Sean’s sudden attentiveness made it difficult to carry out her plan of letting the affair fade away and also made her mother believe that all was well between them.
The family visited Gerry every evening during the visiting hour six thirty to seven thirty and other relatives and friends often called for a brief visit. One evening Anne and John had to attend a meeting at Julie’s school about A levels and Anne suggested that Sean might accompany Laura to the hospital.
‘He could come here for his meal from the station and you could go together to the hospital,’ she said.
Laura was non-committal. Sean had never suggested visiting Gerry and one night he had wrinkled his nose when she stood beside him in a cinema queue after visiting the hospital. ‘I can smell that hospital smell on you,’ he exclaimed. ‘God, I hate hospitals.’
‘Thanks,’ Laura said huffily. ‘I hope you never have to go in one then.’
She moved away but he flung his arm round her and pulled her to him. ‘Only joking,’ he said and kissed her.
Now she decided not to ask him outright but to tell him what her mother had suggested.
‘Sorry,’ he said hastily. ‘I’ve got a squash court booked with Owen,’ and she said no more.
She told her mother that Sean was unable to come for the meal. Anne made no comment and when John looked up from his newspaper and exclaimed, ‘But—’ she hastily interrupted him to ask him to be sure to be home early for the visit to the school.
Laura went alone to the hospital and found her cousin Dilly and her boyfriend Andy there. Andy was a cheerful extrovert and his account of trying to house-train a puppy brought a rare smile to Gerry’s face. Soon afterwards Dilly’s elder sister Moira arrived with her fiancé and the jokes came thick and fast.
‘Thanks, Andy,’ Gerry said as they prepared to leave. ‘You’re a tonic. You’ve all made me feel better.’
‘It’s my face,’ Andy said. ‘It cheers people up to know that theirs isn’t like it.’
Laura had laughed as heartily as the others at the jokes but when they left and she bent over Gerry to say goodbye, he suddenly held her fiercely with his good arm and kissed her. ‘Take care of yourself, kid,’ he said softly. ‘You’re worth the very best.’
Laura felt her eyes fill with tears as she whispered, ‘You too, Ged,’ using their old childish name for him.
Her cousins were waiting for her but she was quiet and thoughtful as they drove her home. Why had Gerry said that? Was it because he sensed her unhappiness and saw her alone among the other happy couples? The old Gerry would never have noticed but now perhaps he had been made more perceptive by his own suffering and misery. And was he, too, hinting at doubts about Sean by telling her that she was worth the very best?
She waited for her parents and Julie to return from the meeting and told them briefly about Dilly and Moira and their boyfriends being at the hospital and that Gerry was much more cheerful. Then she went to bed, saying that she had a headache.
She woke suddenly in the early hours of the morning to find the room flooded with moonlight. She went to the window and stood looking out at the moon through the bare branches of the trees and the familiar shapes in the garden made unfamiliar by moonlight and thought over the past months.
I’ve been a fool, she thought. Ever since our party I’ve been bending myself out of shape trying to change. Stopping myself from saying what I think to Sean and dithering about trying to decide whether I loved him or not. From now on I’ll just be myself and I’ll tell him straight as soon as I see him that it’s time we packed in.
Feeling relieved and calm, she went back to bed and immediately fell asleep.
She slept late and caught a later train than Sean in the morning but she saw him among the homegoing crowds flooding into Exchange Station after work. He looked furtive and she realised that he was hoping to avoid her but she grasped his arm firmly and drew him aside.
‘I want to get this train,’ he protested. ‘I’ve got five-a-side tonight.’
‘You can spare me a few minutes,’ she said and he looked alarmed. ‘Don’t worry, I only want to say that it’s time we called it a day. It doesn’t suit either of us and we each need to be free to do what we want.’
He gaped at her. ‘What? Why?’ he spluttered. ‘What’s brought this on?’ Then he looked at her with narrowed eyes, suddenly suspicious. ‘Have you met someone else?’ he demanded.
‘Of course not,’ Laura said. ‘It’s just that you’ve got other things to do like your squash and football.’
‘So that’s it,’ he said triumphantly, before she could say that she also had other interests. ‘I knew it. You’ve got a weed on because I can’t see you every night but the teams need me.’
Laura suddenly lost her temper. ‘They could manage without you when you suddenly wanted to see me nearly every night because I was going out, having a life of my own. You couldn’t stand that, could you, big-head? You’re just a dog in the manger.’
Sean’s face was red with anger and he snarled at her, ‘I gave up matches to take you out but you never came to watch me on Saturdays or came out with the lads at night. You want things all your own way.’
‘I do?’ Laura exclaimed. ‘You’ve got a cheek. I didn’t go because I didn’t like to hear what they said about you but you’re too thick-skinned and conceited to realise it.’
‘Don’t you criticise me,’ Sean snapped. ‘You never appreciated me. Plenty of girls would be glad to go out with me.’
‘Those who like immature morons,’ Laura said. ‘Selfish to the bone. I wish them joy.’
She turned away but Sean gripped her sleeve. ‘Don’t you be telling people you chucked me,’ he said, ‘I finished with you.’
Laura pulled her sleeve out of his grasp and looked at him with contempt. ‘Childish too,’ she said and went towards the train.
The next train was in and filling rapidly and Laura and Sean pushed on but in separate carriages and when the train drew in to Blundellsands station, Laura walked home without a backward glance.
I’ve done it, she thought with relief then smiled to herself as she thought over the conversation. I was going to be so dignified, too, she thought ruefully, and part as friends, but once Sean started spouting I couldn’t resist telling him what I thought of him. Might do him some good anyway, make him less big-headed.
There was the usual rush to get to the hospital and no opportunity to see her mother alone until late evening, but as she helped Anne to prepare supper she told her quietly that she had finished with Sean. ‘For good?’ Anne asked.
Laura grinned as she thought of her comments to Sean but she only said lightly, ‘Definitely for good, Mum.’
‘I can’t say I’m sorry, love,’ Anne said. ‘But won’t it be awkward so near Christmas? Only ten days to go. Have you got his present?’
‘No, I hadn’t realised it was so close. Everything seems so upside down lately. But I had to do it now, Mum. It’s dragged on too long as it is.’
‘I don’t think you were really suited,’ Anne said diplomatically. ‘You’ll know when you meet the right one.’
‘“Across a crowded room,”’ Laura quoted, but her mother was relieved to see how heartily she laughed and how unconcerned she seemed about the parting.
If I ever do meet anyone else, thought Laura, I won’t make the same mistake. I won’t try to change myself to suit them. I’ll just be myself, say what I think, do what I like and if they don’t like it they can lump it. She hummed cheerfully as she carried the tray to the table.
Chapter Fifteen
Although Laura appeared cheerful she still had bad moments remembering the early days when she believed that Sean truly loved her and she had loved him without reservation. She had given Julie an edited version of their parting and Julie insisted that Sean did love Laura but was too immature to realise it.
‘I can’t wait around for him to grow up,’ Laura joked but in her heart she knew that Sean loved no one but himself
.
Peter Cunliffe had travelled home with David to spend some time with Julie before going to his widowed mother in Manchester for Christmas and Julie tried to conceal her happiness from Laura. She thought it would make Laura feel even more unhappy about Sean but Laura assured her that she felt only relief at finishing with him.
‘Don’t be spoiling your time with Peter for my sake, Ju,’ she said. ‘It’s a different situation altogether. You two were made for each other and I’m very happy for you.’ She was amazed sometimes at how close she had grown to Julie since Gerry’s accident. A few months ago I couldn’t have imagined talking to her like this, she thought.
Everyone in the family tried to make Christmas a cheerful time but in spite of their efforts there was a shadow over it and everyone was relieved when it was all over.
Gerry was still in hospital and suffering a lot of pain from his injured foot and the other casualty Denny was not responding to treatment.
Maureen came to stay for Christmas and the family were shocked at the change in her. They had visited her frequently and found her serene and happy, with little change physically, but now the disease seemed to have made a leap forward in its inexorable progress. She was as loving and resigned as ever but it was a grief to all the family to see how restricted her movements had become and the hesitation in her speech.
Sarah and Joe had another worry too. Rosa had not returned to the College of Art after her return from hospital but drooped about the house showing no interest in anything. She still refused to answer telephone calls although the faithful Neil still persisted and her mother now flatly refused to tell anybody that Rosa was out. ‘I’m telling no more lies for you,’ she declared. ‘You can tell them yourself,’ but Rosa refused to be provoked.
When David returned from Cambridge with Peter Cunliffe, Sarah hoped that Rosa would rouse herself and take some trouble with her appearance. ‘I’m sick of seeing you in that dressing gown,’ she told Rosa. ‘I hope you’ll get dressed while the lads are home and do something with your hair. It’s a disgrace.’ Rosa only retired to her bedroom and stayed there while David and Peter were in the house.
She was still keeping to her bedroom on New Year’s Eve when the rest of the family gathered at her grandmother’s house. ‘I’m not sorry to see the end of this year,’ Sarah said. ‘And we thought life was going to be so good when we first moved to our new houses.’
‘It will be, love,’ her mother said. ‘It usually happens that troubles come all together then there’s a long spell with everything going smoothly.’
‘It’s been an eventful year,’ Greg said. ‘All the trouble in Ireland and the investiture of the Prince of Wales and then men on the moon! I never thought that would happen in my lifetime.’
‘It’s hard to take in,’ Anne said. ‘We stood in the garden, didn’t we, John, looking up at the moon and trying to realise that two men were actually on it.’
‘I don’t agree with it,’ John declared. ‘There’s plenty to be sorted out on this planet before we start meddling with others. The money it cost could be put to better use.’
‘It’s still a wonderful achievement,’ his father said mildly. ‘And some progress has been made here, John. The abolition of the death penalty and the barricades coming down in Belfast and the Peace Line instead. And the Soviet Union and America have ratified the Nuclear Non-proliferation Treaty. That should please you.’
‘And don’t forget votes for eighteen-year-olds,’ Cathy said.
‘Did you campaign for that, Nana?’ asked Laura and Cathy laughed. ‘No. Someone else must have done that,’ she said. ‘We only fought for votes for women and now half of them don’t use them.’
‘I’ll certainly use mine,’ Laura declared. ‘When I’ve made up my mind.’
She winked at her mother who said firmly, ‘Now don’t start a political argument on New Year’s Eve, Laura.’
‘I suppose all these things are important,’ Sarah said, ‘but when things go wrong for our kids, they don’t matter at all by comparison. I can honestly say that’s the most miserable Christmas I’ve ever had.’
‘The thought of those two poor lads that died and their families threw a shadow over everyone, apart from all the other troubles,’ Cathy said. ‘It was a pity Mick and Gerda could only stay for Christmas Day. He might have cheered us up.’
‘Why did he have to go back?’ asked Helen.
‘Something had gone wrong with one of the processes,’ Cathy said. ‘He was as near to being worried as I’ve ever seen him. I think it could be quite dangerous.’
‘Never mind,’ Greg said, giving her a hug. ‘We’ve nearly finished with nineteen sixty-nine now, love. Next year has got to be better.’
For the first few weeks of the new year everything seemed unchanged then suddenly everyone had cause to feel happier. Gerry’s broken arm had healed and there was so much improvement in his foot that he was due to be discharged to attend as an outpatient twice a week. An operation was decided on for Denny which was completely successful, so he too was discharged from hospital.
The new term had started at the College of Art but Rosa was still drooping about the house, much to her mother’s disgust. She had obtained a few commissions for illustrations for greeting cards and calendars before the episode with Ricky and her father fixed up a garden shed as a studio for her, hoping to encourage her to work again, but she was not interested.
It was a phone call from a man who liked some work that she had left with him months earlier that roused her from her lethargy.
‘I never saw anything like it,’ Sarah told Anne. ‘One minute she was lying on the sofa like a dying duck and the next she was round the house like a whirlwind. I thought we’d need an operation to get that dressing gown off her but she was into the bathroom like a flash then came down looking like a fashion plate.’
‘I suppose the truth is it came at the right time,’ Anne said. ‘She was ready to start again, just needed a trigger.’
‘She knew I’d had enough too,’ Sarah said. ‘I made her take the calls from Neil and the others even if she hung up on them and I’d told her what I thought of her the night before. This call saved her face.’
Ricky seemed to be forgotten but her experience with him seemed to have made her more mature. She went back to the college to gain her diploma and worked hard in her shed/studio to fulfil her commissions for cards, calendars and labels. She avoided the wilder spirits at the college now and made new friends. They were amazed at her success and frankly envious, and Rosa seemed blissfully unaware that her looks and charm had a lot to do with her success and opened many doors to her which were closed to other people.
Her dates soon became as frequent and as varied as in the past and one was with a guitarist in a popular Liverpool group. Before long she was occasionally singing with the group. Her voice was light and pleasant and she sang songs like ‘Those were the days’ and ‘Yesterday’ and she was an immediate success.
Her parents were pleased and proud and Laura, who was enjoying life herself now, felt no envy for Rosa’s success, only for her ability to shrug off unpleasantness and live for the moment. With all her many boyfriends Rosa’s own heart was never involved and she lacked the imagination to realise the suffering of those who loved her fruitlessly.
Rosa’s return to college coincided with a new direction in Sarah’s life too. She had been promised a new lease of life after the successful heart operation and she had been determined to make the most of it. She had always been interested in floristry and had taken a course at a further education college. Now she began full-time work at a city florist’s.
Anne wanted to find a job too and she and Sarah had long talks about it. Sarah advised her to work part-time at first after being at home so long to get used to regular hours. ‘You’ll find it strange being told what to do at first,’ she said, ‘after arranging your day to suit yourself but if you don’t like it you can always pack it in and try something else.’
&
nbsp; John had not been aware of Anne’s plans, not because she concealed them from him deliberately but he was out so much that he was never there when she discussed them with Sarah. The shock of Gerry’s accident drove thoughts of everything else from their minds and it was not until an evening in Sarah’s house that John heard anything about Anne’s intentions.
They had finished their meal and were relaxing before walking to the parish club when Sarah said casually, ‘I think I’ve seen just the job for you, Anne. Vernon’s want people for three evenings a week, six till ten, in Long Lane.’
‘But I’ve never worked in the pools,’ Anne said.
‘It’s all right. You’ll be trained and it’s easy,’ said Sarah.
John suddenly found his voice. ‘What’s this about a job? You don’t need a job,’ he said.
‘I do. I want to get out. Meet people,’ Anne said.
‘You don’t have to work for the pools for that,’ John said. ‘You can go to town, go and see your friends. Mum and Dad are always pleased to see you.’
‘It’s not the same. I’d just like to do something different.’ She laughed. ‘Widen my horizons.’
She was trying to soothe John by making a joke but he sneered, ‘Filling pools envelopes? Very life enhancing.’
Joe and Sarah were irritated by his tone and Joe said quietly, ‘I think it’s Anne’s choice.’
‘Of course it is,’ Sarah said. ‘I really enjoy my job and our Eileen says she can’t imagine not working. All the younger women among her friends have jobs. Good jobs too.’
‘What’s that to me?’ John snorted. ‘Anne doesn’t need a job. I can keep my wife as I said I would when we got married.’ His face was red with anger and his voice loud. Joe’s face also grew red and his lips tightened.
Before he could speak, Anne said quickly, ‘What’s that got to do with it? Joe can keep Sarah and Martin can keep our Eileen but they can still enjoy having a job.’
John realised too late the implications of what he had said and used Anne’s intervention to cool his temper and say gruffly, ‘I’m just old-fashioned, I suppose.’
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