Honour Thy Father

by Honour Thy Father (retail) (epub)

  If anyone was to blame it was her mother for turning over the pad, but the top page had been filled by her father’s writing and she needed a clean sheet. I can’t blame Dad except for not telling me and there was so much going on when he came in, with the fuss about Rilla’s baby, it’s no wonder he didn’t think of it.

  She stood up and moved restlessly about the room. She knew that she was thinking about the message to avoid thinking about Nick and what she should do.

  Was she pleased that he had phoned or angry that he had made no further effort to contact her? He’s bloody arrogant she thought, yet he had phoned soon after the quarrel and perhaps when there was no return call he assumed she wanted to finish with him. She thought of all the explanations needed if she phoned him now but then she realised with relief that it was too late to call him now anyway.

  I can just put it all out of my mind until tomorrow, she decided as she slipped into bed, yet she found that it was impossible. She sat up and took two aspirins to help her to sleep but her mind was still too active.

  I should be pleased that he phoned, she thought, remembering how anxious she had been to hear from him, yet she recalled the original quarrel and his comments about her family’s grief. Do I want to make it up? She tried to think of Nick’s good points. His care of her when they were out together, his sense of humour, the things he said which made her feel confident and happy.

  I do care for him, she told herself, and crushed down a less worthy thought that she enjoyed being one of a couple and had no wish to be a pitied single again. She still felt too excited to sleep and she got up and sat by the open window, breathing in the damp, salty November air. Gradually she felt calmer and could think more objectively.

  Nothing had really changed. She knew now that Nick had phoned, but he knew only that he had phoned and she had not replied. It might already be too late to make up the quarrel but she decided that she would ring the following evening and they would know where they stood.

  The decision made, she got into bed again and deliberately turned her thoughts to the earlier part of the evening. Her conversation with her grandparents and memories of her beloved Grandma, then Gerry coming in with Phil Casey. She recalled Phil’s painful blush at her brusque reply to his remark about seeing her at home and later Gerry talking about him being usually so quiet and diffident but speaking freely to her mother.

  Her mother had a gift for making people feel at home and drawing them out to talk about themselves, she thought, and I have a gift for shutting them up. Suddenly it occurred to her that if she had said it to Nick he wouldn’t have reacted like that. He’d have taken offence and said something to hurt her in return.

  The following morning her mother asked about the message that had been overlooked. ‘Are you sure it wasn’t important?’ she asked but Laura shook her head.

  ‘Not at all,’ she said. She drained her coffee cup and jumped to her feet. ‘Sorry I can’t finish that toast, Mum. I’ll miss the train. ’Bye,’ and she dashed out.

  She was too busy to brood much during working hours and was not meeting Mary at lunchtime but on the way home she kept changing her mind about whether or not to ring Nick, then as she stepped off the train she thought impatiently, I’m sure other people don’t pick over everything the way I do. The ins and outs of Muldoon’s cat, as Grandma used to say. I’m just going to make up my mind and stick to it.

  As soon as she reached home she shut herself in the hall and dialled the number. Fortunately it was Nick who answered and he said, ‘Laura!’ in a delighted voice, then his voice cooled and he said stiffly, ‘You got my message then?’

  ‘Only last night,’ she said and explained.

  ‘I wondered why you didn’t ring back,’ was his only comment.

  His tone annoyed Laura and she said tartly, ‘You were quite sure that I would then?’

  ‘I think common courtesy would demand it,’ he snapped, then in a more placatory voice, ‘There was a misunderstanding at the Moonstone. I didn’t mean to offend you.’

  ‘I was hasty too, I suppose,’ Laura said grudgingly and Nick seemed to think the matter was closed.

  ‘Are you free tomorrow night?’ he asked.

  Laura still felt annoyed and she said that she had made arrangements for Friday night but she agreed to meet him on Saturday, for a visit to the Odeon cinema. I’ll see how he behaves then she thought as she replaced the receiver, then picked it up again immediately and dialled the number of her Uncle Joe’s house.

  Rosa answered and Laura asked her if she would be in the next evening. She felt that she should make arrangements so that she had not lied to Nick but Rosa said immediately, ‘I was going to go to yours tonight but can you come here instead? Mum and Dad have gone to a hotpot supper so we’d have the house to ourselves. I want to talk to you.’

  Laura agreed and went immediately after her meal. Rosa looked as beautiful as ever but more conventional in a pale green trouser suit and green eyeshadow with her red-gold hair piled on top of her head. ‘I like that hairstyle,’ Laura commented. ‘Makes your neck look even longer.’

  Rosa grimaced. ‘Not much of an asset,’ she said, ‘except for the guillotine or for a wife of Henry the Eighth,’ and Laura laughed and pretended to shudder.

  They went into a small sitting room where a bright fire burned and music was playing softly on the record player. ‘The Righteous Brothers!’ Laura exclaimed. ‘I used to love this record.’

  Rosa softly sang along with ‘You’ve Lost That Loving Feeling’ as she poured drinks then they curled up in armchairs before the fire.

  ‘It’s ages since we had a proper talk,’ Laura said. ‘I thought you might be off again before we got the chance.’

  ‘No danger,’ Rosa said briefly. ‘I’m staying at home now.’

  Laura felt relaxed and happy. Even if I don’t see Ros for months, she thought, it’s always as though we’ve never been apart when we meet again. We shared so much when we were kids and teenagers.

  The room was warm and cosy, softly lit by the pink-shaded standard lamp and the bright fire, the only sound rain beating on the windows and the plaintive music of their earlier years. It was easy to exchange confidences and when Rosa asked about Nick, Laura told her all that had transpired between them.

  ‘I lay awake for hours last night trying to decide whether I liked him or hated him,’ she said. ‘I’m still not sure whether I should have agreed to see him again on Saturday.’

  ‘But you must have liked him at first,’ Rosa pointed out. ‘Otherwise you’d never have gone out with him.’

  ‘I did,’ Laura admitted. ‘Mind you, he’d been very silent that night for some reason.’

  Rosa laughed. ‘And that’s how you like him – silent?’ Then more seriously, ‘But did you enjoy being with him, Lol?’

  ‘I did,’ said Laura. ‘He’s good to go out with. I know some girls sound off about equality and all that. Don’t want fellows to open doors for them or look after them generally but I like good manners and I liked the way Nick treated me when we were out. He was good company, too, and we had a laugh together. I wasn’t ashamed to be seen with him either.’

  ‘So what have you got against him?’ Rosa asked.

  ‘Just his arrogance. Honestly, Ros, he had an opinion on everything and was always sure he was right. No wonder we were always arguing.’

  Rosa looked across at her cousin and smiled. ‘I thought you liked plain speaking. I can see how you would fall out.’

  ‘Yes, plain speaking, but what he said that night in the Moonstone was just offensive. It was the first time I’d seen him since Maureen died too. To say that about us grieving for her – that it was extreme. He couldn’t really care for me, could he?’

  ‘I think he could and still say that. After all, there’s usually a hidden agenda in any quarrel.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ Laura asked, looking puzzled.

  ‘I mean that what you seem to row about isn’t really what’s biting you,’
Rosa explained. ‘Why wasn’t Nick at Maureen’s funeral?’

  ‘It was for family and friends. He didn’t know her.’

  ‘Neither did Peter Cunliffe or Margaret Norton really,’ said Rosa, ‘but they were there for Julie and Gerry’s sake. Nick should have been there for yours to comfort you.’

  ‘I didn’t ask him,’ Laura admitted. ‘In fact, I didn’t go out with him after Dad told me it was near the end until a few weeks after the funeral. He rang but I just wasn’t ready to go out.’

  ‘But if you really cared for each other you should have wanted him there. Did it ever occur to you that he might be hurt at being excluded and that was the real reason for his remarks that night?’

  ‘This hidden agenda thing, you mean,’ said Laura. ‘No, I think he was airing his views as usual, not stopping to think about my feelings.’

  Rosa looked at her and seemed about to say something but instead she stood up and poured fresh drinks. ‘I think you have to decide whether you miss Nick for himself or whether you just miss going out with him.’

  ‘A bit of both, I suppose,’ Laura said honestly.

  Rosa sank gracefully into the armchair again. ‘It seems to me, Lol, that Nick cares more for you than you do for him. He came after you when you quarrelled and he was the one to ring up to try to make up. I imagine that he’s as stiff-necked as you so it must have been an effort for him.’

  ‘What do you mean? Stiff-necked like me?’

  ‘All right then. Obstinate, outspoken, proud. Take your pick.’

  Laura sipped her drink reflectively. ‘You think I should make allowances because I offend people sometimes without intending to,’ she said. ‘I know I do, Ros. Even last night…’ She stopped but as Rosa said nothing she told her about Phil Casey. ‘I wouldn’t have deliberately said anything to embarrass him. He’s a real nice fellow but a bit shy. Not very confident.’

  ‘You know him well then?’ Rosa asked and Laura explained that she had known him for some time but they only met occasionally.

  ‘Anyway, I think Nick has tried to make up and you should meet him halfway,’ Rosa said. ‘If you go out with him on Saturday, make a fresh start and don’t be raking over old rows. I think he has a lot going for him.’

  ‘So you think I should keep the date?’

  ‘Of course. If you don’t you’ll never know how you really feel about him and in a few years’ time he’ll have a halo. Or perhaps he won’t, knowing you.’ Rosa laughed. ‘Anyway, give it a go. He sounds a decent fellow and there aren’t many of them around.’

  The Righteous Brothers record had been replaced by ‘Goodbye My Love’ by the Searchers and now another record dropped on to the turntable, ‘If You’ve Gotta Go, Go Now’ by Manfred Mann. Laura looked over at Rosa. She was curled up in the armchair holding her drink close to her, looking pensive and rather sad, and Laura said carefully, ‘I didn’t know you had these records, Ros. They remind me of the youth club.’

  ‘Mum and Dad bought them for me when I was in my teens,’ Rosa said. ‘I was more into the Kinks and the Rolling Stones, but this is nostalgia time.’ She sighed.

  ‘But these are all sad. All about parting and regret.’ Laura hesitated then said quietly, ‘How is your love life going, Ros?’

  Rosa shrugged and smiled at her cousin, knowing that Laura was trying to be tactful. ‘It’s non-existent. That’s why I wanted to talk to you, Lol. I haven’t told Mum and Dad yet but I’m pregnant.’

  Laura choked on her drink then coughed and recovered. ‘How did that happen?’

  Rosa said flippantly, ‘The usual way,’ but Laura could see the shine of tears in her eyes and she impulsively jumped to her feet and embraced Rosa.

  ‘Don’t worry, Ros. Everything will be fine. I’m so happy for you. Are you pleased?’

  ‘Yes, I am,’ Rosa said. ‘I wasn’t at first but now I feel all broody when I see photos of babies and mine seems a real person to me. I wish I knew whether it was a boy or a girl.’

  ‘You soon will,’ Laura said. ‘And either will be very welcome in the family.’

  Laura asked no questions but Rosa told her that the baby’s father was Lex Mountford, the actor with whom she had been living. ‘I’m not going to tell him about the baby though,’ she said.

  ‘You don’t think he has a right to know?’

  ‘No, I don’t,’ Rosa said forcefully. ‘He wouldn’t welcome the news anyway and anyone who doesn’t welcome my baby can piss off.’ She smiled at Laura’s expression. ‘I’ve shocked you saying that yet you weren’t shocked about the baby.’

  ‘I wasn’t shocked,’ Laura said sturdily. ‘I’ve heard that expression before. I was just surprised to hear you use it. Have you finished with Lex then?’

  ‘Yes. Oh Lol, I can’t tell you crazy I felt about him at first. I’ve never felt like that before, as though I couldn’t bear to be away from him, and I thought he felt the same about me. I was so proud when he was on stage and when he came off we spent every possible minute together.’

  ‘I suppose that appealed to you too. The romantic bit about him being an actor.’

  ‘Yes, it was all wonderful to me. Even touring, with the dirty backstage of theatres and grotty digs and the waiting around and sitting through boring rehearsals. Just being with Lex made it wonderful.’

  ‘And when did it wear off?’

  Rosa laughed aloud, the musical laugh that was part of her charm. ‘Oh Lol, you’re so down to earth,’ she said. She sat looking into the fire and Laura waited, saying nothing.

  Finally Rosa said in a low voice, ‘It was wonderful, Lol. We were truly in love and at least I know that this baby was conceived in love. It was as though no one else existed for either of us but then Lex began to get involved again with all the feuding and bitching that went on in the company. Then a new actress, only a kid really, made a play for him. Flung herself at him just to get a better part but he fell for it.’

  ‘Oh Ros, and you’d started with the baby?’

  ‘I didn’t know I had. I was just so disgusted that he could fall for such obvious tricks. I despised him for it and I just left. I went to David because they were playing Cambridge and David sorted me out.’

  Laura had sat down at Rosa’s feet and looked up into her face. ‘So David knows about the baby?’

  ‘No. I suspected while I was with him but I didn’t know until I was here at home. You’re the only one who knows,’ said Rosa.

  Laura knelt up and put her arms round her cousin. ‘Don’t worry, Ros. Everything will be fine. Do you want me to tell them?’

  Rosa hugged her but shook her head. ‘No, thanks, but I hope everyone will be like you about it. Thanks, Lol. I’ll have to pick my time to tell Mum so it’s not too much of a shock. With her heart, I mean.’

  ‘Tell her and your dad together,’ Laura advised. ‘Anyway, nobody thinks anything of it now. We were only talking about that in work the other day, the way attitudes have changed, although I said Grandma was never narrow-minded, even though most people were in her day.’

  ‘I’m glad I didn’t live then,’ said Rosa. ‘I couldn’t have stood all that hypocrisy and the restrictions. I think we have a much more truly moral outlook now although we’re more relaxed about sex. People are more compassionate and generous and kinder in every way. I think flower power will bring an end to war eventually, if we stop hating foreigners and being greedy. Love one another. It will be a better world for my baby.’

  Laura smiled at her. ‘You’ve changed already, Ros. I’ve never heard you talk like that. I didn’t know you ever bothered to think about things like that. You’re not just a pretty face any more.’

  They were silent for a while. Laura was thinking that the old Rosaleen, beautiful and charming, had sailed along on the surface of life, not even noticing when she hurt people and caring for no one but herself. Now the real Rosa, the one she had instinctively known was there, had emerged and she felt that she loved and respected her.

  Rosa, too, was thi
nking over her conversation with Laura. It had always been a joke in the family that Laura could silence a roomful of people with one of her uncompromising comments and that she was naturally tactless but sublimely unaware of it. Even when they were very young Rosa had always defended Laura when she had offended someone, knowing instinctively that anyone who acted as compassionately as Laura could never intend to hurt with speech.

  Now she realised that under Laura’s shell there was a sensitive and vulnerable human being who knew that her blunt comments offended and regretted it but was unable to change her nature.

  Laura was still sitting at her feet and Rosa impulsively leaned forward and put her arms round her. ‘Oh Lol, I’m glad I’ve got you,’ she exclaimed. ‘You’re always so understanding and you’ve helped me so much. I can face everyone now.’

  Laura embraced her. ‘You’ve helped me too, Ros,’ she said. ‘Thanks for the good advice. I’ll tell you how I get on with Nick on Saturday.’ She glanced at her watch. ‘Lord, is that the time? I’d better go before your mum and dad come back in case you have a chance to tell them tonight.’ Rosa knew that it was not necessary to ask Laura to say nothing about her confidences.

  As she walked home, Laura thought about Rosa’s baby and how the news would be received by the family. She had no doubts that they would close round Rosa, no matter what she decided to do about telling the baby’s father, and smiled as she thought of how all the knitting needles would soon be busy with small jackets and bootees.

  When she arrived home her mother and Julie greeted her with smiling faces. ‘You’ve just missed Margaret and Gerry,’ her mother said. ‘They’d been to see Margaret’s parents. They’re engaged, Laura!’

  ‘Going for the ring tomorrow,’ Julie added joyfully.

  Laura was able to say without a pang, ‘Great. I’m so pleased for them. Sorry I missed them.’

  ‘They would have waited to see you,’ her mother said apologetically, ‘but Margaret is on duty so early tomorrow.’