by Sofia Sawyer
“Are you ready?” he asked, sensing her apprehension.
“No, but I know I have to. I just don’t know why she’s pushing it again. I have another few days. I haven’t talked to Mark or my agent or the Berkshire team yet.”
“I’m here for you.”
She leaned across the table and brushed a soft kiss on his lips. “Thank you. For everything.”
The look of appreciation in her eyes made Jackson’s heart swell with pride. It meant the world to him that she trusted him to stay by her side as she faced this tough situation. He would do anything to keep her feeling as brave as she was right now.
She took her phone back, her fingers poised and ready to type. “Here goes nothing.”
Elena tapped away, biting her lip, her eyebrows knitted in concentration as she deleted and retyped over and over. But before she could ever send it, her phone buzzed again. Her face turned white.
“What’s wrong?” Jackson asked.
Looking stunned, she held out the phone to him, not saying a word. Jackson pulled up lengthy texts, scrolling to the top and finding the first one in a list of three.
He clicked on the link Brittany shared, leading to a popular online gossip site, and read the headline, “Will We Finally Find out Who Always, Ella is?” The article talked about Ella being spotted in Charleston for filming. Grainy photos taken from a distance were scattered throughout the article, mostly at the beach. Finally, he scrolled to the bottom, where he found a picture of himself pulled from his company’s website.
“We may not know who Ella is—yet—but we did get a tip on her beau. He’s Charleston-native Jackson St. Julien, founder of Sustainasurf. Keep an eye on him, because he’ll likely lead to the woman behind the wildly popular relationship advice column and soon-to-be book.” The article linked to a pre-order page for Elena’s book.
“Wow,” was all he could manage.
Tears misted her eyes, washing away the confidence that had been there only a moment before. His heart clenched. “Did you read the rest of the texts?”
“No, I will now.” Jackson clicked back to the texts following the link to the gossip column.
Brittany Hale: I don’t know what’s more pathetic: the fact that you lied about a boyfriend or the fact that you were so desperate, you had to recruit your best friend’s brother to keep the lie up. I know you and Jackson aren’t dating, Elena. What will your readers think when they know you went to such lengths to deceive them? I’m giving you two days before I share the truth with my friends at the newspaper. I guess we’ll find out what your fans think about this all if you don’t drop out from the promotion.
“Oh God,” Elena choked out as a tear escaped from her eyes. “I fucked up big time.”
Jackson put down the phone and scooted his chair closer to her, wrapping her in his arms. “It’s okay, Elena. You were going to tell the truth anyway.”
“In my own way, yeah. But if Brittany exposes me first, it will ruin any chance I have to smooth things over. Brittany’s going to take this wide. Now it’s no longer about keeping it contained to the couples on the show. Everyone will know.” Her eyes went wide with fear. “If she does this, my writing career as I know it is over. Berkshire would never work with me again. They could even pull the plug on the books and show.” She buried her face in her hands. “Oh God. And Christopher. He’d dump me in a heartbeat. I’d be blacklisted from all agents and publishers. And Mark…he’d fire me. He wouldn’t want this negative press to affect the company.”
A few curious eyes landed on them as she quietly hyperventilated.
“She might be ruthless, but she hasn’t done anything yet. We have some time.”
“What the hell was I thinking?” A panicked expression crossed her features. Jackson could tell she was two seconds from spiraling into one of her notorious freak outs.
He took her face in his hands, smoothing her hair away, trying to soothe her. “We’ll figure it out. Together. I’ve got you, Elena. I’ll always have you.”
She pulled away and shook her head, her eyes unfocused. Was he even getting through to her?
“This…this is really bad. Worse than bad.”
“Elena—”
Her accusing gaze locked onto his. “This was reckless, Jackson.” She pointed a finger at him. “You got into my head. You kept telling me to push off telling the truth and to ‘live in the moment.’ You made me think that living my life like you, careless and…and…selfish would be okay. But I’m not like you—”
“Are you kidding me right now? Selfish? Careless?”
Anger flared through him. He knew she could be unreasonable when she got overwhelmed, but her accusations gutted him. He couldn’t let them roll off his back like he used to, not after he’d gone and fallen for her.
She tucked her hair behind her ears, a jerky motion, and wrung her hands, her eyes trained on the table. “There are consequences to actions. Unlike you, I can’t just pack my bags and run away until it blows over. If I’d just done things my way, I would have planned better, and this wouldn’t have escalated—”
“As usual, you’re making up scenarios that didn’t even happen. Just call Christopher. Call Rachel. They have teams that deal with this stuff.” He leaned back in his chair and shoved a hand in his hair. “God damn it, Elena. You need to stop.”
She stared at him for a beat, saying nothing. Finally, she pushed away from the table and stood. “This is who I am, Jackson. We were both ridiculous to think I could be anything other than this.”
A muscle in Jackson’s jaw ticked, adrenaline coursing through him. “This is not you, Elena. No one ever said change was easy. You’re going to have to deal with the backlash if being yourself is important to you. Don’t let Brittany’s bullshit make you think you don’t have control over the situation. Listen, I will help—”
“Listening to you is going to cause me to lose everything. Can’t you see that? I tried it your way. I tried to just go with the flow, and it blew up in my face.” She shook her head, her eyes dropping to the floor. “This was a mistake.”
“What?” Jackson asked in confusion, an unsettled feeling roiling his stomach.
“Things between you and I just got really complicated. It was a nice fantasy, but it isn’t real. And a lot of damage will be caused because of it.”
He sprung to his feet, reaching for her. Elena dodged his hands. “You can’t be serious. Don’t let one bad situation ruin us.”
She put a hand to her chest. “Just because we slept together doesn’t mean you can tell me what I can and can’t do. Or how I should feel.” She let out a frustrated breath and bit her lip. “If you thought one week could change me into some dream girl of yours who can let things roll off her back, then you’re mistaken. I’m not Ella. I’m just me. We’re not right for each other. You’ll never understand me. We’re just too…too different.”
Her words stung. He knew she was overwhelmed and panicking. He could see it clear as day on her face. But she couldn’t really think this, could she?
“It’s not about being your boyfriend, Elena. It’s about being your friend. I care about you. I loved the woman you became this last week. And it’s not because I’m pressuring you into being her. It’s because you are her, whether you realize it or not. It would be a disservice to the world to hide her again just because you’re scared. Please, don’t hide her again,” he pleaded, feeling her slipping away.
She looked pained, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to find the words to say.
Say you’ll try. If not for us, for you.
Say this is just a stupid fight, and we’ll get over it. Say you’re not giving up on what this could be.
Say you’ve fallen in love with me too.
Please, Elena.
She straightened and let out another breath. “I have to fix this. Just go home or something. I’ll…see you later.” Elena paused, looking agonized. “We need to stop pretending that this could work. It has to be done. We have to be done.” She
didn’t wait for a response before she darted out of the café.
As he watched her go, Jackson felt like he had been sucker-punched in the gut.
23
Jackson
“Careless and selfish…Unlike you, I can’t just pack my bags and run away until it blows over…It has to be done.”
Elena’s words from this morning played in a loop in his head, cutting him deeper each time he heard it.
He was reeling.
For a moment, Jackson thought whatever had grown between Elena and him was real. That it was stronger than whatever shit life threw at them. But the second things got tough, she went back into that ridiculous shell of hers.
She’d been clear. This wasn’t real. Not only that, but she also had zero respect for him and everything he had worked for.
It was all an act. And he fell for it.
Fell for her.
Maybe Rich’s decision not to travel was a blessing in disguise after all. The sooner Jackson got the hell out of Charleston, the better. He’d keep his end of the deal. He’d finish out the remainder of the show. They had their final night of filming tonight and then the wrap party tomorrow. After that, he was done.
Gone.
He needed space from Elena and all the things that reminded him of her—which was everything in this godforsaken city. Jackson needed to mend his broken heart.
He stuffed his boardshorts into a duffle bag and laughed to himself, a dry hollow sound. Maybe she was right. She accused him of running off, and here he was, packing his stuff to do just that.
With the way it felt like a million knives were stabbing his chest, he couldn’t even bring himself to care.
Mae appeared in the door of the guest bedroom and stopped short. “What the hell are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” he ground out as he grabbed clothes from the drawers and continued to fill his bag.
“It looks like you’re being an idiot.”
“I’m not in the mood, Mae.”
She crossed the room and sat on the bed. “What’s going on?” she asked softly, clutching his arm to stop him from his task.
He tried to push pass the tightness in his throat. “Gotta get back on the road for work.”
Mae shook her head. “That’s not it. And I know for a fact that you don’t have to leave yet.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to admit you’re bailing. But the question is, why? You and Elena looked really happy when you left last night, and you didn’t come home. I assumed everything was good with you two.”
Jackson shoved a hand in his hair and leaned back against the dresser. “I assumed so too, but we were wrong.” He shook his head and went back to digging into the open drawers. “Did she tell you about the gossip rag?”
“No. I haven’t heard from her. What was it?”
Jackson gave her the run down from this morning’s shitshow.
Mae looked at him like he was dense. “Oh, God, Jackson. You know Elena and how easily she gets flustered. Just give her some time to get her thoughts straight. She’ll come to her senses.”
“She seemed pretty confident in what she said about us being a mistake.”
“Elena is stubborn as hell. Have you stopped to consider her perspective? She had a lot of unexpected things thrown at her all at once, of course, she acted out. You’ve seen her little freakouts a million times. Maybe you’ve helped her loosen up a bit this past week, but she isn’t going to change overnight. You need to be patient with her.”
“Are you like her shrink or something?”
“No. I just speak Elena.” She frowned. “So that’s it then? You’re just going to ditch her? You know how much is riding on this show.”
Jackson picked up the bag and walked out to the living room, Mae trailing behind as she tried to yank the bag from his hands. He pulled it away. “No. I’ll finish what we agreed on. She’ll get the boyfriend she wanted—that is if Berkshire doesn’t pull the plug once she talks to them—but after the wrap party, I’m out.”
“I can’t believe you,” Mae said, annoyance in her voice. “This will crush her.”
“What?” he dropped the bag by the front door as if the placement would make his exit speedier. The second the wrap party was over, he’d be ready to go. “I’ll be there through filming like she’d asked.”
“I didn’t mean you’ll crush her if you bail on your deal. I meant you leaving will crush her. You’re never serious about any girl, but you were about Elena. I could totally see it. And yet, you made up your mind and decided to jump ship before you even let her compose herself enough to talk this out with you like an adult.”
“She doesn’t want me. Not like that.”
“Did you ask her?”
“No,” he admitted. A sliver of hope wrapped around his heart and squeezed. She’d lost it on him earlier this morning, but he didn’t recall her outright saying she didn’t care about him, only that being together was a mistake.
“Just because she said it’s over, doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel something for you. She just put her walls up.”
He shook his head, trying to forget the thought. Whether she used those specific words or not, it was clear she didn’t want to continue down whatever path they’d started last night. Jackson couldn’t let his heart get crushed a second time by even entertaining the thought.
Mae looked at him like he was an idiot again. “Did you at least tell her how you felt?” she pressed.
“No.”
She threw her hands up in the air. “Men! This is why I lean more towards women when I date.”
“It’s not that simple.”
Mae grabbed her purse and keys, making her way to the front door. “You telling her how you feel might make all the difference, Jack. If it were me, I would at least want to know the truth about how someone felt about me before I made any rash decisions. I wouldn’t want to be sitting in some remote beach across the world wondering what if.” She opened the door. “I have to meet with some clients. You need anything while I’m out?”
“No,” he replied distractedly.
She shook her head in disappointment. “See you later,” she said as she closed the door behind her.
Jackson took a seat at the kitchen island and rubbed a hand down his face. He was acting irrationally, but the way Elena wrote him off like that killed him inside. She seemed so resolved about it. But maybe Mae had a point—Elena had freaked out over lots of things in the past.
A memory from high school flashed through his mind. During a heated game of Truth or Dare at one of his family’s many beach parties, he’d put Elena on the spot. She’d chosen Truth, as always, because she felt it was safer than their wild Dares.
But not this time. When Jackson had asked her which of one of the guys at the party would she kiss, she froze. All eyes were on her. A handful of the boys sitting around the circle leaned forward to hear her answer.
Yet, she never told them. Instead, she looked at Jackson like he’d betrayed her and stomped away and into the house. They didn’t see her for the rest of the night, and Elena never played Truth or Dare with them again.
Whenever Elena was caught off guard, she’d do whatever she could to make the situation stop. That usually meant creating distance.
Just like she was doing now. In her own way, she was running away like she’d accused him of always doing.
But if someone had fought for him to stay, would he have been gone as much? If someone showed Elena she was worth loving, would she stop being so quick to shut down and push people away?
Would that have made a difference for either of us all these years?
He had thought she’d made progress this week. She’d become stronger. Bolder. But as soon as things took an unexpected turn, her old fears came rushing back. If she could dismiss him so quickly, after one text message, how was he supposed to have a real relationship with her? A switch had turned off in her while he was standing next to her,
supporting her. If he was traveling, how would she react?
Maybe she wasn’t wrong in pushing him away this morning. This was only going to end in heartache.
He had to let her go before they got too deep.
Elena needed more than a guy who wasn’t around to remind her she was loved. She deserved more.
He wanted to be that guy, though. He could be that guy if she’d be willing to wait for him.
Was it right for him to ask that of her?
No, you selfish bastard.
Jackson shoved the heels of his palms into his eyes and rubbed hard, his internal war twisting him in a knot. And there was not a damn thing he could do about it.
After a quick shower and changing into the best suit—okay, the only suit—he had, he hopped into his Jeep and drove to the warehouse. With only a few hours spare, he tried to concentrate on all the high-priority loose ends he had to deal with before his trip. But his mind kept wandering to the event tonight.
He had no idea how Elena was going to act when they were together later. He didn’t know what would be harder, being shut out by her or having her pretend she cared for him when she didn’t.
Getting through these next two days was going to kill him. But he had to. Whatever far-fetched idea he had believing they could navigate a successful relationship while he traveled was instantly killed this morning when they could barely survive a disagreement.
It was better off letting this go. Maybe they’d be able to salvage a friendship again when things cooled down between them.
Jackson somehow had to find a way to keep his emotions in check for both their sakes. Maybe he couldn’t have her how he wanted her, but he wasn’t about to lose her completely.
24
Elena
Oh, God. What have I done?
Elena had hurried out of the café and down the few blocks to her apartment. She needed a moment to breathe and gather her thoughts. Pushing through the door and slamming it shut, she threw herself onto the sofa. As she lay there, face buried in her hands, she nearly choked on her tears. She wasn’t sure what was worse: the fact that she was going to be outed in the worst way possible or how she had snapped at Jackson, the one man who was actually good to her.