn’t be financially feasible.
Her appetite fled her, and she pushed her container away. “Who says I have to go anyway?”
Maddie shot her a fond look. “I know this is the kind of thing you’ve always dreamed of; you haven’t worked this hard for most of your life to give up now.”
Natalie was almost sorry that Maddie knew her so well, and a sad smile graced her face. “You’re right.”
She closed her eyes when she felt Maddie’s hand glide over hers.
“We’ll figure something out.”
The words should have brought her comfort. They didn’t.
Maddie’s hand was shaking.
*****
Maddie cursed silently as she fought her way through traffic. She was running late, and today was not a day she wanted to be running late.
She bit her lip as she glanced at the clock. Natalie would surely already be checked in. She’d wanted more than anything to drive her lover to the airport, but Natalie had told her that Reeve had already begged to have some last quality time before her departure.
Given that she already took up so much of Natalie’s time, she’d graciously conceded. She wasn’t actually late, but the time had slipped past the time she’d mentally allotted Reeve.
Twenty minutes was enough, wasn’t it? They’d already had the drive over together.
“I’m such a sap,” she admitted to herself out loud. It was easier to focus on the small things. Truth be told, she’d been fighting a sense of bleak desperation off for the last couple of weeks. Three months wasn’t that long. She knew that. And yet, as she felt her hands gripping Natalie tighter and tighter when they were together, it seemed like an eternity to face alone.
So much could happen in just a few months, and they’d barely just begun. She tried not to think of Adam, and of their failed marriage. She wouldn’t panic, even if the long stretch of nights Natalie would be gone made her stomach twist into knots.
The large parking area loomed ahead in her sight, and she breathed a sigh of relief. She didn’t care how much the damn parking cost, she’d stay as long as she could. She knew better than to take the small moments for granted.
She straightened the skirt of her dress as she locked up her car, hurriedly following the signs to find her way to Natalie’s gate. She was tense until she finally spotted her lover just away from a large crowd of people. A smile overtook her face and managed to stay.
Natalie was in her usual jeans and v-neck, her backpack resting down near her booted feet.
Maddie’s steps accelerated, and she was glad to see Reeve nowhere in sight as she swept Natalie into a tight hug. Her lover seemed a little stiff, so she retreated back to a respectable distance.
“Sorry, honey, I guess the reality is just setting in,” she admitted. Her voice had cracked at the end. How embarrassing.
Natalie’s dark eyes traveled over her face slowly, as if trying to memorize it.
Maddie was about to speak again, but Natalie was suddenly in front of her and cupping her face. The kiss was excruciatingly gentle, a reverent caress that swarmed her senses.
When Natalie pulled away, Maddie was breathless.
The smile Natalie gave her was sad. “Maddie, I’ve been thinking. Three months is a long time to wait.”
Maddie frowned and tilted her head backward. “It’s not—what do you mean?” A great roaring filled her ears, and she was terrified to hear what Natalie would say next.
Natalie exhaled a measured breath, her eyes fluttering closed for a moment before reopening. “I don’t think it’s fair for you to wait for me.”
A sharp pain began in Maddie’s chest, and her throat worked as she tried to swallow the lump that had formed in it. “Honey, we’ve talked about this.”
“I know, but,” Natalie paused to gather her courage, “I think we rushed into this. I think that maybe the best thing for us is to be apart for a while—I mean, really apart. What we’ve got, how we’ve been… it’s n
ot healthy.”
“You’re going to be on the other side of the country,” Maddie said hollowly, tears already pricking at her eyes. “That’s pretty far apart.”
Natalie brushed a kiss to her forehead, a grim smile forming on her face as she hefted her carryon over her shoulder. “You know what I mean, Maddie.” With a breath and a turn on her heel she added, “Don’t wait for me.”
“Natalie!” Maddie called out loudly, shocked disbelief overtaking her when Natalie just kept walking. She wanted to storm after her and demand an explanation but, in a blink, Natalie was lost in the crowd of people heading for the security checkpoint.
*****
“I am stronger. I am better. I will do better.” The mantra didn’t comfort Natalie. She was sure she knew why.
Breaking things off with Maddie didn’t feel right, but she was sure that it was right. Without her around to mess things up more, Maddie just might have a chance at repairing things with Brittney; Maddie would have a chance to repair her own life.
Natalie felt like she’d been killing herself trying to keep Maddie afloat. Maddie hadn’t asked, but what could Natalie do when Maddie was so clearly in danger of sinking into a severe depression? Nothing she’d tried had worked, and she’d witnessed Maddie slowly slipping into a cycle of work and pretending she was okay. It had kept Natalie up most nights, worrying about Maddie.
Things had not gotten easier or better for Maddie as the last weeks of the semester slipped by, and Natalie had been forced to confront the fact that she had some hard decisions to make. She was exhausted in more ways than one.
Natalie tried to force out the last image of Maddie at the airport from her mind. After going through security, she hadn’t been able to resist the urge to glance back through the safety windows.
Maddie had been exactly where Natalie had left her, hand braced over her mouth as silent tears trickled down her cheeks.
Ending things was best for Maddie, Natalie reminded herself again.
Her eyes stung, and she leaned her head against the window. Maddie needed to heal. More than that, Maddie deserved better than an uncertain future.
Natalie was certain that Maddie would find someone better, someone who wouldn’t wreak havoc on every aspect of her life. There was no reason to make her wait the three or so months they’d be apart.
This was for the best. Maybe if she kept telling herself that, she would eventually believe it.
She was determined not to cry for the entire flight, so she forced her mind elsewhere. Despite her attempts to think of anything but Maddie, their first meeting popped into her mind.
Brittney’s mom scooted her chair back to stand, and Natalie was glad that no one was paying attention to her. Adam’s casual mode of dress hadn’t her prepared her for Mrs. Garret in a sapphire sheath that clung to every dip and curve of her body.
“Mom, this is my friend.”
The dark inviting eyes focused on Natalie, and Natalie could see genuine delight light up Mrs. Garret’s face. “Hello Brittney’s friend, I’m Madeline Garret. Or as most of her friends know me, Brittney’s Mom.”
The words made Natalie laugh. She enthusiastically stepped forward to initiate a handshake. “Hello, Brittney’s Mom. I’m Natalie Navarro. It’s nice to meet you.”
Natalie’s quiet tears renewed, a rueful smile on her face. Meeting Maddie had changed everything. She would never forget that.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
"Don't wait for me."
Maddie numbly watched Natalie leave, disconnected from the world around her as she tried to make sense of what had happened. As Natalie kept moving, everything around Maddie seemed out of focus. Breathing became difficult.
It was then that she realized was crying, her hand braced over her mouth as the tears slowly traveled down her cheeks.
“Are you alright, miss?” A kindly older gentleman reached out to her, carefully offering a tissue.
Maddie focused on the dark liver spots that dotted his wrinkled skin, and she tried to force a smile as she accepted it.
If his expression was anything to go by, she hadn’t done a good job.
The hand that had barely begun to retreat from Maddie’s personal space abruptly changed directions.
“Goodbyes can be difficult,” he said in a comforting voice. There was a brief weight on her shoulder.
Shock rippled keenly through the numb cloud that had enveloped her.
Goodbye.
Her hand throbbed, and she blinked down at her fist clenched around the crumpled white tissue. It was the disposable kind, probably from a travel pack the man carried.
If she concentrated, she could almost ignore the turmoil raging in her head. She tried again to force a smile, bringing the abused tissue up to wipe at her face and nose.
It was hard to speak, but she managed to get out a quiet “Thank you” through her trembling lips.
The old man smiled at her and nodded, departing as quickly as he’d arrived.
A few people were staring at her, but most couldn’t be bothered. She wasn’t the first person to cry in an airport. As she slowly made her way back to the parking garage, she had to admit that she wasn’t the only person who had been left at an airport.
The thought made her heart lurch and her stomach tighten, and she stumbled as she tried to distract herself with other things. She’d already made a spectacle out of herself in public and she didn’t relish crying again.
She focused on her shoes, her heels clicking against the splotchy grey concrete. The sound was almost hypnotic as she guided herself in the vague direction of where she’d parked. The garage was busy, but time passed oddly for her as she walked on.
After several minutes she spotted her car with a sigh of relief, digging the keys out from her purse with one hand as she approached the familiar sedan.
“I can do this,” she said out loud as she opened the door and settled into her seat. Her motions were automatic, and she nodded to herself as she buckled her seatbelt.
Things were fine.
She was fine.
About to insert her key into the ignition, she was halted by the vibrating of her phone.
She froze, eyes wide and nostrils flared as she tried to understand what she should do.
What if it was Natalie? What if it wasn’t Natalie?
Her pulse pounded erratically as she retrieved her phone.
‘Take a break from making out like a teenager to remember that Natalie has to actually get through security, okay?’
A winking face accompanied the teasing reminder, and Maddie could only stare at Kaili’s name displayed in bold letters at the top of the small screen.
And then it seemed as if the tears would never stop.
*****
She sat up in bed, heart pounding and body dampened by sweat. The darkness was disorienting, and she tried to figure out what had woken her up. She reached a shaking hand up to her throat—it felt sore, as if she’d strained it somehow.
The boundless darkness revealed nothing.
For a moment, she wasn’t even sure where she was.
All Maddie knew that she was alone. Again.
Since she was a child she’d become accustomed to being alone; from as early as she could remember she’d been sent away to boarding school, only being allowed to attend “normal” school after much pleading.
She’d nearly been shipped away again once her mother had discovered she’d started dating Grady. After that, every holiday was scheduled and spent abroad on trips her mother had deemed culturally important, often with a hired chaperone.
Oh, how she’d loved the freedom of college.
She laughed hollowly as she leaned back into the headboard. All her experiences along the way had shaped and molded her, but it seemed nothing had truly changed.
Alone. That’s how she was meant to be.
Adam was gone, and Brittney wanted nothing to do with her. Natalie had left her at the first chance she’d gotten and, really, Maddie c
ouldn’t blame her.
There was just something fundamentally wrong with her, it seemed. Nature was determined to return her to her predetermined state, and Maddie foggily wondered why she even bothered getting out of bed anymore.
What was the point of anything? Everything?
Over the last few weeks since Natalie had left she’d just been going through the motions. She’d tried calling Natalie repeatedly, only to reach the impersonal voicemail every time.
The tiny part of her that had secretly hoped that Natalie would come to her senses, that Natalie would admit she’d made a mistake, had withered and died.
Natalie had already come to her senses. Leaving had been the smart decision.
Maddie felt paralyzed. Detached, as if the world moving around her was little more than a hazy dream—or nightmare. She still couldn’t decipher which.
Her stomach growled painfully. She frowned down in the darkness. Had she eaten today? Her memory was hazy. Maybe she’d had half a sandwich yesterday. Sharad had been looking at her with such concern, so she’d put on a smile and accepted the offering. She was fairly certain she’d eaten it.
She felt around in the dark for her phone. The device had accompanied her to bed nearly every night, though she often wondered why she bothered. The only calls she received were from Kaili, with the occasional call from Sharad to remind her when she was supposed to work. Kaili still didn’t know the truth. Maddie couldn’t bear to tell her that Natalie had left for good.
No one really knew. She could just imagine the laugh everyone would have at her expense. She’d fallen for a younger woman, had gotten a divorce from her husband of nearly twenty years, and then her young lover had left her.
The situation was much more complicated than that sounded, but no one would care.
All she wanted to do when she was home was sleep. Sleep was her one comfort, if it could be called that. Being awake was overrated. People expected her to live and laugh and go about as if everything was just great.
She didn’t need to be happy. All she needed to do was pretend enough that she would be left alone. It was a delicate balance that was tiring to maintain.
Meeting Mrs Garret Page 32